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Candle Jokes

127 candle jokes and hilarious candle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about candle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Explore a collection of funny jokes perfect for candle makers and lovers. Feel the lightheartedness of birthday candles, romantic candlelit dinners, and wicked illusions of perfumed candles.

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Funniest Candle Short Jokes

Short candle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The candle humour may include short light bulb jokes also.

  1. How Many Jews Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? Who needs a light bulb when you have eight candles? Happy Chanukah, y'all.
  2. My buddy once took a date to see the world's oldest lit candle but it didn't go well. Turns out you really shouldn't take your date to see an old flame.
  3. When it gets cold in Ireland, we all sit round a candle. And when it gets REALLY cold, we light it.
  4. I'm not saying you are old... but the candles cost more than your cake.
    (I heard this one at a bridge club today)
  5. "Your dad cant hold a candle to what my daddy can do." "Oh Ya, what does he do?"
    "Makes gun powder."
  6. My friend told me about his idea for odorless candles I told him they wouldn't make any scents
  7. Before candles, what did North Korean communists use to light their homes with? Electricity.
  8. I could never figure out why birthday cake gave me heartburn. Apparently you're supposed to blow out and remove the candles first.
  9. What's the best thing about being born on 9/11/99? You had the two biggest candles on your second birthday.
  10. What do winter solstice and a candle have in common? They both bring light to the darkness.

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Candle One Liners

Which candle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with candle? I can suggest the ones about lantern and lamp.

  1. How did communists light their homes before candles? with light bulbs
  2. What did Britons use to light their homes before candles? Electricity.
  3. Why couldn't the candle get any sleep? Because there's no rest for the wicked.
  4. ps5 candle joke PS5 smells like you are not getting one !
  5. Why did the candle get a round of applause? It was scent-sational
  6. What burns longer, a red or a green candle? Neither, they both burn shorter.
  7. What did communists use before candles? Electricity
  8. Are candles happy or sad when they are put out? They are delighted.
  9. What did soviet russians use for lighting before they started using candles? Electricity.
  10. My love for you is like a candle. If you ignore me I will burn your house down.
  11. What did Russians use to light there houses before they had candles? Electricity.
  12. There was a fire in the aromatherapy candle factory. Things are much calmer now.
  13. My love is like a candle If you don't blow me before bed I'll burn your house down
  14. If you can keep the candle lit, you win. Don't blow it.
  15. What did Russians used to light their houses with before candles? Electricity.

Candle Light Jokes

Here is a list of funny candle light jokes and even better candle light puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I searched on eBay for something to light my candles with... It said, "No matches found"
  • What did communists use for light before candles? Electricity.
  • After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
    "I think I'm going to call it a day."
  • What did socialists use before candles? Light bulbs.
  • How did communists light their homes before candles? With electricity.
  • What did the people of Venezuela use to light their homes before candles? Electricity.
  • Today's youth are getting worse. I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle.
  • when I was growing up the winters were rough, my dad made us huddle round only a single candle. if he was feeling generous he would even light it.
  • Just Googled "how to light a candle" Got 50 million matches
  • What did communists use to light their homes before candles? Electricity

Candle Making Jokes

Here is a list of funny candle making jokes and even better candle making puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was trying to remember... The word "candle" , so I asked my daughter (23), "You know, one of those things you blow and make a wish?"
    She said, "Breathalyzer'"
  • I don't know why, but my vanilla candle isnt working. It just doesn't make any scents
  • My apartment was starting to smell bad so I bought myself a candle. It just makes scents.
  • There's no such thing as a candle that has no smell. It just wouldn't make any scents.
  • Yankee candle, known for its fragranced candle line of products has revealed it is making an odourless candle for the first time ever It makes no scents
  • I was thinking about starting an odorless candle company But I realized it wouldn't make any scents
  • My girlfriend said we should sit in the bath with candles. I said, "Water would probably make more sense."
  • So I bought a fragrant candle the other day, but when I lit it nothing happened... It just didn't make scents.
  • What's not to understand about candles? They make scents to me...
  • Why Do Candles Give The Best Advice? They just make scents.
Candle joke, Why Do Candles Give The Best Advice?

Hold Candle Jokes

Here is a list of funny hold candle jokes and even better hold candle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Scarecrow from The wizard of oz is by far the greatest character of all time. No one could hold a candle to him.
  • What do you call a candelabra that refuses to hold candles? A candle-nah-brah

Candle Flame Jokes

Here is a list of funny candle flame jokes and even better candle flame puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Makes sense Apple fans would buy a MacBook candle... ...They're already used to the smell of burning synthetic materials and watching their money go up in flames.
  • I tried to light a candle... but that idea went down in flames.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't blow out brithday candles, they surrender their flames willingly.
  • What did the candle say to the flame? You're getting on my wick.

Candle Light Dinner Jokes

Here is a list of funny candle light dinner jokes and even better candle light dinner puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Amish girls have no way of knowing if it's a romantic candle light dinner or just a regular dinner.
Candle joke, Amish girls have no way of knowing

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about candle can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of candle puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Rib-Tickling Candle Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about candle you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean flashlight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make candle prank.

How many Venezuelans does it take to change a candle?

Two. One to change it, and the other to stand in line all day to buy the new candle.

TIL about a method of capital punishment called the Roman Candle. Victims were tied to a stake and covered in a flammable resin. The burning bodies would sometimes be used to provide lighting for evening parties.

Great idea; terrible execution.

I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...

It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing s**... that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.

Three men died on Christmas Eve...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The p**... replied, "These are Carols".

What did the candle say when it couldn't sleep due to his own candlelight?

There ain't no rest for the wicked

Why was the candle mad at his friend?

He blew him off.

