Candy Bar Jokes
77 candy bar jokes and hilarious candy bar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about candy bar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Candy Bar Short Jokes
Short candy bar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The candy bar humour may include short chocolate bar jokes also.
- I remember when I was a kid, I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips, 2 candy bars, 6 packs of now or laters, and an ice cold drink. Nowadays, they got cameras everywhere.
- Billy has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? Diabetes.
Billy has diabetes. - What's a bisexuality favorite candy bar? What's a bisexual's favorite candy bar?
Mounds and Almond joy, because sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't. - Dog and a Candy Bar How is a dog before he goes into the vet like a Snickers, and after he comes out of the vet like a Milky Way?
They are both the same, just without the nuts. - Why did the magician with a speech impediment buy a candy bar? Because he wanted to have a few Twix up his sleeve.
- Amish Joy candy bars: cuz sometimes you feel like a nut.... And sometimes you feel like raising a barn.
- An outlaw walks into a saloon in the old wild West, wearing a candy bar for a hat. Says the bartender, "Is that an Almond Joy on your head?"
Quoth he, "No, it's a Bounty." - What does The Joker use to keep track of his candy bar expenses? Heath Ledger.
- If I had a grand for the amount of candy bars I got during this Halloween I'd have... 100 grand
- Why is Chris Christie so sad? Drugs are becoming cheaper than candy bars.
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Candy Bar One Liners
Which candy bar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with candy bar? I can suggest the ones about candy and snickers bar.
- I steal candy bars using slight of hand... You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve
- If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does John have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.
- What's a feminists favorite candy bar? Hershey
- How does a candy bar laugh? It snickers
- How do you beat a diabetic rapper in a rap battle Candy Bars
- What's a Mexican's favorite candy bar? A payday
- Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now? Andy has diabetes
- Why doesn't God like candy bars? Because he doesn't exist!
- What is ISIS's favorite candy bar? Allahu Snackbar, it's flavor is explosive.
- I like my women how I like my candy bars... with nuts
- Guy puts candy bar in shirt His dad always said to keep Twix up your sleeve.
- What's DJ Khalid's favorite kind of candy bar? A nutter one.
- What's a nymphomaniac's favorite candy bar? Almond joy.
- What is poor peoples favourite candy bar? Payday
- A candy bar a day Keeps the diabeetus in play
Cheeky Candy Bar Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about candy bar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean candy wrapper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make candy bar pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo Mama's so s**... I asked her to buy me a pare of sneakers and she came back with 2 candy bars.
Three women were in a bar talking about their husbands and how they made love.
The first woman said, “My husband is a psychologist, and before we make love, he brings me flowers and candy. I like that.”
The second woman proclaimed, “My husband is a mechanic, he makes love a little rough, but really tunes my engine; I like that!”
The third woman replied, “Well my husband works for Microsoft and all he does is sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how good it’s going to be, when I finally get it…”
You're like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
What is an alien's favorite candy? A Mars bar!
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest is in the confessional box...
A priest is in the confessional box and he has to go to the restroom, so he grabs an alter boy and says, "Take over for me for a couple minutes."
A man enters the box. "Bless me father for I have sinned..."
The boy says, "The priest will be back in a few minutes."
The man replies,"I'm in a bit of a hurry. Do you know what Father Daniels usually gives for o**... s**...?"
The boy says, "Well, he usually gives me a candy bar and a five bucks."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today my girlfriend asked me; if I was a candy bar, which candy bar would I be?
I said "Big Hunk. Because not many people like me, especially when they're not expecting my nuts in their mouth"
I bought a candy bar in Canada for a dollar and I got one nickel back.
I told the cashier to keep it because I don't care much for their music.
What do musicians get after they eat a candy bar?
A wrapper.
Didja hear that Hershey's is bringing out a new LGBT candy-bar?
They're callin it a Lady Bruce.
"Heh. This guy doesn't even know I ate his candy bar.", Tom snickered.
