Comical Caller Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
Men's Helpline
Men's Helpline
"Hello, you have reached the Men's Help Line, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"
"Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse. Then she took her p**... out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouching behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
I got fired from my Bingo Caller Job...
Apparently "A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way you say 69.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing her seat-belt.
Credit goes to some caller on the Dean Blundell show. I couldn't make that up
I think gambling hotlines would be more effective
if every fifth caller won a prize.
Prank Caller- Hello! is your refrigerator running??
Me- No, but the dishwasher is..
Prank Caller- Huh???
Me- Yeah my wife's out on a jog...
So my friend who has multiple personalities called me yesterday.
My Caller I.D. exploded.....
Emergency Services
An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....
The phone rang in the principal's office...
Principal: "Hello?"
Caller: "Umm yes hi, my son won't be coming to school today because he's got the flu."
Principal: "OK and who may I ask is speaking?"
Caller: "Umm my dad."
Oscar Pistorius' new book deal
I thought I'd share a joke I just heard from a topic on a call-in radio show.
Radio DJ: "Should Oscar Pistorius profit from a book deal about the night he shot his girlfriend?"
Caller: "No he should not. I think you'll find that legally he doesn't have a leg to stand on."
An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...
An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford
It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."
Men's Help Line
MEN"S HELP LINE, "Hello, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"
Caller: "Hi, Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up. She goes out with 'the girls' a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, last night about midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home, she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her p**... out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
You can explore caller smee reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean caller caller id dad jokes. There are also caller puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Caller: Hello, 911, my friend collapsed, we need an ambulance. 911: What is your location?
Caller: Peotone St. at Charlevoix
911: Can you spell that?
Caller: Look, I'll drag him to 3rd and Oak - send the ambulance there.
During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.
He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.
It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.
The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.
After waking from the surgery, the caller asked the surgeon if the mass was malignant.
The surgeon replied, "Fortunately, no. It was B9."
Did you hear about the dwarf spirit caller who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large.
Is this the Alcoholics helpline?
Operator: "Yes."
Caller: "Can you tell me how to make Sangria?"
Dad joke about phones....
A phone call comes through to a families home and the son looks at it and yells "Dad should I take this"
The dad yells back "who is it calling?"
Son: "It says private caller"
Dad: "Don't answer!! We only take calls from lieutenant callers or higher!!"
The phone rings, and Dad asks: What does the caller ID say?
Mom: It's a private caller.
Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.
police and public
Caller: Dials in 911 Hello officer, I broke my arm in 3 places!
Officer: Then stop going to those places.
So I telephoned BT to report a nuisance caller.
The woman on the line said "Not you again."
A woman was having s**... with her husband's best friend when the telephone rang
And her husband's cell phone number appeared on the caller ID.
As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry
"Relax," she said after she hung up the phone.
he was just calling to tell me that he'll be home late because he's out bowling with you.
A teacher receives a phone call shortly before the school day starts
Caller: Mr. Brown, my son James will not come to school today because he is sick.
Teacher: Who am I speaking to please?
Caller: I am my father.
I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...
Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...
A Grand Prize
I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."
"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.
"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
confident?"
"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.
"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"
"7," I replied.
Obscene Caller
A woman answered a call from an unknown number.
"Hello," said the obscene caller, as he breathed heavily, "if you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."
Listen honey," drawled the lady, "if you can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested"
The one about the Pakistani Mental Health Hotline
*Hotline*: Pakistani Mental Health Hotline, how can I help you?
*Caller*: My life s**..., I see no way out.
*Hotline*: Do not worry, we are here to help you.
*Caller*: I'm feeling suicidal. What should I do?
*Hotline*: How close are you to India?
*Caller*: Don't know exactly, maybe 400km.
*Hotline*: So can you drive a truck?
Compliments of a random prank caller last night...
"Hello, is Mr. Al there? Last name Coholic."
I've been fired from my job as a bingo caller...
Apparently it's inappropriate to call the number 69 as *"A meal for two with a terrible view"*.
I was being trained as a caller in a s**... prevention hotline...
...On my first day of training, my manager said;
"Let me show you the ropes!"
Just invited a blind bingo caller to my dinner party
He's not a close friend, just there to make up the numbers.
A husband calls a men's help line.
Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."
Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."
Host: "I see... so what's your question?"
Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"
My grandmother recently called in to a contest on the radio.
The contest was giving away free skydiving lessons to the first caller.
My grandmother called in, and she was the first caller, so they gave her the papers for the free lessons.
She started the lessons a few days later. When the instructor opened the plane door and told her to jump off, my grandmother looked down to the ground, she started to regret taking the lessons. she said "Help, I've gotten up and I can't fall down."
A bingo caller has a ball fly up at his face...
It goes right up his noise and gets stuck. He goes to the emergency room, the doctor says, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have a tumour". The bingo caller looks shocked and asks, "what's the good news?" The doctor responds, " the tumour is B9".
Remain Calm :)
An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line
Bingo
I once worked as a bingo caller. I got fired on my first night, Appernetly, a meal for two with a hairy view is not the correct way to call 69.
A 911 operator gets a call.
The caller says, "Help! I was out hunting with my friend, and he slipped and fell down a slope and hit a rock and I think he's dead!"
"Calm down. The first thing you need to do is make sure that he's actually dead."
The operator hears a shot, and then the caller says, "Okay, now what?"
The local radio station was asking listeners to call on with their favorite Stars in Horror Movie
I was the first caller and said "Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman"! Aparently enunciation is EVERYTHING.
A s**... hotline in the United Arab Emirates
Caller: I'm feeling depressed
Hotline Operative: Great can you fly a plane?
Nike should operate a s**... hotline
And tell every caller to just do it
I saw my ex girlfriend walking on the street
Not wanting to talk to her, I pretended to be on the phone. But she walked straight to me and said: ' are you pretending to be on the phone?'
'Excuse me,' I said to my imaginery caller, then turned to her, 'No? Why would you say something like that?'
'well your thumb is at your ear and your pinky is at your mouth'
Gambling addiction hotlines would be so much better if...
Every fifth caller was a winner.
I rang up Verizon. I said : "I want to report a nuisance caller".
"Not you again" he said
Watch out for a scam phone call.
The caller says, You have won $1.000.000 dollars
or Tickets to an Elvis Presley tribute Concert.
Just press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.
Ask the Doc
The famous s**... therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, 'Doctor, why do men always want to marry a v**...?'
To which the doctor responded, 'To avoid criticism.'
Caller Question
The famous s**... therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a v**...?
To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
My caller id said "private caller", so I ignored it.
I only pick up if it says "lieutenant caller" or higher.
Caller: Jack Smith will not be in school today.
Teacher: Is he sick? Who is this speaking please?
Caller: This is my father speaking.