What did one candle say to the other

Will you go out with me tonight?

Candle Holders

So I'm at a store looking for some candle holders.. But the store has run out of candle holders...
So I bought a cake.

Why was the candle tired?

There's no rest for the wicked!

Candles

Q: What did the candle say to the other candle?
A: I'm going out tonight!

A Hindu candle company has released a "Nirvana" scented candle.

It smells like teen spirit.

What do you call a fraud in a Candle factory?

A Scandle.

What did the man say when he sat on a candle?

Fire in the hole!

My friends say I'm like a candle.

If you forget I exist, so help me God, I'll burn your house down.

I found a "Fresh Baked Bread" scented candle

I bought it because I love the smell of fresh bread. But when I lit it, it smelled like toast.

My Girlfriend told me that if I bought her any more s**... gifts, she would burn it!

So I bought her a candle!

I swear to god, people these days have no morals whatsoever

I was at church today and some scumbag lit a cigarette with an alter candle, I was so shocked I almost dropped my beer

Did you hear about the candle that smells like a mixture of Francis, Benedict, and John Paul?

They call it pope pourri
(I really am sorry)

I went to a candle sale event last night.

It was lit.

What does a miser do when it gets cold?

He huddles around a candle.
 
What does he do when it gets *really* cold?
 
He lights the candle.

What did the little candle say to the big candle

I'm going out tonight.

A man goes shopping for candles...

He's strolling through Bed Bath and Beyond, when he finally locates the candle section. So many options to pick from, he starts to give them all a good test sniff. As he's smelling more and more candles he wrinkles his brow and remarks to himself "All these candles smell funny..."
So he catches the attention of an employee and asks her, "Ma'am why do all of these candles smell so funny?"
"Well sir, that's our new Scents of Humor line!"

Why do candles make the perfect gift?

Because they just make *scents*.

2 candles are having a conversation...

...The first one asks, "So, what are you doing tonight?"
The second candle replies, "Going out."

My wife said if I bought her one more s**... present, she would burn it

So I bought her a candle. That showed her.

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, Jack fell onto a candle stick...

And the doctor said "riiiiiiight"

3 guys come back late from a night of drinking...

They met for brunch for the next day.
Guy 1: I drank way to much, first thing I did when I got home I blew Chunks...
Guy 2: That's nothing, I wrapped my car around a tree on my way home.
Guy 3: I beat all of you, I was arguing with my wife and knocked a candle over! It destroyed the whole house.
It went silent for a minute.
Guy 1: I don't think you guys understand. Chunks is my dog.

My girlfriend just told me our love is like an eternal candle....

If you forget about me, I burn your house down.

How many superstitious people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they light a candle because they're stuck in the dark ages.

What do you call a candle with guns?

John Wick

People always wonder what got me interested in the candle business

I guess it was just common scents

I went out on a blind date with a candle...

It wasn't a good match.

Where did the father candle take his son for a trip?

To the Wax Museum.

Four drunk men want to light a cigarette

Four drunk men want to light a cigarette. So they sent one of the four guys to buy matches, he returned without matches and said there were non left. The they sent another one to go and ask for matches from their neighbours, and he also returned empty handed and said that he didn't find any. So one of the men said
"that's it, I'm bored, just put out the candle and let's go to sleep.".

Did you hear about the gay candle?

It went out with a p**...

A man is on a tour of the Yankee Candle Factory

A man was taking a tour of the Yankee Candle factory when he suddenly saw an incredibly large machine and had no idea what it was. he asked the employee giving the tour what it was, and the employee replied, Oh! That's our patented Yankee Candle Maker 5000™️! The man seemed content and said to himself, Oh, that makes scents.

My girlfriend said that if i got her another useless gift she would burn it...

That's why I got her a candle

What did one candle say to the other?

Let's go out tonight.

My girlfriend told me that if I give her one more useless gift, she'd burn it...

... So I bought her a candle.

Give a man a candle and he can see until that candle burns down...

Set a man on fire and he can see for the rest of his life.

How does an Amish girl know....

... if it's a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular dinner?

My wife is getting sick and tired of me buying her s**... gifts.

"Next one you buy, I'm going to burn it." She screamed.
So, I bought her a candle.

An old man was sitting on a bench in the park and crying his heart out

A passing cop stopped and asked, what happened?
Old man: I have a beautiful young wife. Every evening she cooks the most delicious meals and serves it in candle light and then we have a romantic night.
Cop: So, why are you crying?
Old man: Because, I have forgotten where I live.

Why is it difficult to have a cool relationship with a candle?

Because a candle is WICKED.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake

But at least now we can see your face

What the difference between cake and pie?

Put a candle on a cake and it's a party.
Put a candle on a pie and someone's drunk in the kitchen.

My mother-in-law just called

and said that she suspects smelling gas, asking what she should do.
I told her: you're such a wonderful and religious person, you should light a candle and pray.

What's it called when one Candle eats another Candle ?

Candlebalism

I have been trying to understand why my candle has such bad insomnia...

...guess there is no rest for the wicked.

A man and his wife are having trouble conceiving.

They asked a priest who was going to live in Rome to light a candle for them.
A number of years later the priest came back stateside and went to visit the family. The husband was not at home, but the woman was surrounded by children. The priest enquired about the husband, and the wife told him "he went to Rome to try to find you and get you to blow out the b**... candle".

I got fired from the candle factory

Told them I didn't want to work wick ends

I was going to open a Candle Store

But I had no business scents

What do you call a candle that isn't bright?

A candull.

s**... gift

My girlfriend told me if I bought her one more s**... gift, the she would burn it.
So I bought her a candle.

Candle joke, s**... gift

jokes about candle

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these candle jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.