captures Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious captures puns

During the war, an enemy soldier captures 3 nuns..

.He says that as revenge he'll rape all of them.

Young nun requested: Please spare the older nun.


Old nun : Shut up you Bitch! War is war.

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Hitler captures 5 Jews

In a concentration camp Hitler catches 5 Jews and asks the first one :


~ How many meters high can you jump?


~ 1 meter, he answered as he was trembling.
Hitler gives him one loaf of bread and asks the same question to the second Jew.


~ 2 meters...replies the second Jew.
Hitler gives two loaves of bread and asks the same question to the third Jew.


~ 3 meters! responds quickly the third Jew.
Hitler draws his gun and blows his minds in air. Now the Jews concerned ask him:


~ Well, why you killed him?
And Hitler replies:


~ He can jump over the fence!

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A cannibal tribe captures an American, a German and a Russian.

"Alright guys. As you last wish, you get to order a drink. And then you have to shoot that parrot from a three mile distance with this old rifle. If you hit the parrot, you will be released, otherwise we are going to eat you".

American: "Alright, give me a bottle of Coca Cola." He drinks the Coke, aims and shoots. He misses and gets eaten by the cannibals.

German: "Give me a bottle of beer". He drinks, he aims, shoots, misses. Gets eaten.

Russian "Give me a bottle of vodka". The Russian drinks the bottle, aims and - bang - the parrot is dead.

The cannibals are staggered "Tell us, how the hell did you do that?"

"Are you kidding me? With eight barrels, and a sky full of parrots?"

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So three men are stranded in the jungle...

A tribe of cannibals captures them. The chief says he will grant them one last thing before they are eaten. The first man asks for a woman to pleasure him. So the chief brings one of his daughters to pleasure the man. Then the tribe skins him, eats him, and uses his skin for a canoe. The second man asks for a drink to numb his mind before they eat him. So the chief brings him their strongest drink and he passes out drunk. Then the tribe skins him, eats him, and uses his skin to make a canoe. The third man asks for a fork before they eat him. The chief is confused but brings him a fork. The man starts stabbing himself all over and yells "YOURE NOT MAKING A CANOE OUT OF ME!"

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Cowboy and Indians.

An Indian scouting party captures a cowboy from a bar and brings him
back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy,
"You going die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for
three days. At sundown third day, you die. What first wish?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse." The indians get his horse.
The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps
the horse on the back. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse
comesback with a naked blonde.
She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The
Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man... only think
one thing." The second day, the chief says, "What wish today?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The indians bring him
his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something
in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the back. Two hours later, the
horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the
teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man going die
tomorrow ... can only think one thing." The last day comes, and the
chief says, "This last wish, white man. What want?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him
his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard
and yells, "Read my lips you idiot! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"

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How much does a Humvee cost the U.S. Military?

Around $1.1 million. $100k to buy it, and $1 million to destroy it after ISIL captures it.

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Cannibals capture 3 people

A cannibal lord captures 3 people. He makes a wager with them "We wont eat you if you do a task for us". He promptly sends them to the garden to pick out a fruit. They come one by one. The first man brings an apple. The cannibal says "Put it in your asshole" the guy says he cant and he is eaten. Second guy comes in he has taken grapes. He places them in his asshole but they break due to him laughing so the cannibals eat him. When the second guy gets to heaven god asks "Why did you laugh?" and he responds "I saw the third guy pick a watermelon"

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What are the most funny Captures jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Captures? Well, here are the best Captures dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Captures pick up lines to share with friends.

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