The Best 35 Car Knock Knock Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Car Knock Knock jokes. There are some car knock knock car jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these car knock knock steering wheel puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Car Knock Knock Jokes and Puns

Cargo Owl Joke

Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.

A cop is out on patrol, and sees a car parked in the local lover's lane, with the windows all steamed up.

He knocks on the drivers window, and the guy inside rolls it down. The cop sees that there is a guy sitting in the front seat, fully clothed, and a girl in the back seat, also fully clothed.

"What are you up to here, son?"

"Well, officer, I'm reading a magazine, as you can see."

"And what's she doing back there?"

"I think she's playing a game on her phone."

"Have you been drinking tonight?"

"No, sir. I'm only twenty."

"And how old is she?"

The guy looks at his watch and says, "Sir, in eleven minutes she'll be eighteen."

Had a house party last night

...and there's always one left over! Laid on the floor in the corner, still that drunk? He couldn't even stand! Asked him where he lived, then dragged him down the driveway to my car, his legs all over the place, picked him up, threw him inside, & took him home. Dragged him up to his house & knocked on his front door, "I've brought your son home."
His mother replied, "Where is his wheel chair?"

Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps on their windshield

The nuns panic and the one driving starts swerving the car to try knock him off, to no avail.

"Quick! Quick! Show him your cross! Show him your cross!", shouts the one nun.

The other nun looks at the vampire and shouts:

"Get the f\*\*k off the windshield!!"

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer

Anyone got any more?


A police officer knocked on my door last night.

He held up a picture and said to me, "Is this your wife?"

"Yes, that's her", I replied to him.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this" the officer said, "but it looks like she's been in a car crash".

"I know" I replied, but she has a lovely personality".

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...

The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."

Parking...

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."

A blonde woman dyes her hair red....

A blonde woman dyes her hair red because she's tired of the blonde jokes. One day she stops by a farm and asks the farmer, "If I can count how many sheep you have, can I keep one?" The farmer reluctantly agrees. After some counting, the blonde woman says, "there is 124 sheep in your farm." Shocked, the farmer counts them. Sure enough, there are 124 sheep. The woman picks one up and takes it to her car. Right when she's about to leave, the farmer knocks on her window and asks,"Ma'am, if I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

ISIS takes Congress hostage

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.

Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."

"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

A police officer pulls over a driver...

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

You can explore car knock knock vehicle reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean car knock knock swerve dad jokes. There are also car knock knock puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A policeman knocked on my door this morning...

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.

After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.

The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.

Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"


He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."

A man is walking to his car late at night

When he sees a woman on a shady corner. He goes up to ask if she's alright and she responds

"I'm a hooker, are you interested?"

The man decides to live a little and takes her up on her offer and they go back to his car and go at it like rabbits.

Some time during, a cop pulls up and knocks on the window.

"Excuse me sir what exactly are you doing?"

The man answers "I'm having sex with my wife"

The cop replies with "I apologize, I didn't know."

The man responds with "Me neither."

A guy and his wife are in bed late at night...

... when they hear a knock on the door. The guy goes to the door and answers it and there's a man standing there who says, Hey, guy, can you give me a push?

The guy who answered the door says, no, get lost , and slams the door shut.

He goes back to his bed and his wife asks him what that was all about. He tells her there was this guy at the door wanting a push, and he said no.

She says, Go out there and give him a push. He's probably having car trouble. If you were in need of a push, wouldn't you want someone to get up and help you out?

Reluctantly, he gets out of bed, throws on some shoes and pants and goes out the door. He goes all the way out to the street but doesn't see the man. Out loud, he says, Hey buddy, you still need a push?

The other man says, Yeah .

So the first guy says, Well, where are ya?

The second man says, I'm over here…on the swing.

Bartering with Beer

Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.

I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.

With her bra-less self almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow,
would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked,
"Depends on what kind of beer you've got!"

I'm sitting in a bar having a drink ...

... and I see man fall down. I go over and pick him up. "Bartender, do you know where this man lives? I'll give him a lift home." He tells me where he lives. I grab the guy, pull him down to the car, put him in the car, he falls into the backseat. I get to the address, pull the man out, he falls down three more times, I pick him up each time. I knock on the door, his wife answers. I say "I brought your husband home." She says "Where's his wheelchair?"

Knock Knock..

Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana, who?

WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU ABOUT YOUR CARS EXTENDED WARRANTY.

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Ivan!

Ivan who?

I'van trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.


My 3 year old told me a joke on our way home from pre-school.

From her car seat yells up to me, "Knock knock, Daddy!"

Who's there?

Little old lady.

Little old lady who?

I didn't know you could yodel!!

A man walks past a house that has a sign posted up saying "Boat for sale" and decides to check it out

As he's walking up the driveway, all he sees is an old car and a grill.

Confused, he knocks on the door and asks the Jamaican home owner, "hey, I can see that you have a sign out front saying you've got a boat, but all I can see is an old car and a grill.."

"Ya mon!" the Jamaican home owner excitedly replies, "and dem boat for sale!"

An old woman hears a knock on her door and opens it to see a man standing there, hat in hand.

I'm terribly sorry but I ran over your cat with my car.
The old woman breaks down in tears and starts crying uncontrollably.
The man says I know it won't be the same but I'd really like to replace your cat.
The woman stops crying for a moment, looks up, and says I don't know........ how are you at catching mice?

A jewish guy gets knocked over by a car...

A passer by runs over to check on him. He bundles up his coat into a pillow and places it under his head "Are you comfortable?" the stranger asks. He replies "Ach, I make a living."

Cr

A Cop on patrol sees a car in a deserted parking lot (Long)

So he walks over to it and sees and older man in the front seat and a skimpy dressed young woman in the back reading a book. He knocks on the door and the man rolls down the window.

"Can I help you officer?"

"What are you doing?" The cop asked.

"I am just listening to music." The cop pointed at the girl

"And her?"

"She is just reading a book." The cop is a little worried about the age difference between the pair."

"How old are you?"

"I am 45."

"And her?" The man looks at his watch.

"In 11 minutes and 23 seconds she will be 18."

Chain jokes?

I just wanted to know some chain jokes, doesn't matter any kind. I have 1 but that's really all I know:

Q: Why did little Suzy get run over by a car?
A: She had no arms or legs!

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Not little Suzy

I'm gonna turn nfsw on just in case :/

3 guys come back late from a night of drinking...

They met for brunch for the next day.

Guy 1: I drank way to much, first thing I did when I got home I blew Chunks...

Guy 2: That's nothing, I wrapped my car around a tree on my way home.

Guy 3: I beat all of you, I was arguing with my wife and knocked a candle over! It destroyed the whole house.

It went silent for a minute.

Guy 1: I don't think you guys understand. Chunks is my dog.

A man's car breaks down near a monastary.

He goes to the door and knocks. The Friar opens the door. The man asks for a place to sleep. The Fiar replies,"pay us."

The man, low on money asks why.

"It's to provide a sense of pride and accomplishment for people who find a place to sleep."

Two men are driving down the road....

A police officer pulls them over and approaches the car. He knocks on the window and they roll it down.

The officer says "excuse me gentlemen we are looking for two child molesters in the area."

The driver rolls the window up for a moment and converses with his passenger. After a moment he rolls the window back down.

"OK officer, we'll do it."

An Estonian visits russia

He departs from Tallinn, the journey goes as planned until, 2 hours and a half in, he realizes he needs petrol otherwise he won't get to russia, so he stops at a gas station near narva, and decides to get a snack and go to the bathroom. So before filling up his car he gets off, walks to the gas station's shop's counter and asks for a sandwich, he eats it, and then goes to the bathroom, seeing all the doors closed, he knocks.

"Occupied"

"Again?!"

Another jewish gag

An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and falls onto the pavement and lays there groaning in agony. A young man rushes up to help. He takes off his coat, folds it up into a pillow and as he gently places it under the old mans head he asks "Are you comfortable ?
The old man looks up into the guys kind eyes and says "Eh...I make a living"

A trucker in Canada...

Is driving in a winter storm. When he stops at a red light, a blonde lady jumps out of the car behind him, runs up to his truck, knocks on his window and says, "you are losing some of your load!"

He shakes his head and ignores her.

The same thing happens again at the next two lights.

Finally at yet another red light, he gets out of his truck, walks back to her car, and tells her, "lady, stop telling me that I'm losing my load. I'm driving a salt truck!"

A woman ran over my cat with her car.

The cat was killed and the woman knocked on my door. "I'm so sorry. I've accidentally killed your cat and I'd like to replace it." I said "I'm sure we can work something out, but first I need to know if you can catch mice."

A salesman's car breaks down

A traveling salesman's car breaks down near an Ohio farmhouse. The salesman knocks on the door and explains his situation to the farmer.

"Well," the farmer says, "Its Friday night, I doubt you can get a tow into town tonight, so I'll let you stay the night. I have only one rule, under no circumstances are you to have sex with my son."

"I'm sorry," says the salesman. "I'm in the wrong joke."

We were driving down the road when a koala cut ahead of us and knocked into the car.

We sped up alongside of him and yelled out "Hey, you clipped us."

A man stuck in a traffic jam

some guy came and knocked on his windows and said "Donald Trump has been kidnapped, the kidnappers ask for 1 billion dollars or they will burn him with gasoline , we're asking for donation "
So the man in the car asked and on average how much does a person donate?
so the guy replies "between one gallon and two gallons "

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the car knock knock door jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working car knock knock slammed piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes