Cancer Jokes

Funniest Cancer Short Jokes

Short cancer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cancer humour may include short tumor jokes also.

1. So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
2. A doctor says "The good news is it's all in your head." "The bad news is it's brain cancer."
3. Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer's. Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.
4. Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer? She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself
5. Adam gave sally 3 flowers and 1 stuffed animal. Kristen gave Sally 5 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. What does Sally have? cancer.
6. Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
7. My grandfather developed cancer in his early twenties. He is considered to be the most evil scientist that ever lived.
8. Yesterday, my wife told me she has breast cancer Honey, she said, there's a couple things I need to get off my chest.
9. A dad joke "Dad I'm hungry."
   "Hi hungry, I'm dead."
   "Haha, you mean dad."
   "No. I have inoperable brain cancer."
   "...wha-"
   "I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you."
10. How many cancer patients does it take to change a light bulb? 1 and 12 people to say how inspiring it was

Share These Cancer Jokes With Friends

Cancer One Liners

Which cancer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cancer? I can suggest the ones about chemo and radiation.

1. I don't get why people say cancer is hard to beat I'm already on Stage 4
2. EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy WEB MD: Cancer.
3. My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died She was eaten by a giant crab
4. It turns out vaccines cause cancer. You'll actually live long enough to get it.
5. Doctor: You have cancer and Alzheimer's Patient: Atleast Idont have Cancer
6. Did you know that every zodiac sign has different hair? Well, besides cancer.
7. Today I'm cancer free! And all the days before that, but it still counts.
8. How did the terminal cancer patient do in school? He passed.
9. I believe every Zodiac sign has its own signature hairstyle. Except Cancer.
10. My cousin's horoscope was Cancer. Funny how she died... She got eaten by a giant crab
11. What kind of cancer was Jar Jar diagnosed with? Meesathelioma.
12. I've heard like eight cancer jokes today... If I hear another one it's gonna benign
13. Whats common between dark jokes and little kids with cancer... They never get old.
14. I hear cancer is hard to beat No one got past stage 4.
15. Too soon What is making a joke about Alex Tribek's cancer diagnosis?

Cancer Patient Jokes

Here is a list of funny cancer patient jokes and even better cancer patient puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What is your zodiac sign? Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
  Patient: Cancer.
  Doctor: What a coincidence...
• I heard laughter is the best medicine I heard laughter is the best medicine, so I went to the local hospital, found some cancer patients, and laughed at them.
• Doctor: Sir.... Patient: It's MA'AM. I identify as a female
  Doctor: Okay Ma'am. You have testicular cancer.
• Doctor: I'm afraid you have cancer and alzheimers. Patient: Hey, at least I don't have cancer!
• A doctor is talking to a patient. P: Am I going to be okay?
  D: You're as healthy as a horse-
  P: YAY!
  D: -with cancer.
• What's the best vitamin for cancer patients? B9
• What did the doctor say to the cancer patient? You have tumor months to live.
• They say that laughter is the best medicine. Then, why was I kicked out the cancer ward for laughing at the patients?
• What do you call it when a person shaves their head bald to blend in with cancer patients?... Chemoflage
• What does kind of treatment does a suicidal cancer patient take? Emotherapy

Zodiac Cancer Jokes

Here is a list of funny zodiac cancer jokes and even better zodiac cancer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Started smoking for this girl who told me she was into people with cancer Turns out she was talking about zodiacs. Anyway I've got three months to live.
• I had a friend whose zodiac sign was cancer. The way he died was very ironic... He got was eaten by a giant crab.
• The zodiac sign of a friend of mine was cancer, which was very ironic because of how he died. He was eaten by a large crab.
• Every Zodiac sign has a haircut . . . Except Cancer (in honor of my dad who lost his hair to chemo!)
• The real Zodiac Killer is... Cancer.
• My barber is big into astrology, and told me that every zodiac sign corresponds to a certain hairstyle, except for one Cancer.
• I'm cancer free! Now I'm dating a girl with different zodiac sign.
• What zodiac sign doesn't have hair Cancer
• Today my dad beat cancer. By the way what is your mom's zodiac sign?
• My wife died last week It's ironic because her zodiac symbol was cancer. She was killed by a giant crab

Breast Cancer Jokes

Here is a list of funny breast cancer jokes and even better breast cancer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Breast cancer awareness has pink ribbons, but what does alcoholism awareness have? Bruises.
• I had breast cancer once... Those were some bad mammaries.
• What did the blonde do when she learned 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer? She decided to only hang out in groups of 7 or fewer.
• My friend confided in me that she has breast cancer. I asked her if she had anything else she wanted to get off her chest.
• Every ten minutes someone somewhere is told they have breast cancer They probably heard the first time. No need to keep rubbing it in.
• A Joke I made up when I was 7 years old (It's politically incorrect) Why did the lady tell her doctor she had breast cancer?
  Because she wanted to get it off her chest.
• How did the cow feel after being diagnosed with breast cancer? She was in udder disbelief.
  
• Did you hear about the lady with breast cancer and amnesia? She has mammary problems.
• Breast Cancer Awareness Hotline I called the hotline for information about breast self-examination. I got a recording that said "Press one to continue.....OK, now press the other one.
• I used to have breast cancer Had to get that off my chest

Lung Cancer Jokes

Here is a list of funny lung cancer jokes and even better lung cancer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• How is the 85 year old Contractor that survived lung cancer doing? Asbestos he can.
  I'm so sorry.
• Someone asked me about minerals that are long term contributors to lung cancer the other day, I just answered asbestos I could.
• SO happy to announce my mother has tested negative for COVID-19... Doctor said the breathing issues are only pulmonary fibrosis, a collapsed lung, and stage 4 cancer. Phew!
• My grandpa just died of lung cancer... He fought it asbestos he could.
• People are really sad about the news that Larry King has lung cancer while others are excited to hear he's alive.
• Lung cancer has done a real number on me; I don't have long left. Doc said he's going to get me a donor lung.. …but I'm not holding my breath.
• There's only one thing I haven't quit on... Now I have lung cancer.
• If I start watching TV, I can give up smoking. But I rather have lung cancer than brain cancer.
• A man goes to the doctor Doctor: Okay, I have 2 messages for you. The first one is, you have lung cancer, the second one, you have alzheimer.
  Man: Thank god, atleast not cancer.
• What did the optimist say to his doctor when he found out he had lung cancer? "Well, I'll deal with this asbestos I can!"

Cancer Radiation Jokes

Here is a list of funny cancer radiation jokes and even better cancer radiation puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• How are cancer and pregnancy similar? They can both be fixed with intense radiation therapy.
• 2017 won't be all bad For the few people living just the right distance away from the nuclear strikes,the radiation will cure their cancer.

Charming Humor Cancer Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about cancer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disease jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cancer pranks.