Car Meet Jokes

55 car meet jokes and hilarious car meet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about car meet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Car Meet Short Jokes

Short car meet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The car meet humour may include short car part jokes also.

  1. A man meets his friend.. who has started wearing Earrings. He asks "Since when did you start wearing Earrings?" Friend "Ever since my wife found them in my car!
  2. One day you're going to meet the girl of your dreams And she won't want your money
    She won't want your house, or your car
    She won't want you either ;)
  3. I'm going to the inaugural meeting of the Dodgem Car Appreciation Society later.

    They're expecting a bumper crowd.
  4. Man Meets friend and notices Man Meets Friend & Notices He's wearing lipstick. When Did U Start Wearing Lipstick? Friend- Ever Since My Wife Found It In My Car.
  5. 1998: Don't get in the car with strangers.
    2008: Don't meet people from the internet.
    2018: Order yourself a stranger to get in the car with from the internet. (Uber)
  6. Law of employment:
    When leaving work late, you will mostly go unnoticed.

    When you leave early, you will meet your boss at the parking lot.
  7. Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have s**...?" He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
  8. My wife gave birth this morning I said to the doctor How long will it be before we can have s**...? He winked at me and said Meet me in the car park in twenty minutes......

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Car Meet One Liners

Which car meet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with car meet? I can suggest the ones about car sales and car practical.

  1. Where do most Mustangs get into car accidents at? Leaving Mustang meets.

Car Meet Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about car meet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean car model jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make car meet pranks.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident;

it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting.
I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man,
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No.
I think I'll just wait for the police..."

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force.
Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.
Just look at our cars.
There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.
This must be a sign from God!"
Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely.
This must surely be a sign from God!"
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this!
Here's another miracle!
My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.
Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune."
The priest nods in agreement.
The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.
The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?"
The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."

In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time.

They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter.
When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven.
Each of the nuns has studied their bible well, so they don't feel worried by this.
The first nun steps forward and tells the saint that she's ready.
"Who was the first woman?" Peter asks.
"That's easy!" exclaims the nun. "Eve!"
Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.
The second nun, encouraged by her colleagues easy pass, steps forwards and tells Peter that she's ready, as well. "Who was the first man?" Peter asks.
"Easy! That's Adam!" says the nun, excitedly.
Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.
The third nun is now confident that she won't have any trouble, and steps up to face Peter's question. "What were Eve's first words to Adam?" he asks.
"My, that's a hard one," the nun replies worriedly, but Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open...

A wee guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages.

Suddenly, a big biker came along, snatched his glass, guzzled down the contents and laughed, "Hah! So what you gonna do about that, little man?"
"Nothing," sighed the little guy despondently. "You see, today has been the worst day of my life. This morning I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss was furious and so he sacked me. I cleared my desk, went to my car, only to discover that it wasn't there - somebody had stolen it. So I got a taxi home, but when it came to paying the driver I realised I'd forgotten my wallet. I then had to go into my house but I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about ending it all, you came along and drank my poison..."

A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend.
She reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening.
But she didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day either.
When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her what happened?
She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"

My therapist told me a joke about two southern bells.

So two southern bells grow up in a small town in the south and when they finish high school, one moves up to the north for school and the other stays in the town and marries her high school sweet heart.
Years later, the first one comes back to town to visit her friend who happens to be quite the big shot now. The two meet at the train station and the rich woman says:
"Deeear, do you see that Cadillac?"
"Oh yes I do, it is a nice car."
"My husband bought me that car after the successful birth of our first male-born-son."
"How nice."
The two then go to the town square where they see a big statue.
"Deeear, do you see that statue?"
"Why yes, it looks an awful lot like yourself."
"Yes, my husband bought me that statue after the successful birth of our second male-born-son."
"How nice."
Finally, they arrive at the rich woman's house and see that it is a giant mansion with gardeners and everything.
"Deeear, do you see that mansion?"
"Why yes, it is very extravagant!"
"My husband bought me this mansion after the successful birth of our third male-born-son."
"How nice."
"Well what has your husband bought for you?"
"He put me through finishing school."
"Oh my, finishing school? Well what did you learn there?"
"I learned to say 'how nice' when I really mean '*f**... you*'."