What did the clerk say to the customer who tried to buy a candy bar with plastic quarters?
This is non-cents!
What type of candy bar does Snake eat?
Snake-kers (Snickers)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is in a v**... candy bar?
Cherries and nuts
What's Wolverine's favorite candy bar?
SNIKTERS
Christian Bale ate a large amount of candy bars on the set of the Dark Knight.
According to the Heath ledger.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke told by an old man.
I was speaking to an old man at the grocery store yesterday when he told me something interesting about the olden days of america.
Old man: Son, back in the day my mother could give me a dollar and I could run to the store and get myself a candy bar and a soda pop, and still have money left over to buy the milk my mom asked me to get.
Me: s**... you can not do that today!
Oldman: Yeah, I know son! Now a days, there is just way to much security . . .
An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11
He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.
"Are you sure?" The cashier says.
"I don't like change." the man replies.
Why did the teacher yell at a room full of candy bars?
Because they choc-a-lot
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ISIS's New Candy Bar Line
In order to shore up waning power in Syria and Iraq, ISIS put out a candy bar appealing to young Muslims. They call it the: Allahu Choklatbar! exclamation point
An old mountaineer and his ex-wife...
were fighting over custody of their kids. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
What do you call a candy bar that's late to a meeting?
Sugar rush.
Jim has 2 candy bars. His grandma gives him 10 more. What does Jim have now?
Diabetes. Jim has diabetes.
I found a candy bar called Whatchamacallit.
I can't remember the name.
What's an Autist's favorite type of candy bar?
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEse's Peanut Butter Cups
Whats a religious persons favorite candy
A luck bar
With $1 you can buy one candy bar from a vending machine...
But with $2 you can buy a brick and get everything, from every vending machine!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the k**...'s least favorite candy-bar?
Snickers
$1 doesn't care as far as it used to.
Back in my day, I was able to go to the store and get 2 bags of chips, 3 candy bars, and a soda.
Nowadays, they have cameras everywhere.
When I was a kid...
...I remember going to the store with a $1 and coming home with two bags of chips, a candy bar, a pack of gum, and a cold drink. Now they have cameras everywhere.
When I was a kid...
I could walk in the store with a dollar and come out with 3 candy bars, a mountain dew, a bag of chips, and a comic book.
Couldn't do that nowadays, there's cameras everywhere.
10 years ago, you could walk into a store with just a dollar and come back out with a candy bar, a soda and a bag of crisps,
Now there's security cameras everywhere!
TIL Most of the world's coco is produced in Africa.
This is because of part of the continent's tropical savanna climate, particularly its precipitation. I love chocolate, so I'm really grateful for this.
Next time I eat a candy bar, I'll have to bless the rains down in Africa.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old lady in a nursing home ...
.. is wheeling around in her wheelchair. She zooms up and down the corridors and screeches around the corners. Then one of the other residents stops her and demands to see her driver's license. She hands him a chocolate bar wrapper and he is satisfied.
She continues rushing around until another inmate stops her and demands to see her registration. Again the candy wrapper works.
But on turning the next corner she sees an elderly man standing in her path completely n**....
"Oh no" she thinks "How am I going to pass the breathalyzer test?"
When i was a kid, you could go into a store with a dollar and walk out with a soda, 4 candy bars, chips, and some gum...
But now, they have security cameras everywhere
[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]
My wife and I were arguing about who has better self control. "Clearly me," she says, "For example. I put a candy bar on my desk on Monday and it hasn't moved an inch"
"That's nothing!" I retorted. "All six times I ate it I put a new candy bar on your desk exactly where you left it."
A crime at the movie theater
A police detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just got done investigating a burglary at the local movie theater," the detective tells the bartender. "They lost almost $10,000." "That's horrible," the bartender says. "Did they get the cash register?" "No," the detective replies. "Just three jumbo tubs of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hot dog."
