The Best 35 Candy Bar Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Candy Bar jokes. There are some candy bar candy bar jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these candy bar wonka puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Candy Bar Jokes and Puns
I steal candy bars using slight of hand...
You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve
A local theater was just robbed of $286 the other day...
...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar.
I'm a pro at shoplifting candy bars. How, you ask?
I got a few Twix up my sleeve.
A joke told by an old man.
I was speaking to an old man at the grocery store yesterday when he told me something interesting about the olden days of america.
Old man: Son, back in the day my mother could give me a dollar and I could run to the store and get myself a candy bar and a soda pop, and still have money left over to buy the milk my mom asked me to get.
Me: Sucks you can not do that today!
Oldman: Yeah, I know son! Now a days, there is just way to much security . . .
I remember when I was a kid, I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips, 2 candy bars, 6 packs of now or laters, and an ice cold drink.
Nowadays, they got cameras everywhere.
When I was a kid, you could walk into a gas station with a $1 bill and leave with a bag of chips, a candy bar, and a coke.
Now, they have cameras everywhere.
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11
He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.
"Are you sure?" The cashier says.
"I don't like change." the man replies.
Billy has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now?
Diabetes.
Billy has diabetes.
If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does John have?
Diabetes. John has diabetes.
What's the best part about being an orphan?
All your chips and candy bars are family sized.
You can explore candy bar hershey reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean candy bar chocolate strawberry dad jokes. There are also candy bar puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
If you have 13 candy bars and John eats 9, what does John have?
Type 2 diabetes
What's a feminists favorite candy bar?
Hershey
My wife and I were arguing about who has better self control. "Clearly me," she says, "For example. I put a candy bar on my desk on Monday and it hasn't moved an inch"
"That's nothing!" I retorted. "All six times I ate it I put a new candy bar on your desk exactly where you left it."
How does a candy bar laugh?
It snickers
Bob has 69 candy bars. He eats 42 of them and then stops eating. What does he have now?
Diabetes.
An old mountaineer and his ex-wife...
were fighting over custody of their kids. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
Today my girlfriend asked me; if I was a candy bar, which candy bar would I be?
I said "Big Hunk. Because not many people like me, especially when they're not expecting my nuts in their mouth"
I remember a time where you could walk into the gas station with a quarter and leave with a candy bar and a coke.
Now there are cameras everywhere.
How do you beat a diabetic rapper in a rap battle
Candy Bars
What's a bisexuality favorite candy bar?
What's a bisexual's favorite candy bar?
Mounds and Almond joy, because sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't.
What's a Mexican's favorite candy bar?
A payday
Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?
Andy has diabetes
A crime at the movie theater
A police detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just got done investigating a burglary at the local movie theater," the detective tells the bartender. "They lost almost $10,000." "That's horrible," the bartender says. "Did they get the cash register?" "No," the detective replies. "Just three jumbo tubs of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hot dog."
If Johnny has 10 candy bars and he eats 7 what does he have?
Diabetes
Why doesn't God like candy bars?
Because he doesn't exist!
What is ISIS's favorite candy bar?
Allahu Snackbar, it's flavor is explosive.
I like my women how I like my candy bars...
with nuts
When i was a kid, you could go into a store with a dollar and walk out with a soda, 4 candy bars, chips, and some gum...
But now, they have security cameras everywhere
[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]
Dog and a Candy Bar
How is a dog before he goes into the vet like a Snickers, and after he comes out of the vet like a Milky Way?
They are both the same, just without the nuts.
Guy puts candy bar in shirt
His dad always said to keep Twix up your sleeve.
My wife doesn't know...
That every time we have sex, I put a dollar into an envelope that goes toward her Christmas present. So far, she's getting a candy bar.
A blind man walks into a convenience store with his service dog
He heads down an aisle and pauses, his faithful Golden Retriever by his side. With a grunt he picks the dog up by the leash and starts swinging him in circles over his head.
*Wooosh wooosh wooosh*
Bags of chips are flying around and candy bars are falling to the floor, along with a clamorous noise.
The frustrated store clerk yells at the man. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"
"I'm just looking around."
What's DJ Khalid's favorite kind of candy bar?
A nutter one.
A priest is in the confessional box...
A priest is in the confessional box and he has to go to the restroom, so he grabs an alter boy and says, "Take over for me for a couple minutes."
A man enters the box. "Bless me father for I have sinned..."
The boy says, "The priest will be back in a few minutes."
The man replies,"I'm in a bit of a hurry. Do you know what Father Daniels usually gives for oral sex?"
The boy says, "Well, he usually gives me a candy bar and a five bucks."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the candy bar twix puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working candy bar bars piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.