The Best 5 Calms Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Calms jokes. There are some calms room jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these calms swish puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Calms Jokes and Puns

A man comes home to his wife with two black eyes

The wife freaks out but calms down enough to ask what happened. The man says well i was in the mall today on the escalator and there was this cute girl in front of me and she had her skirt tucked into her but. I pulled it out for her and she turned around and punched me in the eye. The wife says yeah i approve of that but how did you get the second one? The man says well i figured she liked it that way and pushed it back in.

A woman comes home to her husband, upset and bawling her eyes out...

Her husband, who's having a chat with one of his mates over a coffee, takes his shirt and vest off, gives the woman a box with some colouring stuff in, and she calms down and begins to draw Noddy in wax on her husband's right scapula.

The husband's mate looks bemused and asks the guy what she's up to.

"Don't worry, " he replies. "She just needed a shoulder to crayon."

A man went to the doctor's, concerned about his liver...

The doctor asked: "When do you typically drink?"

The man replied: "i drink when flying. Calms the nerves."

The doctor sat back. "I see. Would you describe yourself as an alcoholic? Perhaps alcohol isn't the issue after all."

The man thought for a moment, and shrugged. "No, but I *am* a frequent flyer."

Calms joke, A man went to the doctor's, concerned about his liver...

Dropped my girlfriend off at the airport on Sunday

I'll pick her up when she calms down

A woman calls 9-1-1...

A woman calls 9-1-1 and starts crying hysterically. After the operator calms her down, he asks what's wrong. The woman responds that her husband and his friends are in her basement, giggling at something on the television.

Confused, the operator informs her that what they're doing, while it may be annoying, isn't a crime.

The woman, angry, responds, "What the heck is manslaughter, then?!"


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the calms quiet jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working calms tells piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes