The Best 68 Call Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Call jokes. There are some call helpline jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these call my so called dog puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Call Jokes and Puns
Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice...
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."
I responded, "How about now?"
What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken.
I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.
Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?
It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.
What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car?
A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
Micro trans-action
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
A father in law
What's it called when a King and Queen have no children?
A receding heir line...
What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?
A reptile dysfunction.
What do you call children born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts
You can explore call carne reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean call kind dad jokes. There are also call puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...
But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle
My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther
He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Yo momma.
Man says to his boss Can we talk? I have a problem.
Boss says Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!
Man says Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq..
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What do you call a witch that only eats sand?
Malnourished.
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son"
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."
He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
I got a phone call from my son's school today
Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?
Yes, how can I help you?
Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling
Oh, hi
Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!
Really? Wow! That's..
Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet
I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.
I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.
Who decided to call it marijuana possession"
and not joint custody?
What do you call 6.02*10^23 butts?
Molasses
Donald Trump is the next President but...
The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein?
No Whey JosΓ©.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What do you call an emo a capella group?
Self Harmony
What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 meters long?
A Οthon
My girlfriend is so smart!
I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
She answered: "What's up, honey?"
What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!
What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?
Reintarnation
What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?
FeyΓ³nce
(Original) What do you call a feminist government?
A Dick-hater-ship.
What do you call a dwarf in a tumble dryer?
A midget spinner.
What do you call a waffle on a California beach?
A Sandy Eggo.
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today."
"Which doctor?", she replied.
"No, the regular kind."
I called the Suicide hotline today
They left me hanging
As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...
Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?
In USSR we had this joke
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
Having sex with four people is called a foursome, having sex with three people is called a threesome
Now I know why people call me handsome
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time?
A widow.
If men call short women petite. What do women call short men?
Friends.
What do you call a black man that's just been hit by a bus?
An ambulance you racist.
What do you call a hippies' wife?
Mississippi
When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one calls me
or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.
What do you call a masturbating Vegan?
A WeedWhacker (sorry if it's awful first time on this sub)
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar
and ordered a drink.
Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff, said the bartender.
Just call me Hoff, the actor replied.
Sure, the bartender said, no hassle.
Her: Let's exchange numbers
Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran
A man takes his wife to get tested
Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.
The doctor tells him, Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer'
The man, clearly frustrated, asks, Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?
The doctor calmly suggests, I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don't let her in.
What do you call a flower getting a sex change?
A Transplant
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a Dutchman are all on a zoom call.
The four men are all on a zoom call with their boss. Their boss asks Can you see me? and they respond
Yes
Oui
Si
Ja
A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.
2 days later he gets a call from the lab.
Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.
Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!
Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her way back home, don't open the door.
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
Thank god I live in Canada
If someone calls you Fat, just ignore them.
You are bigger than that!
What do you call a Christmas wreath made out of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins
In Europe, they don't call it the "Friend Zone"
They call it the "Pal Region"
Corona must have hit India hard...
IΒ΄ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.
We should have a TV show where illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship
We can call it "Alien vs Predator"
What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you?
Bi-yourself.
What do you call it when all the dinosaurs go to heaven?
Velocirapture
What do you call 3 billionaires going to outer space?
A good start.
what do you call a catboy caveman?
a nyan-derthal
What do you call a fetus that pays rent?
A womb-mate
What do you call a Korean entrepreneur?
A Seoul proprietor
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
A guy from Moscow says to his wife:
Guy:- They are overreacting, I'll call my cousin who lives there, and he'll tell me the truth.
He calls his cousin and asks,
Guy:- What's the weather like where you are?
Cousin:- It's around -20C I would say.
Guy:- I knew the news were lying, they said it was -50C.
Cousin:- Oh, well it might be outside.
A father, finally exasperated looking at his son's failed test scores, shouted: " Son, if you fail your exams one more time today, don't you EVER call me your father again!!"
"Yes, father.", the son replied meekly.
After the exams, the son came home.
"How were the exams, son? Do you think you managed to pass this time?"
"NO PROBLEMO, DUDE!"
I asked an old man, "Even after 95 years, you still call your wife 'Darling', 'Honey', 'Love'. What's the secret?".
OLD MAN: "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm scared to ask her"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the call cross jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working call drunk police call piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.