Career Jokes

163 career jokes and hilarious career puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about career that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

From an internship to a successful career, discover the lightheartedness of career-related humor with these amusing jokes. Explore professional puns and quips to help you make career day, counseling meetings, and even professional events more enjoyable. Enjoy the fun of sharing career jokes with others and lighten up the conversation.

Funniest Career Short Jokes

Short career jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The career humour may include short jobs jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital? I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
  2. As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself... maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
  3. Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it Trying to get into smaller pants
  4. Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way. Trying to get into smaller pants.
  5. As I get older I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
  6. I'm thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events. I wonder how many people are in that field.
  7. As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice
  8. A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime." Father: "Government or private sector?"
  9. A boy says to his dad 'I'm considering a career in organised crime' His dad responds with 'Government or private sector?'
  10. I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression. Then I realized alcohol is a solution.

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Career One Liners

Which career one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with career? I can suggest the ones about occupation and employment.

  1. Why is the archaeologist sad? Because his career is in ruins.
  2. Ever since I became an archeologist My career has been in ruins
  3. What ruined tiger Woods' golf career? His driving game.
  4. My career as a street fighter didn't last very long... I broke my hand punching a curb.
  5. After a long and distinguished career, my French teacher finally retired. Adios, amigo.
  6. My career is in ruins. It's great being an archaeologist.
  7. Drugs don't ruin your career Drug tests do
  8. Why did the cross dressing pilots career never take off? Too much drag
  9. Why was Lara Croft sad? Because her career was in ruins
  10. Why do archaeologist lead sad lives? Because their career lies in ruins.
  11. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
  12. If at first you don't succeed... ... then bomb disposal probably isn't the career for you
  13. Why was the archeologist depressed? because his career was in ruins
  14. Why did the Chemist give up a singing career? He could not hit any of the ketones.
  15. Where will Miley Cyrus go when her showbiz career is over? twerk

Career Ending Jokes

Here is a list of funny career ending jokes and even better career ending puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How did Jared the subway guy begin and end his career? By trying to get into smaller pants.
  • What do Logan Paul and the kid from The Sixth Sense have in common? Their careers ended after seeing dead people.
  • Louis C.K. is the hardest working comedian in the business He literally built and ended his own career with his bare hands.
  • When Kermit the Frogs entertainment career came to an end, he enrolled in seminary school where he was ordained Now he's a Pastor of Muppets
  • Jared from Subway's career ended the same way it started. Trying to get into smaller pants
  • I had a sudden, albeit extremely belated, realization about Jared from Subway His career ended the way it began: trying to get into smaller pants.
  • I'll never forget the time I had to do PE in my underwear after forgetting my shorts. It ended my teaching career there and then.
  • Nothing else signifies the end of a beyblade career like a gravestone. It's the last way to... Let it R.I.P.
  • Rain drop, drop top.... Mariah Carey's career ended before the ball dropped.
  • I realized today that I really only have two options when it comes to a career path. I'm going to end up in jail or working at Olive Garden. Either way endless salads are getting tossed.

Career Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny career day jokes and even better career day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How To Lose Your Career in Ten Days! Ask Kevin Spacey!
  • A career in organized crime A son says to his father "Dad I'm considering a career in organized crime"
    The father replies "That's great son, I heard investment banking pays great now a days"
  • Career day is coming up at my school and the president will attend Thankfully i'm not American
  • Glove modeling is a very stable career path... ... you are sure to get a h**... every day.
Career joke, Glove modeling is a very stable career path...

Music Career Jokes

Here is a list of funny music career jokes and even better music career puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why does Chris Brown still have a music career? Beats me.
  • After his crop failed, why did Dwight Schrute (The Office) decide to try a career in hip-hop music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.
  • Lamar Odom, after his recent troubles, decided to change careers and go into music..guess which band he joined? The Strokes
  • I got my music career started with a Christmas album Now I only write jingles
  • So apparently after Peter Gabriel's music career, he went on to do a stint in construction. Turns out he became a sledgehammer.
  • How is standing on a railway track like playing music? Most likely neither will get you a successful career.
  • Did you hear about the movie where Peter Dinklage quits his electrician job to pursue a career in music? It's called "Semi-Conductor".
  • So, Midas actually had a pretty good musical career. He always knew how to bring in an [Au]dience.
  • AMA request: Paul McCartney How big of an impact has Kanye been to your music career blowing up?
  • What to you call a rice crispy treat with a musical career and multiple s**... assault cases? A wrapped cereal serial r**... rapper.

