Car Engine Jokes
97 car engine jokes and hilarious car engine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about car engine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Car Engine Short Jokes
Short car engine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The car engine humour may include short car part jokes also.
- What happened with the wooden car with wooden wheel, wooden seats, and a wooden engine? It wooden go.
- My Grandfather built me a car entirely out of wood It had wooden seats, wooden doors, wooden steering wheel, wooden floors and a wooden engine. Unfortunately when I tried to start it, it wooden work.
- Did you hear about the wooden car with the wooden engine, the wooden doors and the wooden chassis? It wooden go.
- Did you hear the one about the wooden car? With the wooden wheels? And the wooden engine? .... it wooden work
- [Help] There's this really funny joke about a car that is missing its engine, does anyone else remember it? I just don't know how it goes.
- Did you hear about the man who carved a wooden car, with wooden seats and wooden wheels, and a wooden engine? It wooden go.
- Did you hear about that new car made entirely from wood? It's crazy! Wooden wheels, wooden windows, wooden engine... Wooden move.
- The wife and I went to a bank robber-themed fancy dress party last night. Well I did. She stayed in the car, keeping the engine running.
- What would happen if you have a wooden car, with a wooden engine, and with a wooden key? That car wooden start.
- Did you hear about the car with a wooden engine, wooden wheels, and wooden gas tank? It wooden go!
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Car Engine One Liners
Which car engine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with car engine? I can suggest the ones about engine and car oil.
- If you had a wooden car with a wooden engine and wooden tires It woodent work
- I told her I'm a mechanical engineer I can't fix her car, but I can screw, nut, and bolt.
- I just changed my car engine to France. Gonna have tons of revolutions now!
- My car can only go 68... if it goes 69 the engine blows a rod.
- If Google made a car would it be electric? No, a search engine.
- How do you fix a deaf car? With an engin*eer.*
- Have you ever heard of that car with an engine made of wood? It wooden go.
- What should you do if your car's engine is running slow? Get it to do some CARdio
- What engine does the Google maps car have? A search engine!
- Son's earring d**... up my a**...
- The Google car won't use any fuel It will run on a search engine
- How does a car hear sound? Through its Engine Ears
- What's under the hood of a Google driverless car? A search engine.
- Did you hear about the car with the wooden engine? It wouldn't work.
- Some mechanics can tune a car by ear. You could say they perform feats of engine hearing.
Car Engine Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about car engine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean car parts jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make car engine pranks.
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist.
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are all asked the same question: If a piece of metal is 2 ft away from a car and is moved halfway there once a second (it moves 1 ft, then .5 ft, then .25 ft...), how long will it take for the metal to touch the car? The physicist says never. The mathematician says never. The engineer says in about a minute, it'll be close enough for all practical applications.
Why do you make more money?
A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?"
The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."
Three software engineers...
...are riding in a truck that breaks down. They get out, and tries to see what he can see under the hood, but doesn't know anything about cars, another calls a tow truck and waits, and the third says "I don't know what's wrong, let's just get back in the car and see if it happens again"
Four engineers in a car...
Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."
After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"
So a penguin is driving along one day...
... and has engine trouble. So he stops at an autoshop and they get to work on his car. It's a rather hot day, so he walks over to the convenience story and buys an ice cream cone.
As he's finishing the cone, the mechanic walks over to him and says "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No no!" he cries, "It's just ice cream!"
While we're doing homemade jokes: "Why didn't the soviet's car go?"
Because the engine was Stalin!
^it ^kinda ^works ^on ^two ^levels!
A software engineer, a chemical engineer and a mechanical engineer were riding along in a car.....
suddenly the car stopped. The mechanical engineer said "it must be a problem with the motor", the chemical engineer said "no it's most likely a fuel problem", then the software engineer said "maybe if we all get out, then get back in, it will start"
Three engineers were driving down the road.
An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. (Shut up, just go with it). Suddenly their car sputters to a halt.
The electrical engineer says it has to be a problem with the electric system.
The chemical engineer thinks it's a problem in the fuel system.
Then they both look at the Windows engineer... He just says, "Perhaps we should all get out and back in again"
A gynecologist decides to make a career change...
He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."
The doctor studies day and night and finally feels ready for his practical exam.
He comes in and is asked to fix the transmission and engine of a beaten down, old car.
After the test, he is seated in the office and the head mechanic comes in.
"Congratulations doctor, you scored 150 out of 100 points"
"im confused" the doctor says, "how did i get 150 out of 100"
"well..." the mechanic says "you fixed the engine perfectly, so thats 50. You also fixed the transmission perfectly, for another 50"
"Great! But where did the last 50 come from?"
"I gave you a bonus. You did it all through the exhaust pipe"
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are riding in a car...
when it breaks down. The mechanical engineer speaks up and says, "It must be the engine!" The electrical engineer says, "No, it must be the wiring." The software engineer finally speaks up and says, "Guys, guys... Let's just all get completely out of the car and then get back in."
I was making bread today but got evicted before it had time to rise, but I still cooked it on my car engine
I call it Mazdah
(Happy Passover)
How do genetically engineered car salesmen from Boston greet their customers?
Hey, gattaca? GATTACA?
Why was the car engine so loud, but the rest of the car terrible?
Because torque is cheap
I was in the car with my girlfriend, and I started hearing this annoying whining noise...
So my girlfriend got out to look at the engine and I drove off.
What is globalization?
Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
Japanese.
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!
Car Talk
So a transmission asks an engine, "Yo Engine, hows things with you today?" and the engine replies "Oh you know, just another day in the hood..."
Four Engineers get into a car.
The car won't start.
The mechanical engineer says: "There must be a problem with the gear box."
The electrical engineer says: "It must have a broken starter."
The chemical engineer says: "There must be something wrong with the fuel"
The IT engineer says: "Hey, let's all get out of the car and get back in."
Four engineers riding in a car -
it stalls. Mechanical engineer suggests a timing problem. Electrical engineer says bad spark. Chemical engineer offers poor fuel mixture. The computer engineer has no idea but "If we get out the car and get back in it may start
Heading to work this morning there was a car parked on the train tracks, with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!"
That train engineer must have REALLY loved Jesus.
Four students are having a problem with their car...
Four students are having a problem with their car and are forced to stop on the side of the road.
"The ignition is damaged" says the electrical engineer.
"The fuel pipe is clogged" says the chemist.
"Engines is damaged" says the engineer.
"Lets just get out of the car and get in again" says the computer scientist.
If conceited people were cars, what engine would they run on?
A Ford EgoBoost engine.
I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs…
If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
Three Drunks Get into a Taxi
Three drunks get into a taxi and tell the driver where to go. The driver has an idea of the address so he starts the engine, waits a few seconds and turns off the car. He says, "Alright guys we're here!"
The first drunk tips him £10 and gets out.
The second drunk tips him £20 and gets out.
The third drunk then slaps the driver across the face.
Worried that the drunk had realized the car hadn't moved an inch, he asks the drunk, "What was that for?"
The drunk says, "Control your speed next time. You almost killed us!"
The Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Enginner
A Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Engineer were driving down a mountain when suddenly the car slides off the road and rolls down the Mountain. Amazingly none of the occupants had been hurt.
The Mechanical Engineer steps out and says hand me my Swiss army knife I will have this repaired in no time and we can be on our way.
The Project Manager says Wait Up, We need to set achievable goals, set a timeline and ensure we are all working with maximum efficiency to solve this problem.
The Software Engineer Just says "Wow! that is strange, lets push it back up and see if it happens again"
The racing driver
The racing driver can't work out why he's come in last in a race despite using the fastest, most technologically advance car.
With his support team, he checks the vehicle and finds three men in large dresses, full make-up and wigs sitting on the roof.
"There's the problem," says the engineer. "Too much drag."
Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.
I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:
Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making f**... engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing
A w**... Joke
What wood happen if you had a Wooden Car
With Wooden Seats
Wooden Tires
And A Wooden Engine?
It Wooden't Start
What type of engine does Google's self-driving cars have?
Search engine.
Just as summer starts, my car's engine is starting to sound strange.
Talk about poor timing.
Cardiologist and the Mechanic
A cardiologist's car breaks down and he goes to a mechanic to get it fixed. After everything is done, the mechanic asks the cardiologist,
"Here's what I don't understand. I fix engines, and so do you, albeit human ones, so why do you get paid ten times more than I do?"
The cardiologist then turns the ignition on and says, "try it with the engine running."
Did you hear about the Italian engineer who invented a car so energy efficient that it didn't need any gas at all?
It's called the Ronzoni Downhill
Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start
The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
Engineers are using tracking to try to distinguish an autonomous vehicle on a cross country road trip from a human-driven car.
They call it the Touring Test.
3 men in a bar talking about there sons
The first man says my son is doing so well he just got a job as a doctor and just bought his girlfriend a new car.
The next man says my son is an engineer and he just took his girlfriend to the Bahamas.
The third guy says my son is a male stripper. One of his boyfriends just bought him a car and went to the Bahamas with the other one.
An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.
Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."
Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."
IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."
Being the recycling type and an engineer, I made a car tire out of my 365 recycled condoms.
So I named it, GOOD YEAR
I used to have a full size wooden car. Wooden wheels, wooden engine, wooden seats.
BUT, when I tried to drive it, it wooden go.
Credit : u/johnnycrosshatch
The Wooden Car
There was this guy who made a wooden car. It had wooden wheels, wooden tires, a wooden engine. But when he put the wooden key in, it wooden start.
(Possibly OC) There once was a car with a wooden body, wooden tyre and even a wooden engine.
It just wooden go.
Why did the automotive engineer scream at his Toyota during his fuel efficiency experiments?
He was a car berater!
You might be a r**... if you know computer science.
My car engine light needs advanced programming to overcome.
4 engineers repairing a car
*there are 4 engineers in a car but it doesn't start*
Mechanical engineer: the spark plug must be broken
Chemical engineer: there must be impurities in the gas
Electrical engineer: the contact must be broken
Computer engineer: what if we exit and enter the car another time?
engineers
4 engineers are traveling down a road when suddenly the car comes to a stop
The electrical engineer says "the battery died"
The chemical engineer says "we ran out of fuel"
The civil engineer says "the road shredded the tires"
The computer engineer says "why don't we get out of the car and then back in?"
In order to get to the valves, a mechanic carefully removed the engine parts from a car while the car owner - a surgeon - looked on.
Afterwards the mechanic said to the surgeon:
'You know, I reckon my line of work is every bit as difficult and skilled as yours.'
'Perhaps,' said the surgeon, 'But I'd like to see you do it while the engine is running.'
You're in a car headed North.
You see a Red Fire Engine, to your right.
And a Fence to your left.
There's a Horse Infront of you
And a Helicopter behind you.
What do you do?
A) Put your drink down. And carefully get off the Merry-Go-Round...
A guy takes his car in to the mechanic after it mysteriously stops working
The mechanic opens up the hood, to find a small fruit bat hanging upside-down in the engine bay. The bat looks up at the mechanic and says "you look nice today mate!", Immediately the mechanic straightens up and says to the car owner "well, that's your problem right there!
Bat flattery"
Four students are in the car that breaks down
First student, engineering student, says "This is mechanical problem, there's nothing we can do."
Second student, chemistry student, says "You're wrong, this is clearly reason of faulty gasoline. There's nothing we can do."
Third student, electrical engineering student, says "No, there's problem with ignition. There's nothing we can do."
Last student, IT student, says "We should exit car, close the doors, come in and try again. Maybe that will solve the problem."
Engineers
One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down. The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke." The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas." The electrical engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The computer engineer said, "I think we should all get out and then get back in."
My car broke down this morning, so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine. Amazingly, he said, Hello Dave! You're a handsome fellow and very nicely dressed, too!" I realised the problem straight away.
bat flattery
Four engineers get into a car. The car won't start.
Mechanical engineer: it's a broken starter.
Electrical engineer: dead battery.
Chemical engineer: impurities in the gasoline.
IT engineer: hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in.
General Motors will introduce 2 new warning lights for their cars!
One to tell you that you need a new engine and the other to tell you that you need a new car.
Car troubles
My car was making weird engine noises the other day, so I pulled over and popped the hood to investigate. A drunk guy stumbled up to me and asked, Washya problem, mate?
Piston broke , I replied.
No s**...? Me too!
A Mechanical Engineer, a software engineer and a purchasing agent...
..are on their way to an industry event when their rental car gets a flat tire. The purchasing agent says
"We need to buy a new tire"
the mechanical engineer says
"no, I think I can fix this one"
and the software engineer says,
"let's drive on it for a while, maybe it'll fix itself."
I've just witnessed a police car c**... into a fire engine in town.
I was going to ring for an ambulance, but that could've been asking for trouble.
Four engineers get into a car.
Four engineers get into a car. the car won't start.
The mechanical engineer says :
"its a broken starter"
The electrical engineer :
"dead battery"
The chemical engineer:
"impurities in the gasoline"
The IT engineer:
"Hey guys , i have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
Three engineers
Three engineers are riding in a car. A Mechanical Engineer, an Electrical Engineer and a Computer Engineer.
The car suddenly stops running in the middle of the street. The Mechanical Engineer says, "I know what's wrong. It is a mechanical problem and I can fix it."
The Electrical Engineer say, "No! It is an electrical problem and I can fix it."
The Computer Engineer says, "I don't know what is wrong, but if we all get out of the car and then get back in, maybe it will start."
Auto
John: "My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Oldsmobile, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Plymouth."
Dave: "Really? What did he get?"
John: "Fifteen years."