The Best 72 Candle Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Candle jokes. There are some candle wick jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these candle birthday candle puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Candle Jokes and Puns
TIL about a method of capital punishment called the Roman Candle. Victims were tied to a stake and covered in a flammable resin. The burning bodies would sometimes be used to provide lighting for evening parties.
Great idea; terrible execution.
I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...
It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing sex that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.
Three men died on Christmas Eve...
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The Paddy replied, "These are Carols".
What did the candle say when it couldn't sleep due to his own candlelight?
There ain't no rest for the wicked
Why was the candle mad at his friend?
He blew him off.
My love is like a candle
If you don't blow me before bed I'll burn your house down
What burns longer, a red or a green candle?
Neither, they both burn shorter.
"Your dad cant hold a candle to what my daddy can do."
"Oh Ya, what does he do?"
"Makes gun powder."
What did one candle say to the other
Will you go out with me tonight?
Candle Holders
So I'm at a store looking for some candle holders.. But the store has run out of candle holders...
So I bought a cake.
Why couldn't the candle get any sleep?
Because there's no rest for the wicked.
You can explore candle wicked reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean candle candlestick dad jokes. There are also candle puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why was the candle tired?
There's no rest for the wicked!
Are candles happy or sad when they are put out?
They are delighted.
So I bought a fragrant candle the other day, but when I lit it nothing happened...
It just didn't make scents.
My apartment was starting to smell bad so I bought myself a candle.
It just makes scents.
A Hindu candle company has released a "Nirvana" scented candle.
It smells like teen spirit.
What do you call a fraud in a Candle factory?
A Scandle.
Today's youth are getting worse.
I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle.
What did the man say when he sat on a candle?
Fire in the hole!
My friends say I'm like a candle.
If you forget I exist, so help me God, I'll burn your house down.
I found a "Fresh Baked Bread" scented candle
I bought it because I love the smell of fresh bread. But when I lit it, it smelled like toast.
My Girlfriend told me that if I bought her any more stupid gifts, she would burn it!
So I bought her a candle!
When it gets cold in Ireland, we all sit round a candle.
And when it gets REALLY cold, we light it.
I swear to god, people these days have no morals whatsoever
I was at church today and some scumbag lit a cigarette with an alter candle, I was so shocked I almost dropped my beer
Did you hear about the candle that smells like a mixture of Francis, Benedict, and John Paul?
They call it pope pourri
(I really am sorry)
There was a fire in the aromatherapy candle factory.
Things are much calmer now.
What does a miser do when it gets cold?
He huddles around a candle.
What does he do when it gets *really* cold?
He lights the candle.
What did the little candle say to the big candle
I'm going out tonight.
I was thinking about starting an odorless candle company
But I realized it wouldn't make any scents
My love for you is like a candle.
If you ignore me I will burn your house down.
Before candles, what did North Korean communists use to light their homes with?
Electricity.
A man goes shopping for candles...
He's strolling through Bed Bath and Beyond, when he finally locates the candle section. So many options to pick from, he starts to give them all a good test sniff. As he's smelling more and more candles he wrinkles his brow and remarks to himself "All these candles smell funny..."
So he catches the attention of an employee and asks her, "Ma'am why do all of these candles smell so funny?"
"Well sir, that's our new Scents of Humor line!"
2 candles are having a conversation...
...The first one asks, "So, what are you doing tonight?"
The second candle replies, "Going out."
My wife said if I bought her one more stupid present, she would burn it
So I bought her a candle. That showed her.
3 guys come back late from a night of drinking...
They met for brunch for the next day.
Guy 1: I drank way to much, first thing I did when I got home I blew Chunks...
Guy 2: That's nothing, I wrapped my car around a tree on my way home.
Guy 3: I beat all of you, I was arguing with my wife and knocked a candle over! It destroyed the whole house.
It went silent for a minute.
Guy 1: I don't think you guys understand. Chunks is my dog.
My girlfriend just told me our love is like an eternal candle....
If you forget about me, I burn your house down.
How many superstitious people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they light a candle because they're stuck in the dark ages.
What do you call a candle with guns?
John Wick
People always wonder what got me interested in the candle business
I guess it was just common scents
I'm not saying you are old...
but the candles cost more than your cake.
(I heard this one at a bridge club today)
I don't know why, but my vanilla candle isnt working.
It just doesn't make any scents
I went out on a blind date with a candle...
It wasn't a good match.
when I was growing up the winters were rough, my dad made us huddle round only a single candle.
if he was feeling generous he would even light it.
There's no such thing as a candle that has no smell.
It just wouldn't make any scents.
If you can keep the candle lit, you win.
Don't blow it.
Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz is by far the greatest character of all time.
No one could hold a candle to him.
Four drunk men want to light a cigarette
Four drunk men want to light a cigarette. So they sent one of the four guys to buy matches, he returned without matches and said there were non left. The they sent another one to go and ask for matches from their neighbours, and he also returned empty handed and said that he didn't find any. So one of the men said
"that's it, I'm bored, just put out the candle and let's go to sleep.".
A man is on a tour of the Yankee Candle Factory
A man was taking a tour of the Yankee Candle factory when he suddenly saw an incredibly large machine and had no idea what it was. he asked the employee giving the tour what it was, and the employee replied, Oh! That's our patented Yankee Candle Maker 5000™️! The man seemed content and said to himself, Oh, that makes scents.
My girlfriend said that if i got her another useless gift she would burn it...
That's why I got her a candle
I was trying to remember...
The word "candle" , so I asked my daughter (23), "You know, one of those things you blow and make a wish?"
She said, "Breathalyzer'"
What did one candle say to the other?
Let's go out tonight.
My girlfriend told me that if I give her one more useless gift, she'd burn it...
... So I bought her a candle.
How do angels light a candle?
With a match made in heaven.
ps5 candle joke
PS5 smells like you are not getting one !
Give a man a candle and he can see until that candle burns down...
Set a man on fire and he can see for the rest of his life.
Yankee candle, known for its fragranced candle line of products has revealed it is making an odourless candle for the first time ever
It makes no scents
How does an Amish girl know....
... if it's a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular dinner?
My wife is getting sick and tired of me buying her stupid gifts.
"Next one you buy, I'm going to burn it." She screamed.
So, I bought her a candle.
An old man was sitting on a bench in the park and crying his heart out
A passing cop stopped and asked, what happened?
Old man: I have a beautiful young wife. Every evening she cooks the most delicious meals and serves it in candle light and then we have a romantic night.
Cop: So, why are you crying?
Old man: Because, I have forgotten where I live.
Why is it difficult to have a cool relationship with a candle?
Because a candle is WICKED.
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake
But at least now we can see your face
Amish girls have no way of knowing
if it's a romantic candle light dinner or just a regular dinner.
What the difference between cake and pie?
Put a candle on a cake and it's a party.
Put a candle on a pie and someone's drunk in the kitchen.
My mother-in-law just called
and said that she suspects smelling gas, asking what she should do.
I told her: you're such a wonderful and religious person, you should light a candle and pray.
What's it called when one Candle eats another Candle ?
Candlebalism
I have been trying to understand why my candle has such bad insomnia...
...guess there is no rest for the wicked.
A man and his wife are having trouble conceiving.
They asked a priest who was going to live in Rome to light a candle for them.
A number of years later the priest came back stateside and went to visit the family. The husband was not at home, but the woman was surrounded by children. The priest enquired about the husband, and the wife told him "he went to Rome to try to find you and get you to blow out the bloody candle".
I got fired from the candle factory
Told them I didn't want to work wick ends
I was going to open a Candle Store
But I had no business scents
My buddy once took a date to see the world's oldest lit candle but it didn't go well.
Turns out you really shouldn't take your date to see an old flame.
What do you call a candle that isn't bright?
A candull.
Why did the candle get a round of applause?
It was scent-sational
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the candle lit jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working candle menorah piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.