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Car Dealer Jokes

28 car dealer jokes and hilarious car dealer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about car dealer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Car Dealer Short Jokes

Short car dealer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The car dealer humour may include short car salesman jokes also.

  1. Just Bought the new Dodge Hornet EV and ended up with two cars Dealer said I also needed a Dodge Charger
  2. When one door closes another one opens That's all well and good , I told the car dealer, but I'm not buying the car until you fix it!
  3. I went to the used car dealer and bought the only thing I could afford, the Rolls-Canardly It rolls down one hill and canardly make it up the next.
  4. My first and last day as a drug dealer. Car pulls up. Guy rolls the window down. "You got any coke?" Me: "Is Pepsi OK?" Dude shot me in the leg.
  5. A man buying a car He looked at the car and questioned:
    -cargo space?
    The car dealer said:
    -car no do that
    Car go road
  6. Cargo Space So, a man goes into a car dealership. He asks the dealer, "cargo space?". The dealer replies "car no do that. car go road."
  7. A Texan goes to a car dealership He sees a car he likes and says "Gee that's a byoot!" The Dealer responds "That's not a Buick that's a Honda!"
  8. My car dealer will subtract the number of upvotes from my purchase price. When I spend more than $100 000
  9. I asked my local car dealer if the car he was showing me was his newest one. He replied by saying, you can look around, but your mileage will vary .
  10. I bought a secondhand car from an online dealer. In the description it said: "Not one scratch." Well, technically he wasn't lying - there's hundreds.

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Car Dealer One Liners

Which car dealer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with car dealer? I can suggest the ones about car sales and car lot.

  1. What did the car dealer ask the oscilloscope? sin or cosine?
  2. What did the car dealer say to the female deer? Avocado.
  3. I bought a second hand car from a trusty dealer. It can do 0 to 57 in twenty two seconds
  4. A g**..., a triad and drug dealer are in a car together, who's driving? The police.

Hilarious Car Dealer Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about car dealer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean car selling jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make car dealer pranks.

Joke told in the Soviet Union

(For context only 1/7 Soviets owned a car, and once you paid up front there was a 10 year wait to get one)
A man walks into the car store wanting to buy a car. He pays the man at the counter and the man at the counter says Alright, just come back in 10 years to pick one up. The man replies Morning or afternoon? The dealer says Well, 10 years from now what difference does it make? The man replies Well, the plumbers coming over in the morning.

Saw some great soviet jokes on here. Here's one from President Reagan...

Buying a car in the Soviet Union is not quite so easy as buying a car in the United States. There's a terrible automobile shortage so you have to pay the money up front and then wait, sometimes many years, until a car is made available to you.
On one occasion, at the height of the shortage, a man went down to his local dealership to buy a car. After he had accepted the man's money and the paperwork had been signed, the dealer informed the man that his car would be ready in 10 years and that he could come back then and pick it up.
Taking note of the date, the man turned to leave but paused on his way out the door and asked, "morning or afternoon?"
"It's 10 years from now, what difference does it make?" replied the dealer.
"Well, I'm busy in the morning." said the man.
Confused, the dealer asked, "what could you possibly have planned for the morning ten years from today?"
"The plumber's coming to fix my sink," replied the man.

Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks

Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, it just won't move at all. After trying to drive at night for a week, with no luck, she furiously calls the dealers and they send out a technician to help...

He examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it, so he asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"
Full of anger, she growls, "How on earth you could ask such a question!? I'm not s**... you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night."

So a snail walks into a car dealership..

He goes up to the dealer and he says, "Alright, I want it cherry red, with white-walls, and leather seats, and I want a *big* 'S' painted on the the side." After he rings it the dealer looks at him and he says "I understand white-walls and leather seats, but why the letter 'S' on the side? "Well" the snail says "When I drive by in my new car, I want people to say 'look at that S car go!'

Soviet buy car

Go to Lada dealer. He choosing red one. They filling out papers. When finishing, dealer saying: You taking delivery in 23 years.
Soviet: Is in morning or afternoon?
Dealer: What difference is making?
Soviet: Plumber come in morning.

I bought a new car; it was broken. So I took it to the dealer.

He said, "Look man, I just sell w**.... I don't know how to fix the car."

I took my new car back to the dealers, complaining it only did left turns - "

drive in the opposite direction then" he said.

What did the Star Wars fan ask to the car dealer? "Can I buy the Rogue one please?"

So a snail goes to a car dealership

and requests the fastest sports car the dealer has to offer. The car dealer points him to a brand new red race car, fastest in the market. The snail is ecstatic and buys it, telling the car dealer he'll be back tomorrow to pick it up.
"But before I do pick it up," says the snail, "I'd like a big 'S' painted on each side!"
The car dealer obliges, paints a big 'S' on each side of the car, and waits until the next day for the snail to return. Well, the snail returns, hops into his car, and speeds off through the wall into the oncoming traffic, driving off. The car dealer's boss runs up to the car dealer and exclaims,
"Wow! Look at that S car go!"

One day a snail goes to the dealership

The dealer is longwindedly going on about all his options and he says he doesn't care what the car it is, he just wants the fastest one on the lot.
The dealer takes him to the fastest car they have and the snail only has one question, Would it be possible to get the letter 'S' painted onto all sides of the vehicle?
The dealer said Yes, that could be arranged for a fee but if I may ask why 'S'?
The snail replies When I pass people on the freeway I want them to look at me and say 'Wow, look at that 'S' car go!'