The Best 33 Candidates Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Candidates jokes. There are some candidates candidacy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these candidates applicants puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Candidates Jokes and Puns

Tonight, two candidates squared off in a head to head clash for supremacy. One of these candidates has to come out on top. The loser will go home, defeated.

The winner will face Detroit in the World Series

Mental institution

There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his head, and with a confused look on his face he replies, "Two-hundred!".
"That is incorrect." The doctor responds.

He then asks the next patient."What is 3 multiplied by 3?" After a long period of time the patient
responds, "Thursday!". "That is incorrect replies the doctor.

He then goes to the next patient and asks him, "What is 3 times 3?"
The patient quickly responds, "Nine!". The doctor then says "Correct!,
how did you figure that out?" The patient then responds, "I multiplied, 200 by Thursday and then
I added three!"

Two opposing candidates for county office...

... happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.

One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."

"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."

Why are they called jokes?

Because calling them republican presidential candidates would make me cry.

jokes about candidates

Why don't all Libertarian candidates have dwarfism?

I thought Libertarians believed in small government.

Why do candidates always "suspend" their campaigns?

They should clearly kill them with ctrl-c, not ctrl-z. Now we will have a bunch of zombie campaigns in our political system.

My brother's now ok with me calling him retarded.

All I had to do was tell him that 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded.

Candidates joke, My brother's now ok with me calling him retarded.

An egoist, a feminist and a Socialist walk into a bar...

An egotist, a feminist, and a Socialist walk into a bar.
The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, "You guys would be great presidential candidates." They took him seriously...

...apparently America did too.

"I can't stand when people say they hate both of the presidential candidates."

--Stephen Hawking

What do the NBA and the presidential election have in common?

There's only two candidates, and nobody wants either of them to win!

With so many Americans upset with the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election, we should look on the bright side ...

... and please let me know what it is when you've found it.

You can explore candidates biden reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean candidates elect dad jokes. There are also candidates puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How are third party candidates like soccer?

They're only really popular in America once every four years.

What do you call it, when 10 liberal presidential candidates give their speeches and promises all at the same time?

Mass Debating

How many good presidential candidates does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Its gonna be a dark four years, now isn't it?

I don't know why everyone is displeased with the two candidates.

They seem to be the best money can buy.

Why did the bandit from Burma vote for Trump and Hillary to be the primary candidates?

Because, Master Wayne, some men just want to watch the world burn.

Candidates joke, Why did the bandit from Burma vote for Trump and Hillary to be the primary candidates?

I understand why there are so many undecided voters this election...

The differences between the candidates aren't as black and white as they were last time

Trump will take his time considering new FBI director candidates...

Until the Kremlin fixes its routers to give him an answer.

It's great how computers are able to narrow down potential candidates with resumes...

makes it easier to find and kill those who have the potential to stop them.

There was a material election, and glass, wood, and plastic were the candidates.

Glass was becoming the clear winner.

How many Republican candidates does it take to lose a Senate race in Alabama?

One Moore.

I hate it when i show up late to an election

By then all the good candidates are already taken.

Do you ever wish we could do the 2016 presidential election all over with 2 decent candidates to choose from?

Unemployment rates at bondage studios are high.

Most candidates are unwilling to learn the ropes.

TIL the one question Elon Musk asks all candidates before they are hired...

Can I get a loan?

The pope is just as picky about his music, as he is about his sexual candidates

The key to both is A minor.

Candidates joke, The pope is just as picky about his music, as he is about his sexual candidates

Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

Err sorry, typo. That should be:
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

Politics joke

Politics are like inlaws..

You somewhat have to pay attention to them to stay in the know and you usually can't stand at least one of the candidates.

So apparently Kanye West is running for president

My question is, will he let the other candidates finish their speeches?

What do you call two clueless, old men.

Presidential Candidates

What do strippers and presidential candidates have in common?

They both go up and down polls

Youtube is introducing a new system of recommending youtube videos

The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm

Starbucks created a new specialty drink to honor all the candidates running for Congress.

It's called the Fullacrappacino

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the candidates primaries puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working candidates qualifications piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes