The Best 35 Captain Kirk Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Captain Kirk jokes. There are some captain kirk jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these captain kirk puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Captain Kirk Jokes and Puns

Captain Kirk actually has 3 ears.

The first is the left ear, the second is the right ear, and then there's the final frontier.

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...

In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

Why did Captain Kirk's girlfriend break up with him?

Because he Shatner face.

Did you know Captain Kirk had three ears?

A right ear, a left ear, and a final front ear

What is Captain Kirk's least favorite type of nut?

Pe-KAAAAAHHHHHNNNNNN!!!!


What does Captain Kirk do on the toilet ?

He makes a Captain's log

Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?

Because he was fighting the Klingons.

Why does Captain Kirk only have sex with virgins?

He boldly goes where no man has gone before.

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

3

A Left Ear

A Right Ear

And a Final Front-Ear

What did captain kirk's music teach put on his report card?

He's having trouble with the trebles

What's sick, Irish, and hates Captain Kirk?

A leper Khan.

You can explore captain kirk reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean captain kirk dad jokes. There are also captain kirk puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why does Captain Kirk's wife smell?

Because, William Shatner.

Why Did Spock Use Kirk's Bathroom?

...Because he wanted to see the Captain's log

The original actor who played Captain Kirk tried to start a Star Trek themed line of women's lingerie.

But no one would invest in Shatner Panties.

(An oldie, but deserved a fresh posting)

What did Captain Kirk find at the end of the rainbow?

a LepreKHAAAAAAN!

What is Captain Kirk's least favorite movie genre?

Romulan-coms

Captain Kirk and Spock are chatting one day...

Kirk: " Spock you always remain so calm and even handed when talking with people who are obviously less intelligent than you. How do you do it? "

Spock: " Well Captain I simply agree with whatever they say."

Kirk: " What? That's absolutely ridiculous! "

Spock: " I completely agree Jim. "

....

Did you hear about Captain Kirk's lingerie line?

it went bust.

No one wanted to wear shatner panties.

What do Captain Kirk and Mister Spock do to get their baggage up to their hotel room?

Tell a porter.


I like my lawn like Captain Kirk likes his women.

Thick, lush, soft, and green.

What is Captain Kirks most hated pie?

Pe-KHAAAAAAANNN!

[NSFW] Why was Captain Kirk banned from brothels around the universe?

Because one time, he took a hooker and shatner.

I'm so sorry, I know its bad but I had to get it out of my head.

What is Captain Kirk's favorite brand of paper products?

Scott

What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

Q: Why did Captain Kirk go in to the ladies room?
A: Because he wanted to go where no man had gone before.

Hey Captain Kirk, who's your most productive officer?

That would be Pavel - any task I give him, he'll quickly Chekov.

What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?

They both wipe away Klingons from Uranus

How did Captain Kirk get the flu

He Khan-tracted it

Why did Captain Kirk pee on the ceiling?

To boldly go where no man has gone before.

Why couldn't Captain Kirk access the internet?

He had no Data.

Why did Captain Kirk pee on the enterprise?

To go where no man had gone before.

What is Captain Kirk's favorite fish, stretch and 17th century infantry weapon?

Pike

What is Captain Kirk's least favorite fruit?

Klingon peaches

A hat for kirk

My mum wanted to knit a hat for Captain Kirk of the USS enterprise, but it is quite tricky for someone who has three ears!

His left ear, his right ear and his final front-ear.

What is Captain Kirk's favorite holiday?

Hanukhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnn!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the captain kirk jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working captain kirk piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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