Car Insurance Jokes
66 car insurance jokes and hilarious car insurance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about car insurance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Car Insurance Short Jokes
Short car insurance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The car insurance humour may include short car loan jokes also.
- I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching To reverse and leaving the scene
- Do Transformers get car insurance or life insurance? Neither because they live in America.
- I saved 15% on car insurance by switching.... The gear to reverse and pulling away from the accident
- I sure like that my car insurance requires a 10 character password. I sure would hate it if someone ..... paid my car insurance?
- We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their cars. They're driving wrecklessly.
- Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance? Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty.
- Always have good insurance. Me: Hey, I'm drunk and I just fell in the water.
Them: Sir, this is AAA, not AA...
Me: I know. I'm just telling you why my car is in the river. - Hitting a deer with your car is always an unfair trade. You're out the cost of the insurance deductible, but nature is only out a buck.
- I asked my attractive roommate whether she wanted to be friends with benefits, and she agreed! This morning, I co-signed her car insurance.
- I bumped into an old school friend today He was going on and on about how expensive his new car was.
So long story short my insurance rates are going up.
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Car Insurance One Liners
Which car insurance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with car insurance? I can suggest the ones about life insurance and health insurance.
- Why did elon musk go broke? Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.
- Want to save 15% or more on car insurance? Just leave the scene of the accident
- I hit the gym today... But I drove away because I don't have car insurance.
- My friend has mexican car insurance. It's called get out and run.
- Why is Trump's car insurance so cheap? NO COLLISION.
- Serious question here... Does Lightning McQueen get car insurance or life insurance?
- Elon Musk's Car Insurance must have skyrocketed today
- How do you become rich in Asian countries? Open a car insurance company
- What car insurance do Canadians have? Triple 'eh'
- Jesus saves 15% or more on car insurance by switching to Geico!
- What's the minimum required car insurance coverage in Russia? Collusion.
- How do you tell when the Chinese move to town? When the Mexicans get car insurance.
- What type of car insurance does OJ da Juiceman have? Triple Aaayyy
- Chuck Norris saved 100% on his car insurance by switching to Geico.
- Did you know? 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
Charming Humor Car Insurance Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about car insurance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean car sales jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make car insurance pranks.
A black guy was pulled over in his mercedes by the police. It was found that it was his, it was taxed and insured...
He had no drugs on him and no weapons were found in the car. The car was NOT linked to any drive by shootings or any drive off petrol thefts.
In the end they arrested him for "wasting police time".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
LPT: If you c**... into a parked car and don't have a paper and pen..
simply use a key to scratch your insurance details on to the bonnet.
Two men get into a car wreck...
Both men are all right and meet to exchange information. The older man offers the younger man a drink to calm his nerves while they wait for the insurance investigator to arrive.
"Thanks for that drink, sir," the younger man says, emptying the little bit left in the bottle. "That was pretty scary."
"Don't thank me," the older man replies, casually tossing the empty bottle into the woods. "I'm a lawyer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Positive...
James finds a friend whom he hasn't spoken with for a long time, so to be nice, he breaks the ice:
" -Hey Oscar, how are you doing?"
" -Terrible."
" -What?! What about your Ferrari?"
" -Wrecked in an accident... and the insurance had just expired."
" -Well, you win some, you lose some... And what about your son, the intelectual one?"
" -He was the one driving the Ferrari. Died upon impact."
" -But what about your beautiful daughter, didn't she say she wanted to be a model or something?"
" -She did, yeah... And was with her brother. She died too. Only person who wasn't in the car was my wife."
" -Oh thank God! How is she?"
" -She ran off with my bussiness partner."
" -Well, at least you got the company."
" -Yeah, a bankrupt one... I owe millions."
" -Jesus, dude! Do you have anything positive in your life?"
" -Yeah, h**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman's husband dies and gets cremated
She takes the ashes home, puts them on the porch and says, "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know that new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispered, "You know that b**... I promised you? Well, here it comes"
I save a lot of money on my car insurance...
by not having a car
I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by not going out and getting into a horrific car accident on Black Friday.
What happens to your car insurance if you don't notify them that you've wrecked a car?
I don't know, but it's not wreck-amended.
What is called when an insurance company assesses a totaled car?
An auto-topsy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How would you know if there are mexicans in your neighborhood?
When the black people get car insurance
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
Because women don't get blow jobs while they are
driving.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How can you tell you live in an Asian part of town?
All the Mexicans have car insurance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know when a chinese granny moves to your town?
Even the Mexicans start buying car insurance :)
Soon I'll have a driverless car...
I'm not getting a Tesla. It's just my insurance runs out and I can't afford to renew it.
Car accidents and dwarves.
A man was texting and driving and generally not paying attention to the road. As he approached the stoplight, he slammed on his breaks a bit too late and collided into the car in front of him. Flustered, he searched for his insurance and waited for the man in the car in front of him to approach him.
He saw the car door in front of him open and out walked a very short, slightly chubby man with long gray hair and a beard to match. The man approached his window with an angry look and exclaimed, "I'm not *happy!*"
Giving him a second look, the man asked, "Then which one are you?"
How high is Elon Musk's insurance cost for his flying car?
I have no idea, but it must be astronomical.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call m**... car insurance?
Half-black! (Aflac parody)
since the successful launch of the BFR
Elon Musk's car insurance premiums must be astronomical now
My new car only plays Rush and Dream Theater.
Apparently it's because my insurance is Progressive
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend tried to convince me to get run over by a self-driving car to collect insurance money...
Uber my dead body
I hate commercials so much these days. If all commercials were as funny as they are during the super bowl...
I'd still only be saving about 15% or more on my car insurance.
I saved loads of money on my car insurance today.
I ran away from the scene of the accident.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman recently lost her husband.
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him. "Darling, you know that fur coat you promised me? I finally bought it with the insurance money! Its beautiful!!
"Darling, do you remember the new car you promised me? Well, I used the savings to get the Convertable!"
"Darling, that beach vacation you always said we would take? I booked it with the some of the retirement fund."
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Darling, remember that b**... I promised you? Here it comes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman recently lost her husband.
She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.
She started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?"
She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!"
She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?"
She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!"
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that b**... I promised you?
Here it comes ..."
Ruff Policy
My dog, Case, swallowed my proof of car insurance. It's really no big deal though. My insurance is just in Case.
Two cars crashed close to a bar at noon...
One driver died instantly. The other was thrown out of the windscreen, hit the ground, and broke several bones. He screams and shouts for help.
A man that was drinking at the bar leaves and sees the scene. He goes close to the screaming man and asks:
\- No one has arrived yet?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in pain
\- Not even the ambulance?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in agony
\- Not even the insurance company?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in suffering
\- Then you wouldn't mind if I lay there with you, would you?
