The Best 30 Candy Halloween Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Candy Halloween jokes. There are some candy halloween jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these candy halloween puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Candy Halloween Jokes and Puns

I saw my son eating chocolate even after I confiscated all his Halloween candy. I asked him where he got that from.

He said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

I always get Halloween and Valentine's Day confused.

They're both about candy and being something you're not.

Thank god for dollar shave club

Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.

It was a tough Halloween this year..

I staked 5 vampires, beheaded 3 zombies and exorcised 8 ghosts.

Then the wife came out screaming something about
"No, no you give them candy!!!"


I was out driving on Halloween and I hit a cat, I think it was dressed like a cat. It could have been a piΓ±ata for all I know because there was candy everywhere.

There are three certainties in life:

Death, taxes, and Halloween candy assortments will always include one candy that ruins the bag.

Do we even need Halloween anymore?

I've been wearing a mask and eating candy for 14 months...

How does a feminist ask for Halloween candies?

Trigger Treat.

With a wheelchair, everyday is Halloween!

Children are scared of you, adults try to guess what you are, and the elderly just give you candy!

Paraphrased from the wonderful Zach Anner

I didn't have any candy at Halloween...

So I gave out my antidepressants.

It made the kids happy, but it was a real downer for me.

the day after halloween, a trick or treater knocked on my door.....

he was dressed in just red tights and a red spandex shirt, red sneakers, red hat.

i said to him, "sorry little buddy, halloween is over, i dont have anything for you today...what are you supposed to be anyway>?"

he said "im a period, sorry im late..scared ya didnt i?"

needless to say he got a handfull of candy from one of my kids bags. how could you not reward that creativity?

You can explore candy halloween reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean candy halloween dad jokes. There are also candy halloween puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Halloween is coming up. This is the best time to teach your kids about taxes and social security...

Take away 30% of their Halloween candy and promise them you'll give part of it back in 70 years!

It's going to be dangerous to trick-or-treat this Halloween due to the coronavirus pandemic.

The only way you're getting candy from a stranger this year is by putting on a mask and going to the grocery store.

I love Halloween...

It's the only time of the year that I can lure young children in with candy without using my van.

Had to go to work looking scruffy today...

My stupid kid didn't get any razorblades in his Halloween candy.

Why is halloween candy so similar to anti-vax kids?

Because both dont last very long

A: How criminal are you?

B: you know those candy bowls on halloween, where you are only allowed to take one...?

A: Uh yes??

B: I killed someone

Side chicks are getting leftover Halloween candy for Valentine's Day

Why'd you give me ghost shaped candy?

Cuz you my BOO

I am so ugly.

On Halloween, I open the front door, kids give me candy.

If I had a grand for the amount of candy bars I got during this Halloween I'd have...

100 grand

I love getting Halloween candy...

It makes me Snicker(s).

Why did young Elon dressed as a Rocket for the Halloween?

So he can get all the Mars Candy


I'm going to be brett kavanaugh for Halloween so even the houses that don't have candy can give me candy.

Because I can't take no for an answer

Why are parents so afraid of strangers drugging Halloween candy?

Nobody gives drugs away for free.

What candy did Elon Musk give kids for Halloween?


I'm going as president Obama for Halloween this year.

I'll tell you you're getting different candy, but it will be the same candy from last year.

I love giving kisses to little children on Halloween..

I don't know but they love that candy

The definition of Halloween:

Halloween: the holiday when children vandalize your yard with toilet paper, then are rewarded with candy the next day.

I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.

On Halloween, children give Chuck Norris candy.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the candy halloween jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working candy halloween piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes