The Best 48 Callin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Callin jokes. There are some callin lookin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these callin dissin puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Callin Jokes and Puns

Calling in sick from work

A man is calling in sick from work and says to his boss, sorry boss, I can't come into work I'm feeling sick. His boss replies, I'm sorry to hear that. Whenever I feel sick I have sex with my wife and usually feel better. You should try it. The man agrees and calls him back later that day. He says you were right. I do feel better and your house is really nice.

Oscar Pistorius' new book deal

I thought I'd share a joke I just heard from a topic on a call-in radio show.

Radio DJ: "Should Oscar Pistorius profit from a book deal about the night he shot his girlfriend?"

Caller: "No he should not. I think you'll find that legally he doesn't have a leg to stand on."

Thank you for calling Planned Parenthood...

Will this be for delivery or take-out?

Callin joke, Thank you for calling Planned Parenthood...

I'm calling it now: I'm going to discover the cure for blindness and make billions of dollars someday.

You'll all see.

Calling your girlfriend dumbledore cz she is the real head master


Calling someone average is mean

but I think they are the mean

Who is calling?

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.

Paddy answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."

There was a stony silence for a second or two.

''Do you know who you are speaking to?''

''No,'' said Paddy.

''It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.''

''Well, do you know who you are talking to?'' asked paddy

''No,'' roared the colonel.

''Well thank goodness for that,'' said paddy and hung up the phone.

Callin joke, Who is calling?

I tried calling in sick for work today.

Apparently being "sick of work" isn't an illness.

"Hello! Thanks for calling the urology department."

Please hold

My brother's now ok with me calling him retarded.

All I had to do was tell him that 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded.

They're calling the internet a drug now.

Don't worry, though. It's not as bad as Cocaine or Heroin. They're calling it a 503 bad gateway drug.

You can explore callin givin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean callin puttin dad jokes. There are also callin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Instead of calling it them locker combinations....

We should call the locker permutations.

Everyone was calling me a Pedo

I'm 47 and she's 20, but the people in the restaurant really ruined our tenth anniversary

Thank you for calling the constipation hotline...

Please hold.

Thank you for calling ELVIS Direct

Press 1 for the money
2 for the show

Calling a soft drink '7' is daft

But I suppose we can put up with it

Callin joke, Calling a soft drink '7' is daft

"Thank you for calling the NSA..."

"The only government organization that **actually** listens to you!"

Thank you for calling the anonymous NSA hotline

What would you like to report, Peter?

Calling tech support for sex advice might not end well.

Turning someone off then on again can ruin your night.


What do you get for calling a suicide hotline in Iraq?

A job offer

I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times

I keep getting his answering machine

I tried calling Stephen Hawking the other day

But I kept getting his answering machine

"Hello, just calling to see if you have any AAAA batteries in stock?"

"We do have batteries, sir, but I don't see why you had to scream."

Lately I've been calling all my Wednesdays Bogart.......

Because they've been Humphrey!

Calling somebody short

That's a low blow, don't you think?

I'm calling in sick today because I have an eye problem

I don't see myself coming into work today

Everyone calling Mitch McConnell a turtle really needs to stop...

Turtles are intelligent creatures

I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times...

"Why do you keep calling David, Dave?"

"Well, it all started when he had his id stolen..."

Hello? I am calling to tell you I love you!

"Sir, I am sorry but I think you got the wrong number. This is a brewery!"

"I Know!"

Everyone keeps calling me paranoid.

It's like some kind of conspiracy or something...

What do you calling a missing Canadian.

M.I.Eh

Calling a colour-blind person racist like calling a deaf person...

It's ironic

I'm calling it now...

Still need a clown for my sons birthday party

So I tried calling out some dudes for not respecting women the other day...

...It doesn't really work when you're a 20 year old virgin.

I like calling the Psychic Hotline...

... and asking them what I'm wearing.

So calling Blizzard's new game Diablo Immortal is a little ironic...

considering it died pretty fast.

Calling across timezones is the worst.

One night I got lonely and tried to call the International Date Line. No luck. :(

They say calling people crazy is like being racist now.

All those people I bit at the mall ought to be ashamed of themselves.

Calling my handwriting chicken-scratch is offensive

To chickens

Calling a company be like:

Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed. Press 1 for English. To talk to a live person, please enter PI to the 27th digit followed by your 2nd cousin's social security number and the number Ϡ . What was that? Sorry our automated system can't understand you. Please swallow your phone whole so we can listen to your vocal cords easier. You have made an INVALID SELECTION

Thank you for calling the law office of...

Dewey, Chetum, and Hao

When the "Whose Line is It Anyway" star was publicly derided by a phone guest, it was...

A call-in mockery!

Thank you for calling the 2020AD customer support line

All of our natural disasters, plagues, and political upheavals are currently busy. If you are not experiencing a natural disaster, plague, or political upheaval, one will be assigned to you shortly. Please stay on the line, and thank you for choosing 2020.

Just tried calling the tinnitus helpline

but it just kept ringing

After calling 5 different home security companies...

....I've decided it's cheaper to get robbed.

Thank you for calling the narcissist hotline.

How can you help me today?

Calling 9-1-1

A guy walks into a bar after a long day of work to relax and have a beer. Unfortunately there is a big group of young men crowded into the bar laughing loudly and carrying on. Finally, in exasperation, the guy calls 9-1-1. "Hello, 911, what is your emergency?" the dispatcher asks. "These men won't stop laughing," the guy complains."Okay that sounds annoying but it's not a crime," the dispatcher says. "Well, what the heck is manslaughter then?" the guy complains.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the callin dab jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working callin playin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes