Camel Jokes

What are some Camel jokes?

Where would you park your camel?

The Camelot.

PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment

Did you know that camels can last longer without water than sex?

They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.

why are sex ed and drivers ed never on the same day in Iraq ?

the camel would get overworked

Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East?

They don't want to wear out the camel.

So, a one-hump camel marries a two-hump camel, and they have a baby, but the baby didn't have a hump.

So they named him Humphrey.

My girlfriend told me she had never heard of condoms...

I thought she must be pulling my leg so I played along. Oh yeah? I said, They're for covering your cigarettes in the rain.

Well one day we were in a pharmacy and she asked the clerk for a package of condoms. He asked what kind, and she said oh, to fit a camel.

What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.

What do you call a frozen camel?

Lost

When I was a kid a zookeeper caught me smoking a camel.

I told him I'd kill a giraffe too if he didn't keep his mouth shut.

A reporter goes to the Middle East for an interview.

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

GRANDPA'S CONDOMS

An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.

"It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly.

"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.

The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."

Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a condom.

"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.

"Big enough to fit a Camel."

At an ISIS recruitment centre...

Interviewer: Name?

Recruit: Saaed Bin Hasrat.

Interviewer: Sex?

Recruit: Often twice a day.

Interviewer: No, no. Male or female?

Recruit: Male, female, sometimes camel, mostly sheep.

Do you speak english?

- Yes
- Name?
- Abdul bal-Rhasib
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't it hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer runs too fast.

A captain of the Foreign Legion is transferred...

...to a new military station in the middle of the desert. When he gets there, he sees that a camel gets a special treatment: it lives in a nice room, the men gently feed it, etc.

"Tell me, why does everyone care about that camel so much?" he asks the sergeant.

"Well, you know, so many men confined to the camp for so long, without any women... so when in need, we use the camel."

"Well, that's weird enough, but if it doesn't affect the morale, I guess it's fine."

After six tough months, the captain feels the need, too. He tells the sergeant:

"Sergeant, bring that camel into my room!"

The sergeant takes the camel to his room, where the captain has his way with the animal. Next morning, the captain tells the sergeant:

"See, now I know what the men are using the camel for as well!"

"Did you also go into town to visit the girls, sir?"

Why dont they have Drivers Education and Sex Education class on the same day in Iran

Because it would kill the camel

What do you call a camel with a flat back?

Humphrey

In Iraq why don't they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day?

The camel gets too tired.

How do camels have sex in the desert?

They dry hump.

What do you call a humpless camel covered in plastic?

Llamanated

So a man rides his camel through New York...

and leaves it to go to a diner. When he comes back, his camel is missing, so he goes to the police.

The police ask a few questions. "Was the camel male or female?"

The man replies, "I'm not entirely sure- Wait! I remember! It's male it has to be!

"How do you know?"

"Well, when I was riding through town people kept pointing and saying "Look at the shmuck on that camel!"

Why don't they have driving lessons and sex ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia?

They don't want to overwork the camel.

What do you call a Camel in a drought?

A dry humper.

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

Why are leggings and sand the same?

They both get stuck in camel toe.

Molly the Camel

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there. The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel.

The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane sex with the camel.

When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'

'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are.'

Camel

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get that?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a camel.

Trooper in Iraq

A man recently deployed to Iraq is being shown around his new base. At the end of the tour the commanding officer shows the soldier a camel tied to a post. He says,"The men use this camel whenever they begin to feel lonely, feel free to do the same." The soldier responds,"Oh, I'm sure it will never get to that point, sir. I'm married" A couple of weeks pass and the soldier is really missing his wife and stressing about how much longer he has till he'll see his wife again. One night unable to sleep he caves in and has sex with the camel. The next morning he runs into the commanding officer and says,"It happened, sir. I couldn't take the loneliness and had sex with the camel." Commanding officer baffled,"You did WHAT!? The men use that camel to ride into town to buy prostitutes!"

Did you know that camels aren't indigenous to Australia? They were shipped there by the British.

Oddly enough, so were the Australians.

What do you call a camel that hates cows?

Drama-dairy.

Courtesy of my eight-year-old

Baby camel talking to daddy camel

"Dad, why have we got these humps?"

"Well, my son, we are the ships of the desert, we fill them up with water and can walk for hundreds of miles across the desert wastes"

"Dad, Why have we got big feet?"

"Well son, we are kings of the desert, but the desert sand are soft and treacherous, and we need wide feet to avoid sinking as we labor across the dunes"

"Dad, why have we got thick coats?"

"Well, my son, it is bitterly cold at night in the deserts, and we need thick coats to protect us from biting wind and fierce sandstorms"

"Dad...?"

"Yes son..?"

"Why do we live in the New York Zoo?"

What do you call a camel that eats another camel?

A camibal

A man lost in the desert with his camel

Every day he gets lonelier and lonelier, when it gets to the point he decides he is going to have sex with his camel, but he couldn't reach, so every day he would try and try again to have sex with his camel standing on hills and on rocks but the camel would just try to run away. until one day, he comes across a beautiful woman, she asks for some water and will give anything in return so he says, can you hold my camel?

What do you call a camel with no humps???

Humphrey

An arab at airport

An arab at airport:

\- Name?

\- Abdul Al Razhib.

\- Sex?

\- Three to five times a week.

\- No, no, I mean: male or female?

\- Yes... male, female, sometimes camel.

\- Holly cow!

\- Yes... cow, dog, even sheep.

\- But isn't that hostile?

\- Horse style, doggy style, any style!

\- Oh, dear!

\- No, no... deer run to fast!

Why don't ISIS teach Sex Ed and Driver's Ed on the same day?

Too much work for the camel

What does a camel do on a pudding?

Walks through the dessert

Whats he difference between a camel and a college student?

Camel can go daaaays without drinking.

At least he won't annoy his co-workers every week.

What did the mother and father camel name their baby born without a hump?

Humphrey!

How is a lesbian like a camel?

Their hump has no bone.

An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq

During inspection, he notices a camel tied up outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"

The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."

A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has sex with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?"

"No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel!"

A captain is sent to a new company....

A sergeant shows him around. He points to the firing range and says, " This is where the men practice their shooting. It's also a great way to get rid of stress". The captain nods, then the sergeant points to the cafeteria and says, " This is where the men eat. It's also a great way to get rid of stress". After most of the tour is done, the captain notices a camel tied to a post. He asks " What's that camel for?" the sergeant answers " Well the men use to the camel to g.. " The captain interrupts him and says, " I get it, to get rid of stress, that's a bit disgusting if you ask me." The sergeant then brings him to his office, finishing the tour. A few months pass by, and the captain is getting sexually frustrated, he asked the sergeant to bring the camel in his office. He then proceeds to have sex with the camel the best way he could. When he was done he looks at the sergeant, who had a look of surprise in his eyes, and says "What? you never seen any of the men do this before?". The sergeant simply answers " Well, usually the men use the camel to go to town and find a hooker. It's great way to get rid of stress".

Why don't Muslims teach driving and sex ed. on the same day?

They don't want to wear the camel out.

Ethnographic expedition lost in the Sub-Saharan Africa

An Ethnographic expedition lost in the Sub-Saharan Africa. The head of expedition, a prominent Russian scientist, Artem Pizdobolov, have bad news and good news to tell his comrades. First the bad news, he said. We run out of food and water. There left only camel's dung. Tell us a good news fellow travelers asked in desperation. The good new is that we have that camel dung in abundance.

A muslim man is riding a camel and his wife is walking

A muslim man is riding a camel through the desert and his wife is walking on foot 10 m in front of him.

Another muslim man notices that and says: Don't you know that Holy book of Qur'an says that wife should always walk behind her husband?

The first muslim answers: when the book of Qur'an was written, there yet were no minefields, so keep walking, my beloved Fatimah!

Better formatted version Reporter and Man...

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

An Arab national is interviewed at the Embassy for a visa:

Consul: Your name please?







Arab: Abu Zina.







Consul: Sex?







Arab: Every day.







Consul: Er, I mean, male or female?







Arab: Don't matter, sometimes even Camel.







Consul: Holy cow!







Arab: Yes, cows and donkey too.







Consul: Isn't that hostile?







Arab: Hosstyle, Dogstyle, any style!.







Consul: Oh dear!







Arab: No deer! run too fast.

What do you call an Arab riding a camel with a goat on a leash?

Bisexual.

A tale of two camels

Buddy of mine works at the local zoo. He's usually taking care of the camel they have there they call Sir Hump. They had been noticing that he was looking mopey and depressed so they brought in a companion. This female camel was named Lady Lumps. Anyways, Hump was finally acting normal again and soon enough, they did the freaky deaky camel thruster and had a baby. This camel was born without a hump. When I asked him was they ended up naming it he just smirked at me. He finally stopped and as serious as he could said:

"What do you think a hump-less camel should be named? It's obvious...


Humphrey."

What do you call a camel with 3 humps?

Pregnant.

Why can't they teach drivers ed on the same day as sex ed in Egypt?

Wears out the camel.

An Arabian guy at the airport

- name?
- ahmed al-rhazib.
- sex?
- three to five times a week.
- no, no… i mean male or female?
- male, female, sometimes camel.
- holy cow!
- yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- but isn't that hostile?
- horse style, doggy style, any style!
- oh dear!
- no, no! deer run too fast

Do you speak English?

Do you speak English?
-Yes!

Name?

- Abdul al-Rhazib.

Sex?

- Three to five times a week.

No, no... I mean male or female?

- Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.

Holy cow!

- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.

But isn't that hostile?

- Horse style, doggy style, any style!

Oh dear!

- No, no! Deer runs too fast...

3 soccer players -

3 soccer players are lost in the desert. Ones plays for Manchester United, one for Liverpool and one for Arsenal. They come across a dead camel and are having trouble deciding who gets what? So the guy from Manchester says, well since I'm from ManCHESTer, i'll get the chest. The player from Liverpool goes, well in that case I'll eat the LIVER. Then guy from ARSEnal says...i'm not hungry....

