Cares Jokes
133 cares jokes and hilarious cares puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cares that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Cares Jokes are a form of chauvinistic humour used to express disbelief in the value of certain worries or policies. Read this article to learn how to use "Who Cares?", "No One Cares", and "More Who Cares" jokes to lighten the mood and make light of difficult topics.
Quick Jump To
- Short Cares Jokes
- Cares One Liners
- No One Cares Jokes
- Who Cares Jokes
- More Who Cares Jokes
- More Cares Jokes
Funniest Cares Short Jokes
Short cares jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cares humour may include short cared jokes also.
- I used to be Christian.... Her: I used to be Christian.
Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine! - I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
- What do fetuses, servicemen and gay people have in common in the US? The government stops caring about them once they're out.
- Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga … And 100% of men don't care.
- There are two kinds of people who care a lot about their exact age. Small children and 39 year old's.
- Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa? I thought he didn't care about the 1%
- I don't care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman, but April identifying as January is crossing the line.
- 2 monkeys sat on a branch, one says "ooh ooohh aha ha aha!" The other says "careful, that's hot."
- After 37 years I'm finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I've accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means... ...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50
- A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest The man enters the bank.
Man: I'm here to find out about the mortgage
Employee: I don't really care.
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Cares One Liners
Which cares one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cares? I can suggest the ones about caring and cures.
- What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth? A Flossiraptor
- My grief counselor suddenly died. Fortunately he was excellent so I don't care.
- I used to do drugs in the 90s. Now I don't care what the temperature is.
- If I had a crystal ball... I'd sit down *really* carefully...
- Today I ended a long term relationship. I don't really care though, it wasn't mine.
- Be careful of fat guys, ladies They just want to get into your pantries.
- Police were called to a day care Toddler was resisting a rest.
- My grief counselor died recently Clearly did a good job, because I didn't care
- What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant? Who cares? It's a relephant.
- A crazy ex is like a box of chocolates If you're not careful, they'll kill your dog.
- It's my cake day and no one cares I feel caked…pied….I mean desserted
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive.. Try missing a couple of payments.
- Who cares if you pee in the shower? The bride and all her guests, apparently.
- What does dark humor and health care have in common? Not everyone gets it...
- You can use a colander to look at the eclipse But be careful you don't strain your eyes
No One Cares Jokes
Here is a list of funny no one cares jokes and even better no one cares puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.
That's one too many! says the customer.
The clerk replies It's a freebie . - I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe
- I just killed a massive spider crawling across the floor with my shoe. I don't really care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe.
- Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
- Two cows are grazing in a field... One turns to the other and asks "Have you heard all this talk of mad cow disease?"
The other replies "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter" - What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful. - What do a farm and hospital have in common? Too many vegetables for one person to take care of.
- I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe... I don't care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe...
- Two cows are standing on a hill.... One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!" - Who the heck cares about learning the Roman Numeral system? I for one...
Who Cares Jokes
Here is a list of funny who cares jokes and even better who cares puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country The White House seems to always be hiring.
- I wish that there was a restaurant named I don't care, so I'd finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.
- I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins... They've been breaking camels' backs for years.
- Loyalty is very important for my wife... My girlfriend doesn't care.
Funny how different sisters can be. - If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for tea you are a terrible parent. I don't care how busy you are, find the time to microwave them first at least.
- To all of you idiots out there that drive loud cars, we hate you and get off our roads. We don't care how many heart attack victims you have to take to the hospital.
- Wife: Would you care to explain why the bottle of whisky you bought yesterday is half empty? Me : It's because you're a pessimist.
- Some young women are like bottles of wine They need to be tended to carefully and given time to mature, which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
- My wife thinks that I don't care for her relatives. I told her that's not true. I love her mother-in-law more than I love mine.
- How are republicans and democrats like divorced parents? They care more about you hating the other person than they do about your well-being.
More Who Cares Jokes
Here is a list of funny more who cares jokes and even better more who cares puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife left me because I am "ignorant" and "apathetic". I don't know what that means, but I don't care.
- A man runs home after winning the lottery "Honey honey! We won the lottery! Pack your bags!"
"Oh my god that's amazing! Where are we going?!"
"I don't care, just get out!" - I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight... to fulfill my fantasy that we have health care
- Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin agreed to take care of each other's gardens. This means Roger Waters Robert's Plants.
- My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her. I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.
- Went on a date with a single mom... It was going well until I told her I didn't care about her kid; I just wanted to play with the box it came in.
- My brother and I were playing chess, and I said to him 'care to make this interesting?' He said 'sure'. So we stopped playing chess.
- Someone just told me ignorance and apathy are the world's two biggest problems I didn't know that, but I don't really care.
- A cop looked at my driver's license and said I should be wearing glasses, so I told him I had contacts. But he didn't care who I knew and he gave me a ticket anyway.
- I will pay a person $5 000 a month to take care of my worries. - How are you going to get the $5 000 a month to pay them?
- That is for them to worry about.
Great Cares Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about cares you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean caring child jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cares pranks.
Nobody cares about Nihilism.
The punchline.
Bunny
A little girl walks into a pet shop. She asks the owner for a bunny, to which he responds "what kind of bunny would you like? A cute black one, an adorable brown one or perhaps a sweet little white one?"
The girl looks at the owner and answers: "I don't think my python really cares..."
h**... and Stalin walk together in the afterlife
... they stop next two people and h**... tells Stalin: "Let me tell you of my plan: I am going to kill six million Jews and a mechanic.
one of the two people hear this and asks h**... "Why kill the mechanic?"
h**... turns to Stalin and says: "see? I told you nobody cares about the Jews"
h**... in a bar
A.man walks into a bar and sees h**... there.
He goes up to h**... and asks "So how many people have you killed?"
h**... says "I have killed 6 million Jews and 2 clowns "
The man replies "Why did you kill 2 clowns?"
h**... replies "See nobody cares about the Jews"
A long day at the hospital
After a long day working at the hospital 3 doctors are walking home:
- "After seeing so many patients, it's really nice to see normal, healthy people" says the first doctor, a GP
- "Not only that, they are actually alive" answers the coroner
- "Who cares about all that! Just look at all those faces! Lovely, lovely human faces!" shouts the proctologist
So h**... walks into a bar...
and he asks the bartender, "and I'm going to kill six million Jews and one clown." The bartender replies, "why are going to kill one clown?". h**... said "See! nobody cares about the Jews!".
Nobody cares about the Jews
h**... and his men are having a meeting,
h**...: We will kill 6 million Jews and 1 clown.
Men: Why the clown?
h**...: See! I told you nobody cares about the Jews!
Vladimir Putin and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi (leader of ISIS) jump off a tall building together. Who hits the ground first?
Who cares?
If you ever feel as thought nobody cares about what you do
Just post something with a spelling mistake in it.
So I saw h**... walking down the street.
I asked him, "So h**...,what have you been doing recently?"
He said, " Well you see, this time I'm going to kill six million Jews and two clowns."
So I asked "Why the two clowns?"
He replied "See, no one cares about the jews!"
Women are alot like continents.
At various times in her life, a woman is like the continents of the world. From 13 to 18, she's like Africa- v**... territory. From 18 to 30, she's like Asia- hot and exotic. From 30 to 45, she's like America- fully explored and free with her resources. From 45 to 55, she's like Europe- exhausted, but not without places of interest. From 55 onwards, she's like Australia- everybody knows it's down there, but nobody cares.
Why did the existential nihilist cross the road?
Who cares.
I don't know how to spell Armaggedon
But who cares - it's not the end of the world!
The little bit of decent human being left in me finds cannibalism to be wrong...
but who cares, he was delicious!
Ran Into h**...
I ran into h**.... I was surprised to see him and asked him what he was up to. He said, This time I am going to kill 6 million Jews and two clowns!
I replied, Two Clowns? Why are you going to kill two clowns?
He replied, See? Nobody cares about zee Jews.
What do you call a mass transit system that also cares deeply about humanitarian work?
A Bonorail.
h**... and his generals are going over his plans for the Jews.
"I'm going to kill 6 million Jews and a clown." One of his generals asks him why a clown. h**... responds, "See I told you no one cares about the Jews!"
Two historians are discussing about the Holocaust
\- The holocaust wasn't that bad; says one of them.
\- Are you out of your mind?; the other one replies.
\- What if I were to kill 6 million Jews and one actress?
\- But why the actress?
\- See, nobody ever cares about the Jews.
Do you remember how before social media nobody cared what, where and with whom you ate?
Still nobody cares.
So they've finally got h**... in court..
And the Judge says to him, "Adolf, if you were given a chance to change anything about what you've done, what would you do?"
h**... replies, "Well first I'd kill a few million more Jews, and then I'd kill a clown."
With a contorted face the Judge asks, "Why would you kill a clown?"
h**... says, "See--nobody cares about the Jews."
Two friends are having a conversation about World War 2
The holocaust wasn't that bad.
Of course it was!
I'm going to go out and kill a million Jews and one clown.
Why the clown?
See, no one cares about the Jews.
An old h**... joke
Some time ago, a medium contacted h**...'s spirit by accident. Out of curiosity, he decided to listen to what h**... had to say.
"Listen to my words, you little brat: I'm gonna reincarnate someday, and I'm gonna kill six million Jews and two dogs".
"Why the two dogs?" the medium replied.
"See, nobody cares about the Jews!"
"Mr. Trump, have you changed your plans for mass deportation?"
"No, I have not. I will deport 11 million undocumented immigrants and two dogs."
"Why the two dogs?"
"See? Nobody cares about the immigrants!"
So my friend tells me "The holocaust wasn't that bad."
I say "Of course it was!"
He replies "I'm going to go out and kill a million Jews and one clown."
I say "Why the clown?"
He says "See, no one cares about the Jews."
Crime
A bus conductor was making his rounds for collecting fares. On reaching a mischievous boy, the conductor asked the boy for his fare.
Boy: My name is crime.
Bus Conductor: Who cares?
Boy: Do you know that crime does not pay?
Trump walks into the Oval office, turns to his administrative team and says, I want to organise the deportation of 10,000 Muslims and one kitten.
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Mike Pence says. Mr. President, why do you want to deport a kitten? Trump smiles and turns to the rest of the table. You see, no one cares about the Muslims.
I'm tired of people talking about how strong ants are.
I can pick up a leaf too, who cares.
What Do You Call a Secret Organization That Cares about Your Well-Being?
Illuminati Concerned.
A wife rushes home, excited that she just won the lottery
Wife: Quick! Pack your bags! I just won the lottery!
Husband: Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?
Wife: Who cares? Just pack and get lost!
"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes."
After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
Abort a baby at 1 month, nobody cares.
Abort it at 24 months, suddenly you're a monster.
Problem Child
Psychiatrist to the mother of a problem child:
"You are far too upset and worried about your son. I'm going to prescribe some tranquilizers for you. I suggest you take them regularly."
On the next visit: "So, have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes, they have."
"And how is your son now?"
"Who cares?!?"
h**... was talking to one of his generals,
h**...: I want to kill 6 million jews and 5 clowns.
General: Why the 5 clowns?
h**...: See? Nobody cares about ze jews!
h**... walked in to a bar...
The bartenders says "whoa, h**... I thought you were dead"
h**... says "no, just hiding. I'm planning to kill the rest of the Jews and 5 clowns"
The bartender asks "why the clowns?"
h**... says "see no one cares about Jews"
Your opinion is like..
..women's sport, its there but no one cares
So I proposed a new bill to my congressman that would deport 1,000,000 Mexicans and 1 chicken
When he asked about the chicken I said "See no one cares about the Mexicans"
Don't you love it when you get beautiful texts from someone that cares about you?
So eloquently written, it ties your stomach in knots. Writing so succinct and captivating it gets your heart pounding and racing. Using words that convey such great ideas. I got one like that one today. It read
"Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill."
Truly powerful words. They **blew** me away
Kid and dad
A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?"
The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.
" The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"
Who came first, the chicken or the egg?
Who cares, as long as they both enjoyed themselves. That's all that matters. It's not a competition. Geez.
What do you call an animal that nobody cares about?
Irrelephant.
Told a stranger on a bus that I liked rhetorical questions.
He said, "Who cares?"
I said, "that's a classic!"
"The holocaust wasn't that bad"
"The holocaust wasn't *that* bad"
"Of course it was!"
"I'll prove it. I'll kill a million jews and one horse"
"Why the horse?"
"See? Nobody cares about the jews!"
Doc: "Is this better, or is this better?"
Patient: "They're both terrible..."
Doc: "OK, C.... or D?"
Patient: "Why does it even matter?"
Doc: "E... or F?"
Patient: "Who cares... Everything is awful..."
Doc: "Okay sir, you're going to have to leave."
Patient: "Whatever"
And that, my friends, illustrates the essential difference between pessimists and optometrists.
I hate it when people publicly express their opinions needlessly, just seeking attention when nobody cares.
But that's just my opinion.
The tagline of World Health Organization
WHO cares!
Whats the difference between a driveway and a dead baby?
No one cares when you pull out of a driveway.
If you think no one cares about you...
Stop paying your bills and see how many people want to talk to you.
Who cares if Apple is worth 10^12
I heard Google is worth 10^100
A child asked his father: "Dad, What is a man?"
A child asked his father: "Dad, What is a man?"
Dad: "A man is someone who loves you unconditionally , cares about you and protects you!"
Child: "Oh okay! When i grow up, I want to be a man just like mom!"
What's the difference between an apathist and a nihilist?
Nobody cares, it doesn't really matter
Who really cares how much s**... you have?
It's the thot that counts.
A man walks into a bar and sees a man that looks like Adolph h**...
sitting at the end of the bar. He walks up to him and asks "are you really h**...?" The man stands up and says loudly, "Ja, ich bin Adolph h**.... I killed 6 million Jews and 1 Mexican." The man says, "wait, why did you kill a Mexican?" h**... says "Sehen Sie! See? That is what i mean, no one cares about the jews."
Words are like Babies
Nobody cares until you start throwing them.
I ran into h**....
I was surprised to see him and asked him what he was up to.
This time, I am going to kill 6 million Jews and 2 clowns!
Two clowns? Why are you going to kill two clowns?
See? Nobody cares about ze Jews!
I want you to know that someone cares!
Not me, but someone.
Trump to bartender: We are going to nuke Pakistan & kill Mia Khalifa
Bartender: why mia khalifa?
Trump to Imaran Khan: see nobody cares about Pakistan!
What's the opposite of an elephant ear?
Who cares? It's completely *earelephant*
It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis
It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own a**....
The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town
I guess she was having a midwife crisis
What did Odysseus say to the depressed Cyclops?
Nobody cares.
Donald trump said he cares more about the health and safety of the American public than he does about money.
Well *I* laughed when he said it.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
Try not paying your taxes.
A little girl walk into a pet shop...
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks for a bunny. The worker says the fluffy white one or the fluffy brown one ? The girl then says, I don't think my python really cares.
Reddit is kinda like Instagram, I hate to say
Nobody cares unless you show your cake
A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door
The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me
What do you call someone who keeps talking even if nobody cares?
A teacher
5 things that no one cares about
1. Lists
A car driver hits a low flying parrot
He takes the unconscious parrot, home and cares for it.
The next day it regains consciousness and finds himself in a cage. It gets surprised and says, " W-w-wait, jail? Did the car driver die?"
Knock knock. Who's there ? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who ?
who cares it's pointless
Nobody cares that today is my cake day...
I feel desserted...
Russian, Ukrainian and Ethiopian babies got mixed up at birth.
The doctors invited their fathers so they could try to figure out which baby belongs to whom. Ukrainian father without any hesitation just takes an Ethiopian child and is about to leave the room.
"You idiot! Can't you see, this is obviously not your child!" - shouts Russian father
"Who cares, at least it's most certainly not a m**...'"
I drove past the fire department the other day.
They had a big public awareness sign that read:
"Are your house numbers visible?"
I thought:
"Who cares? How about you just stop at the house that's on fire?"
Which company should hire Amber Heard as their next model ?
Pampers
Ps Original composed by me if anyone cares
I finally found someone who cares as much as I do about providing sources for every claim.
It was love at first cite.
A Black person, a Gay Person, and a Woman walk into a Bar
"This is Gold!" cried the Netflix executive.
"But I haven't even told you the story yet."
"Who cares? It hits all the right demos!"
"But don't you need to know this stuff if you're going to produce it?"
"That's ok, we're going to abandon it after 2 seasons anyway."
