Candle Jokes
124 candle jokes and hilarious candle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about candle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore a collection of funny jokes perfect for candle makers and lovers. Feel the lightheartedness of birthday candles, romantic candlelit dinners, and wicked illusions of perfumed candles.
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Funniest Candle Short Jokes
Short candle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The candle humour may include short light bulb jokes also.
- My buddy once took a date to see the world's oldest lit candle but it didn't go well. Turns out you really shouldn't take your date to see an old flame.
- When it gets cold in Ireland, we all sit round a candle. And when it gets REALLY cold, we light it.
- I'm not saying you are old... but the candles cost more than your cake.
(I heard this one at a bridge club today) - "Your dad cant hold a candle to what my daddy can do." "Oh Ya, what does he do?"
"Makes gun powder." - My friend told me about his idea for odorless candles I told him they wouldn't make any scents
- I could never figure out why birthday cake gave me heartburn. Apparently you're supposed to blow out and remove the candles first.
- What's the best thing about being born on 9/11/99? You had the two biggest candles on your second birthday.
- What do winter solstice and a candle have in common? They both bring light to the darkness.
- I used to get heartburn when I ate cake... Till a doctor told me to take the candles off first!
- I was trying to remember... The word "candle" , so I asked my daughter (23), "You know, one of those things you blow and make a wish?"
She said, "Breathalyzer'"
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Candle One Liners
Which candle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with candle? I can suggest the ones about lantern and lamp.
- How did communists light their homes before candles? with light bulbs
- What did Britons use to light their homes before candles? Electricity.
- Why couldn't the candle get any sleep? Because there's no rest for the wicked.
- ps5 candle joke PS5 smells like you are not getting one !
- Why did the candle get a round of applause? It was scent-sational
- What burns longer, a red or a green candle? Neither, they both burn shorter.
- Are candles happy or sad when they are put out? They are delighted.
- What did soviet russians use for lighting before they started using candles? Electricity.
- There was a fire in the aromatherapy candle factory. Things are much calmer now.
- If you can keep the candle lit, you win. Don't blow it.
- I searched on eBay for something to light my candles with... It said, "No matches found"
- What does a candle do when it gets fired? It has a meltdown
- After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day." - What do you call a fraud in a Candle factory? A Scandle.
- I'd hate to be a dragon.
I'd get so angry trying to blow out my birthday candles.
Candle Light Jokes
Here is a list of funny candle light jokes and even better candle light puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did socialists use before candles? Light bulbs.
- What did the people of Venezuela use to light their homes before candles? Electricity.
- when I was growing up the winters were rough, my dad made us huddle round only a single candle. if he was feeling generous he would even light it.
- Just Googled "how to light a candle" Got 50 million matches
- Q. What did the Syrians use to light their homes before candles? A. Electricity.
- My mother-in-law just called and said that she suspects smelling gas, asking what she should do.
I told her: you're such a wonderful and religious person, you should light a candle and pray. - What does a miser do when it gets cold? He huddles around a candle.
What does he do when it gets *really* cold?
He lights the candle. - New rule at the convent Lights out by 10. Candles out by 11.
- I tried to light a candle... but that idea went down in flames.
- On this day i always light a candle to mark the anniversary of my wifes death It really freaks her out
Candle Making Jokes
Here is a list of funny candle making jokes and even better candle making puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I don't know why, but my vanilla candle isnt working. It just doesn't make any scents
- My apartment was starting to smell bad so I bought myself a candle. It just makes scents.
- There's no such thing as a candle that has no smell. It just wouldn't make any scents.
- Yankee candle, known for its fragranced candle line of products has revealed it is making an odourless candle for the first time ever It makes no scents
- I was thinking about starting an odorless candle company But I realized it wouldn't make any scents
- My girlfriend said we should sit in the bath with candles. I said, "Water would probably make more sense."
- So I bought a fragrant candle the other day, but when I lit it nothing happened... It just didn't make scents.
- What's not to understand about candles? They make scents to me...
- Why Do Candles Give The Best Advice? They just make scents.
- I tried to create a business that makes talking candles It didn't make any dollars or scents.
Hold Candle Jokes
Here is a list of funny hold candle jokes and even better hold candle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Scarecrow from The wizard of oz is by far the greatest character of all time. No one could hold a candle to him.
- What do you call a candelabra that refuses to hold candles? A candle-nah-brah
Candle Wax Jokes
Here is a list of funny candle wax jokes and even better candle wax puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where did the father candle take his son for a trip? To the Wax Museum.
- What do models and candles have in common? They both wax.

Rib-Tickling Candle Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about candle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flashlight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make candle pranks.
How many Venezuelans does it take to change a candle?
Two. One to change it, and the other to stand in line all day to buy the new candle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...
It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing s**... that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men died on Christmas Eve...
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The p**... replied, "These are Carols".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. Two to complain about it and one to light an organic scented candle.
Why was the candle mad at his friend?
He blew him off.
What did one candle say to the other
Will you go out with me tonight?
Candle Holders
So I'm at a store looking for some candle holders.. But the store has run out of candle holders...
So I bought a cake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Smell that patchouli candle? Now you're n**..., i'm going to massage this lavender oil into your shoulders, then s**... your curves with these lemon grass strands...
It should be quite homeo-e**...
Candlelight is romantic until...
Candlelight is romantic until she realizes your electricity has been shut off.
Two candles wanted to get high…
They lit up and got low instead.
Happy 4/20!
Someone came up to me and stole my candle
I was incensed!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I did some l**... and watched a candle burn all night.
It was wicked.
A Hindu candle company has released a "Nirvana" scented candle.
It smells like teen spirit.
A local candle shop burned down...
it didnt help that everyone stood outside and sang happy birthday
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today's youth are getting worse.
I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle.
What did the man say when he sat on a candle?
Fire in the hole!
The Buddhist idea of Nirvana literally translates to "Blown Out"
Typically in reference to something like a candle, but occasionally to Kurt Cobain's brains.
I found a "Fresh Baked Bread" scented candle
I bought it because I love the smell of fresh bread. But when I lit it, it smelled like toast.
What's Technology's Favorite Candle?
The Samsung Note 7
Makes sense Apple fans would buy a MacBook candle...
...They're already used to the smell of burning synthetic materials and watching their money go up in flames.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Candle s**... and dirty talk goes hand in hand with....
Mr Myagi and wax on wax off. ;->
I downloaded a scented candle app on my iPhone.
It smells of apple.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I swear to god, people these days have no morals whatsoever
I was at church today and some scumbag lit a cigarette with an alter candle, I was so shocked I almost dropped my beer
Did you hear about the candle that smells like a mixture of Francis, Benedict, and John Paul?
They call it pope pourri
(I really am sorry)
I went to a candle sale event last night.
It was lit.
A man goes shopping for candles...
He's strolling through Bed Bath and Beyond, when he finally locates the candle section. So many options to pick from, he starts to give them all a good test sniff. As he's smelling more and more candles he wrinkles his brow and remarks to himself "All these candles smell funny..."
So he catches the attention of an employee and asks her, "Ma'am why do all of these candles smell so funny?"
"Well sir, that's our new Scents of Humor line!"
Why do candles make the perfect gift?
Because they just make *scents*.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife said if I bought her one more s**... present, she would burn it
So I bought her a candle. That showed her.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, Jack fell onto a candle stick...
And the doctor said "riiiiiiight"
3 guys come back late from a night of drinking...
They met for brunch for the next day.
Guy 1: I drank way to much, first thing I did when I got home I blew Chunks...
Guy 2: That's nothing, I wrapped my car around a tree on my way home.
Guy 3: I beat all of you, I was arguing with my wife and knocked a candle over! It destroyed the whole house.
It went silent for a minute.
Guy 1: I don't think you guys understand. Chunks is my dog.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend just told me our love is like an eternal candle....
If you forget about me, I burn your house down.
What do you call a candle with guns?
John Wick
Lumiere helped Belle fall in love with the Beast.
He was a real Candle Brah.
People always wonder what got me interested in the candle business
I guess it was just common scents
I told folks at work that Colonel Mustard did it in the library with the candle stick.
They looked at me dumbfounded as if they didn't have a clue!
Candlelight dinners, star gazing, long walks, just a girl with a burning heart...
...boy, Jean D'Arc really had a terrible life.
What did Travis Scott say about the candle he saw?
It's lit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All candles smell the same to me. Am I missing something?
They all smell like burnt nose hair to me.
I went out on a blind date with a candle...
It wasn't a good match.
Four drunk men want to light a cigarette
Four drunk men want to light a cigarette. So they sent one of the four guys to buy matches, he returned without matches and said there were non left. The they sent another one to go and ask for matches from their neighbours, and he also returned empty handed and said that he didn't find any. So one of the men said
"that's it, I'm bored, just put out the candle and let's go to sleep.".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the gay candle?
It went out with a p**...
A man is on a tour of the Yankee Candle Factory
A man was taking a tour of the Yankee Candle factory when he suddenly saw an incredibly large machine and had no idea what it was. he asked the employee giving the tour what it was, and the employee replied, Oh! That's our patented Yankee Candle Maker 5000™️! The man seemed content and said to himself, Oh, that makes scents.
My girlfriend said that if i got her another useless gift she would burn it...
That's why I got her a candle
Give a man a candle and he can see until that candle burns down...
Set a man on fire and he can see for the rest of his life.
How does an Amish girl know....
... if it's a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular dinner?
Why is it difficult to have a cool relationship with a candle?
Because a candle is WICKED.
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake
But at least now we can see your face
What the difference between cake and pie?
Put a candle on a cake and it's a party.
Put a candle on a pie and someone's drunk in the kitchen.
What's it called when one Candle eats another Candle ?
Candlebalism
I have been trying to understand why my candle has such bad insomnia...
...guess there is no rest for the wicked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his wife are having trouble conceiving.
They asked a priest who was going to live in Rome to light a candle for them.
A number of years later the priest came back stateside and went to visit the family. The husband was not at home, but the woman was surrounded by children. The priest enquired about the husband, and the wife told him "he went to Rome to try to find you and get you to blow out the b**... candle".
I got fired from the candle factory
Told them I didn't want to work wick ends
I was going to open a Candle Store
But I had no business scents
What do you call a candle that isn't bright?
A candull.
There was a fire at an aromatherapy candle factory
The situation is now calm.

