capitalism Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious capitalism puns

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

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Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?

Because he hated Capitalism

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What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

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Why does Karl Marx write in lowercase?

He hates capitalism

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Do Russians only write in lower case letters?

I mean, they hate Capitalism.

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What do you call it when a white person robs you?

Capitalism.

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Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

Because they hate Capitalism.

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What happens when you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

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If I had a dollar for everything wrong with capitalism

... then I probably wouldn't be complaining about capitalism.

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Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters?

Because he hates capitalism.

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What do my girlfriend and ethical capitalism have in common?

They don't exist

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Why does Stalin only write in lower case?

Because he hates capitalism

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Fuck Capitalism!

Sent from my iPhone

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do commies write everything in lower case?

you know beacause they hate capitalism

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What is Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

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How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, we just sit in the dark complaining about capitalism.

But come the light-bulb revolution everything will be brighter.

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I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her "Government". We take care of your need, so let's call you "The People". We'll call the maid "The Working Class" and your little brother, we can call "The Future". Do you understand son?

Son: "I'm not really sure, dad. I'll have to think about it."

That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: "Dad, now I think i understand what politics is."

Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit."

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I bought a book on capitalism...

but then returned it because some of the letters were in lower-case.

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democracy EL5

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom spends the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of you, the people and your baby brother, the future.

So the little boy goes off to bed and later hears his baby brother crying, He gets up to check on him and finds that he severely soiled his diaper. So the boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked,

He peeps in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words ."What you think politics is all about."

The little boy, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

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Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

Because they believe capitalism is bad

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Explaining how the parliament works.

One day a boy asks his dad how the parliament works. So his dad tells him,
"Well, i am the working man of the family so think of me as capitalism. Your mom is the government, your baby brother is the future and the housekeeper is the working class. Now ponder over what i've told you and tell me what you understand."
That night, the boy's brother shit his diapers, when he goes to call his mom, she doesn't wake up and his dad isn't there. So he goes to the housekeeper's room and finds it locked. He peeps in and sees his dad banging her.
The next morning the boy says to his dad,
"I finally understood how the parliament works. While the government sleeps and the future is in deep shit, capitalism is screwing the working class."

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What's the difference between Capitalism & Socialism?

With Capitalism, man exploits man.

And it's the opposite with Socialism.

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If you have two cows,

Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor

Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk

Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk

New Dealism: You shoot one and milk the other, then you pour the milk down the drain

Nazism: The government shoots you and keeps the cows

Capitalism: You sell one and buy a bull. Then put both of them in your wife's name and declare bankruptcy.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned

Binaryism: You have 10 cows

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Politics Defined

One evening a small boy comes home confused and concerned. His father enquires as to his problem, where upon the boy looks up to his father, and very matter-of-factly asks "What's politics, Dad?"

"Well you see it is like this son; your mother, she is like the government, she controls everything. You have to do what you are told and have little say in anything, so you are the people. I earn the money, so I represent capitalism. Your nanny, she is the worker, and she represents the workers, meanwhile your little brother is the future. Does that make it clearer?"

The boy wanders away and thinks about it. Later that night the boy wakes up to hear his little brother crying. He goes to see what has happened and finds that he has made a mess in his nappy. Upon learning this he goes to tell his mother. When he gets there he finds that his mother is asleep and can't be woken. His father is not there, instead he see through the door in his nanny's room that his Father is in bed with the Nanny. Finally, seeing that nothing can be done, he goes back to sleep.

The next morning at breakfast his father asks if he understood politics.

"I think so Dad - they way I see it, the government is ignoring the people, capitalism is screwing the workers, and the future is in the toilet."

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Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3

- Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner

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Some homework help

Johnny asks his father for help on his history homework. He asks, "How do capitalism and government work?" And the father replies that his mother is the government, since she controls the most in the household. The father is capitalism, since he is the breadwinner of the family. The maid is the working class, Johnny is the people, since he answers to his parents, and his younger brother is the future. Johnny says he needs a night to think it over.

Later that night, Johnny wakes up to his brother crying. He can smell that he needs a diaper changed. He opens the door to his parent's room, and finds his father missing and his mother fast asleep and won't wake up. He sees a light and walks down the hall to find his father in bed with the maid.

The next morning, Johnny's father asks if he understands government now. Johnny replies, "I do! Capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is useless ignoring the people, and the future is full of shit."

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Fidel Castro just passed away...

...I suppose Black Friday was too MUCH capitalism for him.

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So a kid has to write about politics....

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"

Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."

That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."

Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit."

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Why are hippies against capitalism?

Because money doesn't grow on trees.

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Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil.

> Sent from my iPhone 7

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What's the difference between communism and capitalism?

In the former, man exploits man, in the latter, it's exactly the opposite.

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You know, capitalism can be pretty complicated

But communism? Everyone gets it

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A small boy asks his Dad, "Dad, what are politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit."

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What is the difference between Capitalism and Communism?

It's the order of events,

In Capitalism the dad goes missing and then kids report,
while in Communism kids report then dad goes missing.

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A teacher asks three of his students a question

"In your own words, what does capitalism mean?"

The American student asks "What does 'define' mean?"

The Russian student asks "What does 'capitalism' mean?"

The North Korean student asks "What does 'in your own words' mean?"

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What are the most funny Capitalism jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Capitalism? Well, here are the best Capitalism dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Capitalism pick up lines to share with friends.

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