A man is driving down a country road

when he comes to a spot covered in in water. Not knowing how deep the water is he turns around and goes back the way he came. A little ways down the road he meets a little boy. He asks the little boy if the water is shallow enough to drive through and the little boy says yes it is. A few minutes later he starts to drive across when the car sinks and floods with water. The man gets out and walks back to the little boy and says "I thought you said the water was shallow." and the little boy says. "Well it only came up to here on the ducks."

Whatever you do, don't step on a duck.

Three guys got into a car c**... and all died. They all get up to heaven and meet St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter said "Okay everyone can come in, but whatever you do don't step on a duck." The gates open and there are ducks everywhere, all over the floor, on tabletops, everywhere.
The first guy walks in and accidentally steps on a duck. St. Peter comes along and handcuffs him to the ugliest woman in all the world and says, "Now you must stay handcuffed for all eternity."
The other two see this and do their best not avoid the ducks. The second guy goes months and months without stepping on any duck. Then one morning he wakes up and as he is getting out of bed he steps on two ducks. St. Peter comes over and handcuffs him to the most atrocious looking and smelling woman and says, "Now you must stay handcuffed to each other for all eternity."
Now the third guy goes years and years and doesn't step on any ducks in all that time. Then one day St. Peter comes along and handcuffs him to the most beautiful woman he as ever seen. St. Peter says, "Now you must stay handcuffed to each other for all eternity." The guy happily says, "Oh my God, what have I done to deserve this?!" And the woman says, "I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck."

A businessman is driving to an important meeting when his car breaks down...

Luckily, he breaks down near a mechanic, who agrees to tow his truck and fix it for him. However, the it would take awhile to fix, the businessman was going to be late if he didn't get going soon. Luckily, the mechanic had a donkey he was willing to lend to the businessman.
"There's only two things you need to know. To make him go, say 'Thank goodness'. To make him stop, say 'Woah'."
The businessman thanked the mechanic, put his briefcase in the saddlebag, and shouted "Thank goodness".
Now, the donkey quickly got into a regular rhythm, and the businessman, tired for lack of sleep, soon feel asleep. He awoke sometime later to see the donkey idiotically careening towards a cliff. "WOAH" he shouted, and the donkey started to slow down. Just at the edge of the cliff, the donkey comes to a full stop.
"Phew," the man said "Thank goodness"

And you thought you were having a bad day . . .

There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He didn't move for a half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying.
The truck driver turned and said: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home depressed and came to this bar. And now, when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show up and drink the poison."

A man visits his doctor...

and asks him how to improve his s**... performance because he has a date with his girlfriend the next day. The doctor suggests m**... a couple of hours before a s**... encounter.
After leaving the doctor's office, he decides he needs to find a window of time to do the deed. He can't risk doing it at work for fear of being fired, and he can't do it at home because he is meeting his girlfriend at a nice restaurant and won't have time to stop. After a little more thinking, he devises a brilliant plan: he will pretend he is fixing the underside of his car and do it there so no one can see him.
The next day, the man leaves work and heads to the restaurant. He pulls over to the side of the busy highway, discreetly slides under his car, closes his eyes and begins furiously slapping the salami. Some time goes by when another car pulls up behind him. A police officer steps out and says, "Excuse me sir, can I ask what you're doing there?"
"Oh, I'm just fixing my axles." The man replies.
The officer responds, "Well you might want to fix your brakes too, because your car rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident...

It's a bad one, caused by the woman's reckless driving. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence."

The president was being driven to an important meeting that he was running late for...

When he tells his chauffeur that he needs to go faster to get to the meeting on time. The chauffeur says that he's sorry, but can't go over the speed limit. The president can't miss this meeting so he decides to order the chauffeur into the back seat, while hopping behind the wheel to drive himself. Speeding at about ten miles over the limit, he gets pulled over pretty quickly. The young deputy walks over to the car to give the ticket, and without a word comes back to the squad car, his face ghost white. "I'm sorry sir," he tells his superior officer, who's sitting in the passengers seat, "But I can't give the ticket to him. He's much too important." "What?!" he bellows. "I'm the chief of police 'round here!" Who could be so important that we can't give a ticket to him?!" "I don't know sir," the deputy replied, "But the president is his chauffeur!"

3 Nuns die in a car c**......

...and as they have all dedicated their lives to God, their souls are immediately sent up to heaven, where they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Sisters, I know you are all devout followers of Christ, but unfortunately we have protocol to follow up in here in heaven, and I must first ask each of you a simple question before I can let you enter."
The sisters are somewhat surprised, a little nervous, but agree to answer St. Peter's questions.
"Sister Anne," he says, "who was the first man on earth?"
Sister Anne says "Oh that's an easy one, Adam!"
-GONG- The gates of heaven open up, and Sister Anne walks through.
"Sister Mary: who was the first woman on earth?"
Relieved, Sister Mary exclaims "Eve!"
-GONG- The gates open again, and Sister Mary enters, leaving only Sister Theresa behind.
"Sister Theresa...what was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"
Sister Theresa pauses, the smile disappearing from her face. She realizes she can't think of the answer, despite her best efforts. Scratching her head in confusion and panic, she admits, "That's a really hard one."

Three men die and go to heaven

Three men die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the gates.
St. Peter calls up the first man. He says, "Heaven's a big place. I'll give you a car. How nice the car is will depend on your faithfulness to your spouse on Earth. You were not very faithful. I will give you a station wagon."
St. Peter calls up the second man. He says the same thing. He gives the man a midsize car, because the man was pretty faithful to his spouse.
St. Peter calls up the third man. He repeats what he said before and gives this man a Ferrari because he was very faithful to his spouse.
One week later, the three men all meet each other at a stop light in heaven. The first 2 men notice that the third, in his Ferrari, is crying. They ask him why.
He replies, "I just passed my wife. She was riding a skateboard."

Mikhail Gorbachev wakes up late after a long night of worrying about the fate of the USSR over a bottle of v**....

He's so late, in fact, that he tells his slow-driving limo driver to get out of the car so he can drive himself to the Kremlin. He's speeding down the highway from his dacha into downtown Moscow when he blazes past a cop car on the side of the road.
The first cop says to his partner, "Man, that guy's moving. Let's drive after him and give him a ticket!"
The partner says, "I don't know, man, with a limo like that, he's probably someone really important."
The other copy says, "I don't care, you heard what the party boss said in our monthly meeting. No more special treatment for officials, and plus, the USSR needs all the money we can get if we want to defeat the capitalists."
So they speed off after the limo and pull it over. The partner gets out of the car, walks up to the limo, and quickly turns back after just a few words with the driver without issuing a ticket. When he gets back to the cop car, his partner says, "What was that? I thought we said no special breaks! Who could be so important that you didn't give them a ticket?"
"I don't know," said the other cop, "but his driver was Gorbachev!"

Three guys meet in class after a superbowl sunday, still super hungover from the night before.

The first guy pipes up and says 'Fuck. i got so drunk last night I blew chunks.' The second guy cuts him off nearly immediately screaming 'oh yeah? I was so drunk I emptied my bank account at the s**... club after. I have no money to pay rent now.' The third guy laughs at both of them and said 'that's nothing. I was so wasted last night, I sold my car to a homeless guy for 50 cents.' Finally the first guy cuts them both off. 'You guys don't understand.....Chunks is my girlfriends golden retriever.'

Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."

There was a Jewish businessman

There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."

Two onions, male and female, knock into each other on the street...

...An affair begins. Onion romance has occurred.
They tie the knot; several months later they have a baby onion.
Father onion takes another shift to make ends meet.
Mother onion is encumbered with house work one day, much distracted.
Baby onion wanders out the open door unsupervised. It crosses the sidewalk and is hit by a car.
At the hospital mother and father onion pace up and down the hospital corridor, crying.
A team of surgeons try all night to save baby onion's life.
Towards dawn the doors to the hospital room open. A doctor walks out, sweating.
Father onion asks "well, what, how is baby onion?"
The surgeon says "well he'll live, but I'm afraid he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

Two men get into a car wreck...

Both men are all right and meet to exchange information. The older man offers the younger man a drink to calm his nerves while they wait for the insurance investigator to arrive.
"Thanks for that drink, sir," the younger man says, emptying the little bit left in the bottle. "That was pretty scary."
"Don't thank me," the older man replies, casually tossing the empty bottle into the woods. "I'm a lawyer."

75 story hotel

Phil, Jim, and John were at a convention together sharing a large suite at the top of a . After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear the elevators were broken, and they now had to climb 75 flights of stairs.
Phil said to Jim and John,"let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something more interesting. Hmm, I'll tell jokes the first 25 floors, Jim, you can sing songs the next 25 floors and John you can say your collection of sad stories."
The others agreed and they started the climb for their hotel room. At the 26th floor Phil stopped with his jokes and Jim started his songs. At the 51st floor songs stopped and John's sad stories started.
"I guess I'll begin with my saddest story first. I forgot the room key in the car."

She actually said that?

A man was telling his buddy, "You won't believe what happened last night... My daughter walked into the living room and said, 'Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.' "
"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that, she actually said... 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We're going to work together on Hillary's election campaign!'

A man takes his daughter to the toy shop to buy a Barbie doll.

There are three Barbie dolls in the shop window. Sports Barbie wearing tight shorts and a halter top lifting weights. Business Barbie wearing an expensive business suit and carrying a briefcase on her way to an important meeting. Divorced Barbie wearing designer clothing and a pearl necklace. Sports Barbie and business Barbie each costs 25 dollars. Divorced Barbie costs 1000 dollars. The man and his daughter enter the toy shop. The man asks a shop assistant 'Why does divorced Barbie costs 1000 dollars, while the other Barbies each costs 25 dollars?' 'Well,' says the shop assistant, 'if you buy divorced Barbie you also get Ken's house, Ken's car and all of Ken's possessions.'

A man goes to war and his wife vows to not wash at all untill he returns!

Ten years later, he returns and his wife meets him at the airport.
After they get in a car the wife asks:
"Whats wrong? You haven't spoken a word since you came"
and the husband replies:
"I'm waiting for you to f**... so I can catch some air"
It was pretty funny when I was s kid!

My boss phoned me and he wasn't happy.

"You're late!" he yelled. "We've got an important meeting in ten minutes!"
I said, "I'm on my way to my car as we speak."
He said, "Do you think you'll make it?"
I said, "Probably, it's only a few feet away."

A man meets his friend who has started wearing earrings...

A man meets his friend who has started wearing earrings.
He asks "Since when did u start wearing earrings?"
Friend says "ever since my wife
found them in my car!"

Two Jews meet in a NY subway

a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon.
Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"
Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"

Two men and a h**...

A h**...'s car breaks down and she goes to the nearby shop to fix it.
She meets two mechanic guys who tell her the price she can't afford.
I'll pay you in s**... she says. But you have to use condoms and don't take it off or I'll get pregnant
The mechanics agree and they proceed to fix her car after. The woman drives happily away with her car fix
6months later...
The mechanic guys are at the shop and one of them says to another hey remember that h**... we had s**... with?
The other guy says yeah
Well I don't know about you but I'm going to take this c**... off already, who cares if she gets pregnant

A blond is having money troubles...

Her business is failing, her car has been repoed, and her house is in foreclosure. She sits down at night and prays to God "dear God please let me win the lottery, I will do good things and be ever so faithful." She watches the nightly lottery and no luck she didn't win. For days she continues to pray and plead to win the lottery and every night at the drawing she doesn't win. Finally on the eighth week of praying she hears the voice of god.
"My child, meet me a ticket."

Betty was away from home on a business trip, and on a break between meetings decided to call home collect... her husband was outside changing the oil on his car, her 6 year old son Bobby picked up the phone.
Putting his ear to the receiver, he heard a man say: *"We have a Betty on the line, will you except the charges?"*
Terrified, Bobby ran outside screaming:

At a party meeting, a Communist party officer is drilling a local worker....

He asks him: Comrade, if you had two houses, would you give one to the Communist Party?
The worker responds Yes, definitely, comrade, I would give one of my houses to the party!
Then he asks Comrade, if you had two cars, would you give one to the party?
Again, the worker says, Yes, I would give one of my cars to the party!
Finally, the officer asks, If you had two shirts, would you give one to the party?
The officer asks But why? Why won't you give one of your shirts to the party?
The worker says: Because I HAVE two shirts!

a man meet his friend

sitting on a rock in the middle of his living room. as they're carrying it outside the man says :
\- man why was that rock here ?
\- because of the genie in this bottle
\- a genie ?!
he takes the bottle and a genie gets out and says :
\- i can grant you one wish
\- well my car broke down last week so... i want a rover
a little wall appears and the genie says :
\- here you can use this as cover
the genie gets back into the bottle and the man is furious
\- what the heck ?! i wanted a rover not a cover !
and his friend says :
\- you really tought i wanted a big rock ?

I took a hitchhiker.

After some time, he asked me:
"Do you take hitchhikers often?"
I nodded my head.
Then he asked: "Aren't you afraid, that one of them will be a serial killer?"
"No, I am not afraid," I answered, "There's only a very small probability, that two serial killers meet in one car."

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have s**...?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

These masks, man. I was standing in line to get in the grocery store, when I saw my friend, Steve was ahead of me in line.

I say, hey man, long time! How's it going?
He says, oh, hey! Pretty good actually, considering my wife left me.
oh yeah, that was a bummer, cheating on you with your brother like that!
He's shocked, what? It was my brother?
wait wait, are you Steve?
No, I'm Doug. I thought you were Sam.
No, I'm James!
He starts back to his car, Well, nice to meet ya, but I gotta go kick my brothers a**....

A man and a woman meet. Instant Attraction.

Across a parking lot. They jump into her car and go at it straight away. Afterwards when they're collecting themselves, he says to her, Gee, if I'd known you were a v**..., I would have taken my time. She replies, Gee, if I knew you had the time I would have taken off my pantyhose first.

My girlfriend invited me to meet her parents.

Before we went over, she let me know that her father, Dale, was in a car accident and had his legs amputated at the hips. Apparently, it was a sensitive issue, and I was not to mention it.
When we arrived, her dad greeted us at the door. Not seeing his wife anywhere, I said to him, Dale, it's great to meet you. Is your other half in the kitchen?

A young man goes to a formal ball in Boston.

He parks his car, goes up to the venue, and he has a great time. He meets a young woman there, and the two of them hit it off.
I came here on the bus, she says, Would you mind giving me a ride home?
So obviously he says yes, and the two of them leave the venue together. When they get to his car, the man goes up and presses his leg against the car door, and the car immediately opens up!
The girl asks, Wow, how did you do that?
What do you mean? the man says, These are my khakis.

Genie of the lamp (repost warning).

Two neighbours, one rich, one poor meet at their fence.
The poor one is holding a cup of tea and a lamp : "Every morning, I rub this lamp and a genie comes out and asks : "What do you want?" . I usually ask for a cup of tea.
The rich neighbour gawks, "I'll give you my car and my house in exchange for the lamp." "Wow, Ok", says the poor man.
The rich man rubs the lamp and a genie comes out : "Ask what you want my master".
Rich man laughs: "I want a very big house and a better car. The genie replies : "Sorry sir, I only serve tea and coffee ".

My boss called me. He was very angry.

"You're late!" he shrieked. "We've got a big meeting in five minutes!"
"I'm on my way to my car as we speak," I replied.
"Do you think you'll make it?" he asked desperately.
I said, "Probably, it's only a few feet away."

A North Korean go to Poland...

Kim Jong Un goes to Poland for a diplomatic visit but his car break in the Polish countryside.
He meet a farmer that ask him :
"Kim jesteś?" (Who are you?)
And Kim reply :
"No, Kim Jong Un."

A lawyer goes to attend a function in his BMW.

On reaching there, he meets a friend and starts talking, his car parked nearby. A car suddenly comes crashing into his BMW, nearly taking a door off. The lawyer, howls at the top of his lungs, "LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO MY BEAMER!!" His friend remarks, "You lawyers are so pathetically materialistic, you didn't even notice that he ripped your wrist off!" The lawyer looks at his bloodied hand, and nearly fainting, exclaims "WHERE'S MY ROLEX?!"

A beautiful joke from my better half.

This guy named John is driving to meet his best friend James who is a mechanic.
But on the way John noticed a problem and pulled over.
Knowing nothing about cars he called James
James came straight over and said I know the problem, you've got a flat mate .
John replied what's Gerald got to do with this?

My wife gave birth today, after she was stable and sleeping I thanked the Doctor, then sheepishly asked 'When we will be able to have s**...?'

He winked at me and said 'I knock off in 10 minutes, meet me in the car park'