The Best 39 Capitalist Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Capitalist jokes. There are some capitalist marx jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these capitalist socialist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Capitalist Jokes and Puns

Why did the USSR have so many lower case letters?

Because they aren't capitalist

How do you pleasure a capitalist?

An invisible handjob.

A Communist, Socialist and Capitalist all agree to meet at a cafe.

The Communist and the Capitalist arrive on time but the Socialist is late.

A hour later, the Socialist rushes in.

'Sorry I'm late guys' he said, 'I had to wait in line for a sausage'.

'What's a line?' asked the Capitalist.

'What's a sausage?' asked the Communistο»Ώ

Capitalist joke, A Communist, Socialist and Capitalist all agree to meet at a cafe.

A guy types "lower case is for the lower class people"

someone else replies with "I guess that makes you a capitalist"

What's the difference between a capitalist society and a communist society?

In a capitalist society, the rich man lives in a marble palace, the poor gathered around him. He shouts to them "Haha, suckers!"

In a communist society it's the exact same thing, except the rich man is shouting "We're suffering together!"

In Soviet Russia, the government own businesses. In Capitalist America, businesses own the government.

*Insert edgy quotes

What happens after a venture capitalist consumes a lot of alcohol?

Bad-venture time!

Capitalist joke, What happens after a venture capitalist consumes a lot of alcohol?

Whenever I visit the USA, I only want to go to Washington

You see, I'm a capitalist.

What do you call a capitalist Bernie Sanders?

Earning Sanders.


That is an example of a capitalist.

In Soviet Russia, you rob banks...

in Capitalist America, banks rob you!

You can explore capitalist laughingstock reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean capitalist engels dad jokes. There are also capitalist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Two house fires break out at noon on a Wednesday and destroys two families' homes. One family lives in a capitalist country and the other lives in a socialist country. Though the fires were nearly identical, only the family living in the socialist country dies in the fire...

Because in the capitalist country, the parents had jobs and the kids were in school.

What Do You Call Someone Who Puts A Capital Letter Of Every Word?

A Capitalist.

In fallout, why are caps used as currency?

Because america is a CAPitalist country.

I can't decide whether to be a communist or capitalist...

Second world problems

What do capitalists worship?


Capitalist joke, What do capitalists worship?

What's the difference between Capitalism and Communism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man. In a communist society, it's the other way around.

My ex must be a capitalist

She bagged a deal in exchange for next to nothing.

When she left, she managed to take it all.

All my friends and family thought I'll be a broke socialist out of college


How do capitalist hedgehogs pay for things?

The hegemoney

In a capitalistic society, Man exploits Man, but in a communistic society...

It's the other way around.

A communist, like Karl Marx, says to seize the means of production...

Capitalist Donald Trump however, prefers to seize the means of reproduction.

In capitalist countries, people work long hours for fear of being fired.

In communist countries, people work long hours for fear of being fired at.

Why is DnD a capitalist game?

It has classes.

Vacations are a capitalist trick...

In order to get one, you need to get a job first!

Niece Tried to guess the definition of a Capitalist

"Someone who types in all cap."

What do you call an Islamic capitalist?

Profit Muhammad

What's a good book for capitalist?

Das Kapital

In capitalist America...

Bank robs you!

What's the difference between a capitalist and a communist?

A communist will call you "comrade" while stealing everything you have, unlike a capitalist who won't bother calling you comrade.

Capitalists have it easy.

They never have to spell bourgeoisie.

Saw an old friend walking back from the protest yesterday...

I asked him how it was, he goes "great, we're finally gonna overturn our brutal capitalist society" then asked me if I wanted to get a shake at McDonald's

I'm starting a protest against the evil capitalist structure promoted by Vietnamese soup salesmen.

We are Anti-Pho

Why did Capitalist Santa give all his presents to the rich?

He wanted jingle down economics to take place

What is the difference between a capitalist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?

A capitalist fairy tale begins with Once upon a time, there was.....
A Marxist fairy tale begins with Someday, there will be...

How many capitalists are needed to change a lightbulb?

None. Capitalists are not _needed_ for anything. They just tagged along to ask for lighting subsidies

You can make a capitalist poor and they'll still believe in Capitalism

But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.

In Gulag

Inmates discussing what they were sent to Gulag for.

"I was always 5 minutes late, so they sent me here for sabotage. You?"

"I was always 5 minutes early, so they sent me here for espionage. How about you, comrade?"

"I was always on time, so they sent me here for harming Soviet economy by buying watch in capitalist country"

Three gulag inmates

"Three gulag inmates are telling each other what they're in for. The first one says: 'I was five minutes late for work, and they charged me with sabotage.'

The second says: 'For me it was just the opposite: I was five minutes early for work, and they charged me with espionage.'

The third one says: 'I got to work right on time, and they charged me with harming the Soviet economy by acquiring a watch in a capitalist country.'"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the capitalist proletariat jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working capitalist leninade piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes