canada Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious canada puns

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.


In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.

Those damn moose limbs.


One day, Canada will become a superpower and take over the whole world

Then you'll all be sorry


What borders stupidity?

Mexico & Canada


One day Canada will rule the world

Then you'll all be sorry


50% of Canada

Is the letter A


My grandfather survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings

Being in Canada helped.


Call me a racist if you want, but the other side of the border is a sea of violence, corruption, and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a twenty-foot pole.

I'm so fucking glad I live in Canada.


Your favorite drink must be ginger ale.....

cause you leave every girl in Canada Dry.


What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?

In both countries, it's legal to get stoned.


People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, stupid

But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.


A Scotsman went skiing in Canada for the first time.

At the end of a great day on the slopes, he retired to the local tavern. After getting six whiskeys in him he stood up and turned around to discover a large, stuffed animal head with giant antlers hanging from the wall.

"Barkeep," he said, "what the hell is that?"

The bartender said, "Oh that's a moose!"

The Scotsman bugged out his eyes and cried, "Holy crap! How big are the cats?!"


Two clowns are running for public office...

It's funny for me though because I live in Canada.


One day Canada will conquer the world.

Everybody will be sorry.


My neighbor is loud and obnoxious

Now I know how Canada feels


In Canada, we don't call the homeless homeless...

We call them "three seasoners".

They don't make it through the fourth.


How much of northern Canada is livable?



When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.

Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.

One man pulled out a letter, cleared his throat, and read,

"C, eh."

The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,

"N, eh."

This, too, was recorded. The man drew one more letter and read,

"D, eh."


Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada

This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall. He asks the barman, "What the fuck is that?".
The barman says, "It's a Moose." The Scottish chap says, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"


It was time to name Canada

All the 4 founding hosiers were sitting around and no one could agree on a name. They finally decided to put a bunch of letters in a hat and 3 people would draw one out at a time while the last transcribed the name.

The first guy drew and read, "C, eh?"

The next drew, "N, eh?"

Finally the last maple head drew and said, "D, eh?"


How did they name Canada?

They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.


People should not move to Canada because of Trump

They should go to Mexico, then at least there will be a wall between them and Trump.


You know how Canada got its name right?

It was 3 guys sitting around a table and the first guy goes, "what about a C, eh?" the second guy says "yea what about an N eh?" and the last guy says "what about a D eh?"

I don't know if this has been told here before but it's definitely my goto joke.


When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.

The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"


I love summer in Canada!

It's my favorite day of the year!


If Canada launched a space shuttle, what would it be called?

Apollo G


Eminem's "8 Mile" wasn't very well received in Canada

I guess the title "12.8748 Kilometer" just isn't as catchy.


Winter is like the Justin Bieber of seasons...

It was kind of cute and exciting when it first started out, now its a bit obnoxious and should probably just stay in Canada.


Cold Cold Canada.

There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right smack dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.


Canada already has a wall that keeps out the Mexicans...

Its called the United States.


What borders on silly?

MΓ©xico & Canada


How much of Canada has a person from Iqaluit seen?



How do you kill a 1 legged fox?

Make him run across Canada. (sorry)


Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.

They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two rednecks survived the

After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we

Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."


What has four hairy legs and fucks my sister on Christmas?

Me and my dad! Merry Christmas from the Alabama of the north, Alberta Canada .


What are the most funny Canada jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Canada? Well, here are the best Canada dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Canada pick up lines to share with friends.

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