Candy Day Jokes
39 candy day jokes and hilarious candy day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about candy day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Candy Day Short Jokes
Short candy day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The candy day humour may include short candy halloween jokes also.
- A local theater was just robbed of $286 the other day... ...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar.
- I always get Halloween and Valentine's Day confused. They're both about candy and being something you're not.
- Kids today are way too expensive. Now days they want iPads and PlayStations. They used to just get in the van if you offered them candy.
- [OC] In my day we used to use subliminal advertising to sell candy. And, buy gum, it worked!
- Kids these days have it real easy. There weren't as many paedophiles in my day. I had to buy my own candy.
- Back in the days a dollar could get me... A pack of gum, some candy, 2 sodas, 4 pack of chips. Today..well the got cameras everywhere.
- Side chicks are getting leftover Halloween candy for Valentine's Day Why'd you give me ghost shaped candy?
Cuz you my BOO - $1 doesn't care as far as it used to. Back in my day, I was able to go to the store and get 2 bags of chips, 3 candy bars, and a soda.
Nowadays, they have cameras everywhere. - Valentines Day changes a lot the higher grade level you are In elementary, you got to get and give candies while getting compliments from everyone.
In high school, you get shot. - Today is Saint Nikolaus Day, which, in some cultures, is when people leave their shoes outside their door and wake up to candy inside them What's next? We'll start getting presents in our socks?!
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Candy Day One Liners
Which candy day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with candy day? I can suggest the ones about candy and candy bar.
- A candy bar a day Keeps the diabeetus in play
- I lost my teeth eating candy at the wrong time of day Just as her husband got home
- My friend got drunk on Candy the other day. He said it was liquor-ish
- Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? It was Valenswine's Day.
- Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl?
A: Her-She Kisses. - What's the most craziest candy on Valentine's Day? A cocoa-nut!
Candy Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about candy day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean candy wrapper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make candy day pranks.
A woman sees her son shoving candy into his mouth.
"Stop it" she said, "You shouldn't eat so much candy at once."
"Why?" her son replied.
"Because, if you eat too much candy at once, your stomach will grow bigger, and bigger, and finally it will explode!"
The boy is frightened by the image of his stomach exploding, so he stops eating candy.
The next day, the boy and his mom go to church, and the boy sits down next to a very pregnant woman. The boy looks closely at her stomach, then up to her face, and finally he says to the pregnant woman, "I know what you've been doing."
A joke told by an old man.
I was speaking to an old man at the grocery store yesterday when he told me something interesting about the olden days of america.
Old man: Son, back in the day my mother could give me a dollar and I could run to the store and get myself a candy bar and a soda pop, and still have money left over to buy the milk my mom asked me to get.
Me: s**... you can not do that today!
Oldman: Yeah, I know son! Now a days, there is just way to much security . . .
How do you get into Heaven?
When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" Tim answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, Tim answered, "NO!"
The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.
Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?
Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,
"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"
Little Sally comes home from school munching on a big bag of candy...
Her mother says, "Where'd you get the money for that!?"
Sally laughs and says, "Little Johnny bet me five dollars I couldn't climb up the flag pole! I did it, and I won!"
Her mother shakes her head. "You d**...! He was just trying to get a peek at your p**...!"
"Oh no!" Little Sally says, embarrassed.
But the next day, she comes home with two bags of candy.
Her mother says, "Did Little Johnny pay you to climb the flag pole again!??"
"Yes!" says Little Sally. "But I sure fooled him! I didn't even wear any p**...!"
Mind your business....
A young kid was eating candy and older guy says , you shouldn't be eating candy, kid says my grandpa lived to be 105 years old.... guy says did he eat candy every day ... kid says no ..... he minded his own f'n business.
When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hotdogs and my favorite candy. You can't do that these days...
Too many d**... security cameras.
my grandpa tells us about his good old days in Hong Kong
He said, "when I was your age, I can go into the groceries with 10 dollars, and come out with 2 loaves of bread, 2 dozen of eggs, 2 kilos of potatoes, maybe a few cans of soda, plus handful of candies and probably some beef jerky."
We were like, "o**...!!! That's a lot!! 10 dollars now can only get us 2 soda!! The inflation is insane!!"
And then he was like,
"Nah!! Just there are far more CCTV these days!"
the day after halloween, a trick or treater knocked on my door.....
he was dressed in just red tights and a red spandex shirt, red sneakers, red hat.
i said to him, "sorry little buddy, halloween is over, i dont have anything for you today...what are you supposed to be anyway>?"
he said "im a period, sorry im late..scared ya didnt i?"
needless to say he got a handfull of candy from one of my kids bags. how could you not reward that creativity?
A poor boy came by selling candies. I called him and gave him $50 bill for the whole bag. Amazed, he gave me his entire bag. He was very happy, his face said it all.
That day I learned a life lesson: there will always be hope and time to get rid of a fake bill.
The definition of Halloween:
Halloween: the holiday when children vandalize your yard with toilet paper, then are rewarded with candy the next day.
So a pirate captain walked into my candy shop the other day...
And he asks me for a gumdrop. I say to him "Why would you want gum that's been dropped?"
"Sir," I say, "Wouldn't you rather have a candy fish?"
He says, "Candy fish? Is it sweet?"
And I say "Well... it's Swedish."
So now, the captain is so angry that he makes we walk the plank and I shout "Don't you think you're going a little overboard?!" And the pirate says, "No, *you* are!"
Before I jump, I ask him, "Can I just have one last mug of rootbeer?" And he says, "That would be fine." So I take the mug and jump... and you know? I would've drowned if it weren't for one thing...
>Rootbeer floats!<
On the first day of school,
.. the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit… She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked,
"Champagne ?"
"No," said the little boy...........
"It's a puppy!"
I was playing Candy Crush the other day
But I'm still recovering from falling on all those piñatas.
SCOTCH ??
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked,
"Champagne ?"
"No," said the little boy...
"It's a puppy!"
My wife keeps saying how she's 'addicted' to things...
Every now and then she says things like "Oh my god, I'm so addicted to shoes" or "You won't believe how addicted to candy I am".
One day, I was driving with her on the way home from work and thought that I should teach her a valuable lesson. So I started to drive through the bad side of town, and stopped in front of a decrepit apartment building where there was a j**... sitting down on the stoop in front, staring into space. I rolled down my window and pointed at the frail drugged-up man and said "Honey, *THAT* is what an addict looks like... Thin."
Maybe it's scotch?
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit…She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?"
"No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"
