Card Deck Jokes
101 card deck jokes and hilarious card deck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about card deck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Card Deck Short Jokes
Short card deck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The card deck humour may include short cards deck jokes also.
- For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards. I find that very hard to deal with.
- The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6) Why don't pirates like playing cards?
There's always someone walking across the deck. - I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino. After four weeks they still hadn't been delivered so I rang them up to see what was going on.
They told me they were still dealing with my order. - For my birthday, I got gifted a sticky deck of cards. I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
- What was the deck of playing cards sentenced to after committing a felony? Solitaire confinement.
- I ordered a deck of cards from Amazon and two weeks later it hasn't arrived. Customer service told me they're dealing with it.
- They're playing with the largest deck of cards ever at this year's World Series of Poker. It's a pretty big deal.
- I bought a second hand deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas, but after 4 weeks they hadn't arrived. When I asked for an update, they said they were still dealing with my order.
- I used to be really anxious because I didn't know what to do with my deck of cards. Then I learned to deal with it.
- Scene (and heard) in the doctor's office. Patient: "Doctor! Doctor! You have to help me! I keep dreaming that I'm a deck of cards!"
Doctor: "I'll deal with you later."
Share These Card Deck Jokes With Friends
Card Deck One Liners
Which card deck one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with card deck? I can suggest the ones about deck of cards and playing cards.
- Why couldn't the pirates play cards? Because they were sitting on the deck.
- I got a comically small deck of playing cards for my birthday. It wasn't a big deal.
- Why couldn't the pirates play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh
- I honestly cannot deal with puns. But I can with a deck of cards.
- Why are pirates so bad at playing cards? Because they are always standing on the deck
- Why can't pirates play cards? Because they are always standing on the deck.
- What has 13 hearts but no organs? A deck of cards.
- Why cant you play cards on a rowboat? Because you're sitting on the deck...
- I've lost all the aces from this deck of cards. I just can't deal with this.
- How can you get four suits for under $2.00? Buy a deck of cards.
- The New Apple Card Deck only has 48 Cards They left out the jacks
- Q: Why didn't the sailors play cards?
A: Because the captain was on the deck. - Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A: He was sitting on the deck. - why couldn't the pirates play cards? the captain was stood on the deck
- Why can't pirates play any card games? Because someone's always on the deck!
Card Deck Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about card deck you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean card game jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make card deck pranks.
Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A: He was sitting on the deck.
Q: Why couldn't the sailors play cards?
A: The captain was sitting on the deck.
I'm stuck somewhere between playing my cards right & not playing with a full deck.
Marriage.....
......... is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a club and a s**...
A hobo got robbed
A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.
"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"
"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.
"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"
What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards?
In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond.
Later on, a club and a s**....
Recreational tampons...
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while in the joint. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and said that was going to paint anything he could. Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire..." The third convict was sitting quietly aside when the other two took notice of him and asked, "What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons, smiled. and said, "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "Why did you bring those things?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said;
"Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."
I ate a whole deck of cards...:(
Now i'm playing 52 card throw up
The three most important things to have in a survival situation.
Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.
I've just bought you all a deck of cards.
Deal with it.
A man once ate a whole deck of playing cards.
A couple of hours later, he had to drop a deuce.
a magician has a show on a cruiseboat..
So this magician has gotten himself a gig at a cruiseship.
When the ship is out on the open sea the show starts featuring himself and his parrot.
He is performing his first trick a TADAAA a whole deck of cards flips out thin air. the parrot shrieks loudly "those cards were in his left jacketsleeve, they were in his left jacketsleeve!"
Ok well, time for trick #2, the magician pulls a whole bouquet of flowers out of his hat and the parrot start shrieking "those flowers were in his pockets, those flowers were in his pockets!"
The magician reacts a bit annoyed by the parrot spoiling all his tricks, but he doesn't have alot of time to be angry, because the ship capsizes, drowns, and everyone on board is dead.
Except the magician and his parrot. They are floating on a piece of wreckage and just sort of look awkwardly at each other untill finally the parrot says "Ok fine, I give up, where is that boat?"
There's a new drinking game...
You draw a random card from a deck & if it's black you take a shot....
We call it "Ferguson"
A man was preparing for his first solo flight over the wilds of Alaska.....
And during the pre-flight check, he pulled out the emergency kit and opened it. Inside he found just a single deck of cards and nothing else.
Turning to the old grizzled flying vet, he asks "Hey bud, sorry to seem concerned but why does the emergency kit only contain a deck of cards?"
The vet laugh heartily at the question. He answers "That's all you'll ever need here in the wild!"
Confused and growing concerned, the pilot asks "Don't....don't we need a gun, matches, fire starter, bullets and water to survive?"
The vet looks at him as replies "No man. If you ever c**..., just pull out the deck of cards and start playing solitaire. Eventually someone will show up and tell you that you're playing it wrong."
A blonde, brunette, and a red head go to summer camp and they can only bring one thing..
The red head brings a deck of cards, to keep herself entertained.
The brunette brings her homework, to get it done and live stress free.
The blonde brings a car door, so she can roll down her window if she gets hot.
Marriage
Dad pulled this one out of nowhere while watching a married couple argue on tv last night...
'Ahh marriage - it's like a new deck of cards.
At first, it's all diamonds and hearts.
After a while, you'll be looking for a club and a s**...!'
What has 13 hearts, but no other organs?
A deck of playing cards.
Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a deck of cards
Just sit down and I'll deal with you later
A scout master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert? he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.
Yes, Davey, what are the three most important things you would bring with you? asked the scout master.
Davey replied, A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.
Why is that, Davey? asked the scout master.
Well, answered Davey, the compass is to find the right direction, and the water is to prevent dehydration.
And what about the deck of cards? asked the scout master impatiently.
Davey replied, Well, sir, as soon as you start playing solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten.'
A patient walks into a doctors office...
"Doctor Doctor! I feel like a deck of cards!" says the patient
"Sit down I'll deal with you later" he replies.
Why can't you play cards on a small boat?
Because someone is always sitting on the deck.
A man is in a plane c**... and washes up on a deserted island...
He's there for weeks, and is nearly losing hope. Finally one day, a box floats up onto the beach: RESCUE KIT. He's ecstatically excited, thinking he's finally free. But when he opens it up, all there is is a deck of cards. He breaks down sobbing, thinking "How ridiculous! What kind of rescue kit is this!?"
But later he gets bored. He deals out a game of solitaire on a rock and starts playing. Not even two minutes go by when a man is standing behind him. "Hey, put the red 8 on the black 9".
A friend of mine hosted a party to help him get over his girl friend dumping him.
Three of us showed up. I brought a deck of cards,and suggested we play a game.
He refused, saying we needed to wait for atleast one more person to show up.
No wonder his girlfriend dumped him. He hated four play.
Marriage is like a deck of cards
At the start all you need is a heart and a diamond.
By the end you just want a club and a s**...
It's my wife's birthday soon.
She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards.
Mariage is like deck of cards
At first its like a diamond and heart. Then it turns into a club and s**....
How is a marriage similar to a deck of cards?
Starting off with 2 hearts and a diamond seems great but by the end all you want is a club and a s**....
'American Police' playing cards.
I bought a deck of 'American Police' playing cards yesterday.
There's no hearts or diamonds in it. Just one s**... and fifty one clubs.
I bought a deck of glass playing cards...
It's pretty easy to shuffle but the deck cuts you.
A patient bursts into a doctor's office, "Doctor, I believe I'm a deck of cards!"
The doctor calmly replies, "Go sit in the waiting room, please, I'll be dealing with you later."
The way I make magic in the bedroom is...
... with a deck of cards.
I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino, but after four weeks, they still hadn't been delivered, so I called them up to see what was going on...
They told me they were still dealing with my order...
I saw my friend sat on the deck drinking some wine.
"Hey, buddy!" I shouted. "You're ruining my cards."
Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first it's all hearts and diamonds
Then you are in your garage looking for a club and a s**....
You could say that the Joker is a few cards short of a deck
53 cards short to be precise.
My friend asked me if I wanted to play with his deck of cards...
"But you don't even have a full deck!"
"Just deal with it"
I was playing cards with my friend and lost.
I got so mad, I decked him in the face.
When the computers c**... at work.
A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. It was awful, the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.
That sounds awful, the wife consoles.
You're telling me, he replies after a sip, I had to keep shuffling the deck of cards for solitaire by hand.
Do you know how you can get four brand new, fancy suits for tree fiddy?
Buy a deck of cards!
Why can't you use a deck of cards that's been shuffled?
It's out of order.
Marriage is like a deck of cards
You start with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing you had a club and a s**....
How is Africa similar to a deck of cards?
One has the Ace of s**..., the other is the space of AIDS.
All I got for my birthday was a lousy deck of sticky playing cards.
I find it very difficult to deal with.
Why can't pirates play cards?
Because they're standing on the deck, YARRRRRRRRRR!
This bellboy at this hotel must be really keen for his tips...
...I asked him for a deck of playing cards and it took 52 trips to get them to me.
Why couldn't the sailors play cards
Because they were standing on the deck
Why didn't they ever play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck
When I was a kid, I had a 26 card deck for each letter of the alphabet.
I managed to lose every one of them, except my V card.
Which deck of cards does Professor Oak use for his poker games?
His poker decks.
All I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I'm having a hard time dealing with this.
Marriage is like a deck of cards...
At the start you need a heart and a diamond. At the end you need a club and a s**....
I held up by TSA because I packed a deck of fortune telling cards
They must have thought I was a taroist
At work today I brought my team new markers, crafting paper, decks of cards, and snacks
They didn't know I was coming, so I jumped out and yelled SUPPLIES!!
(We work in Children's mental health and everyone got a kick out of it)
Always use a proper deck of cards
A little while ago some friends and I wanted to play poker but only had a set of tarot cards.
I got a full house and 3 people died...
One thing I can't deal with..
is a deck of cards glued together.
What did the police do to the guy who murdered someone with a deck of cards?
They put him in solitaire confinement.
My wife said marriage is like a deck of cards
In the beginning alls you need is two hearts, then in the end, alls you need is a club and a s**....
What's the difference between a deck of cards and England?
A deck of cards isn't missing a queen.
The street magician
A street magician pulls out a deck of cards and asks a bystander to pick a card and memorize it. The magician then draws a card facing away so he can't see it and has his participant memorize that too. He shuffles the deck, cuts it, and pulls the card on top and asks "Is this your card?" The amazed participant replies "yes!" So the magician pulls the card on the bottom and asks "is this my card?" To which a now confused participant says "No, that's just a picture of... My coat?" The magician responds
"Oh s**... I did it wrong. That's your cardigan"
marriage is like a deck of cards
at the start you need a heart and a diamond, but by the end you wish you had a club and a s**....