Cap Jokes
103 cap jokes and hilarious cap puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cap that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article provides funny jokes about caps, including those related to snapple caps, no caps, flat caps, bottle caps, shower caps, masks, bandanas, and helmets. Enjoy a few laughs while reading some witty jokes about these common types of head coverings!
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Funniest Cap Short Jokes
Short cap jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cap humour may include short mask jokes also.
- Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized
- I bought a new deodorant yesterday. The instructions say "Remove cap and push up bottom." Wouldn't it be better to put it under your arms?
- My Uncle said this now that there are two popes Two popes walk into a bar with Yankee caps on.
The bartender says, "Didn't you guys use to be Cardinals?" - I got stopped by a woman cop with "LAPD" on her cap I said, where's your colleague with "ANCE" on hers?
- I went to the dentist to put all caps on my teeth... ...now I can't help but shout every time I talk.
- Just bought a new deodorant... The instructions say 'remove cap and push up bottom.'
...which helps with the smell, admittedly, but hurts a lot! - A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder... He orders a beer.
Popping off the cap, the bartender says Wow! Where did you get that?
The parrot replies, Africa. - A person walks into an auto shop and says I'd like a gas cap for my KIA.
The car mechanic thinks for a few moments says, OK, that seems like a fair trade. - A pirate captain says to his first mate... Where are my buccaneers?
Aye Cap'n, they're the sides of your buccan' head! - Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds? I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.
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Cap One Liners
Which cap one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cap? I can suggest the ones about helmet and outfit.
- What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common? They both turn o into an O .
- Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest? Because not all heroes wear caps.
- Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat? He had caps lock on.
- Who is Cap'n Crunch's superior Officer? General Mills
- How do snowmen keep their heads warm during the winter solstice? They wear "ice" caps!
- What does a barista wear? A cap and chinos.
- IF I SCAM SOMEONE WITH CAPS LOCK ON.. IS IT A CAPITAL CRIME?
- Why don't Korean captains wear hats? Because they don't know what to do with cap sizes.
- Did you know you can turn a canoe over and use it as a hat? Because it's Cap-sized.
- Al Pacino's brother is steaming that his parents... named him Cap.
- How big was the iceberg that sank the Titanic? Cap size
- Why don't witches wear a flat cap? There's no point to it
- My girlfriend is insisting on a shower cap for me. Apparently 8 a day is too many.
- Just got a petrol cap for my Skoda... ...seemed like a good trade.
- In fallout, why are caps used as currency? Because america is a CAPitalist country.
Bottle Cap Jokes
Here is a list of funny bottle cap jokes and even better bottle cap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had this problem where the cap wouldn't stay on my whiskey bottle. So I fixed it with scotch tape.
- Q. I have a neck, but no head, and I wear a cap. What am I? A. A bottle!
- I just knocked over my water bottle and it spilt everywhere *no cap*
- I forgot to check if my ketchup bottle's cap was tightened…spilled everywhere. Ah well, Heinz sight is 20/20.
- Ever wonder why the cap on gallon of milk isn't square? Because the opening of the bottle is round.
- Bottle caps... They aren't a great way of keeping out sunlight.
Knee Cap Jokes
Here is a list of funny knee cap jokes and even better knee cap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a leg wearing a hat? A knee cap!
- Q: Why do we have knee caps? A: cuz TWO IS ENOUGH!
- What did the man who is in dire need of a kidney transplant say to the young man with a broken knee cap? I don't need your bad kid knees.
Cap Crunch Jokes
Here is a list of funny cap crunch jokes and even better cap crunch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The owners of Cap'n Crunch and Kellogs were murdered by the same person It was a cereal killer.
- How can you tell Cap'n Crunch is terrible? He hasn't been promoted since 1963...
- While buying groceries I saw a guy smashing several boxes of Cap'n Crunch and Frosted Flakes on the ground for no reason, Call me paranoid but I think he might be a cereal killer.
- What brand of makeup does cap'n crunch wear C'ereàl
- Who Killed Cap'n Crunch ? A serial killer.
Gas Cap Jokes
Here is a list of funny gas cap jokes and even better gas cap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went into the Auto Parts store I said:
"I want a new gas cap for my AMC Gremlin."
The owner said:
"Sounds like a fair trade." - I have just one question for my car's gas cap… Whose side are you on?
Hilarious Cap Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about cap you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bottle cap jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cap pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke about golfers.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
For past 10 years my wife has been complaining to me about not putting the cap back on the toothpaste...
On our anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy.
For a week I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste.
I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.
Finally, last night she turned and looked at me and said:
Why did you stop brushing your teeth ?? !!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump says he'll put a cap on immigrants coming into the US—I don't approve.
Immigrants should be allowed to wear what they like.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Polish joke
A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb p**... by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:
"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."
The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb p**...!".
Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"
The counterman says "This is a hardware store."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men playing golf (a favourite of mine)
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long f**... procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Bills at a bar
Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia were sitting at a bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:
"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."
The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, picks up his boomerang and gives it a swing across the bar. It does a big circle, and on its way back it knocks the cap off his beer as well. He then says:
"My name is Bill. Crocodile Bill."
The Russian looks around nervously, then pulls his pants down, and proudly shows his two p**.... He then says:
"My name is Bill. Cherno Bill."
A pianist performing in a subway terminal...
was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.
Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.
I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"
To which he replied, "I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome."
Baseball
A Braves fan walks into an Atlanta bar and spots a guy wearing a New York Yankees cap. Drinks for everyone here, bartender! shouts the Braves fan. Except for Mr. Yankees!
The Yankees fan smiles and says, Thank you!
Infuriated, the Braves fan orders another round of drinks for everyone except Mr. Yankees, who, again, thanks the man. This goes on for a while, until Mr. Braves asks the bartender, What's the matter with that guy? I've ordered rounds of drinks for everyone but him, and all he does is thank me. Is he nuts?
No, he's not nuts, says the bartender. He owns the place.
Yugo Humor
Guy walks into a parts store and says, "I'd like a new gas cap for my Yugo". Guy at the counter says, "OK, that sounds like a fair trade".
>Q: How do you make a Yugo go from 0 to 60 in five seconds?
>
>A: Push it off a cliff.
>
>Q: Why do Yugos have rear-window defrosters?
>
>A: To keep your hands warm.
Dave and John are playing a round of golf...
Dave is lining up his put on the 8th green when they hear a car coming along the road that runs parallel to the course. Upon seeing a hearse, Dave stands away from his ball, takes his cap off and bows his head until it passes.
"That was very decent of you Dave."
"Yea, she was a good wife."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For past 20 years, my wife has been complaining about my not putting the cap back on the toothpaste.
This anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy.
For a week, I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste.
I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.
Finally, last night, she turned and looked at me and said - "Why have you stopped brushing your teeth since a week ??"
Marriage is a social crime, I tell you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pair of Arms, a pair of Legs and a head have a swimming race...
All contestants dive in, the arms take the lead with the legs just behind, however the head has sunk to the bottom. The arms eventually win, with the legs in second.
They recover the head and they asked what happened? The head replied "I've been training for 6 months using my ears and just before we start, some c**t put a swimming cap on me"
*Edit, spelling mistake
So a Hipster goes into an auto parts store and asks for a fuel cap for his Smart Car.
The sales guy thinks for a moment and says, Yeah, O.K. that is a fair swap.
What did the man in the wheelchair say when he returned the hat he borrowed?
Thanks for the handy cap.
People often arguing about which Avenger is the best. Cap, Iron man, Thor...mine is Antman.
I can't help but cheer for an Ant-y hero.
Everyone knows Al Pacino, the famous Hollywood icon.
No one talks about his brother Cap, who invented delicious Italian coffee.
I'm making a hat out of my dad's old boat.
I didn't think it was possible, but he assured me it was cap sized.
I tried being a hairdresser but I was terrible at it
So I opened a Cap store outside too
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today it's National t**... Cap Day
Hats off to whoever founded it.
A guy walks into a car part store...
He says to the man behind the counter, "I need a gas cap for a Geo Metro."
The guy behind the counter thinks for a second and then says, "I think that's a fair trade."
A soldier was having a psychiatric test prior to discharge.
The psychiatrist asked, "Tell me, Private, what would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"
"It would be hard to hear", replied the soldier.
"Good", said the psychiatrist. "What would happen If I cut off your other ear?"
"I wouldn't be able to see."
"That's interesting , why do you say that?"
"Because my cap would fall over my eyes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The blonde and the 710 k**...
A blonde walks into an auto shop to ask a question.
Blonde: I have a k**... under the hood of my car that says 710 on it. It only turns one way and when I turn it, nothing happens. Can you tell me what it does?
Confused, the mechanic says show me.
She takes him out to her car and when the hood is raised, the blonde points to the 710 k**....
The mechanic laughs, rolls his eyes and says Madam, your OIL cap was put on upside down. Have a nice day!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was having the worst possible day. To cap it off my baker s**... up the topping of my birthday dessert!
It was the icing on the cake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump announced that he wants to put a cap on immigrants in the near future.
That seems unfair. They should be allowed to wear whatever they want.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an Hispanic that's reached their level cap?
A Maxican.
What did the cap say to the tie while leaving?
You hang while I go on ahead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Theresa May to put a cap on immigrants coming into the UK. I think this is unfair...
They should be allowed to wear what they like.
Police officer to a driver: OK, driver's license, vehicle license, first aid kit and warning triangle.
Driver: Nah, I've already got all that. But how much for that funny Captain's cap?"
I texted my buddy 'you free this evening?'
He texted back a selfie featuring his red, white and blue cap 'I'm free every evening'
(I know it's not your typical joke but I laughed when I got it). Have a happy and safe Independence Day, USA!
When Mario collects coins with his cap in Super Mario Odissey,...
you for sure know he is very _cappytalistic._
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What type of cap does a s**... drummer wear?
A high hat.
Papa John's apparently got bought by the NRA
Now it's called Papa Cap
What is Steve Rogers' favorite cut of beef?
Cap meat
I love Al Pacino.
But it's his brother Cap that really gets me going.
10 year old told me this one at the cap I work at: "Why DIDN'T the chicken cross the road?"
"Well he tried, but the new Google car doesn't have any feelings, and well... You know..."
If Steve Rogers was a drink, what drink would he be?
An Iced Cap
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Topical Jokes (5/25-5/26)
Hey, sorry for the tardiness! Been on the road lately. Here's some jokes to cap up the last couple days.
Governor Christie met with Snooki over the weekend, but things got a tad awkward when Christie licked his lips and asked, "But seriously, are you actually a meatball?"
Big Catholic news, the Pope recently stated that it is possible for atheists to go to Heaven. However, what he didn't say is once they get there, they have to spend all eternity helping Buddha squeeze into his yoga pants.
In entertainment, "Fast and Furious 6" critics say the film did not live up to the hype. Especially when the first 45 minutes of the film were Vin Diesel sitting in his Dodge Neon scanning Tokyo radio for a Limp Bizkit station.
Bad news, a m**... tax bill stalled in Colorado. Glossy-eyed congressmen promise they'll finish the bill as soon as this rad 'Stairway' solo is over.
In a recent speech, Biden hinted that government research is often wasteful. Such as Biden's $3 million study on if he saw Bigfoot getting the paper yesterday or just Sarah Palin before her morning shave.
And finally some science news. A recent marine study found that fish can use sign language. However, what was more surprising was the terrifying gang signs used by the east L.A. river fish crew, "Gills that Kills".
Thanks for reading! Been pretty busy lately so I'm making sure I produce some material for you guys to check out.
AAPLs market cap off $1T is equivalent to Florida's GDP
Of course, that's comparing apples to oranges.
Did you hear about the Irish guy with a metal detector?
He dug 25 meters down where he discovered he was wearing steel toe cap boots
Santa can't give an unlimited number of gifts to everyone
_He has a cap_
Niece Tried to guess the definition of a Capitalist
"Someone who types in all cap."
What did the tomato say to the baseball cap?
You go on a head, I'll ketchup later.
Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her cap and called it...
Bleaaaaaaaaaaaagggg!
Rob Becket's teeth are so big and unsensitive...
... when he chips a tooth he needs an ice cap.
Blonde - How do blondes take selfies?
With DSLRs and the lens cap on
I lost my cap
I lost the cap of my pen....
It's decapitated now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young guy gets paired with an elderly stranger for a round of golf
A young guy gets paired with an elderly stranger for a round of golf. They're on the fifth green, the old guy is lining up a putt, when they notice a f**... procession passing by the course.
The man backs away from the putt, removes his cap, bows his head for a quick prayer, crosses himself, and then returns to his putt.
After the hole, the young guy says "I'm impressed with your show of respect for the deceased."
Old guy says "Well, we were married for 42 years... Least I could do."
A young mother was playing with her son at the beach..
After a few minutes of playing, a huge wave splashes in shore, covering mother and son. When the wave had receded the mother saw that her son was gone, except for his blue baseball cap.
The mother dropped to her knees, stretched her arms to the sky screaming: I'll do anything!! Just bring me back my boy!!
A few seconds later a second huge wave slammed on shore. When it receded back to the ocean, the son was sitting happily playing in the sand.
The mother looks at the boy, but then puts her hands on her hips and looked at the sky. HE HAD A HAT!!!
I would never eat mushrooms.
But i would try the one called death cap . I heard its to die for.
I thought my day couldn't get any better when I won a free cap...
But it's peaked
It is too hot in India now
There's a cap for that.
