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Car Crash Jokes

139 car crash jokes and hilarious car crash puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about car crash that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Car Crash Short Jokes

Short car crash jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The car crash humour may include short car collision jokes also.

  1. They finally figured out why the computerized self driving car has crashed... They didn't install the driver.
  2. My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess So I took her to Paris.
    We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.
    Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died.
  3. I crashed into a dwarf at some traffic lights He got out of his car and said "I'm not happy."
    I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
  4. My friend came crying to me after he crashed his brand new swedish car But I didn't want to hear his Saab story
  5. I crashed into the back of a dwarf's car... He got out, looked at the damage and said "I'm not happy". So I replied " Which one are you then?"
  6. My Wife told me to treat her like a princess So I put her in the back of my car and crashed it into a tunnel
  7. crashed my car today... a dwarf got out the other car and said 'I'm not happy', I said which one are you then?
  8. i just crashed my car in a lane between two houses, owned by mr and mrs ball, and one owned by mr and mrs smith thank god i was dragged out by the smiths
  9. A man crashed his car A man crashed his expensive car into a tree... He finally found out how the mercedes bends
  10. We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their cars. They're driving wrecklessly.

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Car Crash One Liners

Which car crash one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with car crash? I can suggest the ones about car accidents and crashed car.

  1. My car was stolen and crashed by a gang of 14 year olds It was a minor collision
  2. My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side So I crashed the car
  3. What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
  4. Why did the guy who never crashed his car get pulled over? Wreck-less driving
  5. NASCAR used to have an Internet Explorer car But it kept crashing.
  6. What do you call it when a soldier crashes a Korean car KIA
  7. What does a Japanese person say when their older brother crashes their car? Oh, Nissan!
  8. My wife crashed the car listening to Adele, She was rolling in the jeep
  9. What's an undefined feeling? When your mother-in-law crashes your brand new car and dies.
  10. I crashed my family's car I've always wanted to see how a Mercedes-Benz.
  11. I once crashed my car into a fire department... The response was incredible
  12. The man crashed his car into a tree... That's when he realised how Mercedes bends
  13. Crashed My Car Into A Tree... And I learned how the Mercedes Benz.
  14. Do you know why the self driving car crashed? It had a bad driver.
  15. Why doesn't NASCAR have an Internet Explorer car? Because it would keep crashing.

Giggle-Inducing Car Crash Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about car crash you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crash jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make car crash pranks.

A husband and wife are in a car c**...

They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the c**... and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.
The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."
The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"
And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.
A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"
"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."

Why did the l**... c**... his car?

He left his foot on the accelerator.

I found this on sickipedia complain if you want

A man is working as a taxi driver He just started his job He went and picked someone up about halfway through the journey the man taps him on the shoulder At this point The taxi driver freaks swerves nearly misses a bus and two cars and crashes into a building. The passenger says "Sorry I didnt know a small tap could scare you that much" The taxi driver replies "No sorry it's my fault I used to work as a hearse driver"

Three nuns

Sisters Anne, Mary, and Teresa are driving across the country when they are in a car c**... and all die tragically.
In heaven, the three of them are standing in front of the pearly gates and St. Peter is standing before them. He says to them, "Sisters, I understand that you are all women of faith, and I would be more than happy to let you into heaven without hesitation, but as it is the rules, I must ask you each one question that you must answer correctly before I can let you enter"
The nuns all agree and Sister Anne steps forward first.
"Sister Anne, what was the name of the first man?"
She barely misses a beat before announcing happily "Adam!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and she enters.
Sister Mary then steps forward and St. Peter asks her, "Sister Mary, what is the name of the first woman?"
"Eve!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and Sister Mary enters heaven.
St. Peter then addresses Sister Teresa, "Teresa, what is the first thing that Eve said when she saw Adam?"
Sister Teresa thinks for a minute... two minutes... three minutes.. then mutters to herself "That's a hard one..."
*Gong!*

A lady was driving along the highway...

...when suddenly she is distracted and crashes into the car in front of her, causing a bit of damage. She immediately jumps out of her car to give her details to the person she's crashed into. She walks to the driver's door and out hops a dwarfed man. 'I'm very sorry for the accident I've caused,' the lady says, 'I'll pay for any damage.' To which the dwarf replies, 'I'm not happy...' The lady says, 'If you're not happy, then which one are you?'

What was the victim of the car c**... wearing?

A Casualty
(Casual-Tee, as in Tee-Shirt)
100% Guraneed Originality
You can know for sure I made it up because of how corny it is...

Two guys died in a car c**......

There were these two friends, who died in a horrible car accident. They both went to heaven and were standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter met them. St. Peter asked the first man for a picture of his wife. After looking at the picture, St. Peter asked him if he had ever cheated on her. The man replied, "I was unfaithful to my wife one time." St. Peter decided to give the man a station-wagon for him to drive around heaven. Now it was the second man's turn. St. Peter asked him for a picture of his wife and then asked if he had ever cheated on her. The man replied,"here's a picture of my wife, and I never cheated on her." St. Peter was very impressed and decided to give the man a Ferrari to drive around heaven. After a few months in heaven, the two friends met up with each other. The second man was bragging about his Ferrari when the other turned to him and said, "I wouldn't be bragging if I were you. I just saw your wife on a skateboard."

So i heard Paul Walker died in a car c**...

I guess that's why they don't call him Paul Driver

Did you hear about Princess Dianas car c**...?

She was all over the radio.
And the dash.
And the windshield...

Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."

An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident

where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"

I crashed into the back of someones car on the way home from work...

I got out to check the damage and a midget jumped out of the drivers seat shouting,
"I'm not happy!"
I took one look and replied,
"well which one are you then?"

4-way car c**... reported in Mexico City.

86 confirmed dead.

A purple man has a purple wife.

They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperation and cries, "Oh no! We've been marooned!"

Car Accident

Two paramedics arrived at the scene of a car c**.... The driver of the car was still sitting in his seat, screaming his head off. One of the paramedics tried to calm him down.
"Pull yourself together, man" he says. "At least you haven't gone through the windshield like your passenger" He points at a girl lying unconscious on the side of the road.
The driver replied "You haven't seen what's in her mouth"

LPT: If you c**... into a parked car and don't have a paper and pen..

simply use a key to scratch your insurance details on to the bonnet.

I just crashed into the back of a dwarf driver....

He gets out of the car inspects the rear bumper and goes up my window. "I'm not happy" he said "well which one are you then?"

So i went to Walmart today...

... and asked customer service for gta5. She was confused so I told her that it was a game with a black guy who crashed his car, sleeps with prostitutes, and attacks people with his golf club. She came later with Tiger Woods PGA 2010.

Abdul Ali was seriously injured in a car c**... & he has been on life support.

Today his family had to make an agonizing decision.
They closed the shop to visit him.......

Why did bill nye c**... his car?

Because inertia is a property of matter.

Crashed in to the back of a car today at a set of lights, while I wasn't really paying attention. The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said "I'm not happy" so I replied "well, which one are you then?"

Dear JUSTIN BEIBER haters...

Dear JUSTIN BEIBER haters*
.
.
.
I owe my life to justin.
On march 9th, 2012 I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car c**....
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song, So I got up and turned the radio off.

A husband tells his wife about the car c**... he got into...

Husband: Hey, I got in a car c**... today. I got hurt real bad, I broke my arm and fractured my wrist. I also sprained my ankle and the car nearly exploded! Luckily Lucy pulled me out of the car just before it exploded. I spent a couple days in hospital but I'm fine now.
Wife: Who's Lucy?

Four Polish men die in a car accident

Two in the actual c**... and two more in the reenactment.

What is globalization?

Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
Japanese.
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!

So an Australian wakes up from his coma in a hospital after a brutal car c**......

...and the first thing he sees is a beautiful nurse!
So he asks her, "Did I come here to die?"
The nurse replies, "Nope, you came here yesterday."
:D

[Warning: Nerdy] Two self driving cars lost control on the freeway and crashed, killing 4.

Experts say it was caused by a race condition.

A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.

At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"

Xbox One and PS4 Get into a car c**......

And here comes the ambulance "WIIUWIIUWIIUWIIUWIIU"

How does it feel to c**... a rental car?

It Hertz.

A proton walks over to an electron and asks, "Hey electron, why are you always so negative?"

The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car c**...."
___
*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*

After a car c**..., a woman comes to the hospital to see her husband...

She asks the doctor :
"How is my husband ? Is he going to be fine ?"
The doctor said :
"Well, his lower body is untouched"
Being less concerned she says :
"Oh, thank God, but what about the upper?"
He answered :
" His upper body is still on the way to the hospital "

Why did nVidia built the first self-driving car? (on all conditions)

Because their drivers keep crashing.

I owe my life to Nickelback

I got in a horrible car c**... and was in 6 month coma. Then the nurse switched the song to Nickelback. I woke up and muted it.

Two Police officers.

Two police officers c**... their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:
Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.

My sausage-addicted friend died in a car c**....

Apparently, he took a turn for the wurst.

A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.

She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car c**..., or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete s**... exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"

Telling a racist joke is like getting in a car with an asian driver

If they are not really good, there's a very good chance you'll c**... and burn.

