Capitalist Jokes
45 capitalist jokes and hilarious capitalist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about capitalist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
What happens when venture capitalists and Chairman Mao have a face-off? Read this article to find out more about the humorous effect of reproduction when it comes to top-tier capitalists placed in the spotlight. As they become the laughingstock, learn more about the effects of capitalism in a joke-filled context.
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Funniest Capitalist Short Jokes
Short capitalist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The capitalist humour may include short capitalism jokes also.
- You can make a capitalist poor and they'll still believe in Capitalism But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.
- I hear most Muslims are capitalists... They're always going on and on about some Great Profit.
- In Soviet Russia, the government own businesses. In Capitalist America, businesses own the government. *Insert edgy quotes
- A communist, like Karl Marx, says to seize the means of production... Capitalist Donald Trump however, prefers to seize the means of reproduction.
- How many Communists does it take to screw in a capitalist lightbulb? Zero. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
- I wonder if they got jokes in Russia about "capitalistic America"... In capitalistic America, bank robs you!
- How many capitalists are needed to change a lightbulb? None. Capitalists are not _needed_ for anything. They just tagged along to ask for lighting subsidies
- Why did Capitalist Santa give all his presents to the rich? He wanted jingle down economics to take place
- I'm starting a protest against the evil capitalist structure promoted by Vietnamese soup salesmen. We are Anti-Pho
- In capitalist countries, people work long hours for fear of being fired. In communist countries, people work long hours for fear of being fired at.
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Capitalist One Liners
Which capitalist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with capitalist? I can suggest the ones about socialist and businessman.
- In Soviet Russia, you rob banks... in Capitalist America, banks rob you!
- What do German Communists and German Capitalists have in common? They both love Marks
- Why do communists always use lower case letters? because they're not filthy capitalists!
- Why do capitalists celebrate Easter? They love when prophets rise.
- In capitalist America... Bank robs you!
- In fallout, why are caps used as currency? Because america is a CAPitalist country.
- People that type in all caps are... Capitalists.
- What do you call a bunch of capitalists dying of tuberculosis? Mass consumption
- Why did the USSR have so many lower case letters? Because they aren't capitalist
- I can't decide whether to be a communist or capitalist... Second world problems
- Capitalists have it easy. They never have to spell bourgeoisie.
- What do capitalists worship? profits
- Vacations are a capitalist trick... In order to get one, you need to get a job first!
- Why can't Anarcho-Capitalists sleep at night? Because they NAP all day.
- What do females and capitalists have in common? They both exploit the labour of men.
Venture Capitalist Jokes
Here is a list of funny venture capitalist jokes and even better venture capitalist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What happens after a venture capitalist consumes a lot of alcohol? Bad-venture time!
Howlingly Hilarious Capitalist Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about capitalist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean communist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make capitalist pranks.
In Gulag
Inmates discussing what they were sent to Gulag for.
"I was always 5 minutes late, so they sent me here for sabotage. You?"
"I was always 5 minutes early, so they sent me here for espionage. How about you, comrade?"
"I was always on time, so they sent me here for harming Soviet economy by buying watch in capitalist country"
Three gulag inmates
"Three gulag inmates are telling each other what they're in for. The first one says: 'I was five minutes late for work, and they charged me with sabotage.'
The second says: 'For me it was just the opposite: I was five minutes early for work, and they charged me with espionage.'
The third one says: 'I got to work right on time, and they charged me with harming the Soviet economy by acquiring a watch in a capitalist country.'"
A buddy of mine recently invested in a friend's dental practice and it just paid off big-time.
"So I guess that makes you...a denture capitalist now, eh?"
That's it. I'm done. Only downhill from here.
EDIT: showed my wife the comments and she muttered something under her breath about divorce. I love this sub.
A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go
The Russian Says: We Used My Fishing Rod, So I Get First 2 Wishes.
First: I Want All The Capitalists Out Of My Glorious Country.
Second: I Want A Big Wall Around Russia, Nobody Can Cross.
Then Ukrainian Has A Dialogue With The Fish
- Is The Wall Done?
- Yes
- Is It Strong And Durable?
- Yes
- Nobody Can Climb It?
- Nobody
- And Nobody But Moscovites Inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then Fill It Up With s**... Up To The Edges
I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.
Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.
A Communist, Socialist and Capitalist all agree to meet at a cafe.
The Communist and the Capitalist arrive on time but the Socialist is late.
A hour later, the Socialist rushes in.
'Sorry I'm late guys' he said, 'I had to wait in line for a sausage'.
'What's a line?' asked the Capitalist.
'What's a sausage?' asked the Communist
What's the difference between a capitalist society and a communist society?
In a capitalist society, the rich man lives in a marble palace, the poor gathered around him. He shouts to them "Haha, suckers!"
In a communist society it's the exact same thing, except the rich man is shouting "We're suffering together!"
All my friends and family thought I'll be a broke socialist out of college
**BUT I BECAME A BOLD CAPITALIST**
Two house fires break out at noon on a Wednesday and destroys two families' homes. One family lives in a capitalist country and the other lives in a socialist country. Though the fires were nearly identical, only the family living in the socialist country dies in the fire...
Because in the capitalist country, the parents had jobs and the kids were in school.
What is the difference between a capitalist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?
A capitalist fairy tale begins with Once upon a time, there was.....
A Marxist fairy tale begins with Someday, there will be...
How do you pleasure a capitalist?
An invisible h**....
