Car Mechanic Jokes
137 car mechanic jokes and hilarious car mechanic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about car mechanic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Car Mechanic Short Jokes
Short car mechanic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The car mechanic humour may include short auto mechanic jokes also.
- My car mechanic called me and said, You can pick up your car by 5 p.m. I said, I don't think I'll be strong enough by then.
- Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it's fine.
- [at auto mechanic] \[at auto mechanic\]
MECHANIC: Can I help you?
ME: My car won't start
MECHANIC: Umm, that's a bicycle
ME: Because my car won't start, are you even listening? - There used to be a mechanic shop in San Diego called Car Men Now we don't know where in the world it is
- I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, Do you have any idea why my car is humming? He replied, Probably because it doesn't know all the lyrics.
- A woman takes her car to a mechanic and says "my car is making a horrible noise" The mechanic replied, "have you tried removing that Imagine Dragons CD?"
- Piece of Dating Advice Do not date a car mechanic if you're looking for a long term partner. Typically, a mechanic just nuts and bolts.
- A person walks into an auto shop and says I'd like a gas cap for my KIA.
The car mechanic thinks for a few moments says, OK, that seems like a fair trade. - I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars. It was an auto body experience.
- I have a quantum mechanic... He both repairs and doesn't repair my car at the same time, and I can never be certain of what the charge will be.
Share These Car Mechanic Jokes With Friends
Car Mechanic One Liners
Which car mechanic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with car mechanic? I can suggest the ones about car repair and mechanic.
- What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time? quantum Mechanics.
- I told her I'm a mechanical engineer I can't fix her car, but I can screw, nut, and bolt.
- I had a really small problem with my car so I took it to a quantum mechanic
- Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic? He wanted to get his Car tuned
- The auto mechanic put my car on the lift without asking me first. That's jacked up.
- What do you call someone who fixes tiny cars? A quantum mechanic
- What does the mechanic say after he's fixed your car's horn? Beep repaired.
- How do you tell a gamer from a car mechanic? Ask them what HP means.
- What do you call a broken car? Nothing! You call a mechanic.
- What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have? An Audi
- I finally decided I want to be a car mechanic. Guess it just took some motor-vation.
- What do you call a person who works on very small car? A quantum mechanic
- Why was the car mechanic very hardworking at changing tyres? He really wanted to retire
- What do you call a cross-dressing car mechanic? A gender-bender fender-mender.
- What did Jewish Bostonian say when the mechanic asked Something wrong? Ya-mah-car
Cheeky Car Mechanic Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about car mechanic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mechanic shop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make car mechanic pranks.
I've never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.
A penguin took his car to the mechanic.
The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.
"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.
"g**..., its just ice cream" replied the penguin.
A guy driving through Alaska has car trouble.
He finds a garage in town, and the mechanic tells him he'll check out the car, and to go across the street to the diner and have lunch during the wait, because it will take about 30 minutes.
The guy goes to the diner, then back to the garage in a half hour, and asks the mechanic what's up.
Mechanic says, "It looks like you blew a seal."
Guy wipes his mouth and says, "No - that was just the vanilla ice cream I had for dessert."
Depressed race car mechanic.
Scene: a psychiatrists practice:
'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it. ...'
'Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem.'
'Is he a mechanic too doc?'
'No, a gynecologist'
Ice cream
A penguin was having car trouble and decided to take it in to the shop. When the mechanic told him it would be a while he decided to walk around and do some shopping. After a bit he stopped off for an ice cream cone. Finally, he heads back to the auto shop. "Looks like you blew a seal." says the mechanic. "no" replied the penguin, "it's just a little ice cream."
Penguin is driving down the road...
when his car breaks down. He gets it towed to the nearest mechanic who tells him it will be a while before it's fixed, so he goes to the diner next door to get some lunch while he waits.
He comes back an hour or so later and asks the mechanic what happened with his car...mechanic tells him that he blew a seal. He looks at the mechanic, wipes his lip, and says 'nope, that's just tartar sauce.'
A penguin is having car trouble...
A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."
Penguin
One day a penguin decides to go to a party. He dresses in his usual tuxedo, and then drives over to the mansion. He eats his dinner and then it was time for dessert. Ice cream, the penguin's favorite! The penguin laps up the ice cream getting it all over his beak and face feathers. On his drive home his car breaks down and he calls for a tow. After the mechanic inspects the car he proceeds to tell the penguin "You blew a seal". To which the penguin replies "No, it's ice cream"
My car started making this whining noise...
So I took it to the shop and had the mechanic look over it. Turns out all he had to do was take the Taylor Swift album out.
Sorry if this was a repost, I took a quick browse and didn't see it anywhere.
Why do you make more money?
A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?"
The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."
repost (pretty sure) suspiciously knowledgable wife
wife calls the husband at work. "can you send a mechanic to our house, the carburettor is flooded."
husband is taken aback and becomes suspicious. "how do you know that?" he asks.
"because the car is at the bottom of the pool".
Penguin experiencing car trouble
Hot summer day and Mr. Penguin's car breaks down. Takes it to the body shop, and Joe Mechanic tells him to give him half an hour to look it over, and then come back.
To kill some time, Mr. Penguin goes to the local ice cream parlor. After finishing his tasty, frosty treat, he goes back to the body shop.
"Well," says the mechanic, "looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," says the penguin -- "It's just ice cream."
What car brands mean
Ford-Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge
Pontiac-Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car
Fiat- Fix It Again Tony
Chevrolet-Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Nissan-Needless Innovations, Silly, s**..., Automotive Nonsense
GM-Gluteus Maximus
GMC-God's Mechanical Curse
LTD-Long, Thin Dumpster
Oldsmobile-Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
Four engineers in a car...
Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."
After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"
A penguin notices his car is leaking fluid...
so he takes it to the closest garage. Mechanic says he'll check it out, and to come back in a half hour. The penguin sees a Dairy Queen, strolls over, and buys himself a vanilla cone. Being a penguin, without hands, he makes quite a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. When he gets back to check on his car, the mechanic looks up, shakes his head, and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "Na, it's just ice cream."
A penguin was driving along...
A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said "It'll be about an hour" so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said "looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replied "no, it's ice cream".
A penguin takes his car to a garage.
The mechanic tells him it will take about an hour to diagnose the problem. So, the penguin decides to go next door to the ice cream shop for a treat while he waits.
He returns about an hour later and the mechanic tells him. "It looks like you've blown a seal."
The penguin wipes his beak and says, "I did not. I was eating ice cream."
The locked car...
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" His reply: "I know. I already got that side."
So a penguin is driving along one day...
... and has engine trouble. So he stops at an autoshop and they get to work on his car. It's a rather hot day, so he walks over to the convenience story and buys an ice cream cone.
As he's finishing the cone, the mechanic walks over to him and says "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No no!" he cries, "It's just ice cream!"
A polar bear brings his car in to the mechanic
Mechanic tells him that it will be a few hours so the polar bear goes over to the supermarket and buys a bucket of vanilla ice cream. It's a hot sunny day and he goes over to the park bench to eat it. Then he wanders back to the garage. "Looks like you blew a seal," the mechanic says. "Oh no," the polar bear laughs, wiping his moth. "That's just ice cream."
A penguin has some car trouble...
A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
A Penguin takes his car to a mechanic
The mechanic says that it may take a while so the penguin goes across the road to get an ice cream.
Because penguins have little fins instead of hands he gets ice cream all over his beak.
When he returns to the mechanic the mechanic, dusting off his hands, says, "looks like you've blown a seal" to which the penguin says, "Oh, no. Its just ice cream."
An eskimo brought his car to a mechanic.
Mechanic says, "you blew a seal"
Eskimo wipes his face, "no, I just had some ice cream".
A software engineer, a chemical engineer and a mechanical engineer were riding along in a car.....
suddenly the car stopped. The mechanical engineer said "it must be a problem with the motor", the chemical engineer said "no it's most likely a fuel problem", then the software engineer said "maybe if we all get out, then get back in, it will start"
A penguin takes his car to the mechanic....
The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."
A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic
A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic. "Whenever I'm driving, I get these strange urges to run over pedestrians."
The mechanic has a look under the car. "Your alignment is off."
A gynecologist decides to make a career change...
He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."
The doctor studies day and night and finally feels ready for his practical exam.
He comes in and is asked to fix the transmission and engine of a beaten down, old car.
After the test, he is seated in the office and the head mechanic comes in.
"Congratulations doctor, you scored 150 out of 100 points"
"im confused" the doctor says, "how did i get 150 out of 100"
"well..." the mechanic says "you fixed the engine perfectly, so thats 50. You also fixed the transmission perfectly, for another 50"
"Great! But where did the last 50 come from?"
"I gave you a bonus. You did it all through the exhaust pipe"
A penguin is driving his car..
..when he hears a strange noise, and takes it to the mechanic.
The mechanic says it will take awhile and suggests the penguin go across the street to grab some ice cream while he waits.
So the penguin eats his ice cream with his flat little fins and tiny bea, then he goes back to the shop to talk to the mechanic.
The mechanic says, It looks like you blew a seal.
The penguin says, NO, that's just ice cream!
-Heard it from a guy at work.
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are riding in a car...
when it breaks down. The mechanical engineer speaks up and says, "It must be the engine!" The electrical engineer says, "No, it must be the wiring." The software engineer finally speaks up and says, "Guys, guys... Let's just all get completely out of the car and then get back in."
A penguin is driving....
down the street when his car starts sputtering. He pulls into the next mechanics shop and asks him to take a look. mechanic says it will be about an hour. While waiting the penguin decides to go next door to the malt shop and get an ice cream cone. an hour later the penguin goes back to the mechanic.
the mechanic looks at him and says "looks like you blew a seal".
"oh no I just had some ice cream" said the penguin wiping his face.
Did you hear about the mechanic who accidentally punctured the wheels of his car?
He retired.
Two mechanics are talking, and one says to the other "Hey, I found this car part in the dump, I think it might be from an old limo."
The other mechanic inspects the part and replies, "Eh, I dunno, that might be a bit of a stretch."
n Eskimo was out for a drive
An eskimo is out for a drive one day when his car breaks down and is forced to call a mechanic. Finally the mechanic arrives and he sets to work, looking under the bonnet until he locates the problem. He looks up at the Eskimo and says, "You've blown a seal, mate" to which the Eskimo hastily replies, "No I haven't! That's just frost on my moustache."
A penguin's car broke down in the middle of the city.
So he got his car towed to a mechanic's shop and walked to an ice-cream shop to grab a large cone.
After about 20 minutes, he walked back to the mechanic's shop and asked if he knew what the problem was.
"It looks like you blew a seal," said the mechanic.
"No, no, I swear to god it's just ice-cream."
A carny invited me back to her place for a good time last night...
She wasn't kidding, there were bumper cars, a ghost train and a mechanical bull. I had a blast!
So I took my car into the mechanic and he said I blew a seal.
I said, "well yeah, but how did you know? And what does that have to do with my car?"
Four Engineers get into a car.
The car won't start.
The mechanical engineer says: "There must be a problem with the gear box."
The electrical engineer says: "It must have a broken starter."
The chemical engineer says: "There must be something wrong with the fuel"
The IT engineer says: "Hey, let's all get out of the car and get back in."
A Paladin goes into a mechanic's shop...
A paladin goes in to a mechanic's shop, and says "Hey, you've got to help me. Normally, I'm a perfect, upstanding paladin. I help old ladies cross the street, I tithe, I slay evil demons. But when I get in my car, I only have the urge to cause property damage and run people over. What's going on?"
The mechanic responds almost immediately. "Oh, yeah. What you've got there is a problem with your alignment."
Four engineers riding in a car -
it stalls. Mechanical engineer suggests a timing problem. Electrical engineer says bad spark. Chemical engineer offers poor fuel mixture. The computer engineer has no idea but "If we get out the car and get back in it may start
My car was making this annoying sound . . .
. . . so I went to see a mechanic.
Me: My car is making an annoying sound.
Mechanic: Easy fix. Reach over. Open the door. And push her out.
I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs…
If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
Little Johnny calls for his mom
"MOM! MOM!"
"What is it Johnny?"
"Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics?"
"No, why?"
"She's outside, under a bus"
The Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Enginner
A Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Engineer were driving down a mountain when suddenly the car slides off the road and rolls down the Mountain. Amazingly none of the occupants had been hurt.
The Mechanical Engineer steps out and says hand me my Swiss army knife I will have this repaired in no time and we can be on our way.
The Project Manager says Wait Up, We need to set achievable goals, set a timeline and ensure we are all working with maximum efficiency to solve this problem.
The Software Engineer Just says "Wow! that is strange, lets push it back up and see if it happens again"
A penguin brings his car into the shop
The mechanic says he needs an hour to check it out, so the penguin walks to 7-11 and buys an ice cream to kill the time. Since the poor guy's got no hands, he gets the ice cream all over his beak. When he's done he walks back into the shop, and the mechanic tells him "Well, it looks like you blew a seal." Penguin says "No, that's just a little ice cream"
A penguin goes to the mechanic
A penguin's car breaks down and he takes the car to the mechanic. The mechanic tells him to come back in an hour. The penguin goes wandering around town and he stumbles upon an ice cream store. He buys some ice cream and goes back to the mechanic.
The mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin responds "No, no, its just ice cream."
A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance.
He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".
Did you hear about the car mechanic who was in a brief relationship and then left?
There was an article in the newspaper.
MECHANIC NUTS AND BOLTS
My mechanic tried to convince me that my car needs new brakes
But I know that it would just slow me down.
Seals
A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.
While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.
When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"
A man rolls up in the workshop with his car
The mechanic asks:
"Woa there, what did you do with that? The Bumper is ruined!"
The man replies:
"Yeah, I kinda ran over a frenchman"
The mechanic replies:
"What? I mean all the mud there, I don't see any blood"
The man replies:
"Not my fault he ran into the field to escape!"
A penguin's car breaks down
He brings it to his mechanic and the mechanic tells him it will take a while to diagnose the issue. It's a hot day out and so the penguin decides to go across the street to have an ice cream cone while he waits. He then returns to the mechanic's shop and his mechanic says "well, it looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replies "oh no, this is just ice cream"
Another penguin joke. n**...
A penguin takes his car in to a mechanic, and the mechanic tells him it will be an hour until he is ready. So the penguin decides to get an ice cream cone.
Penguins don't have opposable thumbs let alone fingers so he ends up with ice cream all over himself.
Later, he returns to the mechanic who says"I found the problem. It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, I just ate some ice cream."
Cardiologist and the Mechanic
A cardiologist's car breaks down and he goes to a mechanic to get it fixed. After everything is done, the mechanic asks the cardiologist,
"Here's what I don't understand. I fix engines, and so do you, albeit human ones, so why do you get paid ten times more than I do?"
The cardiologist then turns the ignition on and says, "try it with the engine running."
Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start
The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
A blond walks into a mechanic's shop.
She is concerned because her car has a lot of miles and nobody wants to buy it from her. The mechanic tells her that for a price, he can roll back the odometer. After she agrees, he does just that, telling her she can now sell her car. He blond says, "why would I do that? It has lower mileage now!"
A mechanic, an electrician and a software developer were in a car.
The car stops working.
-It's the carburetor, says the mechanic. We just have to get down and clean it.
-It's the ignition, says the electrician. We have to check the spark plugs and we'll make it work.
-"Guys, I propose getting out of the car and getting back in and maybe it will start working."
Penguin driving home has car trouble...
A penguin driving home when his car begins to overheat. He parks at a garage and the mechanic says it will be a little bit before he can look at it.
The penguin decides to go across the street and get ice cream. The penguin slops ice cream all over himself from head to toe and returns to the mechanic. The mechanic comes out and says well it looks like you've blown a seal.
The penguin says no it's ice cream, honest.
I wanted to be a mechanic but...
It's hard to find a job in the car industry that isn't so tiring
I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up
It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic
My wife came home yesterday...
and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."
Penguin is having some car trouble so he drops it off at the auto repair shop
Mechanic tells him it might take a while, so the penguin goes down the street to the ice cream shop to pass the time.
When he returns to the repair shop, the mechanic comes out and says, "It looks like you just blew a seal."
The penguin gets an initial horrified look on his face and then laughs, replying "oh, no, haha, that's just ice cream on my chin."
An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.
Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."
Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."
IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."
Penguin.
A penguin goes to get his car fixed at the mechanics on a hot day. Mechanic tells penguin it will be a while, so the penguin goes to the shop across the road and get some yummy vanilla icecream. The penguin returns to the mechanic and the mechanic says "looks like you've blown a seal.". the penguin replies "no it's only icecream."
What did the mechanic do when...
What did the mechanic do when he was with his GF and her parents car pulls into the driveway?
He nutted and bolted.
Penguin
A penguin is driving his car into town when it starts to smoke. He brings it to the local garage and asks the mechanic to look at it.
"I'll be across the street at the drug store." he tells him. He goes to the drugstore and orders a dish of vanilla ice cream which he has to eat with his beak because of his short arms.
He finishes up and goes back to the garage. The mechanic comes out and says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says "That's just a little ice cream."
I never knew my mechanic was a psychic
until he loudly announced that I had blown a t**... in my car.
Tow Truck
A man sees an attractive woman on the side of the road. He stops to ask if she needs any help.
The woman says, "Yes, my car has broken down and I don't know what's wrong with it."
The man says, "Don't worry; I'll get you and your car to a mechanic in town. Have you ever been towed before?"
And the woman says, "No, but I've been fingered a couple of times."
My car had trouble starting
So I asked a mechanic friend to take a look at my car.
He replied, "Yup. That's a car"
4 engineers repairing a car
*there are 4 engineers in a car but it doesn't start*
Mechanical engineer: the spark plug must be broken
Chemical engineer: there must be impurities in the gas
Electrical engineer: the contact must be broken
Computer engineer: what if we exit and enter the car another time?
A guys car broke down in Alaska.
A mechanic came by to look at it and said "looks like you blew a seal" the guy replies "no thats just frost on my moustache"
A penguins car broke down
So he went to the mechanic who said he needed about an hour to check it out. To kill Time the penguin went across the street to get some vanilla ice cream. Since penguins have no hands he made an awful mess getting the ice cream all over his beak. When he returned the mechanic said it looks like you blew a seal To which the penguin replied no it's just ice cream.