The Best 42 Capture Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Capture jokes. There are some capture recapture jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these capture fugitive puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Capture Jokes and Puns

Two cannibals...

capture a fresh man. They begin eating him. One cannibal starts at the head and the other starts at the feet.
Ten minutes later the one at the head asks the other,"how are you doing?"
The other says, "oh I'm having a ball!"
And the other says "well you eat too fast."

How do you capture a polar bear?

1. Dig a hole in the ice.

2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole

3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

Did you hear about the Egyptian murderer who evaded capture by jumping into a river?

Police said he was in denial.

Capture joke, Did you hear about the Egyptian murderer who evaded capture by jumping into a river?

Larry at the police station

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

I was captured by an American today.


How do you capture a polar bear?

Cut a big fishing hole in the ice. Wait for the polar bear to bend over the hole to fish. Then run up behind the polar bear and **kick it in the icehole!**

Your heart cannot be an American Hero

Because I am going to capture it

Capture joke, Your heart cannot be an American Hero

How to capture an elephant

step 1 dig a hole.
step 2 fill the hole with ash.
step 3 surround it with peas.
step 4 when the elephant comes to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole!

The Mars mission should include an artist to capture the alien planet

The art would be out of this world.

I found an alternative to PokΓ©mon GO.

It's this new game called Grindr. I haven't tried it yet, but I hear its this thing where you go around, trying to capture bears.

I tried to capture steam from the sauna...

But I mist.

You can explore capture camcorder reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean capture kodak dad jokes. There are also capture puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I capture lions for a living...

I guess you could say I take pride in my work.

If Robbie Rotten was a Pokemon Trainer, what Pokeball would he use to capture all his pokemon?

The net ball.

What does a camera have in common with a condom?

They both capture that special moment.

How are condoms like cameras?

They capture your special moments.

I was captured by a pimp and forced to become a prostitute

It was whore-ifying

Capture joke, I was captured by a pimp and forced to become a prostitute

How do you capture an elephant?

You dig up a hole, put ashes in it and surround the hole with peanuts. Then, you kick him in the ash hole.

My armless uncle was a bank robber for 40 years and th e police couldn't ever capture him...

Apparently, they couldn't arrest him for armed robbery.

I just got an all-organic carbon capture plant for my house.

I just call it "a plant" for short.


They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

How did the latest cyber criminals evade capture?

They ransomware.

Our ancestors would be so jealous of modern dryers' lint traps

They had to get by on whatever they could capture in their belly buttons

In the city, a guy was caught taking out all the red bulbs in traffic lights after months of going unseen

He wasn't sure what led to his capture, since he was pulling out all the stops to not get caught.

When the Thought Police start making arrests...

...will they capture the imagination of the public?

What do you use to capture a Parallelogram?

A Trapezoid.

Why couldn't the all lesbian capture the flag team win any games?

The players never left no-man's-land.

I was captured and tortured by an mime

He did unspeakable things to me

How do you capture a Nicholas?

In a Nicholas Cage.

Why doesn't Billy Mitchell need a capture card?

He uses emulators.

Breaking News: Japanese researchers have developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast...

It can actually capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.

Researchers say Bigfoot was finally discovered and captured on a mountain trail recently. Despite it's enormous size, it proved easy to capture due it's very low intelligence. The head researcher was shocked by just how fat and dumb it was. The beast will be held in captivity for a while.

In related news, your mom won't be returning from her hike anytime soon.

If you like her, treat her like a queen.

Capture her quickly and confine her to an 8 by 8 space.

How do you capture a skeleton?

Use a rib-cage.

Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrum-roll, please?

If you fart and sneeze at the same time...

your body will capture a screenshot

What does Kodak film have in common with condoms?

Both capture the moment.

I'll never forget my son's 856th words.

"Dad, you capture irrelevant information."

If you do these things for 30 days you will be unrecognisable.



1. Sleep 8+ hours everyday.



2. Drink 3L of water minimum daily.



3. Get outside in the sun everyday.



4. No sugar.



5. Read for 30 mins each day.



6. Workout for 1hr 3 times a week



7. Capture someone and cut their face off then sew it onto your face.



8. Meditate for 10 mins everyday.

In china, they invented a machine that can capture thieves

They tested out the machine in china for a week and they caught 2 thieves. The following week the russians decided to test this machine in Moscow, they caught 10 thieves. Seeing the machine's success, the Mexican government wanted to try this in the City of Mexico, they caught 400 thieves. Then the Americans caught interest and decided to test the machine in Detroit... They stole the machine

I didn't exactly ace my "capture the wasp" exam.

I got a bee.

Today in History class we learned that evil slave traders used to lure and capture Kalahari bushmen by speaking their language to draw them out in the open.

A terrible, early form of click bait.

Bought a new camera today…

and wanted to test it out. I was looking for a good subject and found a salon where a guy was cutting a woman's hair. I went in and asked him if I could take some pictures. He said she wanted a rainbow look, and it would be great to get some before and after pics to capture the coloring process.

That's when I shot a man, just to watch him dye.

How many Russians does it take to capture Kyiv?

Its ok. Putin doesn't know either.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the capture coriander jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working capture canibals piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes