Caller Jokes
51 caller jokes and hilarious caller puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about caller that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best caller jokes, from spam caller jokes to bingo caller jokes to cold caller jibes. We look at the top telecom, SMEE and LEC sites to find the funniest caller jokes available. Get the best laugh today with caller jokes!
Funniest Caller Short Jokes
Short caller jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The caller humour may include short dispatcher jokes also.
- My caller id said "private caller", so I ignored it. I only pick up if it says "lieutenant caller" or higher.
- I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller... Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...
- Gambling addiction hotlines would be so much better if... Every fifth caller was a winner.
- Prank Caller- Hello! is your refrigerator running?? Me- No, but the dishwasher is..
Prank Caller- Huh???
Me- Yeah my wife's out on a jog... - Is this the Alcoholics helpline? Operator: "Yes."
Caller: "Can you tell me how to make Sangria?" - I rang up British telecom, I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said ''Not you again''.
- Caller: Jack Smith will not be in school today. Teacher: Is he sick? Who is this speaking please?
Caller: This is my father speaking. - Watch out for a scam phone call. The caller says, You have won $1.000.000 dollars
or Tickets to an elvis presley tribute Concert.
Just press 1 for the money or 2 for the show. - police and public Caller: Dials in 911 Hello officer, I broke my arm in 3 places!
Officer: Then stop going to those places. - So my friend who has multiple personalities called me yesterday. My Caller I.D. exploded.....
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Caller One Liners
Which caller one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with caller? I can suggest the ones about receiver and calculator.
- I think gambling hotlines would be more effective if every fifth caller won a prize.
- I work in a arctic rescue, but we never get any emergencies. We only get cold-callers
- How would a german snackbar be caller? Arbeid macht fries
- Now that I downloaded True Caller, I hope I find my true calling.
- Nike should operate a s**... hotline And tell every caller to just do it
- Why was the s**... phone s**... caller so quiet? Because he was tongue tied!
Bingo Caller Jokes
Here is a list of funny bingo caller jokes and even better bingo caller puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Just invited a blind bingo caller to my dinner party He's not a close friend, just there to make up the numbers.
Comical Caller Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about caller you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean console jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make caller pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men's Helpline
Men's Helpline
"Hello, you have reached the Men's Help Line, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"
"Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse. Then she took her p**... out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouching behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mens Help Line
MEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month
Hi John,
I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected
for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs:
if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the
girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home
but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the
shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car
buttoning her blouse, then she took her p**... out of her purse and
slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I
noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket. Is that
something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?
I think my wife is cheating on me
I've never talked about this before, but I really need the boards advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, Just some friends from work, you don't know them.
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?
I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike , that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
The phone rang in the principal's office...
Principal: "Hello?"
Caller: "Umm yes hi, my son won't be coming to school today because he's got the flu."
Principal: "OK and who may I ask is speaking?"
Caller: "Umm my dad."
Oscar Pistorius' new book deal
I thought I'd share a joke I just heard from a topic on a call-in radio show.
Radio DJ: "Should Oscar Pistorius profit from a book deal about the night he shot his girlfriend?"
Caller: "No he should not. I think you'll find that legally he doesn't have a leg to stand on."
An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...
An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford
It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men's Help Line
MEN"S HELP LINE, "Hello, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"
Caller: "Hi, Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up. She goes out with 'the girls' a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, last night about midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home, she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her p**... out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A local radio station
A local radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.
DJ: "96FM here, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's Dave."
DJ: "Dave, what's your word?"
Caller: "Goan... spelt, G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'."
DJ: "... You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Caller: "Goan f$&k yourself!"
The DJ cut the caller short and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:
DJ: "96FM, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's Jeff."
DJ: "Jeff, what's your word?"
Caller: "Smee... spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'."
DJ: "... You are correct, Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Caller: "Smee again! Goan f**k yourself!"
Caller: Hello, 911, my friend collapsed, we need an ambulance. 911: What is your location?
Caller: Peotone St. at Charlevoix
911: Can you spell that?
Caller: Look, I'll drag him to 3rd and Oak - send the ambulance there.
During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.
He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.
It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.
The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.
After waking from the surgery, the caller asked the surgeon if the mass was malignant.
The surgeon replied, "Fortunately, no. It was B9."
Dad joke about phones....
A phone call comes through to a families home and the son looks at it and yells "Dad should I take this"
The dad yells back "who is it calling?"
Son: "It says private caller"
Dad: "Don't answer!! We only take calls from lieutenant callers or higher!!"
I just blew it!
A local FM Radio was running a contest, and I phoned in. The Radio Jockey said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize."
"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight.
"Feel confident?" she asked. "It's a maths question."
"Well, I've got a degree in Maths" I replied.
"O.k then, to win our grand prize of 2 front row seats for Trump's next speech and to meet him back stage, followed by dinner with him... What is 2+2 ?"
"767.37" I replied,
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was having s**... with her husband's best friend when the telephone rang
And her husband's cell phone number appeared on the caller ID.
As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry
"Relax," she said after she hung up the phone.
he was just calling to tell me that he'll be home late because he's out bowling with you.
A teacher receives a phone call shortly before the school day starts
Caller: Mr. Brown, my son James will not come to school today because he is sick.
Teacher: Who am I speaking to please?
Caller: I am my father.
A Grand Prize
I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."
"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.
"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
confident?"
"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.
"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"
"7," I replied.
Obscene Caller
A woman answered a call from an unknown number.
"Hello," said the obscene caller, as he breathed heavily, "if you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."
Listen honey," drawled the lady, "if you can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The one about the Pakistani Mental Health Hotline
*Hotline*: Pakistani Mental Health Hotline, how can I help you?
*Caller*: My life s**..., I see no way out.
*Hotline*: Do not worry, we are here to help you.
*Caller*: I'm feeling suicidal. What should I do?
*Hotline*: How close are you to India?
*Caller*: Don't know exactly, maybe 400km.
*Hotline*: So can you drive a truck?
Compliments of a random prank caller last night...
"Hello, is Mr. Al there? Last name Coholic."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I really need your advice on a serious problem.
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. Some of the signs are if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up. She also goes out with the girls a lot.
Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning up her blouse, then she took her p**... out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment while I was crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?
Please advise me ASAP since I'm quite worried about this.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was being trained as a caller in a s**... prevention hotline...
...On my first day of training, my manager said;
"Let me show you the ropes!"
A husband calls a men's help line.
Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."
Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."
Host: "I see... so what's your question?"
Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"
My grandmother recently called in to a contest on the radio.
The contest was giving away free skydiving lessons to the first caller.
My grandmother called in, and she was the first caller, so they gave her the papers for the free lessons.
She started the lessons a few days later. When the instructor opened the plane door and told her to jump off, my grandmother looked down to the ground, she started to regret taking the lessons. she said "Help, I've gotten up and I can't fall down."
A bingo caller has a ball fly up at his face...
It goes right up his noise and gets stuck. He goes to the emergency room, the doctor says, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have a tumour". The bingo caller looks shocked and asks, "what's the good news?" The doctor responds, " the tumour is B9".
The local radio station was asking listeners to call on with their favorite Stars in Horror Movie
I was the first caller and said "Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman"! Aparently enunciation is EVERYTHING.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**... hotline in the United Arab Emirates
Caller: I'm feeling depressed
Hotline Operative: Great can you fly a plane?
I saw my ex girlfriend walking on the street
Not wanting to talk to her, I pretended to be on the phone. But she walked straight to me and said: ' are you pretending to be on the phone?'
'Excuse me,' I said to my imaginery caller, then turned to her, 'No? Why would you say something like that?'
'well your thumb is at your ear and your pinky is at your mouth'
Transcript of leaked 911 call...
Operator : "This is 911, what is the emergency?"
Caller : "Please come quick, my little boy got a hold of a box condoms - he thought it was candy and swallowed them! Oh my god, please hurry!"
Operator : "Ok ma'am remain calm, I will contact an ambulance. Is your son choking or having any trouble breathing?"
Caller : "What, no he's fine. Wait, can you just hold a sec? " '...mumbling in background...' "Oh, nevermind, you don't have to send anybody. My husband just found another one in his wallet."
A certain TV station was a hosting a contest and I happened to be the first caller
The host said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize."
"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight.
"Feel confident?" she asked. "It's a basic maths question."
"Well, I've got a master's in mathematics" I proudly replied.
"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 front row seats for Donald Trump's speech and to meet him back stage, followed by dinner with Mike Pence....
What is 2+2?"
I replied, "767.37"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Caller Question
The famous s**... therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a v**...?
To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
