Calories Jokes

Funniest Calories Short Jokes

Short calories jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The calories humour may include short caliber jokes also.

1. Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
2. A glass of nutella has about 9870 calories, but I don't care! I never eat the glass, anyway.
3. I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes. Friend: How?
   Me: I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.
4. U.S. vending machines to begin displaying calorie information to encourage smarter snack choices. Machines' reflective glass surface not doing the trick.
5. I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly. It's a real breath of fresh air.
6. The thing with people who are bad at counting calories.. ..is that they have the figures to prove it
7. My wife burned 8,000 calories yesterday... because she left the brownies in the oven too long!
8. Calories It's not impossible to burn 81500 calories in a day
   --Steve (head of the crematory)
9. I went down to the gym, and lost 1200 calories Next time, I'll take the pizza out of the oven
10. I just got kicked out of the pet shop. All I did was ask the owner, "How many calories are there in this fish?"

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Calories One Liners

Which calories one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with calories? I can suggest the ones about weight and pounds.

1. What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato? About 140 calories.
2. I burnt 1200 calories yesterday! Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...
3. Eating food is a lot of work. It's the most calorie consuming thing I do all day.
4. I wonder how many calories women burn by... ... jumping to conclusions.
5. What's the best way to burn 1,000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.
6. What do Bulimia and Coke Zero have in common? Twice the taste, zero calories.
7. Why did the arsonist go to the gym? To burn some calories.
8. What do you call a whole grain that's zero calories but is rarely used? Weird flax but 0k
9. Managed to lose 1000 calories in five seconds... ...by dropping my cheeseburger :(
10. You burn 26 calories a minute kissing. That's probably why I'm overweight.
11. Obesity is no laughing matter. Because laughing burns calories.
12. What's a light year? Same thing as a regular year, just with less calories.
13. 1400 calories a day? Pfft, piece of cake.
14. I just burned 1000 calories My pizza is gone.
15. Did you know peanut butter has 124 calories per spoonful? That's nuts

Burns Calories Jokes

Here is a list of funny burns calories jokes and even better burns calories puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Me and a co worker were cremating a fat person. My coworker said I wonder how many calories we are burning .
• question funny Wouldn't exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
  –
  Bill Murray
• It's ok to eat a lot at family parties You burn half of those calories anyway trying not to punch someone in the face
• How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?
  She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.
• Why are Mistborns always so thin? Because they're always Burning calories!
• My doctor asked me if I exercise regularly, I told him Yeah, whenever I go to the buffet It burns a lot of calories carrying 10 plates at once.
• What fireman is doing in a gym? Burns calories.
• Decided to burn 🔥 a lot of calories today
• Just burned 2,500 calories in an afternoon... Over baked cookies
• How do you burn calories? Set your food on fire.

Counting Calories Jokes

Here is a list of funny counting calories jokes and even better counting calories puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I started a new diet 6 weeks ago and I managed to GAIN thirty pounds! It's my fault, though. I thought counting calories meant your supposed to go for the high score.
• Managed to beat insomnia with my new diet. I'm falling asleep counting calories.
• I'm not saying my wife's a bit plump I'm not saying my wife's a bit plump, but the nearest she gets to counting calories is spotting I've nicked one of her chocolates.
• Count calories during Ramadan with MuslimFast.

Burning Calories Jokes

Here is a list of funny burning calories jokes and even better burning calories puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• When Chuck Norris burns calories, he uses a flamethrower.
• My girlfriend must burn a lot of calories per day She's always jumping to conclusions
• So, an obese man jumped into the fire, why? Because he had to burn some calories.
• Why do you want to run for President? Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories.

Howlingly Hilarious Calories Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about calories you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nutrition jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make calories pranks.