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Captive Jokes

26 captive jokes and hilarious captive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about captive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Captive Short Jokes

Short captive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The captive humour may include short hostage jokes also.

  1. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in the cage Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity
  2. I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
  3. A new study of dolphins was recently performed... The study showed that within a few weeks in captivity, they were able to teach humans to stand at the edge of their pool and throw fish at them.
  4. I'm in prison and decided to start my career here as a standup comic It helps to have a captive audience
  5. What did the comedian turned kidnapper say to his hostages? It's nice to have a captive audience.
  6. Recent studies show that chimps raised in captivity are more likely to reproduce if they are shown videos of other chimps mating in the wild. monkey see monkey do monkey, monkey do monkey
  7. Pandas have finally started breeding together in captivity According to staffers, the place just suddenly erupted into panda-moan-ium
  8. Got my second shot today Even after bleeding in captivity for hours, articulately begging the enemy soldiers to spare me.
  9. I'm currently reading this really captivating book called "How To Improve Your Sense of Direction". It's so good that I can't put it up.
  10. Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity? Because all of their broads are in Atlanta

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Captive One Liners

Which captive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with captive? I can suggest the ones about prisoner and inmate.

  1. My family was being held captive by a salad It wouldn't lettuce leaf
  2. Why is it easy to tell jokes in a prison? You have a captive audience.
  3. What do you call toast in a cage? Bread in captivity.
  4. How was your trip to Stockholm? Captivating
  5. Why was the poet teaching at a prison so happy? She had a captive audience
  6. Hey, did you hear about the prison talent show? They had quite the captive audience.
  7. Why did Demi Lovato hold Wonder Woman captive? Because she was a heroine addict
  8. I have a pet baguette that remains in it's cage. It's bread in captivity.
  9. Lady Gaga Performed at the Prison today. Might I say that the Audience were Captivated.
  10. Why are beekeepers opposed to keeping gorillas in captivity? They're ape purists
  11. Why are movies about rally car races so captivating? There's a lot of suspension.
  12. What do you call 64 white guys trapped in a room? a captive Cherokee
  13. Copenhagen continues to captivate visitors. They're experiencing the Stockholm syndrome.
  14. What do you call an interesting t**...? Captivating.
Captive joke, What do you call an interesting t**...?

Cheerful Fun Captive Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about captive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trapped inside jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make captive pranks.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I was held captive by some French-Canadian terrorists...

They forced me to eat hundreds of meat pies.
It was tourtière.

Brown Pants

During the French and Indian Wars in North America, the French captured a British Officer during an engagement. Later that evening the French officers gathered and dined with the new captive.

After dinner the French commander asked their prisoner Sir, we have been wondering why British officers wear a red coat, as it makes you an obvious target for our sharpshooters . The British officer replied We wear it so that if we are wounded, the sight of our blood does not panic our men .
Ever since that day, French Officers have worn brown pants.

I was shocked by that story of the parents who kept even their adult children captive in the house.

Personally, I couldn't wait for my kids to leave.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Two explorers are surrounded by cannibals

The first explorer makes a run for it, but is quickly caught. The second calmly starts doing the old "trapped in a glass box" routine while his comrade watches on, bewildered. Visibly disgusted, the cannibals wave him away.
Just before they lead their captive off to the s**..., he asks the second explorer why they spared him. "A mime is a terrible thing to taste."

Captive joke, Two explorers are surrounded by cannibals