Capitalism Jokes

What are some Capitalism jokes?

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?

Because he hated Capitalism

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

Why does Karl Marx write in lowercase?

He hates capitalism

Do Russians only write in lower case letters?

I mean, they hate Capitalism.

What do you call it when a white person robs you?


Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

Because they hate Capitalism.

What happens when you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

If I had a dollar for everything wrong with capitalism

... then I probably wouldn't be complaining about capitalism.

Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters?

Because he hates capitalism.

What do my girlfriend and ethical capitalism have in common?

They don't exist

do commies write everything in lower case?

you know beacause they hate capitalism

How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, we just sit in the dark complaining about capitalism.

But come the light-bulb revolution everything will be brighter.

I bought a book on capitalism...

but then returned it because some of the letters were in lower-case.

What's the difference between Capitalism & Socialism?

With Capitalism, man exploits man.

And it's the opposite with Socialism.

If you have two cows,

Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor

Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk

Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk

New Dealism: You shoot one and milk the other, then you pour the milk down the drain

Nazism: The government shoots you and keeps the cows

Capitalism: You sell one and buy a bull. Then put both of them in your wife's name and declare bankruptcy.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned

Binaryism: You have 10 cows

Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3

- Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

Fidel Castro just passed away...

...I suppose Black Friday was too MUCH capitalism for him.

Why are hippies against capitalism?

Because money doesn't grow on trees.

Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil.

> Sent from my iPhone 7

What's the difference between communism and capitalism?

In the former, man exploits man, in the latter, it's exactly the opposite.

You know, capitalism can be pretty complicated

But communism? Everyone gets it

What is the difference between Capitalism and Communism?

It's the order of events,

In Capitalism the dad goes missing and then kids report,
while in Communism kids report then dad goes missing.

What's the difference between true communism and unhindered capitalism.

One spies on the people, removes privacy for the sake of the masses, and props up an establishment that serves only the lucky few.

And the other fortunately never caught on in America.

A teacher asks three of his students a question

"In your own words, what does capitalism mean?"

The American student asks "What does 'define' mean?"

The Russian student asks "What does 'capitalism' mean?"

The North Korean student asks "What does 'in your own words' mean?"

Under capitalism man exploits man...

Under communism the reverse is true

Is there a difference between capitalism and communism?

Yes, in principle. With capitalism, man exploits man. But with communism, it is precisely the opposite.

Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?

He was afraid of capitalism

Why did the communist experiment with capitalism?

They were buy-curious.

Capitalism is dancing at the edge of the abyss.

Socialism, of course, is one step ahead of them.

A single bird can't destroy capitalism on his own

But toucan

What's the difference between Communism and Capitalism?

In Communism the government owns and runs and collects everything.
In Capitalism you own and run things and the government collects it for you.

I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism

Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.

Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and depth I was looking for. I gave her B marks.

Sasha wrote an paper on why capitalism is a disgusting byproduct of greedy fascists who seek to control the population. Needless to say, I gave him Karl Marx.

How do you get rid of capitalism?

Just get rid of the shift and caps lock keys.

Capitalism, Communism, and Socialism have a meeting for afternoon tea

Communism collapses on the way there and dies from malnutrition. Socialism is so late from collecting welfare to buy the tea that he decides to go home. However, Capitalism - seeing that neither of the two showed up - buys his own tea, finishes his lunch break, and goes back to work.

Capitalism sounds good on paper...

paper money, I mean

Burger King: Have It Your Way!

Burger Dictatorship: Have it My Way!

Burger Communism: Have it Everyone's Way!

Burger Capitalism: Have it Your Way For a Steep Price Hike!

Burger Oligarchy: 1% Have it Their Way!

Burger Democracy: Have Something Your Way!

Burger Anarchy: Don't Have It!

Soviet joke

In capitalism, man exploits man. In glorious Russia workers state, is other way around.

Capitalism is horrible

Buy my book to find out why!

My Chinese friend's jokes about Socialism and Capitalism

* A Russian, an American, and a Chinese person are walking down a path. Suddenly, they come to a fork in the road. One path has the sign "Capitalism," and it's brightly lit and beautiful. The other is labeled "Socialism," and it's dark and frightening. The American chooses first, marching confidently down the brightly lit path. The Russian is next. Determined, he starts to go down the dark path, but then turns back halfway and runs toward the bright path. The Chinese person is last. After thinking a moment, he chooses the bright path - but first he changes the signs.

* Stalin, on his deathbed, is talking with his successor-to-be, Khrushchev. Stalin, with his dying breath, says "But what if the people won't go with you, comrade?" Khrushchev replies, "Don't worry! If they don't go with *me*, I'll make sure that they're going with *you*."

* An American and a Russian are waiting for their friend, a Chinese guy. The Chinese guy finally arrives twenty minutes late. "Sorry," he says, "I was standing in line to buy some sausage." The American says, "What's a line?" and the Russian says, "What's a sausage?"

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism? v2

Allah's Snackbar.

Tell me commrade

What is capitalism? The exploitation of man by man!

And what is communism?

The reverse!

Capitalism is like the lottery.

Every body believe they will win, but only few do.

Under capitalism, man oppresses man.

Under socialism, it's just the opposite.

I can justify capitalism in three words or less.

It sells itself.

How to make Capitalism jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Capitalism to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Capitalism? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Capitalism pick up lines to share with friends.

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