Rib-Tickling Capital Jokes that Bring Friends Together
The year is 2219
A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the next year. The true meaning of the ritual is lost in the annals of history but many believe it goes back to the days of a mythical quest they called Brexit.
Don't forget capital letters...
In the world of high-tech gadgetry, more and more people who send text messages and emails have forgotten the art of capital letters.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse, and helping your uncle j**... a horse."
In Lomé, the capital of a small African country, there are no sit-down restaurants.
All the food is Togo.
New job
I recently got a new job assisting a one-armed typist with capital letters. It was shift work
Why are the Irish so rich?
Their capital is always Dublin. Hehe
The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...
And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."
I just got a job typing capital letters for a one-armed secretary
She's really nice, but I can't stand the shift work.
Capitalisation
It is the difference between "I helped my uncle j**... a horse," and "I helped my uncle j**... a horse."
I have no problem with Capital Punishment in theory....
I just have problems with its execution.
Capitalization can really change a sentence.
For example:
I love to eat candy.
I love to eat capitalization.
I asked my daughter what the capital of Australia is.
She said A.
You can explore capital fund reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean capital juneau dad jokes. There are also capital puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why is Ireland so rich?
Because their capital is always Dublin.
The other day someone asked me what the capital of greece was....
My answer of "i dont know, about ten dollars?" was not acceptable.
A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.
He is the seoul breadwinner
I had a detention for only using uppercase letters today
s**... capital punishment
I've got a new job. I'm helping out a one-armed typist whenever she needs to type a capital letter.
It's shift work
From an English Professor.
"In the world of hi-tech gadgetry , I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the practice of using capital letters.
The use of capitals , known as capitalization , is the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse, and helping your uncle j**... a horse.
Is everybody clear on that ?"
I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...
They told me that case was sensitive.
Capital letters...
...the difference between using chemicals to remove polish, and using chemicals to remove Polish.
A boy is studying for his geography quiz
His mom asks him:
"What is the capital of Germany?"
"Berlin", says the boy.
"What is the capital of France?"
"Berlin."
"What is the capital of Russia?"
"Berlin."
"You're so smart, Adolf, I know you'll do great on your quiz."
Geography class
-Whats the capital of Germany?
-Berlin teacher
-Whats the capital of France?
-Berlin again teacher
-Whats the capital of Poland?
-Still Berlin teacher
-Adolf! If you keep this up you'll fail geography!
-We'll see about that
If we took Korea's capital away ...
They would be Seoulless
Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?
...her capital has been Dublin for years
Did you guys hear that Ireland has the fastest growing economy in the world?
Yeah, their capital is always Dublin
Capitalization is important
There's a big difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse and helping your uncle j**... a horse.
The judge told me I might get capital punishment for my crimes, and asked me if I knew what it meant..
I didn't, so I told him to use it in a sentence.
A Blonde calls tech support
She is told that in order to get help, they need her password.
She says that the password is "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she had chosen such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3
- Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner
"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"
"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"
"That's easy, Berlin."
"And the capital of France?"
"Berlin"
"And the one of Poland?"
"Also Berlin."
"Good job Adolf, good job!"
Dad, my Geography teacher Adolf will give me a quiz tomorrow.
Sure Hans. Let me ask you some questions.
Capital of Germany? Berlin
Capital of France? Berlin
Capital of Russia? Berlin
Capital of Poland? Berlin
Capital of USA? Tokyo
Capital of China? Tokyo
Hotel? Trivago
That's my boy.
Capitalization...
Is what defines wether you're helping your Uncle j**... a horse, or you're helping your Uncle j**... a horse.
Catwoman don't know the capital of Nepal...
but Kathmandu!
"What's the capital of Alaska?"
\- "Juneau".
\- "No, I don't, that's why I'm asking".
The capital of Ireland is the world's fastest growing city..
It's Dublin every year.
Most Confusing Password
I was in a couple's home trying to fix their Internet connection.
The husband called out to his wife
in the other room for the computer password. Start with a capital S, then 123, she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but
it didn't work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, I really don't know what's so difficult about typing Start123.
Which country's capital has the fastest population growth?
Ireland, because it's always Dublin.
A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.
She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"What is the capital of France?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"What is the capital of Russia?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."
The founding fathers of Canada are sitting in front of a map filling in names for cities...
Pierre: "I suppose the capital there should have a name, too, me."
Gaton "ought to, uh?"
Dear people who don't write capital letters,
We're the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse and helping your uncle j**... a horse.
ISIS lost a capital today
ISIs
A mother is helping her son revise for a geography exam
She asks "What's the Capital of Germany?"
He replies "Berlin."
She then asks "What's the Capital of France?"
He replies "Berlin."
She asks "What's the Capital of Russia?"
He replies "Berlin."
She finally asks "What's the Capital of Poland?"
He replies "Berlin."
She then hugs him and says "I'm sure you'll do great, Adolf"
Why does Ireland have the fastest growing economy in the world?
Because its capital is Dublin all the time!
Where is the capital of North Korea?
In a Swiss bank account
Where is the capital of Zimbabwe?
In a Swiss bank account.
My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.
I guess it was great concept, poor execution.
I've just gotten a part-time job helping a one-armed man type capital letters...
It's shift work.
Did you know that the best leaders are born and bred in the capital of Taiwan?
They all have Taipei personalities.
A young boy was getting ready for a geography test he was going to take at school.
As he studied, he decided to ask his mother for help:
"Mom, will you help me revise for my geography test?"
"Sure honey, let's see... what's the capital of Germany?'
"Berlin!"
"Good job! What about the capital of France?"
"Berlin!"
"Way to go! What's the capital of the US?"
"Berlin!"
"Good job, little Adolf!"
IF I SCAM SOMEONE WITH CAPS LOCK ON..
IS IT A CAPITAL CRIME?
What's the capital of Greece?
About 5 euros.
What do you call a water barrier constructed for rodents in the capital of the Netherlands?
An Amsterdam Hamster Dam
I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It's shift work
Me and my friend Kyle visited Berlin
When we visited the capital building, I shouted See Kyle? And pointed at the building.
I got arrested after that for no reason.
In the geography class:
-What is the capital of Germany?
-Berlin!
-What is the capital of Poland?
-Berlin!
-What is the capital of France?
-Berlin!
-Good job, Adolf!
The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence
Example:
I like to eat candy
I like to eat capitals
Did you hear about the country with the fastest growing capital?
It's Ireland - every day it's Dublin.
You know, capitalism can be pretty complicated
But communism? Everyone gets it
What country's Capital has the fastest growing population in the world?
Ireland. Everyday it's Dublin.
62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".
Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.
Why did karl marx always spell his name in lowercase letters?
Because he wanted to abolish all forms of capital
The blonde's password
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Do you know why I named my stomach "Budapest"?
Because it is the Capital of Hungary!
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"
Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."
Why is Ireland a good investment ?
Cause its capital is dublin'
A Belarusian joke
A guy is walking down the street in Minsk, the capital of Belarus very close to the protests when suddenly a police car full of cops pulls up. The cops jump out of the car and start beating up the guy.
The poor guy then yells: "No, please, stop! I voted for Lukashenko!"
One of the cops then responds: "Shut up, liar! No one voted for Lukashenko!"
~Enter new password.
- chicken.
~Password must contain at least one capital.
- chicken kiev
Tried translating a joke from Latvian.
John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.
"Well, I saw a giraffe."
"What's a giraffe?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but really tall and with a long neck."
"Okay, what else?"
"Zebra."
"Zebra?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but with stripes."
"Okay, what else then?"
"I saw a hippo. "
"What's that?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Like a horse, but big and fat."
"Hm. Okay. Anything else?"
"Yes... a crocodile."
"What's a crocodile?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Nothing like one."
A blonde says "Not all blondes are s**..., and I can prove it!"
"...Give me any state, and I'll tell you it's capital."
A person yells out, "Missouri!"
"M" replies the blonde.
What's the difference between the Trump kids and the capital rioters?
Donald actually loves and supports the rioters!
The FBI recently found a common link amoung those that stormed the capital on the January 6th riots.
Turns out they all shop at Traitor Joes.
My father told me that his password is "MickeyMinnieGoofyDonaldPlutoHueyLouieDeweyDublin"
Because he was told his password should contain at least 8 characters and one capital.
Has anyone noticed that (i) looks like (I) that's been beheaded?
Capital punishment?
There was a blonde ....
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.
I had a job once.
It entailed helping a one-armed typist do capital letters.
It was shift work.
Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
**"VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento"**
When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: *Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."*
Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?
Because their capital is always Dublin.
I had to reset my password, chicken, to have a capital in it
It's now chicken kiev
What's the Capital Of Ohio?
O
Struggles of passwords
Struggles of passwords
"Set password:"
carrot
"Password must be at least 8 characters."
boiled carrot
"Password must contain at least 1 number."
1 boiled carrot
"Password cannot contain spaces."
50boiledcarrots
"Password must contain at least 1 capital."
50FUCKINGBoiledcarrots
"Password cannot contain multiple consecutive capitals."
50FuckingBoiledCarrots
"Password cannot contain swear words"
IfYouDoNotAcceptThisPasswordThenYouCanStickThose50BoiledCarrotsUpYourButt
"This password is already in use."
The capital police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the congressional riot?" The officer responded, "I'd like to question the senator wearing high heels and a spandex leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...
"Please, just wear your police uniform."
geography test
What is the capital of Austria?
\- Berlin
What is the capital of France?
\- Berlin
What is the capital of Poland?
\- Berlin
All wrong. Adolf, you're gonna fail the test
\- We shall see
What do you call the the Head of the Washington D.C. Financial Ethics Board?
>!They would be the Capitol Capital Principle Principal!<
why is Alabama the sandwich capital of the world?
Because everything is inbread
What's the fastest growing city in the world?
The capital of Ireland. It keeps Dublin and Dublin and Dublin.
Why do capitalists celebrate Easter?
They love when prophets rise.
Capitalism jokes aren't funny.
Not everyone gets them.
How do they kill unwanted insects in the Hungarian capital?
With Budapesticide.
What's the capital of Zimbabwe?
>!$1.37 USD!<
Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced Loo-iss-ville or Loo-ee-ville?
Wrong. It's pronounced Frank-fort.
