Call Of Duty Jokes

109 call of duty jokes and hilarious call of duty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about call of duty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Call Of Duty Short Jokes

Short call of duty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The call of duty humour may include short counter strike jokes also.

  1. I bought the new Call of Duty wwii in France. But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.
  2. The new Call of Duty just got released in Iraq They call it the Sims
    Note: this technically a repost
  3. Call of Duty is the most environmentally friendly video game franchise. ... because each game is made from 90% recycled material.
  4. I heard that ' Call of Duty' has a different name in the Middle East. They call it "The Sims".
  5. My friend calls me James Bonds while I play Call Of Duty.... 0 - Kills
    0 - Assists
    7 - Deaths
  6. What is the most environmentally friendly game company? The three that make Call of Duty; They've recycled their ONLY GAME, every year for the past 7 years.
  7. Did you hear about how realistic Call of Duty: WWII is? Sledgehammer Games rented servers from the 1940s to replicate WWII as accurately as possible
  8. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting released for the second time in Iraq. They're renaming the game to The Sims 5.
  9. Kim Jong un would be great at call of duty If team kills counted twords the "nuke" scorestreak
  10. Black people play 2k, then go to them gym and start trying to be like Kobe. White people play Call of Duty, then go to school and try to go on a 25-kill streak.

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Call Of Duty One Liners

Which call of duty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with call of duty? I can suggest the ones about battlefield and video game.

  1. My friends call me 007 when i play call of duty with them. 0 Kills
    0 Assist
    7 Deaths
  2. Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space? Because nobody liked it on earth.
  3. Did you know? Call of duty has been released in iraq and Afgahnistan as "The Sims."
  4. Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty And killed someone in Battlefield
  5. What is Call of Duty called in Afghanistan? The Sims
  6. Call of Duty is like the Boy Scouts, everyone's gay, and there's a lot of camping.
  7. How many Call Of Duty players does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them.
  8. Many are called, few are chosen..... .....thats right, I have jury duty
  9. What do you call a baby who just got his diaper changed inside an airport? Duty Free
  10. What do they call Jury Duty in Australia? Didgereedooty
  11. What can be smelt and heard from twenty miles away? My son playing Call of Duty
  12. What do they call Call Of Duty in the middle east? Tuesday
  13. Chuck Norris's kill ratio on Call of Duty:Black Ops is infinity.
  14. How does a Call of Duty player like their ice cream? With a 360 no scoop.
  15. What do you call a constipated paladin? Duty bound

Cheeky Call Of Duty Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about call of duty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean red dead redemption jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make call of duty pranks.

Yo momma's so fat, when she died in Call of Duty, the other player got a 10 kill streak!

Chuck Norris' primary weapon in Call of Duty is his roundhouse kick.

It has been said that if you name any custom class in Call of Duty "Chuck Norris" you will instantly win every match you set foot in.

Yo mamma is so fat that she's a call of duty map!

In a classroom...

The girl students were really upset and shouted together in class in unison for justice. The agahst teacher asked for a reason. They asked him to look at the blackboard in which was written in bold "**50% of girls don't have brains**", which the girls asserted was the job done by boys on purpose.
The teacher called one of the boys and asked if indeed this was true. The boy admitted that it was respectfully done by them. The teacher then asked him to correct the mistake and rewrite the sentence.
The boy dutifully moved forward and picked up the duster instead of the chalk to the amazement of the teacher and erased the word don't from the blackboard. The sentence now read "**50% of girls ~~don't~~ have brains**".
There was an awkward silence and then a Roar of applause from the girls for their victory. The boys and the teacher too joined in their celebration.

The Nun and her Abbess

A Nun was living in an abbey and had taken a vow of silence. After living there for a year the Abbess calls her to her office and says.
"You have been silent for one year now. I lift your vow so that you may speak one sentence."
the Nun thinks for a moment and says.
"My floor is too cold"
The Abbess nods and thanks the Nun letting her get back to her duties. Another year goes by and again the Abbess summons the Nun to her office.
"You have lived, and worked among us for two years now. I lift your vow of silence so that you may speak two sentences."
again the Nun thinks, then says.
"My floor is too cold. I don't like the soup."
Once more the Abbess thanks the Nun and ushers her out of the office. once again another year rolls around and for the third time the Abbess summons the Nun into her office.
"You have lived, worked, and prayed, among us for three years now. I lift your vow of silence so that you may speak three sentences."
The Nun thinks really hard for a few moments, then says.
"My floor is too cold. I don't like the soup. and, the halls are too dusty."
The Abbess takes a hard look at the Nun and says.
"That is it. I have had enough. You must leave this place tonight. three years here and all you have ever done is complain."

Frog COD

What happens when Frogs die playing Call of Duty?
They respawn.

Always on duty

A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."

Topical Jokes (5/21)

Here we are, once again. It's time for some laugh-words.
First up, we've got some big movie news. "Transformers 4" is now updating its cast. To appeal more to the US box office, the evil Decepticons will be played by menacing vending machines that won't let go of your Doritos.
More movie news, the trailer for the new "X-Men" flick shows that Wolverine will potentially face grave injury. The harrowing injury comes about when our hero forgets to retract his claws before wiping.
This is a cool story, a US Airways flight safely made a belly landing at Newark Airport. The plane was evidently taken down by heavy turbulence originating from Governor Christie's farts at a nearby Long John Silver's.
TV news, ESPN has been forced to take major layoffs and budget cuts. You can tell things are getting cheap as now the only athletic event they now can afford to cover is Tiger Woods dodging heels thrown by his exes.
In the political sector, Vice President Biden recently ribbed the president for always using a teleprompter. However, nobody seemed to ridicule Biden when he read his recent speech on healthcare reform off the back of a h**... napkin.
And finally, the new Xbox will utilize "the cloud" - so no matter where you are in the world, at any time, you can look up the fact that you lost a brave Call of Duty battle to a 13 year-old user named "GeneralFatPenis69".
Thanks for reading again, folks. I really appreciate it!

The suavest save

One day, a handsome young fireman was on duty and was called to a burning home. He was told upon arrival that the house was only going to remain standing for another couple of minutes and that a young woman was trapped on the upper floor of the house. Without wasting a moment, he bravely made his way to the top floor, after quickly rushing through a sea of flames and sprinting past an inferno that was fueled by the skeleton of what used to be a staircase. Upon finding a beautiful young lady upstairs, seemingly his own age, he exclaimed, "come quick! The roof won't last much longer! We've got to go!" She revealed that her ankle was hurt and she told him he had to carry her. He hoisted her up, carried her towards the front door and tells her, "you know, you're the first pregnant girl I've ever rescued." The young lady was surprised and somewhat offended at this, replying, "but I'm not pregnant?" And the fireman, with a wink, suavely replied, "well you're not rescued yet."

manager told me this one at dinner last weekend

Working in the field of engineering, things can get pretty here it goes.
There once was a man, lets call him John, who applied for a position at Tyco to manufacture Tickle-me Elmos. He figured he would make the cut as he knew the hiring manager. John landed the job and was told he'd be needed right away.
John reports to duty the next day and is immediately greeted by a man storming out of the building who obviously just got fired. On his way out he tells the John "Watch out, sales are might be next."
Once John reports to his manager(friend), he inquires about sales being down to which the manager responds, "Yes indeed, sales are down because quality has depreciated." John asks why and the manager says, "People aren't testing the Elmo dolls seriously, you need two test tickles not just one"

Young boy and his grandpa

A young boy is sitting and talking with his grandpa. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, you ever play Call of Duty?" The grandfather looks at the boy and replies, "Every morning when I wake up."

I like my women how I like my Call of Duty matches

Quick and easy.

Liquor store r**... reported

A man called police on Tuesday regarding his wife being locked inside of his local liquor store. He had apparently been waiting in the car whilst his spouse went in for drinks. 39 minutes passed without her return. Suspicious, he went to the doors to find them locked. Panic set in and he called the local authorities. Upon arrival they opened the doors to a vacant business. Inspecting the location they entered the storage room to find his wife strapped to the storage shelf n**.... The employees on duty were found l**... her exposed form. Police released the woman and no charges could be pressed as they had their liquor license.

Where do most people play Call of Duty?

In the bathroom.

I was playing call of duty, and turned a corner and got sniped


What did the call of duty player say to his girlfriend about gaining weight?


My roommate killed 24 people over the past 2 years.

He is just really bad at call of duty

What did the Call of Duty player say when he assassinated the pope?


Call of Duty should make a game about the greatest war of all time

the console war

So Moses decides to become a superhero...

...he creates a costume and calls himself The Crimson Crusader, with a crimson coloured 'C' on his belt. In line with his new superhero duties, he goes out to look for trouble and sure enough, he sees a man getting beat up by a gang of thugs. Moses approaches the thugs and attempts to engage in contact, however he is too weak and the thugs overpower him as well. Moses manages to escape the brawl and throws his belt with the Crimson 'C' on the floor. Suddenly, Moses becomes powerful and defeats the gang of thugs with ease. The man is grateful and asks Moses, "What happened? How did you get stronger so quickly?"
"Well" Moses replied, "I just parted with the red C."

The people of Baltimore played GTA yesterday...

Tonight they will see the National Guard play Call of Duty.

What do you call motorcycle police men who get killed in the line of duty?


If the Charleston killer had been playing Call Of Duty...

...he would have 9 to 0 racial

A Call of Duty player goes to Town...

... on your mom.

Final Fantasy is the Japanese version of Call of Duty.

It's how they remember World War Two.

Two mexicans are playing Call Of Duty...

It was A Juan v. Juan match.

What do fish say when they are playing Call Of Duty?

I Sea Anemone.
Im really sorry.

U.S male active duty and veterans...on this special day, make sure to call up all your old flames, current lovers. Wives and girlfriends as well as any others who helped you out during long deployments and say.....

"Thank you for your c**...!"

Women are like the Call of Duty games.

If you play them for too long, you'll end up alone.

Why does Jesus s**... at Call of Duty?

Because it takes him 3 days to respawn.

What's a Call of Duty player's favorite social media website?


Battlefield calls 911

Battlefield: Hi I'd like to turn myself in for a m**...
911: Who's the victim?
Battlefield: Call of Duty

I wanted to make a joke about the new Call of Duty...

...but there are already infinite of them
So here's a Battlefield one instead

What is similar between the life of an Ethiopian kid and the hype of Call Of Duty: Infinite Warfare?

They're practically non existent.

So a group of guys thought they had a really awesome fresh idea.

Call Of Duty Infinite Warfare

Why didn't the alcoholic punch his wife after she defeated him in Call of Duty?

She was unbeatable.

What the similarity between living in the forest and playing call of duty at home?

You are always camping.

Which Game of Thrones family plays Call of Duty in the spare time?


I wonder if they'll ever release Call of Duty Go in the UK

They've been playing it in America for years

My girlfriend suspected I was cheating...

but I swear, she just s**... at Call of Duty.

What do they call Call of Duty in Iraq

Just another Tuesday

h**... must be the best Call of Duty player ever

He killed 6 million and only died once

A man was walking down a street in Moscow at night

A soviet soldier called out for the man to halt but the man started running, so the soldier shot him. The other soldier on duty asks the former, "Why'd you do that?"
"Why it's curfew," the soldier said.
"Well it's not curfew yet!" his partner said.
"I know- he's a friend of mine. I know where he lives and he couldn't have made it in time."

Black kids play NBA 2K...

and then go to the basketball court to be like their favorite player.
White kids play Call of Duty, then go to school to get the highest kill streak possible.

CNN is like a 12 y.o. kid playing Call of Duty.

They blame it on hacking because they didn't win.

Adolf h**... has never touched Call of Duty...

...and yet, he still has a better KDR than me.

I just found out my mom had an affair.

The worst part is I found out in the most blunt way possible. I was playing Call of Duty when I was informed by another player that he had carnal relations with my mother. The worst part is he sounded so young.

What virus infected the zombies in Call of Duty?

I don't know but it's definitely not z virus

If World War 3 happens...

At least we will finally get some more decent Call of Duty Games.
It's a silver lining in the clouds.

Why was Jesus so bad at Call of Duty?

Because whenever he died, it would take him 3 days to respawn.

This guy on Call of Duty said he was going to own me just like he owned my mom last night...

... Joke's on him. I have two dads.

What do you call the portion of time a toilet is in use?

The duty cycle

I really thought Activision understood that we're sick of modern-day shooters.

And yet in the new Call of Duty they're giving us n**... to shoot again.

Recently I've been watching videos of people running sideways in Call of Duty...

They're really D-Pressing!

Call of Duty WWII's Servers

I just got called for jury duty and the judge is a midget.

I'm assuming it will be a short trial.

What do you call a police dog p**... outside?

Doing his public duty

What's it called when the person delivering your baby suddenly becomes squeamish and can no longer fulfill his/her duties?

A midwife crisis

There was a bomb threat where I live.

This kid on Call of Duty just screamed, "Defuse it or I'll kill you!"

I recently saw that h**... was playing Call of Duty: WWII.

And I swear, he must be cheating. His K/D is 6 000 000 kills and only 1 death, which happens to be a s**....

What does an African-American Soldier tells her wife when he suddenly gets called to serve his country?

Call Of Duty : Black OUT!

jokes about call of duty