You say "Please get out of the pool."
"Please Get Out The Pool"
So they can both watch the hockey game.
Because Canadians say "Eh", and Mexicans say "Ci".
Say, " Everyone out of the pool please."
But so what? So are Canadians.
shits & giggles
When asked why he put forward this proposal, he responded by saying "because it's 2020".
For free.
An apology
Why don't Americans say "B"?
..may pull leaves.
Type "eh"
The devil decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
The devil, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature. He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
The devil realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth. He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement. He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
The american asks: Is it true that Canadians apologise a lot?
The Canadian thought about it for a while, shook his head, and replied:
I'm sorry, I don't know
*The other 2% are from Newfoundland and they say: "Hold my beer and watch this!"*
Merry christmas!
**Don't drink and drive this holiday.**
The Penis Study
The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a
man's Penis was larger than
the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that
the head was larger than
the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own
study. After $250,000
and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger
than the shaft was to
give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Canadians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own
study. After 2 weeks and a
cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that the reason
the head was larger was
to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
You ask them to leave.
AA, Eh
Then you'll all be sorry.
Canadians bring their 'eh' game; Germans bring their wurst.
Because of all the moose.
...so they talked it over and resolved their differences because they are both Canadians.
IPA
They don't have the right to bare arms
It's because every time someone tells us they're American, we say "oh, sorry."
Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.
This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, (from Toronto) Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, (from Montreal ) Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce (form North Bay): "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, (from Newfoundland) Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.
Ask them to get out of the pool.
"Okay folks, time to get out of the pool!"
Transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."
Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
They'll be sorry.
America
1.) What do you call a Canadian military group?
- *The Eh Team*
2.) Welcome to Canada: Native land of the world's two sexiest Ryan's and the world's two most hated Justin's.
3.) Canadians are great at introducing themselves to strangers since they're so used to breaking the ice.
4.) Canada only has one team in the MLB because we don't like to hit, only one team in the NBA because we don't like to shoot, but we have seven teams in the NHL because we really give a puck.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Canadians? Well, here are the best Canadians dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Canadians pick up lines to share with friends.