Please stop

A guy jumps a car on a bike and crashes hard. doctors amputate both his legs.Being the daredevil that he is he jumps his wheelchair over a bus and again crashes even harder. He's so messed up now the doctors have to do a full body amputation.His family plead with him to stop while he's ahead.

FOX new has saved my legs!

I got into a terridle car c**... and and lost the use of my legs. When I was in the hospital, FOX news came on the TV. I got up to change the channel.

What would you call it when a dinosaur gets into a car c**...?

Tyrannosaurus Wrecks

My mother was in a car c**... but luckily she was okay...

WAS okay, she's dead now.

Did you hear about the man with a car made of pasta?.

He got in a c**..., and now his car's al dente.

I looked up car c**... statistics online

The results were very impacting

A mute guy survived an awful car c**... early this week, what a lucky man!

I mean, he lost his hands but I guess he can't complain.

A police officer knocked on my door last night.

He held up a picture and said to me, "Is this your wife?"
"Yes, that's her", I replied to him.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this" the officer said, "but it looks like she's been in a car c**...".
"I know" I replied, but she has a lovely personality".

Car c**...

I crashed my car between two houses today. Mr and Mrs Ball live in the left house and Mr and Mrs Smith live in the right house....
Thank God I was dragged out by the Smiths!!

I was in a c**... with a smart car today. The smart car was totaled.

My bike was fine, though.

The girl I'm dating said she wanted to be treated like a princess.

So I hired some paparazzi to chase her and she died in a car c**....

I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up

It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic

What's a car c**... victim's favorite breakfast food?

Coma toast.

When a computer gets a virus, it crashes. When a computerized car gets a virus

It *crashes*

What's the difference between a car and a computer?

If you install windows on a car, it crashes less.

A man driving a car crashed into a woman. Who's fault was it?

The mans, why was he driving in the kitchen?

It's a medical miracle

A man is recovering from surgery after a car c**..., and he notices that both his hands are covered in casts. When a nurse comes to check on him, he asks "Will I be able to play piano after this?"
"Yes, the casts should come off in a few weeks, then you should be able to play."
"That's funny, I couldn't play piano before the accident."

My wife got into a car c**...

The Cops suspended her licence, and slapped her with a fine. She tried to argue that the guy was drinking and speaking on the phone. The Cops didn't care, they said he has a full right to do what he wants on his own front porch.

99 dead in Tesla autopilot car c**...

This has caused Tesla to drop all ideas of a battle Royale mode for Tesla cars

Yellow cars have the highest c**... rate

According to a recent pole

I've always hoped for the opportunity to save my ex from a fiery car c**....

I don't know if I would take that opportunity, but I would certainly like the chance to.

How do car companies measure the impact of a collision

A c**... test, d**...

When Princess Diana Died in the car c**... it was all over the radio....

The steering wheel, dashboard, etc.

My wife crashed our car this morning.

When the police came she said the guy involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.
The police advised her the guy was entitled to do what he wanted in his own living room.

As I regained consciousness in the hospital from last night's car c**...

the doctors were trying to convince me I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity... But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.

Why did the PETA member c**... his car?

He loved vegetables so much he wanted to become one.

Three nuns die in a car c**..., when they get to heaven, the angel says they have to answer a question to get in

So the angel asks the first nun
Who was the first man?
And the nun replies, Adam
The angel allows her in and turns to the second nun
Who was the first woman?
The second nun answers Eve
Correct, in you go replies the angel
Then turning to the third nun the angel asks
I'm afraid this question is rather difficult. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?
The third nun thinking says Oh, that's a hard one
Yes, you're in. Replies the angel.

Russian to get to the punchline

Why was Putin late for the party he was PUTIN on some makeup!
Why was Stalin late for the party he was STALIN for time!
Why was Lenin late for the party he was waiting for his LENIN to dry!
Why was Trotsky late for the party he got into a car c**....

I told my therapist about my reoccurring dream where I c**... my car because it's missing the pedal that helps me stop

He said he thinks I need a brake

My wife said that I should get in touch with my feminine side.

So I crashed the car.
Then I ignored her all day for no reason.

My whole week was a disaster

Wife died
Dog walked away
Car crashed into a tree
My house burned down
The only positive thing were the results of my cancer tests

A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.

I was recently in a car accident and had to have both my legs amputated.

After the c**... pretty much everything went to s**.... I started getting nightmares from the stress, I lost my job from being unable to work, even my wife left me.
Honestly it feels like I dont have a leg to stand on at the moment.

Simon was in a car c**... with his uncle.....

Sadly his uncle died, but Simon was saved
but lost both his legs. The surgeon was able to sew his uncle's legs to his body. When he was recovered he decided to pursue his love
of music and performed in the local pub as Simon and Halfuncle.

jokes about car crash