What's a Camel?

A horse designed by committee.

What do you call a camel with no humps?

Humpfree! :P

(nsfw) An arab man goes to the airport to take a flight

- Name?
- Abdul Al Razhib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no, I mean: male or female?
- Yes... male, female, sometimes camel.

Box of condoms fall onto virgin's lap on the way to the drive-in...

Virgin - "What are these?"
Guy - "Umm.. those..those are cigarette holders!"
Virgin - "Where do you get these cigarette holders?"
Guy - "At the pharmacy."
(The next day the virgin goes to the pharmacy to get herself some cigarette holders)
Pharmacist - "How may I help you?"
Virgin - "I'd like a box of condoms, please."
Pharmacist - "Okay, what size do you need, Miss?"
Virgin - "I'd say big enough for a camel!"

A camel Goes into the coffee shop

The barista, about to add the sugar asks, "one lump or two?"

Yo mama is so fat...

Yo mama is so fat she stubbed her camel toe!

What do you call an Arab man who owns both a goat and a camel?

Bisexual

An Indian army camp receives a new commander...

One time there was an army camp in India that just received a new commander. During the new commanders first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp. The commander asked what it was for, one of the soldiers who had been stationed there for a while explained to him that the men sometimes get lonely since there where no woman there so they have the camel. The commander just let that go, but after a few weeks he was feeling very lonely so he ordered the men to bring the camel into his tent. The men did, and he went to work on it. After about an hour the commander came out zipped up his pants and said, "So is that how the other men do it?" One of the men responded, "No we usually just use the camel to ride into town."

What do you call a camel with three humps?

Pregnant.


What do you call a camel that's still a virgin?


Humphrey

An arab at the airport

-Name?
-Abduhl al razhib!
-Sex?
-Three to five times a week!
-No, no... I mean male or female?
-Male, female sometimes camel.
-Holy cow!
-Yes, cow, sheep animals in general.
- Oh dear.
-No, no deer run to fast.

An old lady pulls out a condom with a cigarette in it

Her friend asks "Why do you do that?"

She replies "Well it has its benefits...it keeps your cigarettes fresher!"

Fascinated, the friend heads down to the local convenience store and asks the clerk "May I have some condoms please?"

The clerk chuckles but then says "Sure m'am, what size?"

"Well, big enough for a camel that's for sure!!"

What does a Bactrian camel have in common with a very lazy prostitue?

Humps on the back.

A hunter tribe in Siberia catches a Camel.

They kill it, and wonder what it is. To find out, they ask the best hunter.

He answers "It is not a fox, it is not a rabbit. Ask the chief of the tribe, he might know".

They ask the chief.

He says, "Not a reindeer, and not a seal. I don't know what it is".

As a last resort they ask the shaman priest. They walk into his tent, and find him sitting on a chair with a ton of smoke around him.

The hunters are not startled, as that is standard stuff. They finally ask him what it is, and the priest answers without delay

"Come on guys its Camel you have to smoke it"

So man is stranded in the desert...

And it's been a cruel trip with nothing but his camel and some supplies. And just as any man would he got some urges. Figuring its the middle of no where and he had nothing to lose he positions himself behind his camel and tries to have his way with it. But each time he'd try the camel would gallop away. Angered by this continues on with his trip until he here's the voices of two women crying out for help. He finds them both stuck in a hole and they are gorgeous women dressed in very light clothing due to the heat.
" Please sir! If you help us out we will do *anything* to repay you" one says while showing off her cleavage.
So he tosses them a rope and pulls them out with his camel.
With both of them out they walk up to him and ask " So, what can we do for you?" with a sly smile.
Realizing his chance to release his urges he excitedly ask " Can you two ladies hold down my camel?"

Did you hear about the new show about a camel on a cow ranch?

It's been called a dairy drama about a dromedary.

What do you get when you cross a camel with a polar bear?

A fireside rug you can have a good hump on.

What do your mom and a camel have in common?

They both spit.

What do you get when you cross a leopard and a camel?

A fireside rug you can get a good hump on.

Source: Jo Brand on QI S3; Cat's Eyes

Why were the camels wearing sandals?

To stop themselves sinking into the sand.
Why did the ostrich stick its head in the sand?
To look at the camels who forgot to put their sandals on.

Why cant Arabs have Sex Ed and Drivers Ed on the same day?

They need to give the camel a break

Max the camel walks into his parents' room at 2am and asks for a glass of water.

His dad says, "Another one? That's the second glass this month."

What do you call a desert towing company?

A camel tow

What do you call a frog that lives in the desert

A camel toad

What kind of whale bangs a camel?

A humpback.

Why are camels referred to as "the ships of the desert" ?

They are full of Iranian seman

How do you rape a camel?

One hump at a time.

What did the camel say to his sibling when they met for drinks?

Oasis.

How to make Camel jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Camel to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Camel? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Camel pick up lines to share with friends.

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