The Best 61 Called Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Called jokes. There are some called drunk police call jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these called your mom called puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Called Jokes and Puns
My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...
It's where I flip your MOM over
I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."
I responded, "How about now?"
I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.
Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"
"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"
"Thanks dad !"
"No problem Alan"
Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."
It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."
What's it called when a King and Queen have no children?
A receding heir line...
What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?
A reptile dysfunction.
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq..
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a pistol in his hand and yelling, I have a 45 caliber pistol here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife.
A voice from the other end of the bar called out, You'll need more ammo
You can explore called my so called dog reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean called asked dad jokes. There are also called puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.
I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said
"I want you to try to sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.
Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"
I said "$200 and it's yours."
The sex position formerly known as 69 is now called 96.
Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.
If I got $1 every time somebody called me a racist
black people would rob me
I'm writing a book called 'Stop Overreacting.'
If no one buys it I'm going to kill myself.
I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist.
It's called 'Facebook'
My girlfriend's father called me a pedophile just because she's 22 and I'm 36.
Completely ruined our 10-year anniversary.
I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'
You've probably seen our posters.
Masturbating
An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.
I thought me and my girlfriend had something. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Now suddenly...
She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".
What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?
Reintarnation
I called the Suicide hotline today
They left me hanging
TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught.
It's called the Tour de France.
Why are catholic priests called father?
Because "daddy" would be too suspicious
I went to an Art Gallery, it was $60 to enter and $80 to look at each picture.
It was called Electronic Arts.
Having sex with four people is called a foursome, having sex with three people is called a threesome
Now I know why people call me handsome
If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd..
I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25
My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"
I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
Rumor is that Toy Story 4 will focus on
Andy's mother's toys, which coincidentally are called Woody and Buzz too.
Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity...
Should've called it "the Father-figure"
If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called,
'Mark has read'.
What's the male version of a Karen called?
I don't know but a group of them is called a Senate.
Mexico called.
They are willing to pay for the wall now.
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week
She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.
What is a Karen called in Europe?
An American.
I want to know if this brazillian joke makes sense in other cultures
A woman went out and did not return home. On the next day she told her husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Not believing her, the husband called 10 of her best friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.
A man went out and did not return home. On the next day, he told his wife he had slept at his friend's house. Not believing him, the wife called 10 of his best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had spent the night there and the other 2 said he was still there.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One is called a Goodyear, and the other is called a great year.
My favourite sex position is called "WOW"...
Its when I flip your MOM.
My favorite sex position is called "the JFK"...
She screams and tries to crawl out of the back seat while I go splooey all over her dress.
My wife is pregnant with a boy and i want to call him Lance
My wife said its such an uncommon name.
So i told her back in medievil days people were called Lance a lot
The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called....
Fast 10 Your Seat Belt.
The movie Speed didn't have a director...
Because if Speed had direction, it would have been called Velocity.
I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.
That sail has shipped.
The son of a bitch
Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...
"2+5, the son of a bitch is 7"
"3+6, the son of a bitch is 9"
His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"
"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"
Mom: "Is this how your teacher taught you?"
"Yes mom "
Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:
"Are you teaching maths to children by saying... 2+2, the son of a bitch is 4?"
There was silence for a moment
Then the teacher started laughing :
"What I taught them was... 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4."
***
TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed.
It's called gluten tag.
A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig.
The man is found guilty and made to pay damages. After the trial, he asks the judge, Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?
The judge says, That is correct.
And does it mean that I can't call a pig Ms. Harding?
No, says the judge, you are free to call a pig Ms. Harding. There is no crime in that.
The man looks Ms. Harding in the eye and says, Good afternoon, Ms. Harding.
A coworker named Celcius recently retired from my company, so they hired a guy called Kelvin to replace him.
He's the new temp.
A racist man called me a terrorist for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.
Later I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually, he called me on my phone and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I replied, "£100 and it's yours."
I was once on in a band called 1023MB
We were so close to our first GIG
(edited - XXXX MB is 1 GB. Its a binary joke and yes, it makes sense)
(edit 2 - KiB, MiB and GiB can toss it, 1111111111 )
I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound like wasps."
I was right. I was playing the B-side.
My daughter just asked me to call her iPad….
My 7 year old daughter was getting ready for bed and was looking for her iPad. Dad, can you call my iPad? She asked me. I was ready for this moment. Without hesitation I replied what do you want me to call it? She looked at me blankly. No…call my iPad she protested. I cupped my hand to my mouth and bellowed Emily's iPad over and over. She finally caught on and we shared a laugh. I called her iPad on my phone, it rang in the other room.
What's it called when an FBI agent goes to bed?
They go undercover
Did you know that there is a federal law that governs all BBQ restaurants? They all must operate within it.
It's called Cole's law.
Starting a Chippendales club in Utah, guess what it's going to be called?
"MOR-MEN"
I heard U.S. Senator Herb Kohl once wrote a bill that would standardize the ratios of carrots, mayonnaise, and cabbage in his favorite side dish.
He called it Kohl's Law.
I once called Michael Jackson to tell him that I had injured the joint in the middle of my leg.
He said **"A knee? Are you OK?"**
Did you know Hitler had a bowling team?
It was called "The Third Streich".
My son video called me this morning
He said "Dad couldn't you have given me a better name than Video ?"
I called the dentist office to set up an appointment for next Wednesday.
The clerk asked, "2:30?"
I replied, "Yes very much."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the called helpline jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working called someone called piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.