call Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious call puns

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

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Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

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I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".

She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?"
I replied "you just ask nicely".



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Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice...

Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

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I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."



I responded, "How about now?"

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A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken.

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I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.

Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".

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Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?

It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

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What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car?

A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.





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What do you call a waffle on a California beach?

A Sandy Eggo.
- Compliments of my cousin's 6 year old daughter (She says "Hi" by the way).

-

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What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?

Micro trans-action

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What do you call an emo a capella group?

Self Harmony

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What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

A father in law

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What's it called when a King and Queen have no children?

A receding heir line...

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What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

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What do you call children born in whorehouses?

Brothel sprouts



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I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...

But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle

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My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther

He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

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My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.

We now call him Dr. Awkward.

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What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

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Man says to his boss Can we talk? I have a problem.

Boss says Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!

Man says Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity.

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I called a suicide hotline in Iraq..

They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

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What do you call a witch that only eats sand?

Malnourished.

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I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"

I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"

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I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son"

"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."

He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

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I got a phone call from my son's school today

Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?

Yes, how can I help you?

Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling

Oh, hi

Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!

Really? Wow! That's..

Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet

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I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.

I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.

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Who decided to call it marijuana possession"

and not joint custody?

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What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

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When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one calls me

or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.

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What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein?

No Whey José.

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My girlfriend is so smart!

I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.

She answered: "What's up, honey?"

What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!

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What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?

Reintarnation

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In USSR we had this joke

An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"

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As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...

Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?

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