Cardi Jokes

What are some Cardi jokes?

Cardi B and Bill Cosby walk into a bar...

I don't remember the rest.

Cardiologist and the Mechanic

A cardiologist's car breaks down and he goes to a mechanic to get it fixed. After everything is done, the mechanic asks the cardiologist,

"Here's what I don't understand. I fix engines, and so do you, albeit human ones, so why do you get paid ten times more than I do?"

The cardiologist then turns the ignition on and says, "try it with the engine running."


A heart surgeon had died and at his funural the coffin was placed above a heart made of flowers. After everyone had said goodbye the coffin was lowered into the heart, during which someone began laughing really loud. 'What is wrong with you?' the person sitting next to the laughing man asked. 'I just thought of my own funural' he replied. 'What's so funny about that?' Still chuckling the man answered: 'Well, you see, I'm a gynaecologist'.

A cardiologist died...

..and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside, forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said: "I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my own funeral..I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.

Cardiologist and Motorcycle mechanic

A motorcycle mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a

Harley-Davidson when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take

a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc,

want to take a look at this?' The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over

to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc,

look at this engine. I opened its heart, take the valves out, repair any

damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like


So how come I make $39,700 a year and you make $1,700,000 when you and I are

doing basically the same work?'

The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic...

'Try doing it with the engine running'

Those girls that say they want to be like Cardi B

Maybe they should try some Cardi O first

I think my cardiologist is in to me

He said I had acute angina

I get all my cardio from sex....

That's why I'm so fat.

What is Cardi B's athletic sister's name?

Cardi O

What did the cardiac surgeon say to his nervous patient?

Don't worry, you'll have a change of heart.

I just learned Cardi B has a cousin who's really into fitness.

She's called Cardi O

Bill Cosby and Cardi B. walk into a bar.

Everyone hides their drinks.

I heard Cardi B has a sister who does a lot of exercise..

Her name is Cardi O

Cardi B's sister released a new song...

Fitnesse by Cardi O

Cardi B's search on Spotify jumped by 750%

After Spotify introduced the 'Don't play this artist' option.

What's the name of Cardi B's long lost sister who 's into fitness?

Cardi O!

My friend died when she saw a wild ox wearing a knitted jumper.

It was a Cardi Yak arrest.

Cardinal George Pell has just been convicted of child abuse -

Just goes to show that abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.

So a cardiologist in a small town died

He was very well loved in the town, and every other doctor in the area came to his funeral. At the end they lowered him into the ground in a wondrous mahogany casket, shaped like a heart, lined with red velvet. It was a beautiful affair, but marred by a woman in the front row who couldn't stop laughing. After he was in the ground, she apologized, wiping her eyes, "I'm so sorry, it's just, I'm a gynecologist and I was imagining my own funeral."

Everyone had a good laugh, but then the proctologist fainted.

What's a cardiologists favorite hat?

A Stentson

Just received an e.mail stating $50 dollars to see Cardi B. live.

I'm probably not the right person to spam for these types of ransoms.

I went to the cardiologist yesterday

He asked me how I usually spend my days. I told him that I mostly look at pictures of puppies and kitties and think about volunteering at the local animal shelter. He said that I have a big heart. That made me feel really good about myself. Then he said, "Seriously, your heart is retaining water. You need to cut way back on your sodium intake and quit drinking".

My bed's a cardio machine

It requires two people

What would Cardinal Pell's rapper name be?

Cardi P.

After giving birth, how will Cardi B lose weight?

Cardi O

So I went to the cardiologist the other day

And he gave me some good advice...

But I didn't take it to heart.

Why did the cardiologist sent his patient to gastroscopy?

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

How did Cardi-B lose weight?


Cardi B has a sister who is a surgeon.

Her street name is Cardi AC

Did you know CardiB has a sister who's into fitness?

Her name is CardiO

Cardi B has a twin sister who's into fitness...

Her name is Cardi O

Cardi B walked into a bar

And lowered it

What did the Cardinal cry after being attacked by a predatory bird?

The Cardinal Bald Eagle

What do you call an insect that can move honey?

A Cardi B

Just came from the cardiologist..

Said I owe $10,000 and have a year to pay.
I said, ' I've never paid $10,000 in one year for anything.'
He said, 'fair enough, you've got 5 years'.

What do Cardinal McCarrick and Target have in common?

Boys' pants, half off.

Cardi B's more athletic, fitter cousin.

Cardi O.

Cardiac transplant surgeons

Really have a heart for their patients.

Why did the cardiologist give Lisinopril to someone that kept beating him at poker?

Because Lisinopril is an ace inhibitor

What's Cardi B's favorite vegetable?


Who does Cardi B credit for her amazing figure?

Cardi O

What are the four cardinal directions?

Come in


Sit on my lap

Tell no one.

My cardiologist is so stupid.

I'm a guy and he asked me if I had "an gina". I said, "Excuse me, but it's supposed to me 'a gina'".

A Cardinal goes to the Pope and says "Your Eminence, I have good news and bad news".

The Pope asks "What's the good news?".
The Cardinal says "Jesus Christ has returned to Earth!".
The Pope exclaims "That is wonderful! What could possibly be the bad news?".
The Cardinal replies "He's in Salt Lake City.".

How to make Cardi jokes?

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