The Best 44 Carl Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Carl jokes. There are some carl charles jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these carl carl barron puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Carl Jokes and Puns
Say what you will about Carlos Mencia, he sure knows how to take a joke
And present it as if he wrote it
What two games does Carl Sagan play at the bar?
Billiards and Billiards
I have a beta fish named Carl
He's a real lady killer!
Joe and the spoon
Joe and Carl are roommates.One time when Carl returned from job he saw Joe in the kitchen hitting his wrist with a spoon.Carl asked Joe what is he doing. Joe answered
-I'm gonna kill myself.
Carl facepalmed and said:
-Why don't you try with a knife ?
Joe rolled his eyes and said:
-I already tried, but it hurts too much.
The sore throat
Carl, a young man, woke up and suffered from an awful sore throat and all but lost his voice. The small town's doctor operated out of his own home, so Carl made his way over, scratching at his sore throat.
Dr. Wendell's wife answered the door, "Yes?"
Carl, in a very quiet, breathy voice replied, "Is the doctor in?"
Mrs. Wendell replied in the same whispering tone, "No.... come on in!"
*-Groucho Marx*
If Carly Fiorina really wants to destroy Planned Parenthood, she should become its CEO
On a scale of 1-10 how high was Carl?
420
A man is taking his son for a walk...
A man takes his son for a walk in his carriage. As he pushes him along, the baby is screaming and crying.
He says "Calm down, Carl."
The baby continues to cry and make a scene.
"It's going to be okay, Carl," the father murmurs.
After a while, a woman approaches and starts speaking to him.
"You must really care about your son Carl to take him on a walk to calm him down."
"No, I'm Carl."
Why did Carl crash the plane?
...Because he was a piece of toast
What's Rick Grimes' favorite holiday?
Christmas, Carl
Carly
Carly can now boast that she's run a major computer company and a presidential campaign into the ground.
You can explore carl joule reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean carl chloe dad jokes. There are also carl puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
"Boy, those people look like ants!"
A man, riddled with fear, is in the middle of his first flying lesson. With a shaky voice, weak knees and pants that once were dry he shudders to the instructor "Boy, those people look like ants!!" and the instructor reluctantly replies "That's because they are. We haven't left yet Carl."
According to Carl Jung, I should live life like a kleptomaniac hooker...
...and take things as they come.
My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means.
Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?
Thank you Carlos Danger
Your Weiner has saved the free world.
"I'm 29 years old today..."
"I'm 29 years old today," said Ralph, setting a box of donuts on the table in the office. His coworkers all wished him a happy birthday.
Next day, Ralph's secretary answers the phone...
"Hello, my name is Carl. I'm Ralph's brother in law, and I'd like to wish Ralph a happy birthday," says the man on the line.
"Birthday? You're a day late. He just told us yesterday he turned 29."
"No," says Carl. "He *was* 29 yesterday. *Today* he's 30."
(based on a true story)
What do you get when you cross Carl Grimes with a tub of chocolate pudding?
Correlated
Two snakes are slithering through the forest when one stops and looks at the other
"Hey Carl" he says "Are we poisonous?"
The other snake stops and thinks for a second "honestly, I have no idea, why?" He asks
The first snake responds in a worried voice "because I just bit my tongue"
Carl opened a zoo.
Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.
Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.
So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.
Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.
What is Carlos Castaneda's favorite type of bagel?
Astral plain
How many i's does "Carl" have?
One less than "Rick".
An original joke I pondered while binging TWD on Netflix.
John: Carl, why do you have a bandage on your ear?
Carl: I was ironing my shirts and my phone rang. I picked up the iron instead of the the phone and burned my ear.
John: I get that. But why do you have a bandage on the other ear?
Carl: Well, the phone rang again.
Carl drives a stick
**Andy:** Carl, why was the clutch in my car broken after i lent it to you?
**Carl:** Well don't you look at me, i didn't even touch the thing!
There's been a local bloke called Carl going around breaking into people's houses for months...
The Police couldn't catch him. The weird thing is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks in them and turning them on!
Anyway, just heard that he was found dead in an alleyway because of a drug overdose... now it's never nice hearing of a death but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone
My pet was reading Carl Marx
It's a commyleon
Carl Lewis goes to a golf club
The doorman stops him and says, sorry mate, no blacks.
Carl says, "What?"
The doorman has to concede, "Yeah sorry mate, it's a bit unconventional nowadays but this is an all white golf club. But there is another Golf Club about 10 minutes down the road..."Carl: "But I'm Carl Lewis" Doorman: "Alright, 5 minutes down the road then"
Jimmy Neutron (Split Personalities)
Jimmy Electron, Jimmy Proton and Carl Weiner
Carlos: You want to see a magic trick?
Me: "Sure."
Carlos: "I can disappear by counting to three in Spanish."
Me: "Prove it.
Carlos: Uno, Dos...
POOF
He disappeared without a Tres.
Teacher: "Does anybody have any food allergies"
Carl: "Pollen"
Teacher: "Well, you don't eat pollen, do you?"
Carl: "No ma'am, I'm allergic"
Which famous psychologist could easily transition into a rap career?
Jung Carl
What do you call a snail on a ship
Carl
Carl Marx grave attacked with a hammer.
Makes me sickle
Carl Wheezer joke
I worship Carl Wheezer and the Romans crusified him on a Croiss-ant
Al, Ben, and Carl were fishing in the middle of a lake when Al fell overboard.
Ben jumped into the lake to rescue Al. When he finally found Al, he threw the body onto the boat and Carl pulled him up.
As soon as Ben was safely in the boat, he noticed that Al wasn't breathing, so he quickly gave Al mouth-to-mouth.
"Yuck!" said Ben. "I don't remember Al having such bad breath."
"Come to think of it," said Carl, "I don't remember him wearing ice skates either."
(NSFW) Ther Hunter
Jim and Carl are sitting up their post. Jim looks through his finder for a moment. Then he asks: "Carl, what would you do if your wife cheated on you?"
Carl: "I'd shoot her in the head."
Jim: "what would you do with her lover?"
Carl: "I'd shoot his balls off"
Jim looks at Carl: "If you hurry up you can do it with one bullet"
My cat's favourite opera song?
O fortuna. (Oh-for-tuna)
From Carmina Burana by Carl Orff
Karen goes to the psychic...
"Two men, Bob and Carl, both want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?"
"You will marry Bob. Carl will be the lucky one."
A man walks up to a mailman..
He went beside him and asked him..
"Hey Carl, why do you still work as a mailman?"
The mailman turned to him.
"It's not about the money, it's about sending a message"
The story behind Carl's Jr and Hardee's
You know how Carl's Jr and Hardee's are essentially the same restaurant? That's because Carl and Hardee are brothers. But Hardee is an awful name for a person -- and his brother teased him relentlessly for it -- so they started out with only Carl's Jr chains. Eventually, Hardee wanted to open his own chain of restaurants, but Carl wasn't having it, so they set a court date.
In the court, the judge turned to Carl and said "please stand and state your name for the record".
"I'm Carl Harhar".
The judge turned to the other brother and said "And yours?"
"Hardee Harhar".
Woman is standing on the balcony rails
She is ready to jump as her husband is standing next to her. She says
-Im a sick of this world and you
The kids are horrible and do not let me sleep
I live in a horrible flat and everything is broken
I don't have any money for myself
And God dammit stop pushing me Carl!
(I again believe this might have been already seen by more people than*(edit thanks to @apocalypse) I would like to)
Carlos: Can I be frank with you?
Me: Sure.
Frank: Thanks.
Why is Carlos prescribed xanax?
Because of hispanic attacks.
Three insurance salesmen, Al, Ben, and Carl, are bragging about their accomplishments.
"Last month," says Al, "when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within six hours. The next day, I put a check in the mail for his family."
"That's nothing," says Ben. "Last week, when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within 30 minutes. That very day, I personally delivered a check to his family."
"Amateurs," says Carl. "Yesterday, one of my insured was fixing the roof of my office building when he fell off the roof. I handed him his check when he passed my window."
3 animals are accused of a terrible crime. Sally the pig, Juan the eagle, and Carl the otter. A famous detective is brought in to investigate. He interrogates all 3 suspects and immediately decides it's not the pig. But why?
It's always Juan or the otter
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the carl annette jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working carl harriet piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.