Cardinal Jokes
54 cardinal jokes and hilarious cardinal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cardinal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your day brighter with these funny Cardinal Jokes. From Arizona Cardinals and Louisville Cardinals to Eminence Redbirds and Seventy-Twenty Cardinals, get ready for a hearty laugh with our best baseball-inspired jokes.
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Funniest Cardinal Short Jokes
Short cardinal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cardinal humour may include short papal jokes also.
- Why can chess Bishops only more diagonally? Because north, south, east and west are Cardinal directions.
- My Uncle said this now that there are two popes Two popes walk into a bar with Yankee caps on.
The bartender says, "Didn't you guys use to be Cardinals?" - The Pope is sick. Apparently the Pope resigned because he was sick with bird flu. He got it from a Cardinal.
- Did you hear about the Catholic man who brought a bird into a confessional? He said he had committed a cardinal sin.
- The Pope died and they needed a successor. They considered Cardinal Sicola, but he was not chosen because they didn't want a Pope Sicola.
- Did you hear that the Pope is in the hospital with the bird flu? I guess he caught it from a Cardinal.
- The Pope, four cardinals, and 17 bishops walk into a Church. A parishioner sees this ensemble and says, Oh Christ, He's coming!
- What happens if the Pope proclaims that God is dead? The cardinals proclaim the same of the Pope.
- I once met a member of the Catholic faith who could only face North, East, South and West... His name was Cardinal Directions
- What did the Cardinal cry after being attacked by a predatory bird? The Cardinal Bald Eagle
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Cardinal One Liners
Which cardinal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cardinal? I can suggest the ones about catholic and cardiac.
- The new Pope got Bird flu... ...I heard he caught it from one of his Cardinals.
- Did you hear the pope caught bird flu? He got it from a cardinal.
- What is the Pope's favorite NFL team? The cardinals
- Paedophilia It's a cardinal sin.
- What would Cardinal Pell's rapper name be? Cardi P.
- What's a the number one cause of death for birds? Cardinal arrest!
- Did you hear about the greedy red bird? It was a cardinal sinner.
- What do Cardinal McCarrick and Target have in common? Boys' pants, half off.
- Chess is blasphemous Bishops are not allowed to move in a cardinal direction.
- Why do bishops move on diagonals? They're not a cardinal.
- What do you call a cardinal who does anything the Pope wants him to do? A papal pleaser
- What are the four cardinal directions? Come in
s**...
Sit on my lap
Tell no one.
Arizona Cardinal Jokes
Here is a list of funny arizona cardinal jokes and even better arizona cardinal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Arizona Cardinals are like a t**... They don't have a second string and they only last for one period.
Fun-Filled Cardinal Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about cardinal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pope jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cardinal pranks.
Nescafe and the Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."
A Kentucky Fried Chicken lobbyist meets with the Pope.
He offers a donation of ten million dollars to the church if the Pope agrees to change the words in the Lord's Prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken
The Pope apologizes and says he is not interested.
100 million dollars , says the KFC rep.
Again the Pope shakes his head and explains that these words are sacred.
One billion dollars. This is our final offer.
After some consideration of the sum of the donation that the church is about to receive, the Pope reluctantly agrees to the deal. He then returned to the Vatican and called a meeting of all the Cardinals.
I have good news and bad news, the Pontiff said. The good news is, I have managed to secure a donation of one billion dollars to our church. The bad news is, we've lost the Wonder Bread account.
Four old ladies were sitting together...
The first one says, "My son is a bishop, and when he walks into a room, people say 'Your excellence.'"
The second one says, "Well, my son is a cardinal, and when he walks into a room, people say 'Your eminence.'"
The third lady says, "My son's the Pope, and when he steps into a room, people say 'Your holiness.'"
The fourth woman says, "My son's only a priest, hardly 5 feet but over 300 pounds. And whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Oh my God!'"
The chairman of Perdue Chicken goes to the Vatican to meet the pope.
Jim Perdue, CEO of Perdue Chicken, goes to the Vatican to meet the pope. He says "Pope Francis, it is an honor to meet you. As you know, I am a devoted Catholic, and I'm bringing a generous donation today - 2 million dollars - and in return I simply ask you hear a proposal."
Pope Francis says, "yes, of course."
Jim Perdue says "I propose you change all references of bread to chicken. For example, 'Give us this day out daily chicken.' And instead of bread-based Eucharist, you could give chicken nuggets."
Pope Francis says, "sir, that is really not a feasible proposal."
Perdue says, "tell you what, I'll donate the $2 million no strings attached, but if you implement my proposal, I'll donate another $20 million."
The Pope merely thanks him and leaves the room.
The next day, at a meeting with his cardinals, the pope says, "Exalted cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church... we need to discuss the Wonderbread account."
I'm a really big fan of Cardinal George Pell! I actually have a poster of him on my bedroom wall...
It covers up a**...
Four older men are bragging about their sons
The first says, "My son is a bishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Excellency".
The second says, "My son is an archbishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Grace".
The third says, "My son is a cardinal, and when he enters the room people say, Your Eminence".
"My son is 7 feet tall, and 500 pounds," says the fourth man.
"And when he enter the room, people say, 'My God!'"
...told by my parish priest.
Four women are bragging about there sons
The first one says "mine is a priest and everyone who sees him says oh my father"
The second woman decides to one up the first and says "so what my sons a cardinal and whenever anyone sees him they say oh holy father
The third one says "my sons the pope and anyone who sees him says oh holy one"
The fourth and last woman thinks for a while before saying "my son is 6'8 and weighs 600 pounds and anyone who's ever seen him says oh my god
I once brought a bird into a Catholic Church during mass
Apparently, it was a cardinal sin.
The Pope and one of the Cardinals were sitting around doing crossword puzzles.
The Pope says, "Can you think of a four-letter word meaning 'woman' that ends with the letters, U-N-T?"
The Cardinal thinks for a moment. "Why yes, father. That would be 'AUNT'"
The Pope laughs, "YES! Of course! ...ha ha ha..." (pause) "Got an eraser?"
Completely Original Joke About Numbers That I'm Sure Has Never Occurred To Anyone
While I've always been able to count on the cardinal numbers, I find that some of the integers can be negative, but at least they're still rational. But as long as a number can be real with me, I don't care how dense they might be.
A man was found guilty of r**... a young boy
I guess you could say that's where he made a cardinal error.
What did Cardinal Pell say when the Australian Judge asked why his conviction should be suppressed?
He whispered "it will be our little secret".
Cardinal George Pell has just been convicted of child a**... -
Just goes to show that abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.
The papal elections came down to two contenders:
Cardinal Koch and Cardinal Sea. The votes were tallied and Cardinal Koch won by 1 vote. However, moments later, Koch suffered a massive heart attack.
The Dean came out of the room where they took Koch. He looked at the assembled cardinals. They asked, Will we have Pope Koch? . The Dean shook his head and said, Koch is gone, is Pope Sea ok?
Cardinal Cicola (my late Uncles favorite joke)
Do you know about Cardinal Cicola? He is Pope Francis' right hand man. If one day, something happens to Pope Francis, Cardinal Cicola will become the new Pope.
His name will become Pope Cicola
Four catholic ladies are talking about how important there sons are. (Long)
The first one tells her friends my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'
The second Catholic woman chirps, while my son is a bishop, when he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'
The third Catholic woman says smugly, Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle well.....?
She replies, My son is a charismatic, 6'2 , hard-bodied male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, My God.
A rabbi and a Catholic priest seat together in a bus and start talking about ranks in the Catholic church...
- "So after becoming bishop and maybe archbishop, they can be appointed as cardinals?", asked the Rabbi.
- "That's right.", replied the priest.
- "And only cardinals can become pope?", continued the Rabbi.
- "Not necessarily, but usually yes.", said the priest.
- "And what's next? Can someone become God?", inquired the rabbi.
- "No! Never!"
- "Well, one of ours did."
Crossword
The Pope is doing a crossword puzzle at the Vatican. He turns to the Cardinal and asks, What is a word for a woman that ends in 'u-n-t'?
The Cardinal says, Aunt.
The Pope says, Got an eraser?
A Rabbi and his friend, a Catholic priest, were having a discussion
when the rabbi asked "Could you ever be promoted withing your church?"
The priest responded, "Well, one day, I hope to become a bishop."
The rabbi asked, "And then?"
The priest though for a second and responded, "Well, then I might become a cardinal."
The rabbi again asked, "And then?"
The priest again pondered the question before responding "Then I would become Pope!"
The rabbi, still unsatisfied, asked "And then?"
The priest, exasperated, cried "What else could I become? God Himself!?"
The rabbi quietly responded "One of our boys made it"
Four Catholic women are talking about their sons while having coffee together
The first woman says My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Father.'
The second says My sons is a bishop. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Grace.'
The third says My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Eminence.'
The fourth just quietly sips her coffee, and the other three give her a well, what about you? type look.
The fourth woman finally says My son is a handsome, 7-foot-tall firefighter. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Oh. My. God.'
An Easter joke.
A priest was arguing with a rabbi.
"What is great in our religion", says the priest, "is that there is room for advancement. A humble village priest can become a bishop, an archbishop, a cardinal, who knows?, maybe even the Pope!"
The rabbi answers: "What about the Almighty? Can he become the Almighty?"
"Certainly not!", responds the priest, "what a sacrilegious thought! No mere mortal man can aspire to become the Almighty!"
The rabbi retorts: "One of our boys made it!"
