The Best 35 Candy Bar Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Candy Bar jokes. There are some candy bar candy bar jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these candy bar wonka puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Candy Bar Jokes and Puns

I steal candy bars using slight of hand...

You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve

A local theater was just robbed of $286 the other day...

...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar.

I'm a pro at shoplifting candy bars. How, you ask?

I got a few Twix up my sleeve.

A joke told by an old man.

I was speaking to an old man at the grocery store yesterday when he told me something interesting about the olden days of america.

Old man: Son, back in the day my mother could give me a dollar and I could run to the store and get myself a candy bar and a soda pop, and still have money left over to buy the milk my mom asked me to get.

Me: Sucks you can not do that today!

Oldman: Yeah, I know son! Now a days, there is just way to much security . . .

I remember when I was a kid, I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips, 2 candy bars, 6 packs of now or laters, and an ice cold drink.

Nowadays, they got cameras everywhere.


When I was a kid, you could walk into a gas station with a $1 bill and leave with a bag of chips, a candy bar, and a coke.

Now, they have cameras everywhere.

A little boy walks into his local corner store...

He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."

An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11

He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.

"Are you sure?" The cashier says.

"I don't like change." the man replies.

Billy has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now?

Diabetes.
Billy has diabetes.

If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does John have?

Diabetes. John has diabetes.

If you have 13 candy bars and John eats 9, what does John have?

Type 2 diabetes

You can explore candy bar hershey reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean candy bar chocolate strawberry dad jokes. There are also candy bar puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's the best part about being an orphan?

All your chips and candy bars are family sized.

What's a feminists favorite candy bar?

Hershey

My wife and I were arguing about who has better self control. "Clearly me," she says, "For example. I put a candy bar on my desk on Monday and it hasn't moved an inch"

"That's nothing!" I retorted. "All six times I ate it I put a new candy bar on your desk exactly where you left it."

How does a candy bar laugh?

It snickers

Bob has 69 candy bars. He eats 42 of them and then stops eating. What does he have now?

Diabetes.

An old mountaineer and his ex-wife...

were fighting over custody of their kids. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"

Today my girlfriend asked me; if I was a candy bar, which candy bar would I be?

I said "Big Hunk. Because not many people like me, especially when they're not expecting my nuts in their mouth"

I remember a time where you could walk into the gas station with a quarter and leave with a candy bar and a coke.

Now there are cameras everywhere.


How do you beat a diabetic rapper in a rap battle

Candy Bars

What's a Mexican's favorite candy bar?

A payday

Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?

Andy has diabetes

What is ISIS's favorite candy bar?

Allahu Snackbar, it's flavor is explosive.

I like my women how I like my candy bars...

with nuts

When i was a kid, you could go into a store with a dollar and walk out with a soda, 4 candy bars, chips, and some gum...

But now, they have security cameras everywhere

[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]

Dog and a Candy Bar

How is a dog before he goes into the vet like a Snickers, and after he comes out of the vet like a Milky Way?

They are both the same, just without the nuts.

Guy puts candy bar in shirt

His dad always said to keep Twix up your sleeve.

A blind man walks into a convenience store with his service dog

He heads down an aisle and pauses, his faithful Golden Retriever by his side. With a grunt he picks the dog up by the leash and starts swinging him in circles over his head.

*Wooosh wooosh wooosh*

Bags of chips are flying around and candy bars are falling to the floor, along with a clamorous noise.

The frustrated store clerk yells at the man. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"

"I'm just looking around."

My wife doesn't know...

That every time we have sex, I put a dollar into an envelope that goes toward her Christmas present. So far, she's getting a candy bar.

What's DJ Khalid's favorite kind of candy bar?

A nutter one.

TIL Most of the world's coco is produced in Africa.

This is because of part of the continent's tropical savanna climate, particularly its precipitation. I love chocolate, so I'm really grateful for this.

Next time I eat a candy bar, I'll have to bless the rains down in Africa.

A priest is in the confessional box...

A priest is in the confessional box and he has to go to the restroom, so he grabs an alter boy and says, "Take over for me for a couple minutes."

A man enters the box. "Bless me father for I have sinned..."

The boy says, "The priest will be back in a few minutes."

The man replies,"I'm in a bit of a hurry. Do you know what Father Daniels usually gives for oral sex?"

The boy says, "Well, he usually gives me a candy bar and a five bucks."

Why did the magician with a speech impediment buy a candy bar?

Because he wanted to have a few Twix up his sleeve.

Amish Joy candy bars: cuz sometimes you feel like a nut....

And sometimes you feel like raising a barn.

What is poor peoples favourite candy bar?

Payday

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the candy bar twix jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working candy bar bars piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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