Car Battery Jokes
44 car battery jokes and hilarious car battery puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about car battery that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Car Battery Short Jokes
Short car battery jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The car battery humour may include short battery jokes also.
- In a fit of rage, a friend of mine ran over a pedestrian with his electric car. He will be charged with battery.
- A man was found electrocuted, with only a car battery in the room. Police are still looking for leads.
- Did you know that when someone gets run over by a Tesla it isn't considered Vehicular Manslaughter? They call it electric car battery!
- I had to take my Model S in for service yesterday. I could hear loud roars coming from underneath the car. Tesla said it was normal and coming from the Li- Ion battery.
- I got pulled over with some Duracell and Morton's in my car... They booked me on a salt and battery charge.
- Local man jump-starting neighbor's car. Local man arrested when jumpstarting neighbor's car.
Charged with battery - Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery. - A man walked up to me on the street and handed me a flyer that said "Free car-battery check, no charge." I couldn't believe he was able to check my battery so quickly...
- I wonder why Wuhan is not making electric cars... I bet they wouldn't run out of BATtery.
...
I'll show myself out, thank you. - Neighbour asks if I've got any old car batteries. Me: Yeah I've got tons of old ones. I can give 'em to you free of charge.
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Car Battery One Liners
Which car battery one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with car battery? I can suggest the ones about battery charge and car engine.
- A guy shocked himself trying to steal an electric car. He was charged with battery.
- One liner If you hit a person with an electric car will you be charged for battery?
- Why did the electric car go to court? It was charged with battery
- Why couldn't the police solve the case of the flat car battery? They had no leads.
- Russian-made cars have only one plus ... on the battery.
- Dodge is coming out with an electric car... ...the Battery Charger
- While I was at work, someone hooked up a car battery to my front door. Imagine my shock.
- What was the car charged with? Battery of another car.
- Yo momma's so s**..., she tried to drop acid, but the car battery fell on her foot.
Car Battery Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about car battery you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean electric car jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make car battery pranks.
A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard.
The wife finds a leak in the roof.
She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed.
So is the plumbing. So is the car.
He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.
Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
What do i look like?
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
Fixer-Upper
A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
He says, "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says.
"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got jumped by three black men downtown the other day...
They were quite polite the whole time they were jumping me. Even gave me directions to the nearest auto parts store so I could get a new car battery.
I work for AAA
I was called out to help a woman whose car wouldn't start. Used jumper cables to hook it up to my truck, started right up.
Woman: "Thank you so much, is there a charge?"
Me: "Just your battery."
There were four engineers in a car..
..A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and an IT engineer. They were driving down the road when the car suddenly broke down.
"It must be the engine!" Said the mechanical engineer.
"Hang on, it's the battery, I know all about this." Replied the electrical engineer.
"It has to be the fuel! I'm an expert on this you know." The chemical engineer chimed in.
"Nah, nah. I know what it is." Said the IT engineer. "We all have to get out of the car, and back in again."
Did you hear about the guy who got pulled over?
The cops received a warrant and were able to search his car and they opened the glove box and ended up finding sodium chloride and a nine volt...
He got charged with assault and battery
Important things in Life.
I had a power cut at my house this morning.
My PC, Laptop, TV, DVD, Ipad and new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was dead.
To top it off, it was raining so I couldn't go for a walk, bike, or run. The garage door opener needed electricity so I couldn't go anywhere in the car.
I went to the kitchen to make coffee and then remembered this also needed power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person.
In those cold weather it's important to remember
Your car battery is both alive and dead until you try cranking it
An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.
Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."
Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."
IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."
What did the SEC do when the battery-powered-car exec exceeded his range?
They charged him.
My car battery stopped working, so I took it to a shop to have it looked at. I thought it would be expensive
But they said there was no charge.
A car thief hijacked a Tesla, but didn't get very far.
He surrendered the vehicle to avoid battery charges.
Did you hear about the car which caused physical harm to another car?
It got charged with battery.
Two guys got arrested last night...
One for eating car batteries, one for eating Fireworks.
One got Charged the other got let off.
Three men are driving in the desert when their car breaks down.
The men decide that they must split up and survive on their own for the best chances. They are then forced to abandon the car. To be fair, they decide that they can each take one part of the car to help them.
The first man decides that he wants to take the car battery, he is an engineer and believes he can hook it up to somehow keep his phone charged as he travels the desert.
The second man decides he wants the water pump because he can drink from it when he gets thirsty.
The third man, who was a little slow, wanted to take a car door with him. His reasoning was, if it ever gets to hot, I can just roll the window down