Canadia Jokes

Following is our collection of seats humor and knew one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Canadia puns for adults, dirty train jokes or clean woman gags for kids.

There is an abundance of spend jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 76 funniest jokes on canadia. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any theater witze you can hear about canadia.

The Best jokes about Canadia

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

Why do Canadians always do it doggy-style?

So they can both watch the hockey game.

As a Canadian..

Every time I hear a bad joke about being Canadian...


...I go right to the Hospital and get my feelings checked for free

Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.

After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

Why are Canadians so good at sports?

They always bring their eh game


How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool?

Say, " Everyone out of the pool please."

A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?"

And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ.

Here's how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.

Why are Canadians always over qualified for jobs in the US?

Because zero degrees in Canada is the same as 32 in the States.

Canadian summer

I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"

He said "No! I was working that day."

A Canadian in New York

A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canuck just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks... like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW" were heard.
Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you. So how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
"Had him circumcised".


If Canadians say "Ay" and Mexicans say "Si"...

Why don't Americans say "B"?

A Canadian walks into a bar

A Canadian walks into a bar, steps back, apologizes to the bar, and walks away.

My Canadian friend did really well on an exam

He got an Eh

What did the Canadian Sniper say after making a record-breaking kill shot?

Sorry

A Canadian woman living near the border

A Canadian woman lives with her family in a forest near the border with the US. One autumn morning, her son comes home from town holding a letter. He approaches the woman and says:

"According to this letter, the United States wants to consider this area as part of Montana. The Canadian government agrees, but says that since we're the only family living here, they want our permission to sign this land over to the US."

The woman jumps out of her chair and exclaims, "Where do I sign? I don't think I can stand another Canadian winter!"

Why did the Canadian DJ turn down the gig at the local Y?

Because why emcee, eh?

Why do Canadians call alcohol anonymous triple A?

AA, Eh

Canadian and a American watching a movie

Canadian: Lets watch a movie.

American: Have you seen Titanic?

Canadian: What's that about?

American: Yes, it was. A big one that sank.


A Canadian, Iraqi and an Israeli

**** A Canadian, Iraqi and an Israeli ****

Three guys, a Canadian, an Iraqi and an Israeli are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Β 

The Iraqi was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Iraq, so that no infidels, Chri$tians or Jews, can come into our precious state." Β  Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Iraq.

Izzy Goldberg, the Israeli asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." Β The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out." Β Izzy says, "Fill it up with water"

Why do Canadians always beat Germans at hockey?

Canadians bring their 'eh' game; Germans bring their wurst.

A Canadian walks into a restaurant...

He orders some fish, and the waitress asks, "how would you like your fish cooked?"

He replies, "Friday."

Why is the Canadian school system broken

because they only give out ehs

Why is the Canadian version of GTA easier?

Hospitals don't take your money when you die.

A Canadian man, an American and a Chinese man are stranded on a desert island...

The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. American volunteers to be in charge of water and the Chinese man says he will be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells "SUPPLIES!"

A Canadian visits a small church while on holiday in Scotland.

The Canadian is intrigued by the intricately carved pulpit and, being something of a history buff, would like to know more about it so approaches the little old vicar.

"Excuse me sir, would you be so kind as to tell me what the pulpit is made of?"

"Aye. Wood."

"You would?"

"Nay yew, is oak."

"Oak? Eh?"

"Glad to have helped."

Why do Canadian women use hockey pucks instead of tampons?

Because they last for 3 periods.

A Canadian sniper hit a target from 2 miles

When asked how he did it, he said it was a team effort. "I could have never done it without my spotter and 2 sweepers."

Why do Canadians always have such good hair?

Because of all the moose.

Why don't Canadians wear tank tops?

They don't have the right to bare arms

A Canadian, an American, and a Pakistani are wandering through the desert

They're wandering along hoping to find some water or a ride out of the vast desert. As they trot along, the Canadian kicks a metal lamp that was buried in the sand. They pick it up and rub it, then out pops a genie.

The genie says, "since there are three men present I will grant you all one wish."

The Canadian quickly replies, " Good sir, if it's not too much trouble, I wish for Canada to thrive forever and always. May our lands be fertile, our hockey teams excellent, and our people even better." The genie nods his head and it is done.

The Pakistani insists on going next. He says, "Oh powerful djinn, I ask that you would surround the entire Muslim world with a wall so high that no western influence, soliders or bombs could corrupt or change our way of life. I pray that the Muslim people would be free to do as they wished forever and ever." The genie nods his head and it is done.

The American says, "fill his wall with water."

How many Canadians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.

A Canadian version of Breaking Bad is in the works

It'll be one episode long. Walt is diagnosed with cancer and receives treatment.

Canadian castles...

They really aren't my fort-eh.

Canadian guy, American guy, ugly woman and gorgeous woman on a train.

A Canadian guy, American guy, a ugly woman and gorgeous woman are sitting in opposing seats on a train. After some initial introductions of where they're from and where they're going, they settle in to do their own thing and basically ignore each other.

Some time later, the train enters a tunel and all goes black, then suddenly they hear a big slap. As the train exits the tunnel there's the American with the side of his face all red wearing a look of shock.

In the mind of the ugly woman, "That American tried to grope the gorgeous girl and she slapped him!"

In the mind of the gorgeous woman, "That American tried to grope me, but got the ugly woman instead and she slapped him!"

In the mind of the American, "That Canadian tried to grope the gorgeous woman and she tried to slap him but got me instead!"

In the mind of the Canadian, "I hope we go through another tunnel so I can slap that American again"

How do you get 20 Canadians out of a pool?

"Okay folks, time to get out of the pool!"

What does Canadian Fonzie say?

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Eh?

Why wasn't the Canadian scared at the movie theater?

He knew Nunavut was real.

If you're Canadian before you enter the bathroom, and American when you leave, what are you inside?

European!

Who's the most canadian actor?

T. Hanks

Canadians are always viewed as nice and polite but so help me, if they invade the US...

They'll be sorry.

The most Canadian joke i know

How did the newfie die of ice fishing?

He got hit by the zamboni!

What did the Canadian think of his hardwood flooring?

It was Oak, Eh!

How Do You Keep Canadian Bacon From Curling

You take away their little brooms

Why don't Canadians have many orgies?

Too many thank-you notes.

How can you tell when a Canadian is successful?

He dies in his LA home at 82.

What do Canadians put on their steaks?

Eh-1

(Sorry)

Canadians are easy to identify ...

... you can spot them 1.6 kilometres away.

How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they don't change light bulbs, they accept them the way they are.

Anyone ever try Canadian Bacon?

I hear it's the nicest bacon around.

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai.

Canadian Blonde Joke.

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says " Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

A Canadian and a Saudi Arabian had a baby...

They named it Yasir Youbetcha

Why do Canadians do well in the Winter Olympics?

Because they always bring their eh Game.

Who do Canadians call when their car breaks down.

Triple Eh!

Canadian Defenition

Canadian (noun):

An unarmed american with health insurance

2 Canadians are sitting outside watching the night sky.

When the first guy asks the other If you had to be one star in the night sky, which one would you be, eh?

The second guy thinks for a moment and says I'd probably be the brightest star in the sky.

To which the first guy quickly responds You can't be Sirius A!

Canadian Hitler

Ehdolf

A Canadian man went hitchhiking in Italy

He wandered aboot for three weeks.

What does a Canadian get by mixing black and white?

Greh.

I am a Canadian General planning the invasion of the USA

We can reschedule if it is inconvenient for you guys

Why are Canadians always happy?

Their beer is stronger.

What did the canadian dino wear to keep warm?

A Jurassic Parka

A Canadian walks into a bar

A Canadian walks into a bar and sees two large ladies. He asks, "are you two ladies from Scotland?"
The ladies, furious, reply, "Wales! Wales!"
The man turns back, "I apologise. Are you two whales from Scotland?"

How do you get a canadian to apologize?

Step on his foot.

Why don't Canadians find Americans attractive?

An American "A" is a Canadian "Eh."

If I had a Canadian dollar for every gender there is...

I would have a toonie and a whole bunch of loonies

Four Canadians arrived at an all-way stop sign from each direction at exactly the same time

They're still there

The Canadian president is an idiot

People often say I'm wrong but it's Trudeau

What do the Canadian Illuminati call themselves?

The Illuminat-Eh!

Sorry, everybody.

I'm Canadian.

How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?

Just two. One to politely ask and the other to politely help.

The Canadian restaurant by my house has been closed for renovations.

They're just doing some poutine maintenance.

Canadian joke eh!

Why did the Northwest Territories split?

They were halving Nunavut.

Why do Canadians prefer Apple and Logitech products?

Because they are so apple-lo-gitech

A Canadian was on trial for second-degree murder.

He was acquitted, but he apologized anyway.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes