Cap Jokes
114 cap jokes and hilarious cap puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cap that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article provides funny jokes about caps, including those related to snapple caps, no caps, flat caps, bottle caps, shower caps, masks, bandanas, and helmets. Enjoy a few laughs while reading some witty jokes about these common types of head coverings!
Quick Jump To
- Short Cap Jokes
- Cap One Liners
- No Cap Jokes
- Bottle Cap Jokes
- Knee Cap Jokes
- Cap Crunch Jokes
- More Cap Jokes
Funniest Cap Short Jokes
Short cap jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cap humour may include short mask jokes also.
- Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized
- Did you know you can wear any boat as a hat? You just have to turn it upside down to make it cap sized.
- Trump says he'll put a cap on immigrants coming into the US—I don't approve. Immigrants should be allowed to wear what they like.
- I bought a new deodorant yesterday. The instructions say "Remove cap and push up bottom." Wouldn't it be better to put it under your arms?
- My Uncle said this now that there are two popes Two popes walk into a bar with Yankee caps on.
The bartender says, "Didn't you guys use to be Cardinals?" - My grandma had a scare when she felt a lump under her breast Turns out it was just her knee cap
- I got stopped by a woman cop with "LAPD" on her cap I said, where's your colleague with "ANCE" on hers?
- I went to the dentist to put all caps on my teeth... ...now I can't help but shout every time I talk.
- Just bought a new deodorant... The instructions say 'remove cap and push up bottom.'
...which helps with the smell, admittedly, but hurts a lot! - A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder... He orders a beer.
Popping off the cap, the bartender says Wow! Where did you get that?
The parrot replies, Africa.
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Cap One Liners
Which cap one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cap? I can suggest the ones about helmet and outfit.
- What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common? They both turn o into an O .
- Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest? Because not all heroes wear caps.
- What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison? They both turn "o" into "O".
- Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat? He had caps lock on.
- Who is Cap'n Crunch's superior Officer? General Mills
- How do snowmen keep their heads warm during the winter solstice? They wear "ice" caps!
- What does a barista wear? A cap and chinos.
- IF I SCAM SOMEONE WITH CAPS LOCK ON.. IS IT A CAPITAL CRIME?
- Why don't Korean captains wear hats? Because they don't know what to do with cap sizes.
- Did you know you can turn a canoe over and use it as a hat? Because it's Cap-sized.
- Al Pacino's brother is steaming that his parents... named him Cap.
- How big was the iceberg that sank the Titanic? Cap size
- Did you know when you flip a canoe over you can wear it as a hat? It's cap-sized
- What does caps lock and prison have in common? They both turn "o" into "O".
- Why couldn't the computer take it's hat off? Because caps lock was on.
No Cap Jokes
Here is a list of funny no cap jokes and even better no cap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A person walks into an auto shop and says I'd like a gas cap for my KIA.
The car mechanic thinks for a few moments says, OK, that seems like a fair trade. - A pirate captain says to his first mate... Where are my buccaneers?
Aye Cap'n, they're the sides of your buccan' head! - I got a new deodorant today. The instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom".
Now I can hardly walk, but my farts smell AWESOME - Guys walks in to a parts store. Can I get a new gas cap for my Yugo? The attendant replies, sounds like a fair trade to me.
- Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds? I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.
- Steve Rogers gets into Santa Claus's automobile... ...and is immediately shot dead.
RIP Steve Rogers.
He was capped in a merry car. - I went into the Auto Parts store I said:
"I want a new gas cap for my AMC Gremlin."
The owner said:
"Sounds like a fair trade." - Q. What do penguins wear on their heads? Q. What do penguins wear on their heads?
A. Ice caps. - HEY, HOW ARE YOU? - Dude, press the Caps Lock key on your keyboard!
- WOW, THIS IS MUCH BETTER, I DON'T HAVE TO HOLD DOWN SHIFT ANYMORE - I had this problem where the cap wouldn't stay on my whiskey bottle. So I fixed it with scotch tape.
Bottle Cap Jokes
Here is a list of funny bottle cap jokes and even better bottle cap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Q. I have a neck, but no head, and I wear a cap. What am I? A. A bottle!
- I just knocked over my water bottle and it spilt everywhere *no cap*
- I forgot to check if my ketchup bottle's cap was tightened…spilled everywhere. Ah well, Heinz sight is 20/20.
- What do you call someone from Zimbabwe holding a bottle cap in their hand? A trillionaire.
- Ever wonder why the cap on gallon of milk isn't square? Because the opening of the bottle is round.
- What do you call a person with bottle caps for hands? Handicapped.
- Bottle caps... They aren't a great way of keeping out sunlight.
Knee Cap Jokes
Here is a list of funny knee cap jokes and even better knee cap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a leg wearing a hat? A knee cap!
- Q: Why do we have knee caps? A: cuz TWO IS ENOUGH!
- What did the man who is in dire need of a kidney transplant say to the young man with a broken knee cap? I don't need your bad kid knees.
- My lady friend told me she wishes to find a love so strong that it makes her weak in the knees So I broke her knee caps.
Cap Crunch Jokes
Here is a list of funny cap crunch jokes and even better cap crunch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The owners of Cap'n Crunch and Kellogs were murdered by the same person It was a cereal killer.
- How can you tell Cap'n Crunch is terrible? He hasn't been promoted since 1963...
- While buying groceries I saw a guy smashing several boxes of Cap'n Crunch and Frosted Flakes on the ground for no reason, Call me paranoid but I think he might be a cereal killer.
- What is it called when you shoot someone and toss their body into a compacter? Cap'n'Crunch
- What brand of makeup does cap'n crunch wear C'ereàl
- Who Killed Cap'n Crunch ? A serial killer.
Hilarious Cap Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about cap you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean no cap jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cap pranks.
A joke about golfers.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
I bought myself a new deodorant stick this morning.
The instructions say " remove cap and push up bottom ".
I can't walk very well at the moment, but every time I f**..., the room smells incredible.
I purchased a deodorant stick today
Instructions say, Remove cap and push up bottom
I can hardly walk but the room smells lovely when I f**....
Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a f**... procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in respect.
His golfing buddy says "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very compassionate and kind man."
The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 25 years."
Two men are golfing at a local golf course
The first man is about to putt when he sees a long f**... procession right near the course. He stops mid-putt, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in prayer.
The second man is in awe. "Wow, that is the most touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years."
For past 10 years my wife has been complaining to me about not putting the cap back on the toothpaste...
On our anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy.
For a week I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste.
I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.
Finally, last night she turned and looked at me and said:
Why did you stop brushing your teeth ?? !!!
I got a new stick of deodorant today.
The instructions said 'remove cap and push up bottom'
I can barely walk, but when I f**... the room smells wonderful
A Polish joke
A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb p**... by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:
"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."
The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb p**...!".
Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"
The counterman says "This is a hardware store."
Two men playing golf (a favourite of mine)
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long f**... procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.
One looks up and sees a f**... procession starting across the bridge.
He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.
The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."
Bought a deodorant stick today.
Instructions say "remove cap & push up bottom"
I can hardly walk but when I f**... the room smells lovely
Three Bills at a bar
Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia were sitting at a bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:
"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."
The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, picks up his boomerang and gives it a swing across the bar. It does a big circle, and on its way back it knocks the cap off his beer as well. He then says:
"My name is Bill. Crocodile Bill."
The Russian looks around nervously, then pulls his pants down, and proudly shows his two p**.... He then says:
"My name is Bill. Cherno Bill."
A pianist performing in a subway terminal...
was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.
Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.
I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"
To which he replied, "I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome."
Two men are playing golf near a country road...
When they see a f**... procession go by. One of them stops playing, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The other says "thats very decent of you, to stop playing and pay your respects." The first one responds "Well I'd think so; we were married for 52 years."
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course...
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long f**... procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.
The man then replies: Yeah, well we were married 35 years.
Baseball
A Braves fan walks into an Atlanta bar and spots a guy wearing a New York Yankees cap. Drinks for everyone here, bartender! shouts the Braves fan. Except for Mr. Yankees!
The Yankees fan smiles and says, Thank you!
Infuriated, the Braves fan orders another round of drinks for everyone except Mr. Yankees, who, again, thanks the man. This goes on for a while, until Mr. Braves asks the bartender, What's the matter with that guy? I've ordered rounds of drinks for everyone but him, and all he does is thank me. Is he nuts?
No, he's not nuts, says the bartender. He owns the place.
Yugo Humor
Guy walks into a parts store and says, "I'd like a new gas cap for my Yugo". Guy at the counter says, "OK, that sounds like a fair trade".
>Q: How do you make a Yugo go from 0 to 60 in five seconds?
>
>A: Push it off a cliff.
>
>Q: Why do Yugos have rear-window defrosters?
>
>A: To keep your hands warm.
My next door neighbour knocked my door last night, wearing l**... and stockings. Asked to borrow a cup of sugar and if I wanted to come over for a night cap
I said, 'Fuck off Dave, I've got work in the b**... morning' .
Dave and John are playing a round of golf...
Dave is lining up his put on the 8th green when they hear a car coming along the road that runs parallel to the course. Upon seeing a hearse, Dave stands away from his ball, takes his cap off and bows his head until it passes.
"That was very decent of you Dave."
"Yea, she was a good wife."
Two men are playing golf.
One of them is about to take a swing when a f**... procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation.
His opponent comments: "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very feeling man."
The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
For past 20 years, my wife has been complaining about my not putting the cap back on the toothpaste.
This anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy.
For a week, I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste.
I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.
Finally, last night, she turned and looked at me and said - "Why have you stopped brushing your teeth since a week ??"
Marriage is a social crime, I tell you.
A pair of Arms, a pair of Legs and a head have a swimming race...
All contestants dive in, the arms take the lead with the legs just behind, however the head has sunk to the bottom. The arms eventually win, with the legs in second.
They recover the head and they asked what happened? The head replied "I've been training for 6 months using my ears and just before we start, some c**t put a swimming cap on me"
*Edit, spelling mistake
A man is lying on a bench
Wearing nothing but a cap over his c**.... A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Two men are playing a round of golf.
The third tee is close to a road, and just as one of the players is about to tee off he sees a f**... cortège driving slowly by. He breaks his shot, lays down his club, takes off his cap and bows his head as the procession passes.
'Wow' says his friend, 'That was very respectful.'
'I suppose so' says the first man, 'Mind you, I was married to her for 40 years.'
Why don't witches wear a flat cap?
There's no point to it
So a Hipster goes into an auto parts store and asks for a fuel cap for his Smart Car.
The sales guy thinks for a moment and says, Yeah, O.K. that is a fair swap.
I bought a new deodorant today.
The instructions said "open cap and push up bottom". Now I can't walk but my farts smell awesome.
My girlfriend is insisting on a shower cap for me.
Apparently 8 a day is too many.
Just got a petrol cap for my Skoda...
...seemed like a good trade.
What did the man in the wheelchair say when he returned the hat he borrowed?
Thanks for the handy cap.
People often arguing about which Avenger is the best. Cap, Iron man, Thor...mine is Antman.
I can't help but cheer for an Ant-y hero.
f**... procession
Jim and Bob are playing golf when Jim notices the f**... procession go by on the highway. He kneels on one knee and takes off his golf cap as it goes by. After the procession is gone, Bob helps Jim up and pats him on the back, all while saying, That was so nice and thoughtful of you! Jim lines up his next shot and comments, I felt it was the right thing to do, after all we were married for 43 years.
Everyone knows Al Pacino, the famous Hollywood icon.
No one talks about his brother Cap, who invented delicious Italian coffee.
A young guy gets paired with an elderly man for a round of golf.
The old man lines up to putt on the fourth green, when they notice a f**... procession passing by the course.
The old man backs away from the putt, removes his cap, bows his head for a quick prayer, crosses himself, and returns to the putt.
After the hole, the young guy says, I'm impressed with your show of respect for the deceased .
Old guy says, Well, we were married 42 years... least I could do.
I just bought this new deodorant, the instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom"
I can hardly walk but when I f**... it smells amazing
Two men were playing golf when a f**... procession walked by.
One of the men took off his cap, bowed his head and closed his eyes in contemplation.
His opponent commented, "That is one of the most touching things I've seen. You are a very feeling man."
The man, recovering himself, replied, "Yeah, well, we were married for 20 years."
I'm making a hat out of my dad's old boat.
I didn't think it was possible, but he assured me it was cap sized.
I tried being a hairdresser but I was terrible at it
So I opened a Cap store outside too
Today it's National t**... Cap Day
Hats off to whoever founded it.
A guy walks into a car part store...
He says to the man behind the counter, "I need a gas cap for a Geo Metro."
The guy behind the counter thinks for a second and then says, "I think that's a fair trade."
A soldier was having a psychiatric test prior to discharge.
The psychiatrist asked, "Tell me, Private, what would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"
"It would be hard to hear", replied the soldier.
"Good", said the psychiatrist. "What would happen If I cut off your other ear?"
"I wouldn't be able to see."
"That's interesting , why do you say that?"
"Because my cap would fall over my eyes."
The blonde and the 710 k**...
A blonde walks into an auto shop to ask a question.
Blonde: I have a k**... under the hood of my car that says 710 on it. It only turns one way and when I turn it, nothing happens. Can you tell me what it does?
Confused, the mechanic says show me.
She takes him out to her car and when the hood is raised, the blonde points to the 710 k**....
The mechanic laughs, rolls his eyes and says Madam, your OIL cap was put on upside down. Have a nice day!
man on the beach
A man on the beach has nothing on but a cap covering his package. A woman walks by and says, If you were a true gentleman, you'd lift your hat to a lady. The man replied, If you were a s**... woman, the hat would lift itself
I was having the worst possible day. To cap it off my baker s**... up the topping of my birthday dessert!
It was the icing on the cake.
Donald Trump announced that he wants to put a cap on immigrants in the near future.
That seems unfair. They should be allowed to wear whatever they want.
What do you call an Hispanic that's reached their level cap?
A Maxican.
What did the cap say to the tie while leaving?
You hang while I go on ahead.
Theresa May to put a cap on immigrants coming into the UK. I think this is unfair...
They should be allowed to wear what they like.
Police officer to a driver: OK, driver's license, vehicle license, first aid kit and warning triangle.
Driver: Nah, I've already got all that. But how much for that funny Captain's cap?"
