The Best 65 Career Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Career jokes. There are some career employment jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these career profession puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Career Jokes and Puns
What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...
maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it
Trying to get into smaller pants
There was this girl I liked in kindergarten..
One day it was nap time and I gained enough nerve to sleep next to her. She didn't do anything. The next day at nap time I decided to kiss her on the forehead and sleep under her blanket. Again, she didn't do anything The next day at nap time I put my ball sack on her face. Let's just say that's the end of my teaching career.
Young love... sort of...
Once when I was at kindergarten, there was this girl I really liked. When she came in the next day, I kissed her on the cheek.
The next day, I kissed her on the lips. The next day, I put my hand under her shirt. And the next day, I put both my hands up her shirt.
Eventually she told her parents.Needless to say, that was the end of my teaching career.
Philosophy Major: True story
With five minutes left in his class, a philosophy professor decides to talk about his own college experience.
Philosophy is basically a dead-end major. You know where your career is going when you sign up for it. He looks at one student and asks, What would your parents say if you told them you were changing your major to Philosophy.
The student says, They'd be thrilled. See, I am a theater major.
My grandad always used to say to me that the best part of fighting is the make-up sex.
Which would probably explain his short lived career as a boxer.
neil diamond........
Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal, he changed his name when the pressure got to him.
Can you think of something more ironic than being a gay chiropractor?
Choosing a career in which your job is to make people straight again.
A great cardiologist is being buried.
All of his colleagues and fellow surgeons are reunited to mourn his. All except for one man who is laughing. The cardiologist's coffin was in the shape of a heart to honor his career. The man continues to laugh. Finally they ask him why he is so happy at a funeral and he responds "I was picturing my funeral because I'm a gynecologist".
Friend 1: Did you know that I had taken up story-writing as a career?
Friend 2: No, sold anything yet?
Friend 1: Yes, my watch, my saxophone, and my overcoat.
You can explore career internship reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean career new career dad jokes. There are also career puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A gynecologist decides to make a career change...
He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."
The doctor studies day and night and finally feels ready for his practical exam.
He comes in and is asked to fix the transmission and engine of a beaten down, old car.
After the test, he is seated in the office and the head mechanic comes in.
"Congratulations doctor, you scored 150 out of 100 points"
"im confused" the doctor says, "how did i get 150 out of 100"
"well..." the mechanic says "you fixed the engine perfectly, so thats 50. You also fixed the transmission perfectly, for another 50"
"Great! But where did the last 50 come from?"
"I gave you a bonus. You did it all through the exhaust pipe"
I've decided I want to start a career in Mirror Cleaning
It's just something I can see myself doing.
James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...
James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,
"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "
"Do you expect me to talk? "
"No, Mr Bond, I expect you to dye. "
Having only ever competed in the 100m dash, what did the professional sprinter say after his first 200m race?
I've finally turned a corner in my career.
Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way.
Trying to get into smaller pants.
Why was Lara Croft sad?
Because her career was in ruins
Why is the archaeologist sad?
Because his career is in ruins.
Hillary was shown a video of her flip-flopping on issues all over her career.
At first, she was upset. Now she says she's ok with it.
Why was the archeologist depressed?
because his career was in ruins
"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." --career advancement program at my job
Then they fired me for violating the dress code at the bank. Hypocrites. How am I ever going to become a sumo wrestler now?
When I was 6 years old my priest took me aside and gave me a lesson about the birds and the bees.
He did this to many other kids. It went on for about 2 years. Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. He just loved teaching kids about animals. What a great man.
if a plumber's career can go down the drain...
And a fireman's job can go up in smoke, can a hooker get laid off?
I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression.
Then I realized alcohol is a solution.
After a long and distinguished career, my French teacher finally retired.
Adios, amigo.
I used to pee my pants every time i had to talk in front of my 3rd grade class
It really killed my teaching career.
If you're genuinely asking me to choose between my career as a reporter and our relationship
Well then I've got some news for you
My career is in ruins.
It's great being an archaeologist.
I'd really like to start a career in mirror washing
It's something I could really see myself doing.
Louis C.K. is the hardest working comedian in the business
He literally built and ended his own career with his bare hands.
Had my medical license revoked today.
Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To kill his career.
The worst thing about being a profession skier...
...is that your career can only go downhill
Drugs don't ruin your career
Drug tests do
If at first you don't succeed...
... then bomb disposal probably isn't the career for you
A boy says to his dad 'I'm considering a career in organised crime'
His dad responds with 'Government or private sector?'
Did you hear about the archeologist who accidentally destroyed his dig site?
His career is in ruins.
How did Jared the subway guy begin and end his career?
By trying to get into smaller pants.
A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime."
Father: "Government or private sector?"
Ever since I became an archeologist
My career has been in ruins
As I have gotten older and started thinking about all the people I have lost on the way I'm starting to think.....
Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't the best career
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I begin to think to myself..
Maybe a career as a tour guide really wasn't for me.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children,
it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.
I quit my career as a professional poker player, and I decided to open a grocery store.
For the first couple weeks, I didn't earn much money. Then, I decided to rearrange the meat and the snacks in my store. I started earning lots of money. I knew that I would succeed when the chips were down and the steaks were high.
My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.
He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.
What ruined Tiger Woods' golf career?
His driving game.
My career as a street fighter didn't last very long...
I broke my hand punching a curb.
I'm thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events.
I wonder how many people are in that field.
I recently took up a career installing worktops in kitchen, little did I know I would be arrested.
Turns out counter fitting is illegal!
After he became deaf, many people told Beethoven that his career as a composer was over.
But did he listen?
Mid life career change
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So what do you do?" the bartender chats him up. "Well I used to work in food service, but I just got a new job in IT," the guy says. "How was it changing careers?" the bartender asks. "Well, you know, a job is a job. I guess the biggest difference is that the phase 'My server went down on me,' is no longer a good thing," the guy replies.
As i get older, i remember all the people i lost along the way
Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't the right choice
David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin Airport and notices the driver keep looking in his rear view mirror at him.
After about 5 minutes the driver says "Go on then give me a clue!?"
Beckham replies, "I had a glittering career with Man Utd, played over 100 times for England and married a spice girl, is that enough?".
Driver says "No mate, I meant where are you going?"
Grandpa Mike died this weekend.
He led a simple life, loved by family and friends while enjoying a long career as a crop duster. In accordance with his final wishes, his cremated remains will be mixed with water and sprayed over the seashore where he spent his final days. He will be mist.
A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career
He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.
In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job security.
"I'm as surprised as you are," wrote the vampire. "It was not a job I could see myself doing."
Me to HR: Your careers page says the company offers "competitive salary". What does that mean exactly?
HR: That means your salary will be competing with your bills.
I had a bad case of hemorrhoids, so I went to my doctor.
He said, "Wow, this is bad. I've seen some weird assholes in my career but this takes the cake." I replied, "Could you at least wait until I drop my pants?"
I used to be a Professional Digresser
but that career went off track.
I left my illustrious football career behind to become a relatively successful farmer.
Field goals
You heard about the green onion who started a hip hop career?
He was a real rapscallion.
As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice
Why do archaeologist lead sad lives?
Because their career lies in ruins.
A FtM trans man gets asked what career path he wants to pursue.
He laughs and replies: a mailman
(A trans man made this)
My girlfriend told me that it was either her, or my career as a news reporter
I'm afraid I had some breaking news for her
Elevator operator seems like a decent career field
Heard there's a lot of room to move up
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the career occupation jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working career eunuch piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.