New Career Jokes

Here is a list of funny new career jokes and even better new career puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • At work I put my desk in the elevator This should take my career to a whole new level
  • My cousin just started a new career as a bounty hunter …Apparently, she makes a killing.
  • The New York Mets Specifically, Jose Reyes' career ERA of 54.00
  • I just got out of the army, where I was an M1A1 Abrams driver. My new career is completely unrelated. It's a tankless job.
  • Have you heard about Bill O'Reilly's new book? It's called "Killing a Career."
  • Working for a dragon can take your career to new heights, Just don't get fired
  • An upcoming Racer is hesitating on his new career... so he yanked out his side mirrors because he didn't want to look back.
  • I am considering a new career in mirror cleaning It is something I can see myself doing
  • My new career as a typographer is paying me really well. I made a G today.
  • Did you hear about the new Muslim comic? his career is blowing up!

Career Development Jokes

Here is a list of funny career development jokes and even better career development puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the most common career choice among spiders? Web development
  • What is the best career as a spider? A web developer
  • How did the geologist develop a career as a sink-hole expert? She just fell into it.
  • You know, Spiderman really did choose the wrong career path. He should've been a web developer.
Career joke, You know, Spiderman really did choose the wrong career path.

Laughter Career Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about career you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean skills jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make career pranks.

My friend is an unemployed circus clown. We nicknamed him Pennywise.

His career is in the gutter.

There was this girl I liked in kindergarten..

One day it was nap time and I gained enough nerve to sleep next to her. She didn't do anything. The next day at nap time I decided to kiss her on the forehead and sleep under her blanket. Again, she didn't do anything The next day at nap time I put my b**... on her face. Let's just say that's the end of my teaching career.

Young love... sort of...

Once when I was at kindergarten, there was this girl I really liked. When she came in the next day, I kissed her on the cheek.
The next day, I kissed her on the lips. The next day, I put my hand under her shirt. And the next day, I put both my hands up her shirt.
Eventually she told her parents.Needless to say, that was the end of my teaching career.

Philosophy Major: True story

With five minutes left in his class, a philosophy professor decides to talk about his own college experience.
Philosophy is basically a dead-end major. You know where your career is going when you sign up for it. He looks at one student and asks, What would your parents say if you told them you were changing your major to Philosophy.
The student says, They'd be thrilled. See, I am a theater major.

My grandad always used to say to me that the best part of fighting is the make-up s**....

Which would probably explain his short lived career as a boxer.

neil diamond........

Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal, he changed his name when the pressure got to him.

Can you think of something more ironic than being a gay chiropractor?

Choosing a career in which your job is to make people straight again.

A great cardiologist is being buried.

All of his colleagues and fellow surgeons are reunited to mourn his. All except for one man who is laughing. The cardiologist's coffin was in the shape of a heart to honor his career. The man continues to laugh. Finally they ask him why he is so happy at a f**... and he responds "I was picturing my f**... because I'm a gynecologist".

It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.
When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a p**... and a drug fiend."
"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"
"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"

Friend 1: Did you know that I had taken up story-writing as a career?

Friend 2: No, sold anything yet?
Friend 1: Yes, my watch, my saxophone, and my overcoat.

List of the shortest books

1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.

A gynecologist decides to make a career change...

He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."
The doctor studies day and night and finally feels ready for his practical exam.
He comes in and is asked to fix the transmission and engine of a beaten down, old car.
After the test, he is seated in the office and the head mechanic comes in.
"Congratulations doctor, you scored 150 out of 100 points"
"im confused" the doctor says, "how did i get 150 out of 100"
"well..." the mechanic says "you fixed the engine perfectly, so thats 50. You also fixed the transmission perfectly, for another 50"
"Great! But where did the last 50 come from?"
"I gave you a bonus. You did it all through the exhaust pipe"

I've decided I want to start a career in Mirror Cleaning

It's just something I can see myself doing.

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,
"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "
"Do you expect me to talk? "
"No, Mr Bond, I expect you to dye. "

Having only ever competed in the 100m dash, what did the professional sprinter say after his first 200m race?

I've finally turned a corner in my career.

So my girlfriend told me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter.

Well, I've got some news for her.

Hillary was shown a video of her flip-flopping on issues all over her career.

At first, she was upset. Now she says she's ok with it.

"Officer, what can you tell us about the break in at the bakery today?"

"Man I've seen all kinds of thieves in my career, but this one takes the cake"

What does every woman have in her p**...?

A career.

"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." --career advancement program at my job

Then they fired me for violating the dress code at the bank. Hypocrites. How am I ever going to become a sumo wrestler now?

My career as a karate instructor finally came to an end.

The parents found out I wasn't qualified and just enjoyed k**... children.

When I was 6 years old my priest took me aside and gave me a lesson about the birds and the bees.

He did this to many other kids. It went on for about 2 years. Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. He just loved teaching kids about animals. What a great man.

if a plumber's career can go down the drain...

And a fireman's job can go up in smoke, can a h**... get laid off?

Why did the tree leave his career of 15 years to start his own business?

...he wanted to branch out.

Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?

He couldn't handle his boos.

The final death of 2016....

Mariah Carey's live performance career

Arnold Schwarzenegger has made a pretty good career for himself in pest control...

They say he's a great ex-terminator

I used to pee my pants every time i had to talk in front of my 3rd grade class

It really killed my teaching career.

Why didn't Aaron Hernandez ever tell us why he threw away his career for a life of crime?

He wanted to leave us hanging.

Who decided to call it "Dwayne Johnson's Wrestling Career" instead of...

Classic Rock?

If you're genuinely asking me to choose between my career as a reporter and our relationship

Well then I've got some news for you

Why was Dre's grandma so happy when she found out his career choice?

Because there was finally a Doctor in the family who could perform her hip op.

Finding a career after college and being a v**... is tough...

There's all kinds of jobs out there: hand jobs, blow jobs, rim jobs...but I can't get any of them

I'd really like to start a career in mirror washing

It's something I could really see myself doing.

Had my medical license revoked today.

Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.

I got transferred from work three times this year for letting my clients give me o**... during checkups.

I'm starting to think that maybe a veterinarian career isn't for me.

Why did Logan Paul go to the s**... forest?

To kill his career.

The worst thing about being a profession skier... that your career can only go downhill

Did you hear about the archeologist who accidentally destroyed his dig site?

His career is in ruins.

What are your career goals?

Me: I'd like a job in agriculture.
Me: It's a growing field.

There was a one eyed teacher at my school

He was fired for only having one good pupil throughout his 6 year career

I am extremely proud of my son who chose a career in organised crime

He became the prime minister of the country

If my current career doesn't work out I'm going try my hand as a honey farmer.

It's my plan bee.

As I have gotten older and started thinking about all the people I have lost on the way I'm starting to think.....

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't the best career

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I begin to think to myself..

Maybe a career as a tour guide really wasn't for me.

The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town

I guess she was having a midwife crisis

The lady who birthed babies started questioning her career choice.

I think she was going through a midwife crisis.

A lawyer was working in his office when Satan appeared. "I can make it so you win every case in your career and make huge piles of money. In exchange you will give me your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, your parent's souls, your grandparent's souls and the souls of all your friends!"

The lawyer thought it over for a moment and then asked, "What's the catch?"

I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children,

it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.

I quit my career as a professional poker player, and I decided to open a grocery store.

For the first couple weeks, I didn't earn much money. Then, I decided to rearrange the meat and the snacks in my store. I started earning lots of money. I knew that I would succeed when the chips were down and the steaks were high.

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever

Nothing but net

My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.

He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.

I recently took up a career installing worktops in kitchen, little did I know I would be arrested.

Turns out counter fitting is i**...!

After he became deaf, many people told Beethoven that his career as a composer was over.

But did he listen?

Mid life career change

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So what do you do?" the bartender chats him up. "Well I used to work in food service, but I just got a new job in IT," the guy says. "How was it changing careers?" the bartender asks. "Well, you know, a job is a job. I guess the biggest difference is that the phase 'My server went down on me,' is no longer a good thing," the guy replies.

As i get older, i remember all the people i lost along the way

Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't the right choice

Career joke, As i get older, i remember all the people i lost along the way

jokes about career