The Best 79 Canada Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Canada jokes. There are some canada usa jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these canada only in canada puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Canada Jokes and Puns
Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.
They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.
They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two rednecks survived the
crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"
Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
One day, Canada will become a superpower and take over the whole world
Then you'll all be sorry
Large tsunami hits Mexico - 300k were killed...
...Canada sends money, Brazilia sends food, USA sends 300k mexicans.
How did they name Canada?
They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.
Cold Cold Canada.
There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right smack dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.
What part of Canada do the Inuit control?
Nunavut.
Three men are on a boat back to North America...
A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian are all heading back to their home countries after going on a vacation in Europe. Suddenly the boat starts to sink. The Canadian says, "The boat is too heavy, we need to get rid of some stuff." The Mexican says, "We already have too many of these in Mexico!" and he throws the tacos out of the boat. The Canadian says, "We already have too many of these in Canada!" and he throws all the maple syrup off the boat. The American says, "We already have too many of these in America!" and he throws the Mexican off the boat.
*apoligies for racism, I am not a racist person*
My neighbor is loud and obnoxious
Now I know how Canada feels
How much of Canada has a person from Iqaluit seen?
Nunavut.
Eminem's "8 Mile" wasn't very well received in Canada
I guess the title "12.8748 Kilometer" just isn't as catchy.
Winter is like the Justin Bieber of seasons...
It was kind of cute and exciting when it first started out, now its a bit obnoxious and should probably just stay in Canada.
You can explore canada territories reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean canada america dad jokes. There are also canada puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How did Canada get its name?
They had a bag of letters, and one person announced as he picked each letter out " 'C', eh, 'N', eh, 'D', eh".
Tragedy in Eastern Canada
Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.
Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.
How do you kill a 1 legged fox?
Make him run across Canada. (sorry)
I'll tell you what is bordering on the ridiculous...
Canada.
Summer was especially good this year in Canada... If I recall correctly it was a friday
What's the most popular board game in Canada
Sorry.
I baked a cake shaped like Canada, and offered my brother the Quebec slice....
but he's having Nunavut.
How much of northern Canada is livable?
*Nunavut*
It was time to name Canada
All the 4 founding hosiers were sitting around and no one could agree on a name. They finally decided to put a bunch of letters in a hat and 3 people would draw one out at a time while the last transcribed the name.
The first guy drew and read, "C, eh?"
The next drew, "N, eh?"
Finally the last maple head drew and said, "D, eh?"
People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, stupid
But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.
Two clowns are running for public office...
It's funny for me though because I live in Canada.
What's the name of the elite hacking group from Canada?
Anonymoose
Canada already has a wall that keeps out the Mexicans...
Its called the United States.
Only a few weeks left before Election Day in the US and I am still undecided...
...if I should move to Canada or New Zealand.
Your favorite drink must be ginger ale.....
cause you leave every girl in Canada Dry.
People should not move to Canada because of Trump
They should go to Mexico, then at least there will be a wall between them and Trump.
"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"
\- Canada
What borders on silly?
México & Canada
50% of Canada
Is the letter A
I love summer in Canada!
It's my favorite day of the year!
My neighbours are really obnoxious and crass
So now I know how Canada feels...
One day Canada will rule the world
Then you'll all be sorry
What borders stupidity?
Mexico & Canada
It's only a matter of time before Canada conquers the world...
...then we'll all be sorry.
You know how Canada got its name right?
It was 3 guys sitting around a table and the first guy goes, "what about a C, eh?" the second guy says "yea what about an N eh?" and the last guy says "what about a D eh?"
I don't know if this has been told here before but it's definitely my goto joke.
One day Canada will conquer the world.
Everybody will be sorry.
In Canada, we don't call the homeless homeless...
We call them "three seasoners".
They don't make it through the fourth.
I tried to get my friend to stop eating Canada...
But he was having Nunavut.
^^^the ^^^pronunciation ^^^doesn't ^^^work ^^^that ^^^way ^^^but ^^^whatever ^^^it's ^^^OC
When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.
Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.
One man pulled out a letter, cleared his throat, and read,
"C, eh."
The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,
"N, eh."
This, too, was recorded. The man drew one more letter and read,
"D, eh."
If Canada launched a space shuttle, what would it be called?
Apollo G
My grandfather survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings
Being in Canada helped.
Despite what you may hear or read, the United States is close to perfection.
Canada!!!
I've been reading so much about the scary trade disputes between the US and Canada, I see headlines when I blink...
...Frankly, I'm tariff-eyed.
TIL Canada was named by pulling letters from a hat.
>"C," eh? "N," eh? "D," eh?
Some people don't think Justin is the prime minister of Canada.
It's Trudeau
When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.
The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"
What's does America have that Canada doesn't?
Nice neighbors.
What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?
In both countries, it's legal to get stoned.
How Canada Was Named
So the dignitaries of the associated Provinces of what we now call "Canada" got together over a game of Scrabble to determine the name of the country. They decided they would pick the name based on the first three letters they grabbed. First one: "C, eh?" Second one, "n, eh?" Third one, "d, eh?"
Apparently Canada banned trans fats today...
I don't really mind, but I wonder what my Aunt John is gonna do...
Why are Canadians always over qualified for jobs in the US?
Because zero degrees in Canada is the same as 32 in the States.
Pets are like countries.
Dogs are like Canada. They're incredibly friendly, but to some, to a naive degree.
Cats are like England. They're rude and act like they're better than everybody, but we find them so charming for some reason.
Parrots are like America. They blindly repeat anybody they believe is of higher intelligence, especially if the owner is Russian.
Goldfish are like Carpatho-Ukraine. They'd be lucky to last a year.
Sometime in the future, Canada will rule the earth.
And then you'll all be sorry.
People are currently shooting fireworks off in my neighborhood. I'm usually all for shooting fireworks to celebrate the founding of the greatest nation on Earth, but come on...
Canada Day was yesterday!
Under Kennedy, America went to the moon...
Under Trump, America can't even get to Canada.
Much love from Toronto, stay safe!
The troubles of foreigners in Canada
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
**
What borders on stupidity?
Canada and Mexico
(German Joke)
If you commit a 1st degree murder in Canada
is it a 34 degree murder in the US?
You may not believe me when I say that Trump isn't the Prime Minister of Canada
It's Trudeau.
How do you spell Canada, eh?
C, eh?
N, eh?
D, eh?
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
Thank god I live in Canada
One day Canada will take over the world
Then you'll all be sorry
In Canada, they use B.C.E. instead of B.C
It stands for Before Christ, Eh?
I'm still undecided for the upcoming election...
But I've narrowed my choices down to Mexico or Canada based on moving costs.
After yesterday's events
Mexico has agreed to pay for the wall and Canada wants one too.
There's a rumor that Trump is fleeing to Canada...
It isn't Trudeau.
I don't believe Canada is real.
I think it's all maple leaf.
How did a Chinese guy have a Tamil name:
I recently met a Chinese man in Toronto and got to know that his name was "Kannaswami .
I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to Canada, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?"
He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
My next door neighbour is really loud and obnoxious...
So now I know how Canada feels.
When my wife told me that the Prime Minister of Canada got re-elected, I thought she was lying.
It's Trudeau.
Did you know that if you took all the fish caught in Canada in one year and laid them end-to-end …
…the smell would be absolutely atrocious.
A Scottish bloke goes on a skiing trip to Canada.
After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall... He asks the bartender, "What the fock is that?"
The bartender replies, "It's a moose."
The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fock me! How big are the cats here?"
I'm so proud of my son who just finished his first semester of college in Canada.
He got straight eh's.
Today would have been Betty White's 100th birthday and a major snowstorm has hit the northeast US and Canada
I guess you could call this a Betty Whiteout
People call me crazy for saying that Canada is ruled by the son of Fidel Castro
...but it's Trudeau.
People don't believe me when I tell them Trump is the Prime Minister of Canada
It's true doe.
In Canada, they had to change Bugs Bunny's famous line....
From "Eh, what's up, Doc"? to "Whats up Doc, eh"?
Do you know how much of northern Canada is inhabitable?
Nunavut
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the canada aboot jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working canada canada day piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.