Cancel Jokes

Following is our collection of brazzers puns and defund one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cancel jokes for adults, dirty financial jokes and clean fee dad gags for kids.

The Best Cancel Puns

How do you cancel an appointment with a sperm bank?

Tell them you can't come.

<> Apple has decided to cancel the children's iPod.

Apparently iTouch kids isn't a good product name.

After buying a new sail for my boat, Amazon told me it's too late to cancel my order.

That sail has shipped.

I had to cancel my dsylexics meeting tonight

I never go out on Friday the 13th

I was at a Chinese restaurant...

when I realized that a duckling is a small duck. So I decided to cancel my order of steamed dumplings.


Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

I decided to cancel my gym membership today...

...just didn't work out.

A blonde calls the doctor to cancel her appointment.

"Im going to have to cancel my appointment", says the blonde.
"Why?", asks the doctor.
"I'm not feeling well...", responds the blonde.

Why did they have to cancel the volleyball games in the special olympics?

It wasn't going over too well.

I cancelled my doctor's appointment recently

I was disappointed

I just cancelled my gym membership

It wasn't working out.


I just cancelled my gym membership

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

On the Duck Dynasty Outrage,....

It's such a double standard.

When a white guy acts bad on TV, people rush to A&E and demand the show is cancelled.

When a black guy acts bad on TV, you don't see people rushing to Fox demanding they cancel COPS.

after 9 months of procrastination, of psyching myself up and never following through, last night i finally went to the gym

to cancel that damned membership.

A father decided to cancel his surgery.

"Don't you want to get rid of that tumor?" His children asked, to which he just shrugged at.

"Its growing on me."

My doctor told me he doesn't want to work anymore and we'll have to cancel my next visit.

I got disappointed.

So a man had an appointment with a psychologist...

The man couldn't find any clean clothes to wear, so he decided to cover himself with saran wrap. As the man approaches the office, the psychologist says to him,

"I decided to cancel our appointment together."

"What? Why?" asked the man

"Because I can clearly see your nuts."

Why did they cancel basketball in the Special Olympics?

All the players kept getting disqualified for excessive dribbling.

We don't need to cancel the World Cup because of Covid-19

Because soccer players never get within 2 metres of each other anyway.


On March 27th, our math teacher burst into class and threatened to cancel Spring Break unless the one who's cheated on all their tests reveals themselves before next month

How are we supposed to catch a cheater in eight days?!

The hot dog

So a traveling salesman goes into a fairly grungy diner. The waitress comes over, and she doesn't look too good, either.

Deciding he'd better not take any chances, the guy orders two hamburgers and a hot dog.

The waitress comes over a few minutes later with the hamburgers under her arms.

The guy says, "Why are the hamburgers under your arms?"

The waitress says, "I'm keeping them warm."

And the guy says, "Cancel the hot dog."

A French internet cafe had to cancel a CS:GO tournament it was supposed to host, after someone stole all the baked goods.

The gamers could not tolerate that much baguette loss.

I went to the most nonchalent doctor for an MRI scan...

...after all the trouble of going in the machine he randomly decided to cancel the appointment before even turning the machine on.

Zero flux given.

When you miss or cancel an appointment,

that is a disappointment.

Why did the warden cancel the prison writing contest?

There were too many cons and not enough prose

Ole Miss had to cancel their Living Nativity

They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin

I just cancelled my overpriced gym membership

I feel like I've finally lifted a huge weight off my chest

What is a creationist's favorite button in pokemon?

B to cancel evolution

After I cancelled our trip to China, I told my wife I had a surprise for her...

Close you eyes... no Peking!

I had booked a U2 for my wife's birthday party...

Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.

After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He said, "Don't worry mate, I'm pro Bono."

Loving beer and wanting abs is hard

So I had to cancel my gym membership due to conflict of interests

How do you fight cancel culture?

With reboots!

I wouldn't shed a tear if you cancelled MS America, nor lose sleep if you cancelled MS Universe

But please don't you dare cancel MS Paint :*(

Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

Does anyone know how to cancel eBay bids?

I bid £10 on a cowboy outfit and I'm about 5 minutes away from owning the Tory Party.

I heard the Greta Van Fleet had to cancel the rest of their US tour. The lead singer pulled his hernia.

From lifting too many Led Zeppelin songs.

Me: "Yeah I'm gonna have to cancel, I'm not feeling too well"

Receptionist at the doctors office: "..."

Why was 'Sausage Wars' cancelled?

It was the wurst TV show ever.

Saw HBO were going to be making a new TV show set in an airport...

They had to cancel it though as the pilot didn't take off.

Why did the redneck high school cancel driver's ed class?

They needed the car for sex ed.

I don't get why people make drinking and getting high such a big deal.

As long as you do both in equal amounts, being complete opposites, they'll cancel each other out!

Why did the cosmic horror cancel its cable service?

It switched to CtHulu.

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

The Chinese Phonebook

China decided to make their own version of the Yellow Pages, but with all the Wings and Wongs, and Chans it was a mess. Finally they had decided to cancel the project people would Wing the Wong numbers.

I feel really sick today.

Now I got to think of an excuse to cancel my doctor's appointment.

Why did blockbusters cancel their nativity play?

Because they had no prophets!

The republicans had to cancel their living nativity

They didn't have three wise men or a virgin

Bad medicine...

Trump wants to cancel $100 million in research funds for Parkinson's and Alzheimer's.

I can't remember why, but I bet that'll really shake things up.

Trump's cancelled trip to the WWI commemoration is not his fault

His helicopter got a doctor's note claiming it has bone-spurs too.

There is an abundance of application jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 49 funniest jokes and cancel puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any events witze you can hear about cancel.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes