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Canned Jokes

68 canned jokes and hilarious canned puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about canned that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Take a look at some of the funniest canned jokes! Whether you're a fan of canned food, canned meat, canned spam, canned ham, canned wine, or just your standard pantry staples, Haribo and other containers, you'll find something to laugh about. Discover what you can find in the canned section of your local grocery store and why it's so funny!

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Funniest Canned Short Jokes

Short canned jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The canned humour may include short cans jokes also.

  1. I went to the shop the other day to buy six cans of Sprite. It was only when I got home that I realised I had picked 7 Up.
  2. I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me. I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
  3. I bought 6 cans of Sprite from the shop today.. But when I got home I realised I'd picked 7up
  4. Went to the store to buy 6 cans of Sprite... Got back to the office and realized I had picked 7 up.
  5. A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull. I don't know how these people can sleep at night.
  6. My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store... I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
  7. My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work. She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up.
  8. I ate five cans of alphabet soup yesterday. Then, I easily had the biggest vowel movement ever.
  9. Why was the man who crushed recycled pop cans for a living sad with his life? Because his job was soda pressing.
  10. So, today my boss asked me to pick up 6 cans of Sprite for a meeting. However, when I returned, I realised that I had picked 7 up instead

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Canned One Liners

Which canned one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with canned? I can suggest the ones about soup cans and dried.

  1. I used to have a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing.
  2. I swallowed two cans of helium today HeHe
  3. I ate five cans of alphabet soup..... I had the biggest vowel movement of my life.
  4. What's worse than finding 2 babies in a trash can? Finding 1 baby in two trash cans.
  5. I went to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite… I ended up picking 7 Up…
  6. Nice canned meat you got there Too bad it isn't allowed here, rule 3.
  7. I ate four cans of alphabet soup I later took the biggest vowel movement ever
  8. I was feeling really sad while crushing cans today... It was soda pressing.
  9. So I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup today.. I'm expecting a massive vowel movement.
  10. I just ate four cans of alphabet soup... ...and just had the largest vowel movement ever.
  11. I just ate 4 cans of alphabet soup. I'm going to have the best vowel movement.
  12. I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever.
  13. I had a job crushing cans, but I quit. It was soda-pressing
  14. How much soda should tropical birds drink? Two cans
  15. Q: What is worse than 10 babies in a trash can? A: One baby in 10 trash cans.

Canned Food Jokes

Here is a list of funny canned food jokes and even better canned food puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a knight in a village full of cannibals? Canned food.
  • What did the cannibal say when he met a fully armored knight? Argh... Canned food again?
  • there's two cannibals in a tree a knight in armor comes around the first cannibal says to the other "dude canned food again?"
  • A woman is like canned food: one opens and everyone eats.
  • Waiter: would you like some cans, sir? Food buyer: No, but can I get a bowl a soup?
    Read out loud.

Canned Meat Jokes

Here is a list of funny canned meat jokes and even better canned meat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My account may have been hacked.. If y'all get an email from me about canned meat-- PLEASE don't open it
    It's spam
  • If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it ... It's Spam.
  • *Important* Public Announcement Service To Everyone If anyone gets a private message from me about canned meat, don't open it.
    It's SPAM.
  • I have a bunch of canned meat in my pantry. No matter how many I was pulling out, more were appearing in its place. You could say I got Spammed.
  • What a moderator do when he find canned meat in his hoagie? He remove the spam from his sub.
  • I got an email about a canned meat dish earlier It was spam
  • I got a spam message today The hacker threatened me by showing that he has pictures of my un canned meat
  • A lion walks the desert and sees an armored knight. "Oh no, not canned meat again!"
  • What do you call a Latino eating canned lunch meat? hiSPAMic
Canned joke, What do you call a Latino eating canned lunch meat?

Canned Spam Jokes

Here is a list of funny canned spam jokes and even better canned spam puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call canned pork laced with Ritalin? Short Attention Spam
  • I received a spam email today. They say it tastes delicious.
    That email was canned.
  • I keep getting emails telling me to buy canned pork, But I hate spam.

Canned Tuna Jokes

Here is a list of funny canned tuna jokes and even better canned tuna puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How are Michael Jackson and Starfish Tuna similar? They both come in little cans.
  • What's in common between tuna and Jared from Subway? They both come in little cans.
  • I used to work for Chicken of the Sea, until a new supervisor became convinced that I was actually a tuna disguised as a human It was because of this that I was later wrongfully canned
  • Two tuna fish passing by a submarine. Big Tuna Mommy says: Don't be scared little Tuna, these are canned humans.
    -I read this joke when I was five. I still think it's funny. -
  • What do Roman Polanski and Bumblebee Tuna have in common? They both come in little cans.
  • The Tuna thought he was doing a great job at work. Instead, he was canned.
  • How many cans of tuna can a toucan can if a toucan can can tuna? Two cans!
  • Why do l**... keep open cans of tuna around their homes? Potpourri.
Canned joke, Why do l**... keep open cans of tuna around their homes?

Laughable Canned Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about canned you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean baked jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make canned pranks.

I used to work at an orange juice factory, but I got canned.

They put the squeeze on me because I couldn't concentrate.

I once got fired from a canned juice company

Apparently, I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

I have trouble keeping their jobs these days...

First I was working at a potato farm, but then I was sacked.
Next it was the tuna factory, but then I was canned.
Next I tried being a lumberjack, but then I got axed.
Next I found an opening at the crematorium, but then I was fired.
Next I s**... up at the gun manufacturers, so I was quickly discharged.
Next I was printing thesauruses, but then my job was made redundant.
Now I'm growing magenta bananas, but I think I might get a pink slip.

A friend and I saw a man killed at the canned goods factory...

It was a jarring experience.

My first job was working at an orange factory

But I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

A football fan appears in court for battery

The judge says to the fan: So you are very sure you only threw tomatoes at the referee?
The fan: yes, your honour. I'm very sure.
The Judge: Then how do you explain the deep cuts and bruises on the referees face?
(The judge points at the refs battered face.)
The fan: yeah... they were canned tomatoes...

I had a job at a calendar factory

I got canned for taking a couple days off

Did you hear about the guy who worked at the canned juice company?

He got fired because he couldn't concentrate.

If canned goods were to expire, would that make them canned bads?

Alright alright I'll show myself out.

How To Catch a Polar Bear

First, go to the grocery store, and buy some peas. Doesn't matter if they're frozen, or canned, or whatever, just get some peas. Bring those peas to the Arctic, where the polar bears live. Then find a large-ish hole in the ice. It should be big enough to fit a couple people in. Put some peas in front of the hole, and hide. Now when the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

A Engineer, a Chemist and an Economist get stranded on a island.

From the ship that crashed, some canned food washed ashore.
The Engineer says We need to open the cans with these rocks
The Chemist says We could blow the top off using a combination of these minerals I've found
The Economist says Ok, so let's assume we have a can opener

I used to work at an orange juice factory...

But I couldn't CONCENTRATE so I got CANNED

I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew.

Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?

A wife leaves her husband some canned fish for dinner and a note that says, "I'm going to be back by midnight."

The husband picks up the note and it reads, "Stand in hot water for ten minutes before you open it." So he does.
The next morning, his wife asks him how's the fish, to which he answers, "It tastes delicious but, my feet hurt."

Pepsi had a new idea about how to package their cola

But then they canned it.

My local grocery store has a sale on canned birds for buy one get one free!

I bought twocans.

I lived off p**... noodles and canned soup for two years.

Now I miss that level of luxury.

Canned joke, there's two cannibals in a tree