capitalist Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious capitalist puns

In Soviet Russia, you rob banks...

in Capitalist America, banks rob you!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

In Soviet Russia, the government own businesses. In Capitalist America, businesses own the government.

*Insert edgy quotes

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Communist hell

A man winds up in hell and is confronted with two doors.

There's a long queue in front of one , so he walks up to the other and asks the attendant what's behind it. This is capitalist hell, says the doorman proudly, when you enter here, you are plunged into boiling oil, then flayed, then skinned alive in the kitchens.

How about the other door? asked the man. Thats communist hell, scoffs the doorman, it's awful. There's no electricity to heat the oil, no fuel for the flaying machines and the kitchen staff just sit around all day.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Communist, Socialist and Capitalist all agree to meet at a cafe.

The Communist and the Capitalist arrive on time but the Socialist is late.

A hour later, the Socialist rushes in.

'Sorry I'm late guys' he said, 'I had to wait in line for a sausage'.

'What's a line?' asked the Capitalist.

'What's a sausage?' asked the Communistο»Ώ

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A communist, like Karl Marx, says to seize the means of production...

Capitalist Donald Trump however, prefers to seize the means of reproduction.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

All my friends and family thought I'll be a broke socialist out of college

**BUT I BECAME A BOLD CAPITALIST**

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's the difference between a capitalist society and a communist society?

In a capitalist society, the rich man lives in a marble palace, the poor gathered around him. He shouts to them "Haha, suckers!"

In a communist society it's the exact same thing, except the rich man is shouting "We're suffering together!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

In fallout, why are caps used as currency?

Because america is a CAPitalist country.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why did the USSR have so many lower case letters?

Because they aren't capitalist

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I can't decide whether to be a communist or capitalist...

Second world problems

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How do you pleasure a capitalist?

An invisible handjob.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two house fires break out at noon on a Wednesday and destroys two families' homes. One family lives in a capitalist country and the other lives in a socialist country. Though the fires were nearly identical, only the family living in the socialist country dies in the fire...

Because in the capitalist country, the parents had jobs and the kids were in school.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK I'M A GRAMMAR NAZI...

BUT I'M REALLY A GRAMMAR CAPITALIST.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

In capitalist countries, people work long hours for fear of being fired.

In communist countries, people work long hours for fear of being fired at.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do capitalists worship?

profits

πŸ‘πŸΌ

In a capitalistic society, Man exploits Man, but in a communistic society...

It's the other way around.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Vacations are a capitalist trick...

In order to get one, you need to get a job first!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

In capitalist America, you grab people by the pussy.

In Soviet Russia, you seize the means of reproduction.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

LOWERCASE IS FOR THE LOWER CLASS

That is an example of a capitalist.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What Do You Call Someone Who Puts A Capital Letter Of Every Word?

A Capitalist.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's the difference between Capitalism and Communism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man. In a communist society, it's the other way around.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Whenever I visit the USA, I only want to go to Washington

You see, I'm a capitalist.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call a capitalist Bernie Sanders?

Earning Sanders.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

In Capitalist America...

President builds wall to keep people out!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's a good book for capitalist?

Das Kapital

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call an honest capitalist?

A small time robber

πŸ‘πŸΌ

RUSSIA HATES ME...

I'M A CAPITALIST

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I AM A CAPITALIST

YES I AM

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My ex must be a capitalist

She bagged a deal in exchange for next to nothing.

When she left, she managed to take it all.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How do capitalist hedgehogs pay for things?

The hegemoney

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What did the venture capitalist say when he invested in the porn startup?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

In capitalist America, you got showers...

...In Nazi Germany, showers get you.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I am officially a capitalist...

I just ordered my first iPhone.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call a religious capitalist?

A jew

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy types "lower case is for the lower class people"

someone else replies with "I guess that makes you a capitalist"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the most funny Capitalist jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Capitalist? Well, here are the best Capitalist dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Capitalist pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes