Canadians Jokes
100 canadians jokes and hilarious canadians puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about canadians that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Canadians Short Jokes
Short canadians jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The canadians humour may include short canadian hockey jokes also.
- How do you get 100 drunk and rowdy Canadians out of a pool? You say "Please get out of the pool."
- My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink canadian whiskey. I am still mean but I am sorry, too.
- You can tell that Wolverine is a Canadian character written by an American His superpower is healthcare
- No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.
- A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"
- I always thought Americans should say "B". Because Canadians say "Eh", and Mexicans say "Ci".
- As a Canadian.. Every time I hear a bad joke about being Canadian...
...I go right to the Hospital and get my feelings checked for free - Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym. After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.
One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"
The other said, "What for?" - A seal walks into a bar... The bartender asks, What would you like?
"Anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks." - American kid: Mommy, what's a "Canadian"? Well, dear, that's an unarmed citizen with health insurance.
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Canadians One Liners
Which canadians one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with canadians? I can suggest the ones about canadian eh and hexadecimal.
- How do you get Canadian bacon to stop curling in the pan? You take away the broom.
- I heard a rumour about the Canadian Prime Minister Not sure if it's Trudeau.
- I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?
- Nobody believes that I can name the Canadian Prime Minister. It's Trudeau.
- I'm not an apologetic Canadian... I'm sorry, I'm just not
- I just passed by Canadian citizenship test! I got an eh +
- Why are Canadians so good at sports? They always bring their eh game
- When do Canadian sleep? When Canadian Tire
- How can you spot a Canadian They're the ones that say "Thank You" to the ATM
- Why do Canadian cowboys have sticky feet? Maple Stirrups.
- What do you call a group of Canadians? An apology
- Americans may pull guns but Canadians.... ..may pull leaves.
- What blood type do Canadians have? Type "eh"
- What's a baby seals' least favourite drink? Canadian Club on the Rocks
- A baby seal walks into a bar... ... and says,"I'll have anything but a Canadian Club."
Uproarious Canadians Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about canadians you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make canadians pranks.
A weather report for you
I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
Why do Canadians call alcohol anonymous triple A?
AA, Eh
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cold Cold Canada.
There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right s**... dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.
Three men are on a boat back to North America...
A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian are all heading back to their home countries after going on a vacation in Europe. Suddenly the boat starts to sink. The Canadian says, "The boat is too heavy, we need to get rid of some stuff." The Mexican says, "We already have too many of these in Mexico!" and he throws the tacos out of the boat. The Canadian says, "We already have too many of these in Canada!" and he throws all the maple syrup off the boat. The American says, "We already have too many of these in America!" and he throws the Mexican off the boat.
*apoligies for racism, I am not a racist person*
Someone told me recently that the healthcare.gov website was built by a Canadian company.
I guess that explains why the site is constantly freezing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman... (long joke)
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a v**... Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ghanaian, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, 2 Africans and you...
walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
Heard this while at a Canadian airport.
Lady: We're going to the states for a few days.
Oldman: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Lady: Why not?
Oldman: It's full of Americans.
Why did the Canadian DJ turn down the gig at the local Y?
Because why emcee, eh?
There was an International Job opening.
Two men applied, a Canadian man, and an American. After the test and the interview, they company decided to go with the Canadian man. The American with distraught asked why they decided to hire the Canadian and how he did in the interview and test. They said it was a very difficult decision because they both did equally well on the test and in the interview. The American was outraged. "THEN WHY DID YOU HIRE THE CANADIAN?!?." The manager then responded, "Well, you both did equally well in the interview, but the real problem was the test. You both got 9/10 on the test, but for question 10, the Canadian man put 'I don't know' and you put 'me neither.'"
Shout out to my Math Teacher for telling me this one.
Canadian summer
I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"
He said "No! I was working that day."
A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?"
And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."
How do you know justin bieber is Canadian?
Only a Canadian could get a #1 on Billboard with a song called Sorry.
An Irish Lumberjack
A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.
The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.
"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.
"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.
Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
"Is that what they call it now?"
A Canadian walks into a bar
A Canadian walks into a bar, steps back, apologizes to the bar, and walks away.
Justin Trudeau announces free lazer eye surgery for all Canadians in 4 years...
When asked why he put forward this proposal, he responded by saying "because it's 2020".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a nickelback.
I'll let myself out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is the Canadian school system broken
because they only give out ehs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I s**... identify as a Canadian...
I'm eh-s**....
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ.
Here's how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
Why is the Canadian version of GTA easier?
Hospitals don't take your money when you die.
My Canadian friend did really well on an exam
He got an Eh
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan?
You take away their brooms.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Canadian s**... say after making a record-breaking kill shot?
Sorry
What's the difference between imitation bread and the Canadian prime minister?
One is fake dough, the other is Trudeau.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Canadian p**...?
A leaf blower
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.
I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Canadians always beat Germans at hockey?
Canadians bring their 'eh' game; Germans bring their wurst.
I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.
I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.
An american and Canadian are having a conversation
The american asks: Is it true that Canadians apologise a lot?
The Canadian thought about it for a while, shook his head, and replied:
I'm sorry, I don't know
Why are Canadians always over qualified for jobs in the US?
Because zero degrees in Canada is the same as 32 in the States.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Mexican-Canadian p**... business?
h**..., eh?
A Canadian visits a small church while on holiday in Scotland.
The Canadian is intrigued by the intricately carved pulpit and, being something of a history buff, would like to know more about it so approaches the little old vicar.
"Excuse me sir, would you be so kind as to tell me what the pulpit is made of?"
"Aye. Wood."
"You would?"
"Nay yew, is oak."
"Oak? Eh?"
"Glad to have helped."
A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.
The waiter stops them and says Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai.
A Canadian walks into a restaurant...
He orders some fish, and the waitress asks, "how would you like your fish cooked?"
He replies, "Friday."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American is typing on a computer when he flies into a rage, shouting "How the h**... am I misspelling color"?
A Canadian takes a quick look at the screen before rolling his eyes and walking away, saying "that sounds like a you problem".
Have you hear about the new Canadian strain of Covid-19?
Most people infected are eh symptomatic.
As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like...
As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.
Scotsman on holiday: what's yon beast over there?
Canadian: That's a moose!
Scotsman: Och, If that's a moose, how big are your cats?
My Canadian friend eats a bowl of fries, cheese curds and brown gravy every single morning.
It's just his daily poutine.
Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country
Because if he is, something's gone wrong with the Canadian legal system
I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U.
It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was held captive by some French-Canadian terrorists...
They forced me to eat hundreds of meat pies.
It was tourtière.
What's the most Canadian Battery?
Triple Eh!
The convoy trucks are leaving Ottawa.
They're on the Highway to Hull.
(Canadians will get this joke)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it.
People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked o**..., who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?"
The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immigration Visas, but if you are getting one, I don't need one now."
What do you call a Canadian dictator?
Vladimir Poutine.
A Canadian visits America and gets held at gunpoint by a stranger
The stranger says, "give me all your money and I'll let you live!"
The Canadian replies gleefully, "Oh! You must be what they call a doctor!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
God and Canadians
When God made Canadians, he made them polite, peace-loving, and nice.
But the Devil said, "you are disturbing the balance of nature".
God thought about it, and said, "you are right. But I don't want to undo my work."
Devil: "well, there is only one way to fix this."
So God created Canadian Geese.
An amarican and a canadian wants to watch a movie together
American: Lets watch Titanic
Canadian: What's that about?
American: Yes, it was. A big one that sank!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get a group of loud Canadians to leave a party?
You ask them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is it called when you're only attracted to Canadians?
Eh?s**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mommy, what is a Canadian?
It's an unarmed North American with health insurance, sweetie.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Canadian b**...?
Aboot eh
(I'll ban myself)
When struggling between which grey/gray to use…
Just remember this helpful tip:
Europe=grEy, America=grAy.... and for the Canadians, grEHy
What do you call a group of Canadian cows?
Moose.
