Card Jokes

• Short Card Jokes
• Card One Liners
• Credit Card Jokes
• Report Card Jokes
• Card Deck Jokes
• Card Game Jokes
• Christmas Card Jokes
• More Card Jokes

Funniest Card Short Jokes

Short card jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The card humour may include short deck jokes also.

1. As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.
2. Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card She isn't sick, I just think she can get better
3. I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions 1. My credit card number
   2. My social security number
   3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate
4. A house of cards is really fragile One blow from a little kid and it all comes tumbling down
5. I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
6. Valentine's.... For the past 10 years I've been getting valentine's cards from a secret admirer, so I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.
   First my gran dies, now this!
7. My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill... So, I sent him a 'Get well Soon' card.
8. Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men? The Trump card.
9. My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
10. Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have? The Trump card.

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Card One Liners

Which card one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with card? I can suggest the ones about cart and board.

1. To be frank I'd have to get a new ID card.
2. Why does nobody play uno with Mexicans? They always steal the green cards.
3. What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards? A Czech Republic
4. My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill. I sent him a Get well soon card
5. I've lost all my pokemon cards in a house fire... I've only got Ash now.
6. Have you seen the new iPhone card trick? It's the one where all the jacks dissappear
7. What country does not accept cash or credit cards? The Czech Republic
8. New drinking game! Draw a card. If it's black take a shot. I call it the Ferguson
9. I just got my wife a get better card. She isn't sick but I think she could get better.
10. Got a $100 Nike gift card Can't wait to buy that one pair of socks
11. A cowboy opens a German car dealership His business card says "Audi Partner"
12. Why was the student's report card wet? Because his grades were below C-level.
13. How do you make a house of cards collapse? Just give it time and Spacey
14. Why couldn't the pirates play cards? Because they were sitting on the deck.
15. I got a comically small deck of playing cards for my birthday. It wasn't a big deal.

Credit Card Jokes

Here is a list of funny credit card jokes and even better credit card puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.
• A thief stole my wife's credit card But I let him keep it because he spends less money than she does.
• I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions ! 1. My credit card number
  2. My social security number
  3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate
• When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it. Because whoever found it was spending less than she was.
• My stolen card Police : why didn't you report the stolen credit card ?
  Me : The thief was spending less than my wife
• I'm really good at managing my credit card. My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding.
• My credit card was stolen today I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it. So far he's spending way less than my wife does.
• "Dad, your credit card has been stolen for 3 months and you haven't reported yet! - Shut up kid, the thief is spending less than your mother.
• I'm not one to brag about my financial skills, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.
• I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.

Report Card Jokes

Here is a list of funny report card jokes and even better report card puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• "I remember one time I brought my report card home and said 'Hey Dad, I got a B in Reading!" He just said "That's a D, you idiot."
• My mom didn't like my report card. I told her okay. She said she wanted more A's.
  So I told her "okaaaaay".
• My son handed me his report card and I asked him, Why is this wet? He said, My grades are below C level.
• Why didn't the man report his credit card stolen? Because the thief was spending less than his wife.
• So my wife's wallet got stolen 6 months ago... ...and all her credit cards are in it but I haven't reported it to the police yet because the thieves are spending less than she does!!!
• Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card? Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
• My dad beat my brother when he showed him his report card. So, I gave my report card to my mother. Let her take the beating.
• A man had his credit card stolen... However, he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
• What did the pirate get on his report card? Seven Cs!
• My mum got my report card and said I'm not very happy . I said okay . She said I need more A's . I said Okaaaaaay

Card Deck Jokes

Here is a list of funny card deck jokes and even better card deck puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards. I find that very hard to deal with.
• The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6) Why don't pirates like playing cards?
  There's always someone walking across the deck.
• Why couldn't the pirates play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh
• I honestly cannot deal with puns. But I can with a deck of cards.
• I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino. After four weeks they still hadn't been delivered so I rang them up to see what was going on.
  They told me they were still dealing with my order.
• For my birthday, I got gifted a sticky deck of cards. I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
• Why are pirates so bad at playing cards? Because they are always standing on the deck
• What was the deck of playing cards sentenced to after committing a felony? Solitaire confinement.
• I ordered a deck of cards from Amazon and two weeks later it hasn't arrived. Customer service told me they're dealing with it.
• They're playing with the largest deck of cards ever at this year's World Series of Poker. It's a pretty big deal.

Card Game Jokes

Here is a list of funny card game jokes and even better card game puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Relationships are like the card game bridge... If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
• I found the rulebook for an old card game at my grandfather's house. "Draw a card, if it's black, take a shot."
  Oh wait, that's just the LAPD guidebook.
• What is Putin's favourite card game? Bridge
• My wife told Me She wants a divorce because I take our marriage as a game..... So I gave Her an UNO reverse card and now I am the one who wants a divorce.
• Saw a list of the top ten card games Uno is number one
• A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus are playing a card game. Who wins? The dumb blonde does. The other two don't exist.
• What's a North Korean's Favourite Card Game? Kim Jong Uno
• My wife gave me a get better soon card I'm not sick, she just thinks I really need to step my game up.
• Why can't pirates play any card games? Because someone's always on the deck!
• What is a scam artist's favorite card game? Go phish.

Christmas Card Jokes

Here is a list of funny christmas card jokes and even better christmas card puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I ground up my ctrl key and gift wrapped it. The card reads: This is ground ctrl.
  TO: Major Tom
  
  
  (Merry Christmas David Bowie!)
• All I got for Christmas was a pack of sticky cards. It was difficult to deal with.
• Ordered some Christmas presents online the other day and used my donor card instead of my debit card. Cost me an arm and a leg.
• Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on Christmas Day. It wasn't his actual birthday, but he wasn't going to tell Chuck Norris that.
• I've not received any cards from my Ethiopian friends this year Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
• I just opened a Christmas card and a yorkshire pudding fell out.. Gotta love my Auntie Bessie
• What do Elon Musk's Christmas cards say? "Tesla season to be jolly!"
• Got a christmas card with rice in it It was from uncle ben
• Just opened a Christmas card and some rice fell out Classic Uncle Ben
• Just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out... ...must have been from my uncle Ben.

Howlingly Hilarious Card Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about card you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kart jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make card pranks.