The Best 35 Cancer Patient Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cancer Patient jokes. There are some cancer patient carcinoma jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cancer patient cancers puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cancer Patient Jokes and Puns

So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back

Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

Doctor: You have cancer and Alzheimer's

Patient: Atleast Idont have Cancer

I said to my girlfriend that I think she'd look sexier with her hair back…

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

How did the terminal cancer patient do in school?

He passed.

How many cancer patients does it take to change a light bulb?

1 and 12 people to say how inspiring it was

What is your zodiac sign?

Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer.
Doctor: What a coincidence...

Doctor: You have Alzheimer's and cancer.

Patient: Thank God it's not Alzheimer's.

Doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news..."

Guy says "what's the bad news?" Doctor says "you have cancer, it's terminal." Guy starts wailing "Ohhh that's terrible! Oh my god! I can't believe it! Well what's the *good* news then?" Doctor says "you see that blonde bombshell receptionist? I'm *fuckin'* 'er!"

I heard laughter is the best medicine

I heard laughter is the best medicine, so I went to the local hospital, found some cancer patients, and laughed at them.

So I told my girlfriend that she'd look better with her hair back...

Which apparently is a very rude thing to say to a cancer patient.

I can't believe people make jokes about cancer patients with no fathers

Sick bastards

You can explore cancer patient cervical cancer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cancer patient remission dad jokes. There are also cancer patient puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Doctor: Sir....

Patient: It's MA'AM. I identify as a female

Doctor: Okay Ma'am. You have testicular cancer.

A guy goes in to see his doctor...

A guy goes in to see his doctor. The doctor evaluates the patient and says "I have bad news - you have Alzheimer's disease and you have cancer". The guys looks back at his doctor and says, "At least I don't have Alzheimer's".

The doctor says, "I have bad news, You have Cancer, and Alzheimer's Disease."

The patient says, "Well at least I don't have Cancer."

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, and ten people to stand around clapping and saying "Aww, how brave."

A man goes in to his doctor's for an exam and the doctor says, "Well, I have good news and bad news."

The man says, "Give me the bad news first, Doc." The doctor says, "You've got a rare form of cancer. It's incurable and you have three weeks to live." "Oh my God!" says the patient. "After that, I'm glad there's good news. What is it?" The doctor smiles and points and says, "Do you see that good looking nurse over there? Well, I'm sleeping with her."

Doctor: I'm afraid you have cancer and alzheimers.

Patient: Hey, at least I don't have cancer!

A doctor is talking to a patient.

P: Am I going to be okay?

D: You're as healthy as a horse-


D: -with cancer.

What did the doctor say to the cancer patient?

You have tumor months to live.

A doctor tells his patient his results...

A doctor goes to his patient and tells him:"I have bad news for you.
First, you have cancer, and second, you have Alzheimer disease.
I am really sorry for you." The patient says:"At least I don't have cancer"

A doctor says to his patient: I have bad news, and I have worse news

A doctor says to his patient: I have bad news, and I have worse news

The patient says: Give me the worse news first

Doctor: You have cancer.

Patient: Oh no, then what's the bad news?

Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's.

Patient, relieved: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

At the doctor's office

Dr: Sir I have unfortunate n...

Patient: IT'S MA'AM!!!

Dr: Ma'am you have testicular cancer.

Doctor: I have two bad news for you.

Doctor: The first one is that you have cancer.

Patient: whats the second one then?

Doctor: you also have alzheimer's.

Patient: well at least I dont have cancer

The doctor has some bad news...

A patient goes to see the doctor. The doctor examines him, and then says, "I have bad news. You have cancer, as well as Alzheimer's."

The patient says "well, at least I don't have Alzheimer's."

Doctor: "what's your zodiac sign?"

Patient: "I'm a cancer, why?"

Doctor: "oh, what a coincidence!"

I have one bad and one good news, which one you wanna first? Says the doctor

Patient: Ugh... the bad first.. go.

Doctor: OK you have terminal cancer and you'll probably die in a week

Patient: Oh damn wtf, what's the GOOD NEWS??

Doctor: Ohh you see that nurse over there? I think she's interested on me

A doctor is reading out tests results to an elderly patient.

- Sir, the two test results are in and I'm afraid I have bad news. First of all, you have phase 8 terminal metastasized cancer.
- Oh no.. damned, this is not good.. what else?
- You also have quite a severe case of Alzheimer.
- oh thank god for that! I thought you were going to tell me I had cancer.

They say that laughter is the best medicine.

Then, why was I kicked out the cancer ward for laughing at the patients?

Request for a months worth of jokes for a cancer patient.

A friend of mine will be in the hospital for a month because of her cancer treatments. We are telling her jokes to cheer her up and were hoping you could help, Thanks.

Bad news

A doctor says to his patient: 'I'm afraid I've got bad news for you. You've got cancer and Alzheimer's disease'.
The patient responds: 'Well, at least I don't have cancer'.

A doctor tells his patient, "I have bad news and worse news."

"The bad news is that you have cancer. The worse news is, you also have Alzheimer's."

The woman sits and thinks for a moment, seeming to ponder these heavy diagnoses. Finally, she says "Well, I guess it could be worse. At least I don't have cancer!"

Doctor says to his patient "you have cancer and Alzheimer"..

Patient looks at him and says: "At least I don't have cancer."

A Joke

A guy goes to the doctors office for an appointment...

The doctors starts off with bad news,

Doctor: (to the patient) Ok, I have two bits of bad news.

Patient: Ok what is it?

Doctor: One, you have Cancer.

Patient: Oh god no that's pretty bad! What's number two?

Doctor: Two is, you have Alzheimer's.

Patient: Well good God, at least I don't have cancer.

A patient and his doctor were sitting in the doctor's clinic. Doctor: "I regret to inform you that you have cancer and Alzheimers".

Patient: "Oh well, at least I don't have cancer".

What do you call it when a person shaves their head bald to blend in with cancer patients?...


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cancer patient bladder cancer jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cancer patient tumor piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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