Car Wash Jokes
60 car wash jokes and hilarious car wash puns to laugh out loud. Read places jokes about car wash that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny car wash jokes. From silly puns to short one-liners, we've got jokes that will clean up your sense of humor!
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Funniest Car Wash Short Jokes
Short car wash jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The car wash humour may include short washing car jokes also.
- A man is washing his car with his son... ...after a while the boy says to his Father Dad, why can't we just use a sponge?
- I was washing the car with my son yesterday He kept shouting, 'Mum, stop! Why can't you use a sponge!' 😀
- In the 80's we used to think in 2020 we'll have flying cars cities on other planets, blah blah blah.... But No! Here we are, teaching people how to wash hands !!!
- How many blondes does it take to wash a car? Two. One to hold the sponge, and one to drive the car back and forth.
- I used to work in a car wash, but I wasn't very productive. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the most practical place for a painter.
- Happy ending massages don't count as cheating... Women pay to have their cars washed for the same reasons. It takes too long, my arm gets tired, and I get my gym shorts all wet.
- How to change the blinker fluid in your car or truck: STEP ONE: wear safety glasses! If you get any fluid in your eye, it will cause uncontrollable blinking until you wash it out.
- Saw a sign at a gas station earlier that said "car wash out of order." So I waxed my car, sprayed it with water and then applied soap.
- Me and the rain are waiting... I'm waiting for rain to come so that I can wash my car. On the other hand the rain is waiting for me to wash my car.
- I'm buying my wife golf shoes for Christmas. She doesn't golf... But she does wash my car and the driveway gets a little icy in the winter.
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Car Wash One Liners
Which car wash one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with car wash? I can suggest the ones about car detailing and car repair.
- I was washing my car with my friend. He asked if I could use a sponge instead.
- My dalmatian got away from me and ran through a car wash. Now he's spotless.
- I'm turning my washing machine into a car. Can't wait to take it for a spin.
- Girl said that she would do anything for 5$ guess who just got their car washed.
- Just got my free yearly car wash Thanks California!
- [LPT] When you're being chased by the cops, make a clean getaway by Driving through a car wash.
- What type of car does a washed up celebrity drive? A Mercedes Has-Benz
- I was washing a car with my friend Until they said can't you just use a sponge
- What did the parrot say at the car wash? I'd like to get macaw washed
- Chuck Norris bought out the Walt Disney Company with a car-wash token.
- I just got fired from the Car Wash yesterday They caught me smelling the seats
- I took my car to the wash and got the dirt off. Now I have to get the rust off..
- What does a poor man call rain? A free car wash.
- Do they have any car wash in Albania? Yes. They call it "rain"
- Why are girls at the car wash the easiest? Because they're already wet.
Heartwarming Car Wash Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about car wash you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean car wrap jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make car wash pranks.
Blessed car
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments.
A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.
The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.
It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf...
It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So John heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says John. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred."
After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Fred, honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?"
"He jumped out of bed too, and he was all scared, and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."
There is a long pause.
"Swimming pool? Is this 555-3097?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A catholic schoolgirl goes to church for confession...
When she gets to the church, she notices that the confessional is occupied, so she sits down in a nearby pew. A short time later, the confessional door opens, and her best friend exits. The friend sits next to the girl, who asks her, "So... what did you confess to?"
"I told Father Murphy I gave my boyfriend a h**... in the back seat of the car. He told me to say ten Hail Marys and wash my hands in the font of holy water."
The first girl winces and says, "Well, you might want to wait. When I'm finished confessing, I'm probably going to have to gargle in it."
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
I washed my car today and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally, I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women believe that giving birth must be way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I can't get into Breaking Bad because I have trouble remembering all the little facts. For example: the name of Walter's boss at the car wash.
I just need to stop getting Bogdan in the details.
Unexpected car wash...
So a guy in a pick up truck goes to a car wash, after a few minutes he gets waved in and starts to drive away. He looks back and sees a Spanish guy drying his rear window in the bed of his truck. He freaks out, swerves and a cop who sees all of this pulls him over. While the cop is walking up to the cab of the truck, the truck driver says "no one is going to believe this!" The Spanish guy looks up and says "NO! Juan will believe this!!!"
A father says to his blonde, teenage daughter one day "honey I thought I asked you to wash the car like 10 times today"...
She replies "I swear I was going to, but I called a hundred different places and nobody has this Elbow Grease that you told me to use !!"
Why did the man steal a car from a car wash after robbing a bank?
He needed a clean getaway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New trick thief racket
Im just here to warn you, about this gang.
They appear on parking areas in front of supermarkets.
Seems like at the moment often at walmart.
2 very cute 18 - 20 year old girls will start to wash your car while you put your groceries in. They have barely clothes on, so you could see their underwear and even more.
If you offer money, they will say no and ask you if you instead can give them a ride to another supermarket. If you agree they get on your backseat and will start having s**... with each other while you drive. After a while they try to involve you. While one kisses you, the 2nd will steal your wallet.
Just wanted to tell you: Take care!
I got robbed this way on monday, tuesday, wednesday, twice on thursday and on saturday.
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
A man goes to a mental hospital to visit his elderly mother...
when upon entering, he sees a man making beeping noises and waving his arms around. "what are you doing?", he asks.
"I'm driving a car. Can't you see?"
"Actually, you're in a mental hospital and your car doesn't exi-"
Then suddenly someone shouted out "Don't tell him! I get $20 by washing his car!"
Driving Down The Street
I was driving down the street when i saw a black man with a tv, i thought to myself hmm that looks just like mine but when i got home mine was still there washing my car like i told him to.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to war and his wife vows to not wash at all untill he returns!
Ten years later, he returns and his wife meets him at the airport.
After they get in a car the wife asks:
"Whats wrong? You haven't spoken a word since you came"
and the husband replies:
"I'm waiting for you to f**... so I can catch some air"
It was pretty funny when I was s kid!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife said she wouldn't have s**... with me until I did everything on the "To-Do list"
So I scratched out **#1** "*Wash the car*" and replaced it with "*Have a three-some with Becky and Wife*"
A New Car
A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together. The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the car wash because in his religion it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism. The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the exhaust pipe
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Got approached by a p**... today who said she would do anything for $10
Guess who just got their car washed?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Washing your own car is like w**....
I'd rather do it myself than have a guy do it in the car park of a mall.
Dad washing a car with his son...
Both of of them using a sponge because that is what you're supposed to wash with and having a good time.
I went to my car one day to find a spear sticking out of the windshield!
That's the last time I ask Joss Whedon to wash it for me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man wants to get it on with his wife in the morning but his 6 year old son is home.
He tells his son to go watch out of the window and start yelling out whatever he sees to get him distracted.
The son goes to the window and starts shouting loudly all the activities he is seeing.
"The milkman is delivering milk" he says.
"Two birds are chasing each other" he continues.
"Louder" the dad says. (Maybe to the son maybe to the wife)
"Mr. ANDREW IS WASHING HIS CAR" he says.
"JOHNNY'S PARENTS ARE HAVING s**..." he yells.
The dad stops and turns in surprise.
"How do you know" the dad asks.
"Because Johnny is at the window yelling out whatever he sees on the street"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You've got 10 minutes...
My wife (38F) caught the dreaded virus, so it fell to me (39M) to take all the kids to get tested.
I gave them a 10 minute warning while I got my wife a coffee. After 10 minutes (okay it was probably at least 15), I called out to the kids "if you haven't already, can you please grab your shoes and get ready to head to the car..."
I grabbed my own shoes, finished my own coffee, took it to the kitchen, and as I washed it called out "is anyone not ready yet?"
_(no response)_
(louder) **"Okay, how about this then - who _IS_ ready?"**
_my eldest son (13M):_ "um, no one's ready"
#"what!? I gave you all at least 20 minutes!! What is happening!?"
_my eldest son:_ "Well, I'm David, he's John, she's Chloe"
...
and I don't know if I've been so proud to be a dad before
