Canada Jokes
186 canada jokes and hilarious canada puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about canada that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh with some of the best "Canada Jokes"! From jokes about Canada Day and the weather, to Canada Goose and Canada Dry, explore the humour of Canada's provinces and territories with these hilarious Canuck-inspired puns.
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Funniest Canada Short Jokes
Short canada jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The canada humour may include short only in canada jokes also.
- Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.
- You may not believe me when I say that Trump isn't the Prime Minister of Canada It's Trudeau.
- When my wife told me that the Prime Minister of Canada got re-elected, I thought she was lying. It's Trudeau.
- Two clowns are running for public office... It's funny for me though because I live in Canada.
- In Canada, we don't call the homeless homeless... We call them "three seasoners".
They don't make it through the fourth. - Under Kennedy, America went to the moon... Under Trump, America can't even get to Canada.
Much love from Toronto, stay safe! - Why are Canadians always over qualified for jobs in the US? Because zero degrees in Canada is the same as 32 in the States.
- Eminem's "8 Mile" wasn't very well received in Canada I guess the title "12.8748 Kilometer" just isn't as catchy.
- What borders on silly? México & Canada
- How much of Canada has a person from Iqaluit seen? Nunavut.
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Canada One Liners
Which canada one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with canada? I can suggest the ones about canada dry and canada day.
- In Canada, they use B.C.E. instead of B.C It stands for Before Christ, Eh?
- How do you spell Canada, eh? C, eh?
N, eh?
D, eh? - 50% of Canada Is the letter A
- My grandfather survived both the hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings Being in Canada helped.
- Your favorite drink must be ginger ale..... cause you leave every girl in Canada Dry.
- How much of northern Canada is livable? *Nunavut*
- There's a rumor that Trump is fleeing to Canada... It isn't Trudeau.
- How did they name Canada? They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.
- What's Canada's intelligence agency called? The C.I. Eh
- What is Canada's national board game? Sorry
- I heard the Toronto Maple Leafs now have the milk board as their sponsor. Now they only have to put in 2% of the effort.
- After yesterday's events Mexico has agreed to pay for the wall and Canada wants one too.
- I love summer in Canada! It's my favorite day of the year!
- You may not believe that today is Canada's 150th Birthday... It's Trudeau...
- If Canada launched a space shuttle, what would it be called? Apollo G
Only In Canada Jokes
Here is a list of funny only in canada jokes and even better only in canada puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Some people don't think Justin is the prime minister of Canada. It's Trudeau
- What's does America have that Canada doesn't? Nice neighbors.
- Summer was especially good this year in Canada... If I recall correctly it was a friday
- What's the name of the elite hacking group from Canada? Anonymoose
- Only a few weeks left before Election Day in the US and I am still undecided... ...if I should move to Canada or New zealand.
- Somebody made a cake shaped like Canada, and sliced it to match the province/territory borders I said I wanted the largest piece, but they told me I could have none of it
- Apparently Canada banned trans fats today... I don't really mind, but I wonder what my Aunt John is gonna do...
- I'm annoyed with my loud obnoxious neighbour. Now I know how Canada feels.
- Large tsunami hits Mexico - 300k were killed... ...Canada sends money, Brazilia sends food, USA sends 300k mexicans.
- What part of Canada do the Inuit control? Nunavut.
Canada Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny canada day jokes and even better canada day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was thirsty one day and someone said, "Drink Canada Dry." Man they got alot of water up there..
- The only time kids are shot in school in Canada is.. Picture day
- Here is a Canada day joke! How do you get 50 rowdy drunk Canadians out of a pool? You ask them to please get out of the pool.
- In a historic day for Canada, Ontario held a Provincial Election on the same day the Senate passed the Cannabis Legalization Act. Turnout was high.
- My redhead friend named Albert drinks Canada Dry every day I call him Ginger Al
- One day Canada will conquer the galaxy... And they'll call it the *Milky Eh*.
- What can you say to and get from an LGBT couple in Canada these days? Hi gaze.
- One day, Canada will become a super power and take over the world
- What do you call a hot day in Canada? A Nova Scorcha!
- Comedy - Tommy Tiernan Christmas Mass Canada Have a good day with funny Tommy Tiernan
Canada Border Jokes
Here is a list of funny canada border jokes and even better canada border puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What borders on insanity? Canada and Mexico
- Why did the US citizen cross the road? To cross the border into Canada.
- What borders obesity? Mexico and Canada
- What do you call a Mexican in Canada? ACCOMPLISHED. They crossed two borders!
- Apparently, Canada has the world's thickest border... With Mexico.
- If Donald Trump becomes president, he'll increase taxes, he'll increase borders... And the population of Canada.
- I was crossing the border from USA to Canada, and the border patrol Mountie asked me if I had any guns. I said, what do you need?
Steve Wright gets credit - Growing up in Canada, Taco Bell commercials were surprisingly different. At the end of each ad, they sang: "Make a run...for the border. And then the next border."
- Who celebrates thanksgiving in Canada? All the turkeys that made it across the border.
- A plane crashes on the border of Canada and the U.S. Where do they bury the survivors? Doesn't matter as long as they aren't caught
Nunavut Canada Jokes
Here is a list of funny nunavut canada jokes and even better nunavut canada puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I baked a cake shaped like Canada, and offered my brother the quebec slice.... but he's having Nunavut.
- I tried to get my friend to stop eating Canada... But he was having Nunavut.
^^^the ^^^pronunciation ^^^doesn't ^^^work ^^^that ^^^way ^^^but ^^^whatever ^^^it's ^^^OC - Canada was like, "This is all part of the Northwest Territories," but the Inuit were having Nunavut.
- When I successfully invade Canada and they offer me lands in a peace treaty... I'll take Nunavut.
- I said Canada was made up of ten provinces and two territories But the Inuits were having Nunavut.
- How much of Canada's land is further north than Norway? Nunavut.
- Why don't many people live in the northernmost part of Canada? Because they don't like Nunavut.
- How much of Canada's land area does its largest territory take up? *Nunavut.*
- What part of Northern Canada is habitable? Nunavut.
- You get to choose between visiting Canada's largest territory, or all the provinces together. It's either all of it or Nunavut
Canada Goose Jokes
Here is a list of funny canada goose jokes and even better canada goose puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Canada has the Canadian goose, what does Jamaica have? The mongoose.
- In Canada, they don't play Duck, Duck, Goose... They play Puck, Puck, Moose.
Playful Canada Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about canada you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean northwest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make canada pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.
They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.
They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"
Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
With cannabis being legal for over a year in canada, every province has access to w**... except Quebec.
They only get oui'd
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Cold Cold Canada.
There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right s**... dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.
How did Canada pick its name?
There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message.
I know i need to work on my execution.
Three men are on a boat back to North America...
A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian are all heading back to their home countries after going on a vacation in Europe. Suddenly the boat starts to sink. The Canadian says, "The boat is too heavy, we need to get rid of some stuff." The Mexican says, "We already have too many of these in Mexico!" and he throws the tacos out of the boat. The Canadian says, "We already have too many of these in Canada!" and he throws all the maple syrup off the boat. The American says, "We already have too many of these in America!" and he throws the Mexican off the boat.
*apoligies for racism, I am not a racist person*
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbor is loud and obnoxious
Now I know how Canada feels
On the topic of jokes we made up when we were younger, here's mine: "How much does Canada cost?"
Nothing. It's a free country.
The computer was claimed to answer anything correctly.
But the CEO didn't believe it, so he asked "Where's my father right now?". The computer beeped and whirred for a few seconds, and spat out "Your father is fishing in Canada". The CEO joyfully chortled "See, your computer isn't always right, my father died when I was 10 years old!" The computer spat out "Your mothers husband died 25 years ago. Your father just landed an 8 pound trout."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Winter is like the justin bieber of seasons...
It was kind of cute and exciting when it first started out, now its a bit obnoxious and should probably just stay in Canada.
How did Canada get its name?
They had a bag of letters, and one person announced as he picked each letter out " 'C', eh, 'N', eh, 'D', eh".
Tragedy in Eastern Canada
Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.
Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Winter is a lot like Justin Bieber.
It was cute and exciting in the begining, but now its a bit annoying and it should probably just stay in Canada.
"How far have you gone with a girl?"
"I went to Canada with my mum once"
Canada could have had the best of three worlds.
They could have had American technology, French cuisine, and British culture.
Instead they have French technology, British cuisine, and American culture.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you kill a 1 legged fox?
Make him run across Canada. (sorry)
Researchers in Canada have reported finding a superconductor that they say works at room temperature.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'll tell you what is bordering on the ridiculous...
Canada.
When Canada abolished the penny there was no public protest at all...
...I guess Canada fears change
What's the most common disease in Canada?
Hepatitis Eh.
It was time to name Canada
All the 4 founding hosiers were sitting around and no one could agree on a name. They finally decided to put a bunch of letters in a hat and 3 people would draw one out at a time while the last transcribed the name.
The first guy drew and read, "C, eh?"
The next drew, "N, eh?"
Finally the last maple head drew and said, "D, eh?"
To the "Remain" crowd in Britain... come to Canada!
Half of the US is moving here soon anyhow.
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People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, s**...
But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.
People doubt me when I mention how accepting Canada is towards the LGBT community.
But it's Trudeau.
Why was 6 afraid of 7 in hexadecimal Canada?
Because 7 8 9 A.
Not sure if this is the right place to post, but after the US election results from last night, I need help creating a new dating website. It will help desperate American men and women find love in Canada.
It'll be called ehHarmony
Don't move to Canada just yet...
Remember, we have Justin Trudeau.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"
\- Canada
Why was the newfie excited when he heard Quebec might leave Canada?
It wouldn't take him as long to drive to Toronto
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My neighbours are really obnoxious and crass
So now I know how Canada feels...
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What borders stupidity?
Mexico & Canada
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It's only a matter of time before Canada conquers the world...
...then we'll all be sorry.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Winter is like Justin Bieber
It was cute and fun at first, but now it's obnoxious and should probably stay in Canada.
You know how Canada got its name right?
It was 3 guys sitting around a table and the first guy goes, "what about a C, eh?" the second guy says "yea what about an N eh?" and the last guy says "what about a D eh?"
I don't know if this has been told here before but it's definitely my goto joke.
Quebec, Canada is currently experiencing record breaking flooding
It's a good thing frogs can swim
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When Canada takes over the world...
Everyone will be sorry.
(As I am for this joke)
International Boundaries
An Englishman, lecturing on his travels, was speaking disparagingly about the Scots and French in Canada, and how they intermarried with the Indians. "You'll find," he said "quite a number of Scot & French half-breeds, but you will not find any English half-breeds."
A Scot in the audience shouted, "The Indians have to draw the line somewhere!"
The founding fathers of Canada are sitting in front of a map filling in names for cities...
Pierre: "I suppose the capital there should have a name, too, me."
Gaton "ought to, uh?"
What grade does a good student get in Canada?
Eh+
What would you get if Canada had a kid with Mexico?
Juantario
When Canada stopped using pennies, my dad lost his job.
Now he just doesn't make cents.
Despite what you may hear or read, the United States is close to perfection.
Canada!!!
I've been reading so much about the scary trade disputes between the US and Canada, I see headlines when I blink...
...Frankly, I'm tariff-eyed.
In Canada if everyone was turned into walking letters
U would be their favourite.
North Korea just announced it will host peace talks...
Between the United States and Canada.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?
In both countries, it's legal to get s**....
How Canada Was Named
So the dignitaries of the associated Provinces of what we now call "Canada" got together over a game of Scrabble to determine the name of the country. They decided they would pick the name based on the first three letters they grabbed. First one: "C, eh?" Second one, "n, eh?" Third one, "d, eh?"
Why was the Chinese CEO unable to leave Canada?
Because somewhere along the road she lost Huawei.
An American couple travelling through Canada get lost while exploring farm country.
They see a farmer on the side of the road, so the husband pulls up.
"I'll go see where we are," he says as he gets out.
He approaches the farmer.
"Say there, can you tell me where we are?" he says.
"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," the farmer says.
The man gets back in the car.
"Well, where are we?" the wife asks.
"I don't know," the man says. "He doesn't speak English."
Canada got it all wrong!
So Canada got it all wrong. I mean, they had the opportunity to have American technology, British culture and French cuisine, but went with American culture, British cuisine and French technology!
Heard this about 20 years ago and it still makes me chuckle. Can't beat a good stereotype!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Below our Southern border is filled with chaos, violence, and corruption. The government is in shambles and the people are always fighting amongst themselves.
Thank god I live in Canada.
Pets are like countries.
Dogs are like Canada. They're incredibly friendly, but to some, to a naive degree.
Cats are like England. They're rude and act like they're better than everybody, but we find them so charming for some reason.
Parrots are like America. They blindly repeat anybody they believe is of higher intelligence, especially if the owner is Russian.
Goldfish are like Carpatho-Ukraine. They'd be lucky to last a year.
