called Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious called puns

If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called,

'Mark has read'.

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My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...

It's where I flip your MOM over

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I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."



I responded, "How about now?"

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I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.

Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".

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"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"

"Thanks dad !"

"No problem Alan"

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Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

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What's it called when a King and Queen have no children?

A receding heir line...

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What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

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I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.


He said, NO!

I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.

He said, OK.

I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates said, NO.

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.

Bill Gates said, OK.

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, NO.

I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.

He said, OK.

This is how politics works.

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I called a suicide hotline in Iraq..

They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

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I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"

I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"

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A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a pistol in his hand and yelling, I have a 45 caliber pistol here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife.
A voice from the other end of the bar called out, You'll need more ammo

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Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

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I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

"I want you to try to sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"

I said "$200 and it's yours."

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The sex position formerly known as 69 is now called 96.

Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.

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Rumor is that Toy Story 4 will focus on

Andy's mother's toys, which coincidentally are called Woody and Buzz too.

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The police called to tell me that my wife was in the hospital.

"How is she?" I asked


"Very critical," replied the officer


"The fuck is she complaining about now?"

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If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd..

I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25

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What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?

Reintarnation

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Having sex with four people is called a foursome, having sex with three people is called a threesome

Now I know why people call me handsome

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I called my friend and said "hey I have a joke for you.."

Friend :"ok, shoot."

Me: " what has a tiny penis, and hangs down?"

Friend: " I dunno, what?"

Me: " A bat... now, what has an enormous penis and hangs up?"

Friend" I dunno what?"

*click*

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My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"

I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

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I called the Suicide hotline today

They left me hanging

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Why are catholic priests called father?

Because "daddy" would be too suspicious

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Masturbating

An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.

He said, "What are you doing father?"

"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why father?" he asked.

"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.

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I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'

You've probably seen our posters.

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Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity...

Should've called it "the Father-figure"

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Have you heard of the sexual maneuver called the "Reverse Hitler"?

It's where you ejaculate inside of an anus. i.e. create 6 million lives in a gas chamber.

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I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.

A kid answered, called me a cunt then hung up.

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I went to an Art Gallery, it was $60 to enter and $80 to look at each picture.

It was called Electronic Arts.

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TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught.

It's called the Tour de France.

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If I got $1 every time somebody called me a racist

black people would rob me

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A woman was having a shower

when the door-bell rang.

"It's the blind man" he called.

That's ok, she thought so she quickly ran downstairs naked to open the door.

"Nice tits" he said. "Now, where do you want those blinds?"

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My mother called me a son of a bitch...

So I hit her, because no one can call my mom a bitch.
Then I hit myself, because no one can hit my mum.
Then she hit me, because no one can hit her son.
And then she hit herself, because NO ONE can hit her son.
Then I hit her. because no one can hit my mum.
I hope we'll solve this when father gets home...

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I thought me and my girlfriend had something. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Now suddenly...

She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".

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What are the most funny Called jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Called? Well, here are the best Called dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Called pick up lines to share with friends.

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