Captain Hook Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Captain Hook jokes. Read captain hook rufio jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) that will make you laugh out loud.

Enjoy this list of puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these captain hook pirate puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Comical & Quirky Captain Hook Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook

where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.

Where did Captain Hook get his hook ?

The second-hand store.

I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.

Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery

What is Captain Hook's favorite kind of humor?

Dead Pan.

jokes about captain hook

Captain Hook is claiming that he was s**... assaulted by his first mate some years ago.

It's a classic case of he said, Smee said.

The Captain's Drink

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer stars and stripes, ya flag waving boy scout!"
America turns to Crunch, "Why's he suddenly "irate"?
Crunch says, "Well, that's what happens when you take the P out of a pirate"

Where did Captain Hook buy his hook?

From a second-hand store

Peter Pan and the Lost Boys are actually the souls of aborted kids

That explains Captain Hook

What's Captain Hook's favourite kind of shop?

The second hand shop.

How did Captain Hook die?

He wiped with the wrong hand

It was a man's first day on a pirate ship.

He noticed the captain had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.

The man was curious so he asked the captain how he lost his leg.

The captain responded, Arrrrr, a shark bit me leg off.

The man asked how he lost his hand. Arrrr, I lost me hand in a sword fight.

Finally, the man asked the captain while he wears a patch over his eye. The captain said, Arrrr, a seagull pooped in me eye, and it was me first day with a hook.

You can explore captain hook jack sparrow reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean captain hook capt dad jokes. There are also captain hook puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What did Captain Hook say when he broke up with his girlfriend?

"It's not you, it's Smee."

What is Captain Hook's least favorite social media site?


In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook's right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

Why did Captain Hook cross the road?

To get to the second hand shop

Captain Hook ordered a new prosthetic hand online.

It was off the hook

How did captain hook die?

His b**... itched.

What did Wendy do when she first saw Captain Hook?

She Peedherpants

What is Captain Hook's least favorite online trend?


What's Captain Hook's favorite style of comedy?


Tired of being beaten again and again by a child, Captain Hook decided to leave Neverland. When he reached the real world, he realized there was a job he was built for.

So he opened an abortion clinic.

I asked Peter Pan how Captain Hook would vent his frustration.

"Beat Smee," he replied.

"Oh, sorry." I said. "I thought you'd know."

[OC] How does captain hook cook pita bread?

With a pita pan.

How did Captain Hook die?

He wiped his a**... with the wrong hand!

How does Captain Hook warm his Greek food?

Pita Pan

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook's right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

What disease did Captain Hook fear most?

Jock itch

Why did Peter Pan know he could beat Captain Hook in poker?

Peter knew Captain Hook had lost at least one hand.

Captain Hook's Girlfriend Breaking Up with Him

It's not you, It's Smee.

TIL: Captain Hook ran an entire pirate ship.

He did it single handedly too.

He was a bit out of breath afterwards though.

What does Captain Hook do when he is bored?

Beats Smee.

Captain hook can't kill 20 kindergarteners.

But Sandy Hook can.

Why is Captain Hook good at getting away with m**...?

He leaves no fingerprints

How did Captain Hook die?

Jock itch.

(JOKE) "A PIRATE RETIRED"vanndukeandsammy

sammy:now that captain hook has retired, to make money, to fishermen at sea he rent himself out as a human fishing pole....(werms extra fee).

Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. Many of the captain hook gutless puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate.

We suggest you to use only working captain hook thunder piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh.

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