Carl Jokes
52 carl jokes and hilarious carl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about carl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Find out why Carl has fans laughing with the latest collection of jokes! This compilation includes the infamous Hey Carl!, Rick and Carl, TWD Carl, Richie, Goan and Joule - no one is safe from Carl's funny jabs. Get ready for a good laugh.
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Funniest Carl Short Jokes
Short carl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The carl humour may include short holly jokes also.
- Karen goes to the psychic... "Two men, Bob and Carl, both want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?"
"You will marry Bob. Carl will be the lucky one." - A man walks up to a mailman.. He went beside him and asked him..
"Hey Carl, why do you still work as a mailman?"
The mailman turned to him.
"It's not about the money, it's about sending a message" - I went to a Carl's Jr. the other day and noticed it was incredibly cold inside... Turns out I was at Brrrrr-ger King.
- My cat's favourite opera song? O fortuna. (Oh-for-tuna)
From Carmina Burana by Carl Orff - Did you know Harvey Weinstein once submitted a slogan to Carl's Jr., but they had to change it? The original slogan was, "You're not leaving this place until it's all over your face."
- How many i's does "Carl" have? One less than "Rick".
An original joke I pondered while binging TWD on Netflix. - Teacher: "Does anybody have any food allergies" Carl: "Pollen"
Teacher: "Well, you don't eat pollen, do you?"
Carl: "No ma'am, I'm allergic" - Princess Diana walks into a bar Diana: "Can I get a pint of Fosters please?"
Bartender: "Sorry, we're out, Will Carling do?"
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Carl One Liners
Which carl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with carl? I can suggest the ones about joey and bone.
- On a scale of 1-10 how high was Carl? 420
- I have a beta fish named Carl He's a real lady killer!
- What two games does Carl Sagan play at the bar? Billiards and Billiards
- My pet was reading Carl Marx It's a commyleon
- What do you get when you cross Carl Grimes with a tub of chocolate pudding? Correlated
- What's Rick Grimes' favorite holiday? Christmas, Carl
- What do you call a snail on a ship Carl
- Which famous psychologist could easily transition into a rap career? Jung Carl
- Why can't we call Hardee's and Carl's Jr. the same thing? Expensive.
- Why doesn't Carl Winslow like Steve Urkel? Because for him only his "Family Matters"
- How much gold does Carl Sagan have? Billions of bullions
- How many Ricks from TWD does it take to change a light bulb? Carl gets shot in the face.
- What do you call a comedian that can't get a girl pregnant? Carl Barron
- Jimmy Neutron (Split Personalities) Jimmy Electron, Jimmy Proton and Carl w**...
- Carl Marx grave attacked with a hammer. Makes me sickle
Howlingly Hilarious Carl Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about carl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hum jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make carl pranks.
Say what you will about Carlos Mencia, he sure knows how to take a joke
And present it as if he wrote it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The sore t**...
Carl, a young man, woke up and suffered from an awful sore t**... and all but lost his voice. The small town's doctor operated out of his own home, so Carl made his way over, scratching at his sore t**....
Dr. Wendell's wife answered the door, "Yes?"
Carl, in a very quiet, breathy voice replied, "Is the doctor in?"
Mrs. Wendell replied in the same whispering tone, "No.... come on in!"
*-Groucho Marx*
If Carly Fiorina really wants to destroy Planned Parenthood, she should become its CEO
A man is taking his son for a walk...
A man takes his son for a walk in his carriage. As he pushes him along, the baby is screaming and crying.
He says "Calm down, Carl."
The baby continues to cry and make a scene.
"It's going to be okay, Carl," the father murmurs.
After a while, a woman approaches and starts speaking to him.
"You must really care about your son Carl to take him on a walk to calm him down."
"No, I'm Carl."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Carl c**... the plane?
...Because he was a piece of toast
Carly
Carly can now boast that she's run a major computer company and a presidential campaign into the ground.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
According to Carl Jung, I should live life like a kleptomaniac h**......
...and take things as they come.
"I'm 29 years old today..."
"I'm 29 years old today," said Ralph, setting a box of donuts on the table in the office. His coworkers all wished him a happy birthday.
Next day, Ralph's secretary answers the phone...
"Hello, my name is Carl. I'm Ralph's brother in law, and I'd like to wish Ralph a happy birthday," says the man on the line.
"Birthday? You're a day late. He just told us yesterday he turned 29."
"No," says Carl. "He *was* 29 yesterday. *Today* he's 30."
(based on a true story)
Carl opened a zoo.
Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.
Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.
So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.
Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.
What is Carlos Castaneda's favorite type of bagel?
Astral plain
John: Carl, why do you have a bandage on your ear?
Carl: I was ironing my shirts and my phone rang. I picked up the iron instead of the the phone and burned my ear.
John: I get that. But why do you have a bandage on the other ear?
Carl: Well, the phone rang again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Carl drives a stick
**Andy:** Carl, why was the clutch in my car broken after i lent it to you?
**Carl:** Well don't you look at me, i didn't even touch the thing!
There's been a local bloke called Carl going around breaking into people's houses for months...
The Police couldn't catch him. The weird thing is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks in them and turning them on!
Anyway, just heard that he was found dead in an alleyway because of a drug overdose... now it's never nice hearing of a death but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Carl Lewis goes to a golf club
The doorman stops him and says, sorry mate, no b**....
Carl says, "What?"
The doorman has to concede, "Yeah sorry mate, it's a bit unconventional nowadays but this is an all white golf club. But there is another Golf Club about 10 minutes down the road..."Carl: "But I'm Carl Lewis" Doorman: "Alright, 5 minutes down the road then"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Carlos: You want to see a magic trick?
Me: "Sure."
Carlos: "I can disappear by counting to three in Spanish."
Me: "Prove it.
Carlos: Uno, Dos...
p**...
He disappeared without a Tres.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Carl Wheezer joke
I worship Carl Wheezer and the Romans crusified him on a Croiss-ant
Al, Ben, and Carl were fishing in the middle of a lake when Al fell overboard.
Ben jumped into the lake to rescue Al. When he finally found Al, he threw the body onto the boat and Carl pulled him up.
As soon as Ben was safely in the boat, he noticed that Al wasn't breathing, so he quickly gave Al mouth-to-mouth.
"Yuck!" said Ben. "I don't remember Al having such bad breath."
"Come to think of it," said Carl, "I don't remember him wearing ice skates either."
The story behind Carl's Jr and Hardee's
You know how Carl's Jr and Hardee's are essentially the same restaurant? That's because Carl and Hardee are brothers. But Hardee is an awful name for a person -- and his brother teased him relentlessly for it -- so they started out with only Carl's Jr chains. Eventually, Hardee wanted to open his own chain of restaurants, but Carl wasn't having it, so they set a court date.
In the court, the judge turned to Carl and said "please stand and state your name for the record".
"I'm Carl Harhar".
The judge turned to the other brother and said "And yours?"
"Hardee Harhar".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman is standing on the balcony rails
She is ready to jump as her husband is standing next to her. She says
-Im a sick of this world and you
The kids are horrible and do not let me sleep
I live in a horrible flat and everything is broken
I don't have any money for myself
And God d**... stop pushing me Carl!
(I again believe this might have been already seen by more people than*(edit thanks to @apocalypse) I would like to)
Carlos: Can I be frank with you?
Me: Sure.
Frank: Thanks.
Three insurance salesmen, Al, Ben, and Carl, are bragging about their accomplishments.
"Last month," says Al, "when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within six hours. The next day, I put a check in the mail for his family."
"That's nothing," says Ben. "Last week, when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within 30 minutes. That very day, I personally delivered a check to his family."
"Amateurs," says Carl. "Yesterday, one of my insured was fixing the roof of my office building when he fell off the roof. I handed him his check when he passed my window."
3 animals are accused of a terrible crime. Sally the pig, Juan the eagle, and Carl the otter. A famous detective is brought in to investigate. He interrogates all 3 suspects and immediately decides it's not the pig. But why?
It's always Juan or the otter
I broke up with a girl once because she was having hallucinations.
She said "Carl, I.. can't see you anymore"... That was weird. I was like- "Babe, I'm standing right here." then she said "No, you don't understand... I'm seeing someone else" which was really bizarre because it was just the two of us in the room. I had to break it off after that.
3 Psychoanalysts walk into a bar
Bartender says: we have every beer from around the world. What can I get you fellas?
Sigmund Freud says: I'll have an Austrian lager in a pint glass
Carl Jung says: I'll have a Swiss lager also in a pint glass
Bartender looks at the third guy and says: where you from buddy?
Third guy says proudly: oui oui, I am from France
Bartender: well, a french lager probably like your pals; bottle or a pint?
Jacques says: a lager oui, but do you have it in Lacan?
