Car Collision Jokes
25 car collision jokes and hilarious car collision puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about car collision that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Car Collision Short Jokes
Short car collision jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The car collision humour may include short car crash jokes also.
- 2 speeding cars got in a head-on collision in Mexico today. 33 people died. Only Juan survived.
- In a collision, if one car is going twice as fast and the other weighs twice as much, who wins? The mortician
- A clown car got into a head-on collision with van at the U.S/Mexico border There were over 100 fatalities
- I was recently in a car accident That collision felt like failure but I knew what it really was: bones .
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Car Collision One Liners
Which car collision one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with car collision? I can suggest the ones about car accidents and crashed car.
- 2 cars had a head-on collision in Mexico today.. 34 people died.
- My car was stolen and crashed by a gang of 14 year olds It was a minor collision
- Why is Trump's car insurance so cheap? NO COLLISION.
- Was that the sound of a head-on collision between two cars? "Co-wrecked."
- To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.
- How do car companies measure the impact of a collision A c**... test, d**...
Car Collision Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about car collision you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean traffic accidents jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make car collision pranks.
I told my friend that "Last night there was a rear-end collision in my parking lot. After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800 and drove away". My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?"
I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."
A man has a car accident...
A man is talking with a policeman after he had a collision with a tree.
'Could you please tell me what exactly happened, sir?' asks the policeman.
'You see,' says the man, 'there was this squirrel that suddenly popped out of nowhere to cross the street.'
'But if it is truly necessary, can't you just run over the squirrel?'
'I know, but then the squirrel hid behind a tree.'
A couple are driving and get involved in a huge c**....
The wife is thrown from the car and killed instantly. The husband wasnt hurt severely from the c**... by wearing his seat belt.
When emergency services arrive the man is screaming for his wife and rolling around in pain. Police come and inform him his wife died in the collision.
The man clutching between his legs in pain says "did you see if she had anything in her mouth".
There is a terrible head-on collision on a winding Russian road
Both cars, a brand new Mercedes and an old Zhiguli, are absolutely totaled, but fortunately both drivers are relatively unscathed.
The owner of the Mercedes looks sadly at the wreckage and moans, "My brand new car! I was saving money all year to buy it, and here it is, destroyed barely a month later."
The owner of the Zhiguli nods sadly and sighs, "Yeah. I had to save money for 15 years to buy mine."
Johny was stopped by the policeman on the road, the policeman has looked over the whole car and has said to Johny:
"Johny, if you´ll go somebody by your car, the human would probably survive the collision with your car also without your help, but the treatment with the content of your archaic first aid box will survive nobody, there´s no doubt. Did you buy it in the shop B.C.?"
A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force.
Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.
Just look at our cars.
There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.
This must be a sign from God!"
Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely.
This must surely be a sign from God!"
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this!
Here's another miracle!
My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.
Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune."
The priest nods in agreement.
The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.
The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?"
The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."
A heavily inebriated man is out with his wife.
Finally they call it a day and make their way home. Driving on a major road, the car swerves dangerously, frequently crossing lanes at a frightening speed and narrowly avoiding causing countless collisions. Eventually they are pulled over by the cops.
With the window lowered, the man attempts to justify his actions.
"Goodd evvening... offficer..." he slurs. "As you can see, I've had rather a lot to drink."
The cop is fuming. "Sir. That is not a valid excuse to allow your wife to drive."
There is a head on collision on a road....
In one car is a Priest and in the other is a Rabbi. As they get out of the cars they realise that neither is even slightly hurt but the cars are totalled.
"Praise the Lord!" says the Priest, "This must be a sign from God that we are to be friends!".
"Indeed it must." agrees the Rabbi.
"And there is a bottle of wine in the boot (US: trunk) of my car that is unbroken. God must wish us to cement our friendship with a drink!"
"Yes, my friend. I agree".
So the priest opens the bottle and hands it to the Rabbi, who takes a large swig. As they sit at the side of the road, talking about their lives, the Rabbi notices that each time he hands the bottle to the Priest he holds it for a few minutes before he hands it back to the Rabbi.
"My friend," he says, "are you not drinking?"
"No," says the Priest, "I'm waiting for the Police"
A head-on collision occurred between a man and a woman.
Both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished. The man said, "This is quite a predicament. We should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle." The woman replied, "What a great idea; I just happen to have a bottle with me." With this she handed it to the man. The man downed half the bottle and handed it back. The woman would not take it back and said, "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."