The Best 35 Calling In Sick Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Calling In Sick jokes. There are some calling in sick told jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these calling in sick complaining puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Calling In Sick Jokes and Puns

Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world

Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world

An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.

A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Wong came and gave me bitter herbs, and I got even worse. On death's door I called for Dr. Chang." "And what did Dr. Chang do?", his friend asks in wonder. The man replies happily, "Dr. Chang did the best of all, he didn't come, so I got well!"

Chinese Sick Day

Ho Chow calls in to work and say,

"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"

The boss says, "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for sex. That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later ho Chow calls again and says,

"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."

The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."

The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.

But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.

And you have the nerve to call me colored!"

Sick day.

A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a blow job. Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."

He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."


Chinese man calls in sick

Ho Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."

The boss says, "You know what Ho, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

When i was 17, my sister caught me masturbating...

She called me a "SICK PERVERT!" and slammed the door.

A few days later, I caught her masturbating. She called me a "SICK PERVERT!" and slammed the door.

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

I really thought Activision understood that we're sick of modern-day shooters.

And yet in the new Call of Duty they're giving us Nazis to shoot again.

A lawyer was in his BMW...

...when he opened the door to get out, an oncoming truck hit the door, ripping it off, and went on. The lawyer calls the cops.

Lawyer (Whining) : Officer, look what happened to my beamer.

Officer : You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. You are so worried about your car that you did not notice that your arm is missing as well.

Lawyer (in shock) : Oh my God! Where's my Rolex?

Caught the flu in Madrid on a business trip.

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.

"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"

The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:

"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."

You can explore calling in sick grievously reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean calling in sick yelling dad jokes. There are also calling in sick puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a sick cup of coffe?

A coughy mug

A teacher receives a phone call shortly before the school day starts

Caller: Mr. Brown, my son James will not come to school today because he is sick.

Teacher: Who am I speaking to please?

Caller: I am my father.

I caught the flu in Madrid.

While sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realized I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.



"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"



The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:



"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."

Lee has a terrible headache

Lee calls in work and say "I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come to work today."

His boss says "I really need you today, Lee. You know, whenever I am not feeling OK like you, I go ask my wife for sex. I always feel better after."

A couple of hours later, Lee calls in. "I do what you say. I feel great now. I be at work soon. You have nice house"

A boss calls a meeting to discuss employees taking sick days when they aren't sick.

He had suspected that this had been happening, but he finally had his proof. He held up a copy of the newspaper, and in the sports section, there was an article about an employee, who had supposedly been sick, winning a golf tournament.

Wow said someone in the back. Imagine the score he could've gotten if he wasn't sick

A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole...

...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?"
"We're working" the first blonde replies.
"Just the two of you?" He inquires.
"Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick"

A white man tells a black man

Why do people call you color man ?? To what the black man answers " I don't know

When I was born; I was black.
When I started to grow, I was black.
When I go to the beach I'm black.
When I have a cold I'm still black.
When I have panic I'm black.
When I'm sick I'm black.
even when I die I continued to be black.

Instead you my friend

When you're born you're pink.
When you start to grow you are white.
When you go to the beach you look red.
When you're cold you look blue.
When you have panic you look yellow.
When you're sick you look green.
When you die you turn gray ....

And they still dare to call me a color man

A man calls in sick...

"It's my eyes," he says.

"What's wrong with them?" his boss asks.

"I just can't see myself coming to work today."


Chinese Sick Leave

Wong calls his boss in the morning telling him he was feeling sick and couldn't come to work.

His boss says, "You know what Wong? Sometimes when I feel sick I ask my wife for sex. I feel better then. You should do the same."

Wong agrees and three hours later he calls his boss again.

"I do what you say and I feel better now. I come to work in a while... By the way, you have very nice house."

new job in call center

I got a new job with the local suicide hotline. I tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.

Why did Miss Piggy call in sick from work?

She had had a frog in her throat

My company has a weekly joke and after four years I'm quite sick of it.

They call it a "paycheck" when it's barely an allowance!

I'm calling in sick today because I have an eye problem

I don't see myself coming into work today

I called my boss this morning and told him i was sick.

"Just how sick are you?" he said.
"well im in bed with my little sister, is that sick enough"

Who does Hitler call when his dog is sick?

A Veteran Aryan

Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Corona virus. You can't be here until you get tested"

Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. I never said anything about a virus"

A woman with terminal sickness calls for her husband for a final talk.

"Hebert" *cough* "Everything is settled for my final departure, I just have one final thing to ask of you" *cough* "Should you ever find a new woman in your life please do not let her wear my clothes..."

Herbert: "Okay hun, I promise... she's not your size anyway..."

I called my boss this morning...

Me: Sorry, I'm not going to make it in today, I'm sick.

Boss: How sick are you?

Me: Well, I'm in bed with my mother.

What do you call a sick bird trying to get across the border?

An illegal

Billy Bob calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Billy Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later, Billy Bob calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

A ten-year-old boy called his school office and disguised his voice.

Speaking with as much baritone as he could muster he said, "Timmy Smith is very sick and he can't come to school today." The school secretary said, "I'm sorry to hear that. Who is this?" And the boy said, "This is my Dad."

What do you call a sick bird?

An illegal.

Calling in sick from work

A man is calling in sick from work and says to his boss, sorry boss, I can't come into work I'm feeling sick. His boss replies, I'm sorry to hear that. Whenever I feel sick I have sex with my wife and usually feel better. You should try it. The man agrees and calls him back later that day. He says you were right. I do feel better and your house is really nice.

I'm so sick of people calling me a weeb

If I had a death note they'd be sorry...

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the calling in sick ill jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working calling in sick complained piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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