The Best 68 Calling Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Calling jokes. There are some calling hotline jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these calling prank calling puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Calling Jokes and Puns

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?

It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

Son, I found a condom in your room.



Gee thanks, Grandpa!

Why are you calling me Grandpa?

Because I couldn't find it yesterday.

I got a phone call from my son's school today

Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?

Yes, how can I help you?

Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling

Oh, hi

Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!

Really? Wow! That's..

Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet

I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend but she keeps calling me

Seems like I have to drop the bomb twice.

jokes about calling

Husband get back home from work asks wife

**Husband:** "Why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa?"
**Wife:** "What?....... Where?" rushes out to check.
She comes back furious saying:"I will kill you if you don't stop calling our children TORN CONDOMS"


I love throwing house warming parties

But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'.

Muslim scientists..

Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.

They're calling it 'Islam'.

Calling joke, Muslim scientists..

The Seattle Seahawks play calling.

"Honey, why are there broken condoms on the backyard?"

And that's when his wife replied shouting: "I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING THE KIDS THAT!"

If Israel gets wiped off the map...

Then we'll have to start calling it Wasrael

My friend started calling the toilet the Jim instead of the John

He said it sounds better when he tell people he goes to the Jim everyday.

You can explore calling pepto reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean calling my so called dog dad jokes. There are also calling puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Last night my wife started calling me Jeb Bush.

I also pull out way to late.

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers...

Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn and they just hung up.

They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling.

Why did the cows come back to the marijuana field?

The pot was calling the cattle back

The furniture store keeps calling me back.....

But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

Calling joke, The furniture store keeps calling me back.....

I'm thinking of opening a sperm bank and calling it...

"Get a load of this guy"

A man named Eric Cole...

... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law.

MOM! I'm being called gay in school.

Who is calling you that son?

A bunch of cute boys.


A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....

He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off.

Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out."

Boss: " So what are you saying....?"

Man: "I'm calling in Sikh."

Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world

Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world

I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

Stop calling it the Zelda Franchise - It's called the Zelda Chain.

Because there's so many Links

"Thank you for calling the NSA..."

"The only government organization that **actually** listens to you!"

I'm starting a business....

I'm gonna do math tutoring, but solely for midgets. I'm calling it Making The Little Things Count.

I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times

I keep getting his answering machine

Calling joke, I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times

Can you call the British PM a fool?

During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.

The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?

Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".

I started calling my toilet the "Jim"...

instead of the John.

It sounds much better when I say that I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

So this guy at college keeps calling me a flamingo

one of these days I'm going to put my foot down.


I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

This Halloween I decided to go as a harp. As I walked into the party, a gentleman asked, "what are you supposed to be?"

"A harp", I replied.
"No, no. You're much too small to be a harp" he protested.
So I asked, "are you calling me a lyre?"

I'm thinking about starting a dating app for low IQ people.

I'm calling it OK Stupid.

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a harp

The host asked me: What are you?

Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.

Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp

Me: Are you calling me a lyre?


Don't you just hate it when med students call themselves doctors?

I mean you don't see engineering students calling themselves engineers or arts students calling themselves baristas

I decided to stop calling the bathroom 'John' and renamed it 'Jim'.

I feel so much better saying "I went to the Jim this morning

The best insult ever is, "who is this clown?", because...

#1- You are calling them a clown
#2- You are saying they are not even a well known clown

It's 2018, we need to stop calling things gay just because they are lame.

So what if there are no women at this bar? Most of the guys are really nice and some of them even bought me drinks, and that's pretty cool if you ask me.

Siri kept on calling me Shirley today

I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.

I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms

The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages.

They are calling it the wurst kΓ€se scenario.

BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.

They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.

Please stop calling Donald Trump an idiot.

As an idiot myself, it's very offensive that people think he's one of us.

I started a camp for kids with ADHD but nobody showed up.

I guess calling it Concentration Camp was a bad idea.

I angered two people by calling them hipsters...

Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead: "I'm afraid he died last week," she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you," the wife replies, "he died last week." The day after he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Cos" He replies laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

People need to stop calling me "Karen" It's so offensive.

Me: That's fine we'll go back to what we used to call you.

Karen: Thanks....

Me: You're welcome, Bitch.

The woman at the furniture store keeps calling!

All I wanted was the one night stand.

Duchess

It's my cake day, so here's a joke for everybody. My dad told me this joke, but I haven't seen it any other places:

A man goes on trial for calling the Duchess a pig. The judge finds him guilty of slander and explains that if he ever calls the Duchess a pig again he'll be severely punished. The man then says to the judge, If I can't call the Duchess a pig, would I still get punished for calling a pig Duchess?

The judge publicly rules that he can indeed call a pig Duchess.

On his way out of the courtroom, the man walks by the royal plaintiff, tips his hat, and says Good day, Duchess.

So there's this one kid at a costume party and the host ask what he was dressed up as. The kid told him that he dressed up as a harp, and the host told him that his costume is too small to be a harp.

The kid then said, "Are you calling me a lyre?"

A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.

They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.

I'm starting a new business tomorrow.

It will be a gym for two weeks in January, and then a beer and burger place for the rest of the year.

I'm calling it, "Resolutions."

After calling 5 different home security companies...

....I've decided it's cheaper to get robbed.

The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good grief!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny.

"He stopped calling for help yesterday

Your mothers so fat

They started calling her Hitler at the strip club for all the damage she did to the Poles.

Germany has just warned its population of an upcoming susage and cheese shortage.

They are calling it the wurst kΓ€se scenario.Β 

Russian Ruble is now worth less than 1 U.S. Cent after SWIFT Bank Sanctions

I think it's time we start calling the Ruble for what really is: Rubble

McDonalds has decided to close all operations in Russia

They're calling it a "no fry" zone.

Calling a friend in Ukraine

Hi, what is going on ?:

Well, Russia is in war with NATO here.

And how does it look like ?

Russia lost a missile cruiser, over 600 tanks, 25000 soldiers.

And NATO ?

Did not arrive yet.

Women usually call me ugly until they see how much I actually make

then they start calling me poor & ugly

Why is it called canning when you put things in jars?

Because calling it anything else would be too jarring.

Whosoever invented "dentures" missed out on calling them ...

"Substitooths".

Please refrain from calling an expanded gut on a man Dad Bod …

It is more accurately defined as a Father Figure.

I tried calling the tinnitus hotline last night

It just kept ringing……..

A wise Chinese man once told me...

I'm from Jakarta,stop calling me chinaman..

Everyone keeps calling my dog he

I'm like, Bitch, please

Jesus is hanging on the cross.

There's a big loud crowd gathered when he's heard weakly calling for Matthew. Matthew rushes toward the cross but is brutally beaten back by the Roman soldiers guarding it. He runs around to the far side and tries again. Again he's beaten back. Finally after several more attempts a beaten and bloody Matthew makes it to the cross.

Yes lord what do you have to tell me

Jesus replies I can see your house from up here

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the calling calling in sick puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working calling name calling piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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