JokoJokes

Careful Jokes

136 careful jokes and hilarious careful puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about careful that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best be careful jokes.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Careful Short Jokes

Short careful jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The careful humour may include short cautious jokes also.

  1. I used to be Christian.... Her: I used to be Christian.
    Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
    Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine!
  2. I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
  3. What do fetuses, servicemen and gay people have in common in the US? The government stops caring about them once they're out.
  4. Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga … And 100% of men don't care.
  5. There are two kinds of people who care a lot about their exact age. Small children and 39 year old's.
  6. Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa? I thought he didn't care about the 1%
  7. I don't care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman, but April identifying as January is crossing the line.
  8. 2 monkeys sat on a branch, one says "ooh ooohh aha ha aha!" The other says "careful, that's hot."
  9. After 37 years I'm finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I've accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means... ...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50
  10. A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest The man enters the bank.
    Man: I'm here to find out about the mortgage
    Employee: I don't really care.

Share These Careful Jokes With Friends




Careful One Liners

Which careful one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with careful? I can suggest the ones about beware and wary.

  1. What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth? A Flossiraptor
  2. My grief counselor suddenly died. Fortunately he was excellent so I don't care.
  3. I used to do drugs in the 90s. Now I don't care what the temperature is.
  4. If I had a crystal ball... I'd sit down *really* carefully...
  5. Today I ended a long term relationship. I don't really care though, it wasn't mine.
  6. Be careful of fat guys, ladies They just want to get into your pantries.
  7. Police were called to a day care Toddler was resisting a rest.
  8. My grief counselor died recently Clearly did a good job, because I didn't care
  9. What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant? Who cares? It's a relephant.
  10. A crazy ex is like a box of chocolates If you're not careful, they'll kill your dog.
  11. It's my cake day and no one cares I feel caked…pied….I mean desserted
  12. If you think nobody cares if you're alive.. Try missing a couple of payments.
  13. Who cares if you pee in the shower? The bride and all her guests, apparently.
  14. What does dark humor and health care have in common? Not everyone gets it...
  15. You can use a colander to look at the eclipse But be careful you don't strain your eyes

Be Careful Jokes

Here is a list of funny be careful jokes and even better be careful puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country The White House seems to always be hiring.
  • I wish that there was a restaurant named I don't care, so I'd finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.
  • A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.
    That's one too many! says the customer.
    The clerk replies It's a freebie .
  • I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins... They've been breaking camels' backs for years.
  • Loyalty is very important for my wife... My girlfriend doesn't care.
    Funny how different sisters can be.
  • If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for tea you are a terrible parent. I don't care how busy you are, find the time to microwave them first at least.
  • I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe
  • To all of you idiots out there that drive loud cars, we hate you and get off our roads. We don't care how many heart attack victims you have to take to the hospital.
  • Wife: Would you care to explain why the bottle of whisky you bought yesterday is half empty? Me : It's because you're a pessimist.
  • Some young women are like bottles of wine They need to be tended to carefully and given time to mature, which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
Careful joke, Some young women are like bottles of wine

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about careful can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of careful puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Unearthly Funniest Careful Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about careful you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean careless jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make careful prank.

So you're in bed...

So you're in bed with a hot girl to the right side of you and a gay man to the left of you. Who would you turn to face?
be careful with whom you chose

Careful, this is an alphabet bomb!

If it goes off, it could spell disaster!

Be careful of your aim

A woman was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will come out.
So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"
On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" So she goes, "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

Careful what you wish for!

I don't think I ever got over
my grandmother's death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have s**... me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I'm just careful what I wish for.
—Anthony Jeselnik

A woman hears a traffic report on the radio and calls her husband, who's on his way to work.

"Be careful, dear, I heard on the radio that there's some idiot driving the wrong way on the freeway."
"There isn't o**... driving the wrong way, they all are!"

Be careful people,there are a lot of scams on the internet

For £19.99 I can show you how to avoid them

Be careful in traffic with your pasta car...

You wouldn't want it to get al dente.

As she watches the news, an elderly woman calls her husband in concern.

She knows he is driving home, so she calls his cell phone.
"Dear, please be careful on the road today! I just heard on the radio that there is a driver going the wrong way down the highway."
Her husband replies, "Oh, it's not just one. There are hundreds of them!"

A wife is at home watching the news.

On the TV she sees footage of a crazy man driving the wrong way on the freeway. She realizes her husband takes the same path home from work. She immediately calls him and warns him of the danger. She says, "Be careful! There's a crazy man driving on the wrong side of the freeway!"
The husband replies, "One!? There's hundreds of them!"

A biker walks into a bar

and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

There once was an old mystic

He was too poor to afford shoes, so he often had sores on his feet, and since he was old, he could easily break his bones if he was not careful. He also had a very bad diet, so his breath smelt terrible.
I guess you could say he was a....
**Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed with Halitosis**

When holding my baby neice

My Uncle gave me the advice of "Careful not to drop her, we dont want her to end up like you."

An older woman is watching the news

When a newscaster cuts in.
"Breaking news! We have reports of a car going the wrong way through heavy traffic on I-85."
The woman knows her husband is travelling, so she calls him up.
"Honey, some idiot's driving the wrong way on I-85. Be careful, please!"
Her husband practically yells back into the phone, "Thanks sweetie, but it's not just one; there's hundreds of them!"

!!BAD DRIVERS!!

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"
David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"

Be Careful Doing Drugs in Utah

I recently moved to Utah from San Francisco, and wasn't paying attention once when I wanted to party. I got my l**... mixed up with l**..., and instead of taking a Trip, I ended up on a 2 year mission to Fiji.

An elderly woman rang her husband while he was driving...

He heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Darling, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way down the freeway, please be careful!"
He replied, "There's not just one car, there's hundreds of them!"

An elderly man was out on a drive...

An elderly man was out on a drive when he received a phone call from his wife.
"Honey, be careful. I just heard on the radio that one idiot out there is driving the wrong way on the highway."
To which he replied, "Are you kidding me? There are hundreds of them!"

Not a joke, just a story with a reminder to be careful when telling jokes...

I heard a joke a few weeks ago that went, "What do you do when an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Throw your washing in."
I decided to repeat the joke in work today to a few of my customers (I work in a pub) and when I finished, o**... got really mad at me. He screamed that I shouldn't tell jokes like that because his brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.
I asked, "Did he drown?"
The guy was furious and said, "No, he choked on a sock!"

"BE CAREFUL! I HAVE OSTEOPOROSIS!"

She snapped.

There was a farmer who grew watermelons...

He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

A worried elderly lady calls her husband on his cell phone...

"Please be careful," she tells him worriedly. "I heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on the highway."
To which he replies, "It's not just one car, it's all of them!"

Two German spies came to English pub during WW II.

One German said to another: "Be careful. Let's pretend that we are British. We should order martini this time, not schnaps". So they requested barman for two martinies.
- Dry martini? - asked barman.
- Warum drei? Zwei!

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.

"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"
Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

Dad joke I came up with at work.

I work at a grocery store produce department. Today there was some misplaced cheese in a cooler. I saw it was sharp provolone. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp."

A company hire an efficiency expert as a consultant.

To everyone's surprise, the presentation was very interesting. For once many felt like this was a valuable use of time! as the presenter finished up, he said, "I hope you have found use in my presentation today, but I would warn you, be careful about using these techniques at home. The other night I was watching as my wife did the dinner dishes, and noticed some inefficiency in her technique. Wanting to be helpful, I advised her of several small improvements that could add up to maximum efficiency."
One of the attendees raised their hand,"Did it work? Did the dishwashing become more efficient?"
"Oh yes," the consultant replied,"before my advice, my wife took 18 minutes to finish the dishes, now I do it in 12."

An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway..

An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway when his mobile phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "George, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M40. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said George. "It's hundreds of them!"

Driving down the highway

So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"
"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"

An American, German and Russian go swimming

An American, German and Russian go swimming, the Russian gets ready to jump in but the American stops him and says
"Careful i put in a chlorine tablet not long ago, you might want to wait"
The Russian responds with "Ill be fine, a little chlorine never hurt anyone"
The German on the lawn chair starts laughing.

What does a young girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?

"Careful, dad, don't crush my smokes."

An old man is in his Volvo driving home from work...

... when his wife rings him on his cellphone.
"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now; some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".
"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"

8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.

The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.
"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.
"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".
"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".

Did ABC purposefully mix up the Best Picture announcement in an effort to drive ratings?

After some careful research I've found nearly everybody on that stage to be a paid actor!

"I'm not a fool..."

An illiterate man loses his cheque book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your cheque book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: I am not a fool... I already signed all the cheques, so there is no space to forge my signature..

Hey Grandma, be careful. They said on the radio someone is driving the wrong way down the highway.

"That's funny, I see hundreds of them"

A Professional

A man takes a taxi home after a long night of work
The taxi runs a red light
The man says "Be careful, we could've gotten in an accident!"
The driver replies "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi runs another red light
The man tells him to pay attention
The driver answers "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi stops at a green light
"The man screams "WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?!"
"In case another professional drives by."

A wife calls her husband driving to work

and says, "Honey be careful. There's a maniac driving on the wrong side of the road on the highway."
He responds, "One maniac? There are hundreds of them."

Two women are discussing their love lives

Jo says: "I have to be careful not to get pregnant."
Jenny looks confused. "But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy."
"He did." says Jo. "That's why I need to be extra careful."

You've got to be careful when getting your house exorcised

If you can't afford the payments the priest will repossess your house

You have to be careful if you're going to have phone s**....

You might get hearing aids.

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?

One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.

Morris went to doctor for a physical

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The doctor said: "I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur - be careful."

What crime does a careful walnut engage in?

Safe cracking

Can't get pregnant

Stacy: I have to be very careful, i just can't get pregnant now.
Tiffany: Didn't your husband get a vasectomy?
Stacy: Exactly!

A man called his wife while she was driving to warn her.

He said 'Honey, be careful. I turned on the news and there's a car going the wrong way on the motorway.'
She says 'Oh, not just one car - it's all of them!

A woman is driving for the first time on a highway.

Her husband calls her while she is driving. "Be careful honey, it was just broadcasted that someone's driving the wrong way on the highway."
"Someone?" the wife replies. "These idiots are in hundreds!"

A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.

"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"

Just one, but be careful, or this could get weird

How many time travelers does it take to change a light bulb?

An old man is driving on the highway

An old man is driving on the highway when his wife calls.
Wife: Hey sweetie! I just watched the news and there's 1 guy driving on the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful.
Old Man: Just 1? There's dozens of them.

Hey everyone be careful on the road this holiday because there are a lot of people drinking

And their wives are driving

LPT: Be careful driving on New Years Eve

A lot of men will be drunk, so their wives and girlfriends will be the ones driving.

Be careful on the roads tonight

Lots of people will be drinking excessively and letting their wives drive. Recipe for disaster.

Borrowed a pair of my stepdad's socks the other day

He said to be careful as they were his lucky golfing socks.
They have a hole in one.

Drunk driving

A drunk guy was driving home on the wrong side of the road. His wife saw the scene live on TV and in horror rushed to call him: "Hello?! Are you driving home? Be careful, there is a madman driving on the wrong side of the road!". He replies: "I know, there isn't only one, there are hundreds!".

Fruitiphile

You've got to be careful if you find one fruitiphile, because they normally come in pears

Three blondes were hiking in the woods when they came upon some tracks...

The first blonde said "We'd better be careful, I think these are bear tracks!"
The second blonde says "No, I'm almost certain these are mountain lion tracks!"
The third blonde says "Your both wrong, these are wolf tracks!"
They were still arguing 20 minutes later when the train hit them.

Did you know woman turn into good drivers.

So be careful while they turn, because they might hit you.

A warning to be careful about drunk driving..

Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.
On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....
I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..

Wife calls her husband and says, Be careful driving home. Some idiot is driving the wrong direction on the freeway.

Husband frantically replies, No! It's not just o**... going the wrong direction! There's dozens of them!

A man is driving down the freeway

when his wife calls him. He picks up and asks what the matter is. She says, "I want you to be careful honey, I heard on the radio there's a lunatic barreling down the highway going the wrong way." He replies, "it's much worse than that, there's hundreds of them

Please be careful!!!!! don't know if this is a scam, I've just received a phone call saying I've won tickets for an Elvis Presley tribute show then it said.

Just press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.

Three men walk into a store

The first is a black man, the second is a white man, and the third is an Asian man. They wander the aisles for a few minutes browsing, and quickly noticed the shop keepers keeping a careful eye on the black and Asian men. Later when they left they began complaining
"I can't believe they did!"
Said the black man
"I know! How terrible!"
Said the Asian man. Then the white man said
"Don't worry, I stole enough for all of us"

My grandpa left to pick up his prescription across town.

About 10 minutes later I saw a wrong way driver on the news. I got worried since my grandpa had to take that route to get to the pharmacy and called quickly to warn him.
Me: "Grandpa be careful on I-94 there's a man driving in the wrong direction."
Grandpa: "It's not just one! There are hundreds of them!"

An elderly man was driving down the highway when his phone rang.

It was his wife urgently warning him: Honey, I just heard on the news that there's some lunatic in a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!
It's worse than that, said the man, It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!

Here's some advice for women out there: Be careful of fat guys.

They are just trying to get into your pantries.

The very first time I went fishing, I was instantly hooked!

The second time I went fishing, I was much more careful casting.

Guy walks into an ice cream shop

And says give me some chocolate, some marshmallows, and some almonds. The elderly gentleman working the counter says Careful son, you're heading down a rocky road.

As long as I live I'll never forget my father's last words to me...

g**... BOY BE CAREFUL THAT THING'S LOADED!

It's not easy being a dyslexic devil worshiper

If you're not careful, you could end up selling your soul to Santa

Yes, you've got to be careful when you tell jokes in public.

I was in the pub with a few mates a while back and one of them was telling this joke, I'm sure you know it:
Q. What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
A. You throw in your washing.
Then a guy came over fuming and said, "I'm sorry but I don't find that funny. My brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.
My friend said, "Oh, I'm really sorry. Did he drown?"
"No, said the man, "He choked to death on a sock."

When googling Gary Oldman, be very careful....

....I forgot the 'r' and went down a rabbit hole I wasn't prepared for.

Why must you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs?

You might step in a poodle.

What do you call a careful wolf?

awarewolf

I heard they just opened a BBQ restaurant near the top of Mt. Everest

Careful though, the steaks are high.

Nudists must be careful around Team Rocket...

... because they're always trying to get a Pikachu.

Be careful what you wish for

One for cake day:
Tom finds an old, tarnished lamp. He gets excited, and polishes it vigorously.
A genie appears and say "Congratulations, you get three wishes! What is your first wish?"
Tom says, "I want to be Rich!".
The genie says, "No problem, done. What is your next wish, Rich?"

One day Kevin was taking a stroll through the beach and found a magic lamp

Kevin immediately rubbed the magic lamp and a genie appeared
Genie : "You have freed me from 1000 years of slavery and I shall be granting you a wish. So be very careful when you wish."
Kevin : "Oh um, I wanna be Rich"
Genie : "Alright then, your wish is granted"
Rich : "Oh no, this is not what I meant!"

*Ouch!!* *Zut alors!!*

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
(...and you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to post this on raydeet.... Well, I figure I have nothing Toulouse. )

Careful joke, *Ouch!!* *Zut alors!!*

jokes about careful

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these careful jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.