Car Crash Jokes
139 car crash jokes and hilarious car crash puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about car crash that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Car Crash Short Jokes
Short car crash jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The car crash humour may include short car collision jokes also.
- They finally figured out why the computerized self driving car has crashed... They didn't install the driver.
- My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess So I took her to Paris.
We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.
Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died. - My friend came crying to me after he crashed his brand new swedish car But I didn't want to hear his Saab story
- My Wife told me to treat her like a princess So I put her in the back of my car and crashed it into a tunnel
- i just crashed my car in a lane between two houses, owned by mr and mrs ball, and one owned by mr and mrs smith thank god i was dragged out by the smiths
- A man crashed his car A man crashed his expensive car into a tree... He finally found out how the mercedes bends
- We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their cars. They're driving wrecklessly.
- Why the next James Bond should be a woman The next Bond should be a woman!
Can you imagine? Crazy car scenes with spectacular crashes, explosions...
... And all of that while she's parking. - A Car full of bank robbers has crashed into a cement truck yesterday while evading police … The police are now searching for hardened criminals.
- Why did nVidia built the first self-driving car? (on all conditions) Because their drivers keep crashing.
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Car Crash One Liners
Which car crash one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with car crash? I can suggest the ones about car accidents and crashed car.
- My car was stolen and crashed by a gang of 14 year olds It was a minor collision
- Why did the guy who never crashed his car get pulled over? Wreck-less driving
- NASCAR used to have an Internet Explorer car But it kept crashing.
- What do you call it when a soldier crashes a Korean car KIA
- What does a Japanese person say when their older brother crashes their car? Oh, Nissan!
- My wife crashed the car listening to Adele, She was rolling in the jeep
- What's an undefined feeling? When your mother-in-law crashes your brand new car and dies.
- I crashed my family's car I've always wanted to see how a Mercedes-Benz.
- I once crashed my car into a fire department... The response was incredible
- The man crashed his car into a tree... That's when he realised how Mercedes bends
- Crashed My Car Into A Tree... And I learned how the Mercedes Benz.
- Do you know why the self driving car crashed? It had a bad driver.
- 2 blind people are in a car, who's driving? Neither, they've crashed into a tree
- My brand new Swedish car crashed into a tree. It was a real Saab story.
- My friend told me about how he crashed his new car It was a real Saab story
Giggle-Inducing Car Crash Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about car crash you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crash jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make car crash pranks.
Perfect Man, Perfect Woman, and Santa Claus are in a car.
The car goes out of control and crashes into the side of a building, only one survives, who is it?
The Perfect woman survived because the perfect man and Santa Claus aren't real.
Still, just goes to show that even the perfect woman can't drive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband and wife are in a car c**...
They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the c**... and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.
The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."
The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"
And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.
A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"
"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the l**... c**... his car?
He left his foot on the accelerator.
I found this on sickipedia complain if you want
A man is working as a taxi driver He just started his job He went and picked someone up about halfway through the journey the man taps him on the shoulder At this point The taxi driver freaks swerves nearly misses a bus and two cars and crashes into a building. The passenger says "Sorry I didnt know a small tap could scare you that much" The taxi driver replies "No sorry it's my fault I used to work as a hearse driver"
A lady was driving along the highway...
...when suddenly she is distracted and crashes into the car in front of her, causing a bit of damage. She immediately jumps out of her car to give her details to the person she's crashed into. She walks to the driver's door and out hops a dwarfed man. 'I'm very sorry for the accident I've caused,' the lady says, 'I'll pay for any damage.' To which the dwarf replies, 'I'm not happy...' The lady says, 'If you're not happy, then which one are you?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was the victim of the car c**... wearing?
A Casualty
(Casual-Tee, as in Tee-Shirt)
100% Guraneed Originality
You can know for sure I made it up because of how corny it is...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys died in a car c**......
There were these two friends, who died in a horrible car accident. They both went to heaven and were standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter met them. St. Peter asked the first man for a picture of his wife. After looking at the picture, St. Peter asked him if he had ever cheated on her. The man replied, "I was unfaithful to my wife one time." St. Peter decided to give the man a station-wagon for him to drive around heaven. Now it was the second man's turn. St. Peter asked him for a picture of his wife and then asked if he had ever cheated on her. The man replied,"here's a picture of my wife, and I never cheated on her." St. Peter was very impressed and decided to give the man a Ferrari to drive around heaven. After a few months in heaven, the two friends met up with each other. The second man was bragging about his Ferrari when the other turned to him and said, "I wouldn't be bragging if I were you. I just saw your wife on a skateboard."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So i heard Paul Walker died in a car c**...
I guess that's why they don't call him Paul Driver
Charlie the Street Car Conductor
Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."
An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident
where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"
I crashed into the back of someones car on the way home from work...
I got out to check the damage and a midget jumped out of the drivers seat shouting,
"I'm not happy!"
I took one look and replied,
"well which one are you then?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
4-way car c**... reported in Mexico City.
86 confirmed dead.
A purple man has a purple wife.
They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperation and cries, "Oh no! We've been marooned!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Car Accident
Two paramedics arrived at the scene of a car c**.... The driver of the car was still sitting in his seat, screaming his head off. One of the paramedics tried to calm him down.
"Pull yourself together, man" he says. "At least you haven't gone through the windshield like your passenger" He points at a girl lying unconscious on the side of the road.
The driver replied "You haven't seen what's in her mouth"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
LPT: If you c**... into a parked car and don't have a paper and pen..
simply use a key to scratch your insurance details on to the bonnet.
So my friend absolutely will not, cannot carpool.
He just flat out refuses to carpool. He has this irrational fear that if he carpools and the car crashes in a tunnel, he'll be trapped because there are too many people in the car.
It's called Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
I just crashed into the back of a dwarf driver....
He gets out of the car inspects the rear bumper and goes up my window. "I'm not happy" he said "well which one are you then?"
So i went to Walmart today...
... and asked customer service for gta5. She was confused so I told her that it was a game with a black guy who crashed his car, sleeps with prostitutes, and attacks people with his golf club. She came later with Tiger Woods PGA 2010.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Abdul Ali was seriously injured in a car c**... & he has been on life support.
Today his family had to make an agonizing decision.
They closed the shop to visit him.......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did bill nye c**... his car?
Because inertia is a property of matter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the blood drive organizer from Portland who died in a car c**...?
He was an Oregon donor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband tells his wife about the car c**... he got into...
Husband: Hey, I got in a car c**... today. I got hurt real bad, I broke my arm and fractured my wrist. I also sprained my ankle and the car nearly exploded! Luckily Lucy pulled me out of the car just before it exploded. I spent a couple days in hospital but I'm fine now.
Wife: Who's Lucy?
I was driving my moms car.
I was driving my moms car and she was yelling at me. Then i crashed her car into the garage she told me "You have to pay for the damage you've done." So now when i get the bill from the therapist i send it to her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four Polish men die in a car accident
Two in the actual c**... and two more in the reenactment.
Did you hear about the guy who crashed his car into a tree?
He wanted to see how much his Mercedes Benz
What is globalization?
Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
Japanese.
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So an Australian wakes up from his coma in a hospital after a brutal car c**......
...and the first thing he sees is a beautiful nurse!
So he asks her, "Did I come here to die?"
The nurse replies, "Nope, you came here yesterday."
:D
[Warning: Nerdy] Two self driving cars lost control on the freeway and crashed, killing 4.
Experts say it was caused by a race condition.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.
At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost both my hands in a car c**......
But there is a silver lining somewhere.
I just can't put my finger on it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does it feel to c**... a rental car?
It Hertz.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There is so much wrong in this world right now...
Just the other day, someone told me my friend Mohamed Lahouaiej Bouhlel died in a car c**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A proton walks over to an electron and asks, "Hey electron, why are you always so negative?"
The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car c**...."
___
*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After a car c**..., a woman comes to the hospital to see her husband...
She asks the doctor :
"How is my husband ? Is he going to be fine ?"
The doctor said :
"Well, his lower body is untouched"
Being less concerned she says :
"Oh, thank God, but what about the upper?"
He answered :
" His upper body is still on the way to the hospital "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I owe my life to Nickelback
I got in a horrible car c**... and was in 6 month coma. Then the nurse switched the song to Nickelback. I woke up and muted it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Police officers.
Two police officers c**... their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:
Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My sausage-addicted friend died in a car c**....
Apparently, he took a turn for the wurst.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.
She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car c**..., or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete s**... exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Telling a racist joke is like getting in a car with an asian driver
If they are not really good, there's a very good chance you'll c**... and burn.
Please stop
A guy jumps a car on a bike and crashes hard. doctors amputate both his legs.Being the daredevil that he is he jumps his wheelchair over a bus and again crashes even harder. He's so messed up now the doctors have to do a full body amputation.His family plead with him to stop while he's ahead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
FOX new has saved my legs!
I got into a terridle car c**... and and lost the use of my legs. When I was in the hospital, FOX news came on the TV. I got up to change the channel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yesterday I crashed my car into a midget
He got out and said "I'm not happy"
I replied "Which one are you then?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mother was in a car c**... but luckily she was okay...
WAS okay, she's dead now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the registered donor who had a car c**... on the Golden Gate Bridge?
He left his heart in San Francisco.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the man with a car made of pasta?.
He got in a c**..., and now his car's al dente.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I looked up car c**... statistics online
The results were very impacting
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the addict c**... their car?
They just couldn't stop.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mute guy survived an awful car c**... early this week, what a lucky man!
I mean, he lost his hands but I guess he can't complain.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Car c**...
I crashed my car between two houses today. Mr and Mrs Ball live in the left house and Mr and Mrs Smith live in the right house....
Thank God I was dragged out by the Smiths!!
A drunk guy is driving around Paris...
He keeps crashing into everything, and almost kills several pedestrians. Eventually, he's about to cross a bridge, but he doesn't make it, and instead plunges his car into the water below. However, the guy doesn't seem to care, as he tries to keep driving.
A nearby ship: "What the heck is wrong with that driver?"
The car: "I don't know, but he's driving me in Seine!"
I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up
It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's a car c**... victim's favorite breakfast food?
Coma toast.
When a computer gets a virus, it crashes. When a computerized car gets a virus
It *crashes*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do cars do when they get tired?
They c**....
What's the difference between a car and a computer?
If you install windows on a car, it crashes less.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A newlywed couple got into a fatal car c**....
At least they smashed in the end.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's a medical miracle
A man is recovering from surgery after a car c**..., and he notices that both his hands are covered in casts. When a nurse comes to check on him, he asks "Will I be able to play piano after this?"
"Yes, the casts should come off in a few weeks, then you should be able to play."
"That's funny, I couldn't play piano before the accident."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife got into a car c**...
The Cops suspended her licence, and slapped her with a fine. She tried to argue that the guy was drinking and speaking on the phone. The Cops didn't care, they said he has a full right to do what he wants on his own front porch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
99 dead in Tesla autopilot car c**...
This has caused Tesla to drop all ideas of a battle Royale mode for Tesla cars
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yellow cars have the highest c**... rate
According to a recent pole
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Anything has the potential to become a DUI checkpoint...
if you c**... your car into it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've always hoped for the opportunity to save my ex from a fiery car c**....
I don't know if I would take that opportunity, but I would certainly like the chance to.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do car companies measure the impact of a collision
A c**... test, d**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I want to die like my grandpa , in my sleep
Not like the rest of the family screaming in a car c**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Marriage are like cars.
When they c**... you can't help but watch
My wife crashed our car this morning.
When the police came she said the guy involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.
The police advised her the guy was entitled to do what he wanted in his own living room.
A man with a broken arm comes in doctors office
Doctor: "Okay, so tell me how did you break it?"
Man: "Well, I was trying to avoid a child.."
Doctor: "Ah, yes, and you crashed your car."
Man: "Um, I fell off of bed."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was 6 and saw a car c**..., and asked my dad...
Me: Dad, what's going on?
Dad: Son, a car crashed.
Me: Why?
Dad: That was an accident.
Me: What's an accident?
Dad: You.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the PETA member c**... his car?
He loved vegetables so much he wanted to become one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three nuns die in a car c**..., when they get to heaven, the angel says they have to answer a question to get in
So the angel asks the first nun
Who was the first man?
And the nun replies, Adam
The angel allows her in and turns to the second nun
Who was the first woman?
The second nun answers Eve
Correct, in you go replies the angel
Then turning to the third nun the angel asks
I'm afraid this question is rather difficult. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?
The third nun thinking says Oh, that's a hard one
Yes, you're in. Replies the angel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It was significantly more dangerous to go through child birth than to be in a car c**... in the 1800s.
Mainly because they didn't have cars back then.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Russian to get to the punchline
Why was Putin late for the party he was PUTIN on some makeup!
Why was Stalin late for the party he was STALIN for time!
Why was Lenin late for the party he was waiting for his LENIN to dry!
Why was Trotsky late for the party he got into a car c**....
