Humorous Call Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice...
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."
I responded, "How about now?"
What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken.
I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.
Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?
It's s**.... You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.
What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car?
A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have s**...?
Micro trans-action
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
A father in law
What's it called when a King and Queen have no children?
A receding heir line...
What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?
A reptile dysfunction.
What do you call children born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts
You can explore call carne reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean call kind dad jokes. There are also call puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...
But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle
My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther
He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Yo momma.
Man says to his boss Can we talk? I have a problem.
Boss says Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!
Man says Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity.
I called a s**... hotline in Iraq..
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What do you call a witch that only eats sand?
Malnourished.
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son"
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."
He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
I got a phone call from my son's school today
Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?
Yes, how can I help you?
Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling
Oh, hi
Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!
Really? Wow! That's..
Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet
I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.
I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.
Who decided to call it m**... possession"
and not joint custody?
What do you call 6.02*10^23 butts?
Molasses
Donald Trump is the next President but...
The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein?
No Whey José.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What do you call an emo a capella group?
Self Harmony
My girlfriend is so smart!
I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
She answered: "What's up, honey?"
What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!
What is it called when you die and come back as a h**...?
Reintarnation
What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?
Feyónce
(Original) What do you call a feminist government?
A d**...-hater-ship.
What do you call a waffle on a California beach?
A Sandy Eggo.
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today."
"Which doctor?", she replied.
"No, the regular kind."
I called the s**... hotline today
They left me hanging
As the k**... are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...
Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?
In USSR we had this joke
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
Having s**... with four people is called a f**..., having s**... with three people is called a t**...
Now I know why people call me handsome
If men call short women petite. What do women call short men?
Friends.
What do you call a hippies' wife?
Mississippi
When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one calls me
or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.
What do you call a m**... Vegan?
A WeedWhacker (sorry if it's awful first time on this sub)
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar
and ordered a drink.
Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff, said the bartender.
Just call me Hoff, the actor replied.
Sure, the bartender said, no hassle.
Her: Let's exchange numbers
Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
A man takes his wife to get tested
Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.
The doctor tells him, Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer'
The man, clearly frustrated, asks, Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?
The doctor calmly suggests, I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don't let her in.
What do you call a flower getting a s**... change?
A Transplant
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a Dutchman are all on a zoom call.
The four men are all on a zoom call with their boss. Their boss asks Can you see me? and they respond
Yes
Oui
Si
Ja
A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.
2 days later he gets a call from the lab.
Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.
Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!
Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her way back home, don't open the door.
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
Thank god I live in Canada
If someone calls you Fat, just ignore them.
You are bigger than that!
What do you call a Christmas wreath made out of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins
In Europe, they don't call it the "Friend Zone"
They call it the "Pal Region"
Corona must have hit India hard...
I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.
We should have a TV show where i**... immigrants hunt down s**... offenders for a chance at citizenship
We can call it "Alien vs Predator"
What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you?
Bi-yourself.
What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed?
An iWitness.
In Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator".
I guess we're just raised differently.
What do you call a thief who keeps the things he stole on public display?
British
My girlfriend is so smart, she really surprises me!
I went golfing, and forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
She answered: "What's up, honey?"
What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!
After my wife had given birth to our baby, the nurse asked me, "Do you have a name yet?" I said, "Yes. Steve." She giggled, "Awww! That's a lovely name!" I replied, "Thanks."
"But what do you think we should call the baby?"
A Canadian visits America and gets held at gunpoint by a stranger
The stranger says, "give me all your money and I'll let you live!"
The Canadian replies gleefully, "Oh! You must be what they call a doctor!"
A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife
"We need a 4th for poker"
"I'll be right over" says the doctor.
"Is it serious?" His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat.
"Oh yes.. there are 3 other doctors there already."
I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."
He scratched his head, "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
What is it called when you touch a couch inappropriately?
Sectional assault.
What's it called when Matt Damon goes searching for a thrift store?
Goodwill hunting
What is it called when You read something that you don't quite understand but you know for sure that it's very touching?
Braille.
With everything that's going on I called my bank to make sure my deposit was safe.
They assured me I don't have enough money to worry about it.
What is it Called when the Doctor have to tickle you to see if you're concious?
Test Tickle.
What's it called when a furry says they're sorry?
An anthropology.
I called the local council and asked if I could have a skip outside my house.
The lady replied, "mate you can do cartwheels and handstands for all I care"
- For those not in the UK, a skip is like a dumpster
what is it called when you load a baby into a gun?
infantry
